My Tomorrow (2 page)

Begrudgingly, I got off the couch after resting for just a few minutes and got into the shower.  It was small and the faucet looked like it was original to the building, but the hot water worked great and that was all that mattered. 

It was just past six o’clock when I finished getting ready, having put on a pair of jeans and a white blouse, leaving my auburn hair hanging in waves down to the middle of my back.  I was ready for dinner and a night of exploring the city.  All I needed now was Ethan to come home.

As I waited, my stomach started to growl since I hadn’t eaten anything since the peanut butter sandwich I’d made around noon.  I hadn’t heard from Ethan all day and even though I told myself not to, I started to worry.  I was about to call him, but just as I pulled out my phone, I heard the rustle of the doorknob, Ethan walking in a moment later.  I tried reading his face, but he was giving away nothing and I had no clue whether or not his long day away had been worth it.

“Hey!” I said, smiling up at him from the couch. 

“Wow,” was all he said as his eyes spanned the apartment. “It looks awesome in here.  I can’t believe you did all this, Nat.”

“I had to do something to pass the time,” I said, getting up from the couch and walking across the room to meet him.

“Thank you for doing this. Seriously, it looks awesome,” he said.

“You’re welcome.”  I took a deep breath, almost afraid to ask.  “So,” I began. “How’d it go today?”

His mouth formed into a stern line and the way his forehead crinkled made the pit in my stomach deepen.

“Well,” he began quietly and then the pit in my stomach began to dwindle when his mouth curled up into a smile. “I found a job.”

“Really?” I exclaimed, swatting at him playfully.

“Yes,” he said, taking my hand and leading me to the couch. 

“Tell me about it!”

“It’s not much.  Just waiting tables at an Italian restaurant in the theater district, but it’s something till I can find a job in a show and it’s close to all the theaters, so maybe I can meet some people in the business.”

“It’ll happen, Ethan.  I know it will,” I said encouragingly, squeezing his hand. 

“I’m glad you’re so confident.” I could hear a hint of doubt in his voice.

“You’re not having second thoughts about moving here, are you?”

“No.  No second thoughts,” he said, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear and smiling. “I am so excited to be here…in New York…with you.”

“Me too.” I smiled as he held my hands. “Especially now that you’re home.  I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too, but I’m back and ready to take you to dinner.  You’re obviously ready.  You look great by the way,” he said, kissing me quickly before standing up. “Let me just change my clothes and we’ll go.”

“Hurry up.  I’m starving!” I said in an overly dramatic fashion.

“I think you’ll survive.  I’ll just be a minute.”

He disappeared into the bedroom and I stood up and followed, leaning against the door jamb as he looked through the closet. “It’s nice not having to dig through the suitcases to find our clothes,” he said, his back still turned to me. 

I watched him as he undid his shirt, peeling it off and tossing it onto the bed.  His back muscles rippled as he looked through the closet, deciding on a black t-shirt.  He skirted out of his black slacks, tossing them onto the bed next to the shirt.  I couldn’t stop staring at him as he slid on a pair of jeans and I grinned, feeling as if he were putting on a private show just for me. 

He turned around and grabbed his wallet from the slacks on the bed and put it in his back pocket. 

“Ready to go?” he asked, seemingly unaware that I’d been watching him.

“Definitely ready,” I said, grabbing my purse and walking to the front door, followed by Ethan a moment later.

It was almost dark when we walked outside and the streets were relatively quiet.

“So, where should we go?” Ethan asked as we stood on the sidewalk.

“Times Square,” I said without hesitation. 

“Time Square it is then,” he said and started walking down the street.

“How do you know where to go?”

“Well, we live Uptown and Times Square is in Midtown, so we’re heading south till we see a subway entrance,” he said, matter-of-factly.

“Look at you, Mr. New Yorker,” I laughed. “Have you lived here your whole life?”

“Very funny,” he said, taking my hand as we walked until we spotted a subway entrance. 

I couldn’t help but feel excited for my first subway ride.  My only source of reference was what I’d seen on TV and I’d concluded nothing but bad things happened on the subway.  As we descended underground, I wondered what awaited us: murder or getting stuck in the middle of a gang fight?

Ethan held my hand as he led me towards the crowded platform and then to the kiosk to buy our Metrocards. Once they were purchased, Ethan showed me how to swipe the card and go through the turnstile.  I sidled up as closely to him as possible as we waited on the noisy platform, trains whizzing by.  Everyone looked like they knew exactly where they were going.  I had no idea what the hell I was doing. 

“Isn’t that our train?” I asked as one stopped behind us.

“No,” Ethan answered.

“But you said we need A, C, or E train.”

“We do, but that train’s going Uptown.  We need one that says Downtown,” he explained.

“I don’t think I’ll ever fit in here,” I said, shaking my head. 

“It’s only your second day.  Give it a chance.”  He squeezed my hand as a train squealed to a stop in front of us.  It was packed to the brim, and when the doors opened, hardly anyone got out, but Ethan began walking towards it.

“Wait,” I said, pulling him back. “Shouldn’t we wait for another one?”

“No, it’ll be fine.  Everyone just squeezes in.  C’mon.”

He took my hand and we bustled our way onto the train and squeezed into a corner.  Ethan held onto an overhead railing and I held onto him as we made our way downtown.  As we traveled beneath the city, I couldn’t help but look around at all the interesting people.  There were people of every shade and walk of life and I couldn’t help but think how different it was than Cedar Rapids.  It wasn’t even just the different nationalities, it was the eccentricity of the individuals.  The whole scene made me feel even more out of place than I already did, but I smiled and held onto Ethan tighter until the train made another stop and Ethan started heading towards the open doors.

“We get off here,” he said, leading me off.  It seemed like half the train came with us and we followed the crowd up the stairs into the open air.  It was dark now and I stood frozen, staring up at all the neon lights.  I craned my neck as far as I could, but still couldn’t see the tops of the buildings.  It was even brighter and more colorful than it seemed on TV.  There was an energy in the air I couldn’t explain and I was completely overwhelmed.

“C’mon,” Ethan said, tugging at my arm. “We’re gonna get run over if we just stand here.”

I shook my head, bringing myself back to reality, and began following Ethan. 

“I can’t believe we’re here.  I mean, I knew we were here, but being
here
, in Times Square, I mean, this is a big deal, Ethan!” I squealed, linking my arm with his as I grinned a smile so big it could hardly be contained on my face.  When I turned to him, he was looking at me with a quiet smile. “What?  Why are you looking at me like that?” I laughed.

“I just like seeing you like this.”

“Like what?”

“So happy.  So excited,” he said, pulling me to him and I blushed.  Even after four years together, he could still make me feel like the most special woman in the world.

“I am excited,” I said as the world rushed by, but as he held me, it felt like we were the only two people in New York. “I’m scared, but I’m excited.”

“There’s nothing to be scared of.  We’re gonna be fine.  Actually, we’re gonna be great,” he said, stealing a quick kiss.

“What if we’re not though?” I said doubtfully.

“We’ve made it this far, so what could stop us?”

“Nothing,” I grinned back. “Nothing’s gonna stop us.”

He started laughing and then busted out with the old song, “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” from the 80s.  I started cracking up and then wrapped my arms around him.  He held me tightly and I felt at peace with our decision to leave Iowa.  This was crazy.  The whole idea had been crazy, but as long as I was with him, I was happy to go crazy. 

Three

Times Square had been awesome.  We’d spent the night walking up and down the neon streets, eating until we nearly burst and taking in everything that made New York so unique. We forgot about real life and the fact that we were practically broke for a few hours and just had fun.

The night in Times Square was just a memory though and my days were now filled with sitting on the sheet covered couch streaming TV shows and movies on my computer while filling out job applications.  We were too broke to even afford cable, so old movies and TV shows would have to do to help pass the time.  I occasionally spoke to Doris on my trips down to the market and to do laundry, but cabin fever was settling in.  Ethan worked late, so he slept late, and when he was awake, he was tired.  He brought home decent tips every night, so our $500 had grown, but it had to be saved to pay our rent and other bills.  I needed a job and I needed it desperately.  I’d applied to businesses all around the neighborhood.  I guessed I wasn’t as determined or likeable as my boyfriend because I was still unemployed.  I’d even gone out on limb and dropped my résumé by some publishing houses, hoping for anything.  I wanted one day to be an editor, but for now, I’d settle for even emptying the trashcans in the offices of editors.  I was certain those résumés were now in those trash cans now.  Maybe someday I’d get to utilize my English degree, but I doubted that time was now.   A temp agency was my next try, but I hadn’t heard anything from that endeavor either.  We’d been in New York almost two weeks and every time I saw Ethan leave the apartment, I felt guilty for not contributing and I was beginning to worry about making the rent.  Ethan assured me he didn’t mind working.  “As long as you’re here when I get home, it’s all worth it,” he’d say, but I still felt guilty.  He was working his butt off while I stayed home.

“Everything’s going well then?” my mother asked on the phone one evening, suspicion evident in her voice as
The Notebook
sat on pause. 

“Yes.  Everything’s fine,” I replied, trying to sound extra confident to alleviate any concern.

“I just worry about you, honey.”

“It’s okay.  No need to worry.  You should come out and visit actually.  New York is amazing.”

“We’ll see,” she said doubtfully before continuing. “So, tell me about Ethan’s job.”

“He’s a server at an Italian restaurant.”

“So, nothing with a show then?”

“Not yet,” I replied quickly, starting to get annoyed with my mom’s questions.  She had a way of being condescending while trying to sound sweet and concerned.  The truth was, she wasn’t just asking questions, she was conducting an inquisition. “Something will come up.  He’s doing this until he finds something.” 

The line was quiet and I just wanted to hang up. 

“And what about you?  Any job offers?”

I sighed involuntarily, hoping my mom hadn’t heard.  I didn’t want her to know she was getting to me.

“I’ve applied to a temp agency.  I’m just waiting for a call now.”

“Natalie,” my mom began and I could hear the frustration in her voice. “I just don’t understand why you had to go all the way to New York.  Your father and I spent all that money on your education and you’re doing nothing with it.”

Her words were like a punch to the gut and I had to stop myself from hanging up on her. 

“Mom, I’ve only been out of college four months.  Things will happen for me, so please try and relax.” I heard her sigh again and I knew the conversation was over. “I love you, Mom, but I need to go.”

“Natalie, don’t hang up.”

“I can’t talk about this anymore.  I know that I’ve turned into this enormous disappointment to you, but I don’t need to keep hearing about it.  I’m sorry I’m not living my life the way you want me to.”

“Don’t twist my words,” my mom said, her voice laced with frustration and it was quiet again for a few seconds. “It’s okay to come home…if things get too hard.  We’ll buy you a ticket and you can come back.”

“I won’t need that ticket, Mom,” I said, trying to remain calm. “Let’s just talk later.”

“As you wish, Natalie,” my mom finally said in that voice that meant she was just tolerating me and then I heard the click of the phone.  I shook my head, closed my phone and hit play on the movie.  

I rolled my eyes a minute later when the phone rang again.  I figured it was probably my mom calling back to rehash our conversation.  I definitely didn’t want to talk to her anymore, but then I looked down and saw an unfamiliar number on the display.

“May I speak with Natalie Vasser please?” a woman’s voice came through the receiver when I picked up.

“Speaking.”

“Hello, Miss Vasser.  My name is Leslie Graham from Taylor and Saben Architecture.  We got your name as a candidate for an office assistant.”

“Oh, hi, yes,” I said excitedly.

“We have an opening for a temporary assistant for one of our partners, Andrew Saben.  Would you be interested in coming in tomorrow to speak with us?”

“Yes, definitely,” I said quickly. “What time would you like me to come?”

“Ten o’clock.”

“Sounds great.  I’ll be there.”

“We look forward to meeting with you.  Do you have a pen to take down the address?”

“Yes,” I said, scrambling for a pen and paper, finally finding one in a kitchen drawer and jotting down the information. “Thank you so much.  I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said and hung up the phone, giddy with excitement. 

It was only an interview, but it was something.  I was eager to tell someone and I started to dial Ethan’s number, but then stopped, knowing I couldn’t disturb him at work.  I’d have to wait a few more hours till he got home.

I set the phone down and rushed to the bedroom and began scouring the closet for acceptable interview attire, but frowned as I slid past each piece of clothing, knowing nothing would work for an interview at a New York City architecture firm.  It was all too Midwestern.  Not chic enough.  Not hip enough.  I had to find something though and I finally pulled out a pair of black slacks and a white blouse.  It might work if I paired it with a pretty scarf and some nice earrings.  I quickly peeled off the sweatpants and t-shirt I’d been lounging in and put on the possible interview outfit.  Once dressed, I looked in the full length mirror hanging on the closet door and frowned.  No.  This would definitely not do.  The pants were too faded and the blouse was too simple.  Quickly taking it off, I threw both pieces on the bed in frustration, not bothering to put them away.  I flopped myself onto the bed next to the pants and shirt and stared up at the ceiling, realizing I had to get a new outfit.  There was no question about it.  I had no money, but I did have a credit card whose balance was too high, but it was my only option. 
You have to spend money to make money, right?
I thought as I went back to the closet and removed my sweats and t-shirt again, this time replacing it with a pair of jeans and a sweater. I slid on my boots and grabbed my purse and headed into the hallway.

Doris was sitting outside her door reading a Jackie Collins book, while Gene’s too loud TV poured out into the hall. 

“Natalie, my dear,” Doris smiled. “You look like you’re on a mission.  Where’re you headed?” her raspy voice asked.

“To get a new outfit.  I have an interview tomorrow.”

“Congratulations,” Doris replied with a smile.

“What’re you reading?” I asked, gesturing towards her book.

“It’s a classic and the only action I get now.” She burst out laughing and I did too.

“Any idea how to get to Bloomingdale’s?”

“Take the B train downtown.”

“Thanks.  See you later, Doris.”

“I’m sure I’ll still be here when you get back.  I can’t concentrate in there with that damn TV up so loud,” she said, rolling her eyes and I just laughed and waved to Doris as I headed downstairs and out onto the street.

The sun was already setting so I’d have to be quick.  I doubted I’d ever get the hang of the subway system, and as I searched for it, I did my best to look like I belonged here.  I was certain the real New Yorkers could see right through me though.  I told myself it didn’t matter.  All that mattered was finding Bloomingdale’s and getting a great outfit for the interview.

I eventually found the subway entrance a few blocks away and after a couple of wrong stops, I finally found Bloomingdale’s.  As I walked in, I knew it was just a department store, but I was still in awe as I saw customers walking around holding the iconic brown bags.  I took a deep breath and wandered around till I found the women’s department.

I started in the predictable pants suit section, grabbing a classic looking black blazer and matching pants.  I tried it on and I felt good in it.  It made me look confident, but then I wondered if I should go with something that made me stand out a little more.  I was certain everyone else would be wearing a pants suit and I took it off, putting it back on the rack and began browsing the dresses. 

After fifteen minutes of searching, I found four dresses I thought might be possibilities and headed back to the fitting room.  I looked through them again before starting to try them on.  The first three were cute, but I didn’t feel the least bit comfortable in them.  The first was too tight and showed too much skin.  I liked the second one, but I thought the green fabric paired with my auburn hair made me look like a Christmas decoration and the third one was just not me.  It bunched at the chest and the uneven hem line was too trendy for my taste.  Then I pulled on the fourth one.  It molded perfectly to my body and I knew I liked it before I even saw my reflection.  When I turned to the mirror, I smiled.  It was an aubergine French Connection jersey dress with a deep v-neck that hung just above my knees.  Ruffled cap sleeves and a black abstract print finished it off.  It looked hip and modern, while still professional.  I knew it was the one until I glanced at the price tag.  $128.  I didn’t really have $128 to spend, but I needed the dress to help get a job and I talked myself into the purchase, doing my best to push the price to the back of my mind and quickly got dressed. 

I wasn’t done with just the dress though.  By the time I left Bloomingdale’s, I was the proud owner of a new pair of polished pumps with a heel that was a little high for my comfort level for another $75 and a chunky black necklace for $50.  I refused to let myself think of the price though as I headed back to the apartment.

I walked quickly up the stoop and fumbled with the key and walked inside.  It still amazed me how dead the building always seemed.  I expected some sort of activity, but it seemed as if there was hardly ever any.  Reaching the top of the stairs, I noticed Doris was no longer outside and I couldn’t hear Gene’s TV.  Either he’d finally agreed to turn it down or Doris had had enough and killed Gene.  I chuckled to myself and bet on the latter scenario. 

Our apartment door swung open swiftly as I approached and Ethan stood in the doorway looking distraught. 

“Where have you been?” he exclaimed.

“Shopping,” I said, holding up the brown bag from Bloomingdale’s, sliding past him into the apartment.  He shut the door and I set the bag on the table.  “What’s the matter?”

“I’ve been worried sick.  I’ve been trying to call you.”

“You have?” I asked.  I hadn’t heard my phone ring, but when I pulled out my cell, there were three missed calls from him. “I’m sorry.  I didn’t even hear my phone.”

“I was scared to death,” he said with a shaky voice. “I came home and you were nowhere to be found.  It’s dark and you shouldn’t be out alone when it’s dark.”

“I said I was sorry, Ethan.  I didn’t expect you home yet.”

“You should’ve at least texted me to tell me where you were going!”

“I didn’t want to bother you.”

“A text is not bothering me!”

“Stop shouting at me, Ethan.  I said I was sorry and I am.”

He sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his dark hair. 

“You can’t just go off without telling me where you’re going.  I’m responsible for you, Natalie.”

“You are not responsible for me.  I’m responsible for myself,” I fired back.

“I know that,” he said, his voice calming a little, but I knew he was still frustrated. “I know you’re responsible for yourself, but I feel a responsibility to keep you safe and I can’t do that if you don’t tell me where you’re going.  We just moved here, Natalie.  You’re still not used to the city.”  He was talking low and seriously and it hit me how worried he’d actually been. “I kept imagining all this awful stuff having happened to you.  I don’t know what I’d do if something ever happened to you.”

“Hey,” I said, stepping over to him, taking his hand in mine. “I’m sorry.  I really am.  I didn’t mean to worry you and I won’t do it again.”

I didn’t want him to worry about me, but I knew he only did because he loved me.  I wrapped my arms around him and I waited for him to do the same to me.  He hesitated, but then I felt his arms around me too, resting his chin on my head.  I loved when he did that.  I wasn’t exactly sure why.  Maybe it was because he seemed so powerful dwarfing me like that.  It didn’t matter why, just that I did.  He truly loved me.  I didn’t know why he did, but he did. 

“I really am sorry, Ethan,” I whispered and he kissed me on the head.  It was quiet for a few moments and I could tell he was still upset.