My True Love Gave to Me: Twelve Holiday Stories (40 page)

And when Mom got really sick—when we could no longer ignore the fact that she wouldn’t be around to raise me—that song was a big reason why she made Derek my guardian, why she thought she was giving me my dream.

“It’s her!” One of the twins held up her phone, playing the video for everyone to see. “See. It’s really her. It’s Liddy Chambers!”

“No.” Ethan shook his head. “It’s Lydia.”

Derek made a motion in the air and, in the pasture beside the church, the helicopter turned on its blades. Snow began to spin, filling the night sky with a swirling white. Derek started toward the chopper, but I was staring at Ethan and his family.

“Liddy!” Derek yelled. “Now!”

I took a few steps, then looked back. I was glad for the spinning snow and dark night. I didn’t want them to see the tears that filled my eyes as I said, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I lied and—”

“Oh, honey,” Aunt Mary said. “You think we didn’t figure out that you weren’t an Icelandic girl named Hulda? You think we weren’t on to you ages ago?”

“You were?” I didn’t know whether to feel hurt or relieved. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you send me away?”

“Sweetheart, when you lose someone, you lose a little bit of yourself, too.” I wasn’t sure if Aunt Mary was talking about what happened to her or what happened to me, but it didn’t matter. It was true in any case. “And that missing piece? Sometimes you have to lose the rest of yourself to find it. Besides”—she cut her eyes at Derek—“I’m pretty sure I would have run away, too.”

Derek buttoned his coat and gathered his scarf as it blew wildly in the air. “I’m her guardian. And she’s coming with me.”

Derek reached for me again, but I jerked away.

“You’re not my guardian—you’re my
manager,
” I yelled, as if that could make any of them see the difference. “I’m an act to you. A property. I sing and I dance and … my mom was dying. She was sick and scared, and we were broke. That’s why she granted you custody.” Even though it hurt to admit it—not to the people of Bethlehem, but to myself—I had to say, “My mom didn’t know what was best for me.”

“Liddy, get in the chopper. Now! Before I call the authorities,” Derek warned.

“You mean the sheriff?” Aunt Mary asked. Then she pointed to a man in the crowd. “That’s him right there. Let’s ask him. Hi, Ben.”

“Hey, Mary. You need some help?” the sheriff asked.

“No, thanks. I’ve got this.”

“That’s corruption,” Derek said.

“Yeah. Let’s ask the county judge.” Aunt Mary turned to the woman who had been playing the piano. “Your honor?”

The judge gathered her hands together and studied me. “I see no reason to remove this child from your care, Mary. I’m certainly not letting her leave with some man we don’t know. And since the courts are adjourned for the holidays, I see no choice but to allow her to remain with you at least through Christmas.”

“This is ridiculous,” Derek scoffed. “She’s Liddy Chambers and I’m her legal guardian! When the press hears about this—”

“When the press hears what, Derek?” I snapped. “That I ran away from you? That you had no idea where I was for almost a week and never notified the authorities? That my mother was under the influence of so many painkillers when she gave you custody that she couldn’t even remember her own name? Huh? Tell me
exactly
what you’re going to tell the press. Because there are a few things I’d like to tell them, too.”

“Liddy.” Derek lowered his voice, pleading. “Come with me. Come with me now and we’ll forget this ever happened.”

“Do you want to go with him?” Aunt Mary asked, but it was Ethan who found my gaze and kept it.

“Do you?” he asked, and I couldn’t deny the truth, the reason why I never could stop running.

“If I don’t go, he’ll come back.” I thought about what Ethan had asked me the night we met. “I’m worth a lot of money to them.”

“Oh, honey,” Aunt Mary said, “don’t you know you’re worth more than money to us?”

“You had your little break, Liddy. Now, stop kidding yourself. You want to be a star. You can’t give that up,” Derek said. It was almost like a dare.

“You’re right. I used to love music. I used to love singing and playing and making people happy—that made
me
happy. But … but I didn’t know what happy was then.”

“And you do now?” Derek sounded like he would have laughed if he hadn’t been so inconvenienced.

He didn’t know what I know. About the way Aunt Mary’s house smells when she cooks bacon, or how the cold wind feels on your face when you do chores at six in the morning, slapping you awake as if, until then, you had been sleepwalking your whole life. If he’d only looked up, he could have seen how big the sky really is and how easy it was to get lost there.

“Now I know what real stars look like,” I told him. “I’m sick of the imitations.”

I felt the townspeople gathering around me, but it wasn’t an angry mob. It was a blanket, a shelter. And, slowly, Derek backed away.

“Enjoy your Christmas, Liddy. I’ll be back,” he called. “I’ll be back to get you.”

The helicopter rose and disappeared in the blackness as I stood, surrounded by the entire town of Bethlehem. The stars were so bright overhead that a part of me couldn’t help but wonder if they’d led me there, guided me to that place and time.

“So, Liddy,” Aunt Mary said, “I was thinking that—if you wanted—you could stay with me permanently. The judge thinks we can get your custody situation changed. If you want that. You don’t have to decide right now, of course. It’s just that—”

“Yes!” I felt tears sting my eyes again. This time for entirely different reasons. “Yes, please.”

Aunt Mary pulled me into a tight hug, but I couldn’t stop looking at the boy standing just over her shoulder.

When Aunt Mary released me, he said, “You’re staying.” It wasn’t a question.

“I’m staying,” I said.

“No more running.” Ethan shook his head and stepped closer.

“No more running,” I said, and then he kissed me. And then he held me close and I looked up at the stars over Bethlehem, knowing I’d come home.

It is the custom on the Isle of Feathers for young men to leave small gifts for their sweethearts on each of the twenty-four days of Advent.

Having no sweetheart and desiring none, Neve Ellaquin woke on the first of December without expectations. Well, that’s not strictly true. She expected rain, because rain was as sure a feature of a December day as hungry foxes. And she expected quiet, because that’s what she’d had in abundance since the twins died together in late summer, leaving her alone in this benighted place. She expected, roundly, a heaping spoonful of the same dolorous drear that November had served up, only colder. That was the way of things as Neve knew them: there were no good surprises, only bad. In the evening, when she took her single, cherished book out of the chest to read by the fire, it would hold the same stories it always had, and so would her days, until they ended.

Her feet fell off the bed’s edge like lead weights, and the morning’s first sitting-up breath was a sigh.

“It’s too early in the day for sighs,” she said aloud. She talked to herself all the time now; she used her voice to slice the heavy air into strips so it wouldn’t smother her. “If I spend all my disappointment before breakfast, what will I go on for the rest of the day?” And she smiled at herself for being such a sour thing. She thought of Dame Somnolence at the factory, whose advice to the girls was to “live bitter, so the crows will have no taste for you when you’re dead.”

“And why should I deprive them of nourishment?” Neve had countered, because before this summer she’d still had it in her to be saucy. “Don’t they deserve a treat, too?”

“And you want to be that treat?”

“Why not?” Neve had asked. “What do I care for my carcass once I’m done with it?” And ever since, Dame Somnolence had called her Crow Food instead of her name. Never mind that it no longer suited her. Neve thought she had to be the bitterest snack of flesh on the island these days—especially now, with Christmas coming and the twins gone and gone.

The twins. Ivan and Jathry. With Neve, they’d been part of the batch of kids brought here twelve years back: plague orphans from the Failed Colony, bought cheap and worked hard, the boys in the field, the girls in the factory, their food thin and their beds thinner, out in the wind-taunted sheds behind Graveyard Farm. The light at the end of the tunnel for the lot of them: they were free once they reached Age. “Age,” they all called it, that simple, like it was the only one that mattered. Age was eighteen, and as for “free,” what does
free
mean to work orphans turned loose with their pockets full of air, on an island in the middle of the blasted great Gliding? Ship’s passage cost more than their lives were worth, and some boys chose to pay that price, just to get away. Signing themselves over to a crew on a contract they’d be lucky to pay off before they saw fifty—and what sailor on the Gliding ever saw fifty?

So most of the boys stayed on the Isle of Feathers, and all the girls did, because though a ship would have been happy to take them, it was on a different kind of contract, and no girl—none—could ever hate the island enough to make that choice. So “freedom” for a girl meant one thing only: freedom to marry, and so that’s what they did. The lucky ones caught the eye of a boy from a First Settlement family—or perhaps not a boy but a man (there being no shortage of widowers on the Isle of Feathers)—and the less lucky, one of the late-come tradesmen who’d hung up shingles in the harbor town. The least lucky of all? One of Neve’s own caste, a “plague boy” with nothing to his name but a pair of work-rough hands.

The First Settlement families owned all the good land, so those girls got real houses whose walls didn’t moan and sway, and gardens that grabbed the best sun, and maybe even a ribbon of clear water slipping across their plot, as aglint with green-gold fish as the mosaics of the church floor. And some of the tradesmen did well enough and some didn’t, so those girls might end up in one of the skinny, gabled row houses on the pitched streets of the harbor town, or else in a flat above a shop, or the cellar beneath a pub, or some place like that. And the orphans’ brides? Well, there were parcels of land to be had for free in Fog Cup—the valley in the middle of the isle so named because it was little more than a cup for fog—and no one would call it
good
land, but most years it was enough to make a life on. Most years. If you didn’t have too many mouths to feed, and you didn’t mind the damp.

I ask you, who doesn’t mind the damp?

Still, that had been Neve’s plan: Fog Cup, with the twins. They’d thought, once upon a time, that they’d be married all three together. Why not? Back then, to them, marriage just looked like grownups living in their own house and making up their own rules, and what else had they wanted since setting foot off the stinking ship that brought them here? Later on, though, Bill Childbreaker told them—in more detail than was necessary or decent—what went on betwixt husbands and wives, and they’d stared at each other, red-faced, their innocence dissolving like scoops of beached sea foam.

Not marriage, then.

If Ivan and Jathry had been one boy instead of two, then Neve guessed she would have married him, but choosing between them was never an option. When they walked down a road, Neve walked in the middle. That’s just how it was. And when they grew up enough that the carnal secrets of marriage no longer shocked them, well. If either Ivan or Jathry felt husbandly toward her, Neve never knew it, and she had no wifely stirrings herself. They were strong boys with good faces, and they’d been part of her heart since home—true home, long lost—but it wasn’t like that between them. There were no glimmering moments where their looks hooked on to each other and grew hot, and no catching sight of one of the boys in a ray of sun and thinking,
I wonder what his skin tastes like.
There was never a hint of a blush, nary a tingle, never any of the things the other girls talked of at the factory, breathless and blushing and purring with longing.

Oh, and today would be rife with blushing and purring, Neve knew, and with crowing and gloating from girls who got the best gifts, and weeping and sulking from those who got none, or worse: a gift from the wrong fellow, some drunk or lecher, or maybe that shameless nose-picker “Three-Knuckle” Mickle-Jon Herring, perish the thought.

And then there was Reverend Spear, a category of threat all his own.

A cold weight settled in Neve at the thought of the island’s tall, handsome preacher. He was fire and brimstone, a man possessed, and his sermons were like travelogues of Hell. This lake of fire, this pit of the damned, these gnawing serpents, and all the ingenious implements in the hands of demons who would spend an eternity peeling you like fruit and slowly devouring you, only then to begin afresh, and savor you for another thousand years. If children didn’t wake screaming on Sabbath nights, he considered the sermon a failure and the next week’s was worse. Once, when a farm boy was caught with a potato in his pocket, the reverend convinced Bill Childbreaker to lash him as an example, and when a clatch of girls were found swimming by moonlight at Song Beach—in their petticoats, not even their birthday suits!—he had them shut in their houses for the whole rest of the summer, with signs on all their doors that said
INDECENCY IS AN AFFRONT TO GOD.