Mysteries According to Humphrey (7 page)

8

The Case of the Mysterious Messages

M
amma mia!
What happened here?” Aldo said as he pulled his cleaning cart into the room and looked around.

I looked around, too, and what I saw was almost as scary as Halloween.

The room was a mess. On the floor were scraps of paper, yarn, buttons, beads, markers and crayons. On top of the tables were scissors and overturned glue bottles. And there was glitter glistening on the floor like snow.

“EEEK-EEEK-EEEK!” I squeaked.

“BOING-BOING-BOING!” Og twanged.

Aldo leaned on his broom and shook his head. “I can tell Mrs. Brisbane wasn't here today. She never leaves her room messy at the end of the day.”

“That's for sure!” I agreed.

Aldo didn't have much time to talk. He was too busy sweeping and spraying and scrubbing and mopping up the room.

He stopped when he saw the stack of cards. “Oh, they're making cards for Mrs. Brisbane. Good idea!” he said. “I'd like to send her a card myself.”

“Me too!” I squeaked.

“BOING-BOING!” Og agreed.

After the room was in order and the art supplies neatly stacked on Mrs. Brisbane's desk, Aldo took out his lunch and pulled up a chair close to Og's tank and my cage.

When he finished eating, he went over to Mrs. Brisbane's desk, took a piece of paper and wrote something on it. He folded it in half. Then he wrote on a smaller piece of paper and stuck it on top of the folded paper.

“Now the substitute will include my card with the others,” Aldo said.

“Can you write one for me?” I squeaked. Aldo usually seems to understand me. But that night, he didn't.

“Well, I've got to run,” he said. “I'll be late getting home tonight and I have to study for a test.” Then he looked around the room. “But at least the room is clean.”

“Yes, Aldo! You did a GREAT job,” I told him. I meant it, too. Aldo is VERY-VERY-VERY good at his job.

“Thanks, Humphrey,” Aldo said. He wheeled his cart out of the room and turned off the light.

Luckily, a big full moon was making the room nice and bright. It had been a difficult day, but I was feeling brighter myself.

“Og, I think I'll check out those cards,” I said after Aldo's car left the parking lot. “And maybe I'll get more clues about what happened to Mrs. Brisbane.”

“BOING-BOING!” Og said. I'm not sure if he thought my idea was good or if he was just excited about his Froggy Food Sticks.

I took my usual path to get to Mrs. Brisbane's desk and had no trouble.

“I made it, Og!” I told my friend, who was splashing around in his tank.

I looked UP-UP-UP. The stack of cards was about six hamsters high. There was a bright yellow card with sparkles near the bottom. It was sticking out a bit from the rest of the pile, so I decided to grab it and pull.

That was a big mistake, because as the card came out of the stack, the whole pile tumbled down around me and
on
me. Luckily, paper doesn't weigh too much. I wasn't hurt—just surprised.

Still, I now had the chance to look at all the cards and possibly gather more clues about Mrs. Brisbane's “disappearance.”

The yellow card with sparkles was from Rosie. The front had red hearts and bright buttons. Inside, it said:

 

Mrs. Brisbane, I miss you the most! Come back and I'll pop a wheelie for you!

Love, Rosie

 

The last part was in a big red heart. I'm not sure Mrs. Brisbane would be happy to see Rosie “pop a wheelie” for her. That's a trick she can do with her wheelchair, but Mrs. Brisbane made her promise not to do it at school anymore. I guess Rosie just meant she'd be happy to see our teacher back in the classroom.

Then I looked at a blue card. It was from Small-Paul. On the front was a drawing of a rocket. Inside, it said:

 

I hope you'll be launched back into Room 26 soon. I miss you!

Paul F.

 

“Eeek!” I squeaked. Had Mrs. Brisbane been launched into outer space?

Next, I looked at one that was bright pink. It had lots of fancy writing on the outside and the inside:

 

Dear Mrs. B.,

When you come back to Room 26, I promise to help you all the time. You don't have to worry about anything, because I'll be here for you now and forever! If you ever need something, please call on me.

Your TRUE friend for all time,

Holly

 

Thomas's card was covered with red, white and blue yarn. It read:

 

You are the best teacher in the universe!

Thomas

 

Sometimes Thomas exaggerates, but this time, I thought he was right. But I was shocked when I read what he wrote at the bottom:

 

PS I am the best juggler in the class. I can juggle for hours without dropping a ball, just like my dad!

 

That just wasn't true. Why did a nice boy like Thomas make up things like that?

The next card was white with fancy purple letters. It said:

 

Sometimes I forget things, but I never forget all the nice things you do for us.

Come back soon!

Love, Phoebe

 

I felt a little pang for Phoebe. She was forgetful, but she was also extremely nice.

Kelsey's card had a drawing of a ballet dancer on it. Inside, it said:

 

Hope you'll be up on your toes soon!

From Kelsey

 

There was a very plain orange card with blue letters. No glitter, no beads, no buttons. It said:

 

I'm not good at fancy words, but I miss you.

Just Joey

 

Joey's card was nice and simple. I knew Mrs. Brisbane would like it, because it sounded like him.

“Og, these cards are so nice!” I shouted to my friend. “Our friends did a great job!”

He splashed around in a happy-sounding way.

I read all the cards. The more I read, the more I wished I could make a card for Mrs. Brisbane, too.

I looked over at the art supplies. Markers, crayons, glue and glitter make a very nice-looking card. But I also knew they were dangerous . . . at least to hamsters.

Hamsters like me don't wash our paws in soap and water. In fact, soap and water aren't good for us at all. NO-NO-NO! We groom ourselves using our tongues and paws. So if I got glue or markers on my paws and licked it off, I might get very sick.

Maybe I could add some
pizzazz
. Mr. E. had suggested that. But I looked and looked and couldn't find any jar or bottle or box marked
pizzazz
.

I'd have to make a plain card like Just-Joey's.

I went slowly back to my cage. All the cards were great, but one stuck in my mind.

Kelsey had said she hoped Mrs. Brisbane would be up on her toes soon.

Up on her toes?
That sounded like a clue. Was Mrs. Brisbane actually going to be a ballet dancer?

I tried to imagine our teacher, with her short gray hair and her sensible shoes, twirling around like a ballerina. She didn't look like the dancer in Kelsey's music box. But if Mrs. Brisbane wanted to be a ballerina, then that's what she should be. (Even though I think she makes a better teacher.)

I pulled out my little notebook and pencil from behind my mirror.

First, I added a clue to my list:

 

Clue 5: Mrs. Brisbane may be learning to be a ballet dancer.

 

I wasn't sure about that, so I added a couple of question marks.

 

????

 

Next, I turned the page and thought about what to write to my teacher.

I wanted to say just the right thing. I thought and thought and thought some more. Sometimes it's easier to say something you feel in your heart with a poem. And so I wrote:

 

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Oh, Mrs. Brisbane—

How much I miss you!

 

I looked it over and liked it, so I signed it:

 

Humphrey

 

I read it to Og.

“BOING-BOING-BOING-BOING!” he twanged.

“Oops! Sorry, Og,” I replied.

Then I added:

 

Og, too

 

“I signed your name, too, Og,” I assured my neighbor. (He can't write. At least I don't think he can write. And he doesn't have a notebook. If he did, it would have to be waterproof!)

I tore the page from the notebook, but when I looked at it, it seemed a little too plain.

I didn't know how to make it fancier.

I looked around my cage and dug around in my bedding. All I came up with was a tiny piece of carrot I'd saved and the strawberry Kelsey had brought.

It was the juiciest strawberry I'd ever seen.

“Og, I have a great idea!” I squeaked.

I rubbed my paws all over the strawberry to get them nice and juicy. Then I made little red paw prints around the edge. It looked very nice, if I do say so myself.

And when I was finished, I licked the red juice off my paws. Yummy!

Of course, then I had to take the card over to the desk. I picked up the paper with my teeth, jiggled the lock-that-doesn't-lock and opened the door to my cage.

Og splashed gently in his tank as I passed by.

“Oh!” I said. Of course, as soon as I opened my mouth, the paper dropped to the table.

“Sorry, Og,” I said. “I wish you could add your mark, too.”

“BOING!” Og answered, splashing.

“Or maybe you can! I'm leaving the card here,” I explained. “Then I'll go behind my cage. Splash some water, and then I'll come back for the card.”

I left the paper near his tank, scurried away and squeaked, “Now!”

Og splashed and splashed some more.

“Not too much,” I said. “You can stop now.”

I waited until Og stopped splashing and raced back to the paper.

There were several little water marks on the paper now. I HOPED-HOPED-HOPED Mrs. Brisbane would know that Og had made them.

I picked up the paper with my teeth again and made my second trip of the night down the table leg and back to the desk.

The stack of cards was now a mound of cards. There was no way a small hamster could stack them all up again, so I just pushed my card into the pile. Then I made the long trek back to my cage and closed the door behind me.

Morning light streamed in through the window and I was worn out.

“Good night, Og,” I said as I crawled into my sleeping hut. “I mean, good morning.”

I guess he was tired, too, because he didn't answer. Not even one “BOING.”

Or if he did answer, I couldn't hear him because I was sound asleep.

 

HUMPHREY'S DETECTIONARY:
Finding clues can make you unsqueakably tired!

9

The Case of the Problem Pupils

I
lost my watch,” I heard Phoebe whisper to Kelsey before class began the next morning. They were standing right next to my cage and Phoebe looked worried. In fact, I'm pretty sure she had tears in her eyes.

I REALLY-REALLY-REALLY hate to see a human cry.

“Oh, no! Your daisy watch? Where did you lose it?” Kelsey asked.

“If I knew where I lost it, I could find it!” Phoebe answered.

That made sense to me.

“Maybe it's in the lost and found,” Kelsey suggested. “You should check it out.”

Phoebe rolled her eyes. “No way. You heard what Thomas said about the lost and found!”

“It sounds like a creepy place,” Kelsey agreed.

Phoebe nodded. “Besides, I don't want to go to Mrs. Wright's office. She doesn't like me. Anyway, the last place I saw it was in the bathroom, but when I went back there, it was gone. I just feel terrible,” she said. “My parents gave me that watch, and Grandma would be disappointed if I lost it.”

“I'm sorry,” Kelsey said.

“Okay, class. Take out your homework from last night,” Mr. E. announced.

I was spinning on my wheel at the time and I was so amazed to hear him say “homework” that I almost fell off!

Mr. E. gave homework? When did that happen?

I guess I must have dozed off during class yesterday.

“Who got the answer?” he asked.

I was surprised again when none of my friends raised a hand.

“Let me write that paragraph on the board so we can all look at it together,” Mr. E. said.

I raced to the front of my cage so I could watch as he wrote and wrote and wrote some more. This is what he wrote:

 

This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is not normal, though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!

 

The paragraph didn't look unusual to me. Just sentences strung together with no mystery words like
piewhack
or
pizzazz.

“Did anyone figure it out?” Mr. E. asked.

A few hands went up. Mr. E. called on Rosie.

“I think it's unusual because it has so many exclamation points,” she said.

“Good answer,” the substitute said. “But there's something even more unusual.”

Next, he called on Thomas.

“I think it's unusual because it's so long,” he said.

Mr. E. nodded. “It's long. But I've seen paragraphs that are a lot longer.”

While all of this was going on, I read that paragraph over and over again.

“I'll give you a hint,” Mr. E. said. “Something is missing.”

“Eeek!” I squeaked as my friends all stared up at the sentence.

Finally, Small-Paul raised his hand. “There's no letter
e
in it,” he said.

“E!”
I squeaked. He was right!

“That's correct. Did you know that
e
is the letter that shows up more than any other letter in the English language?”

Mr. E. would know that. I'm sure he liked the letter
e
a lot. But I didn't know it. I think it was the first time I'd actually learned something since he arrived in Room 26!

“So now, why don't you try to write a paragraph without using the letter
e
?” Mr. E. said. “While you do that, I'll get these cards ready to send to Mrs. Brisbane.”

My friends all went to work, but I didn't. I was too busy watching Mr. E. stack up the cards. I wanted to make sure that my tiny card was still with the others. Whew! It was!

Then Mr. E. looked at some of the cards. “Joey? Would you like to work on this card a little more?” he asked. “It doesn't have much pizzazz.”

“That's okay,” Joey answered. “I don't have much pizzazz either. I like things simple.”

“Some buttons? Some yarn? A little glitter and glitz?” Mr. E. asked.

Joey shrugged. “No, I like it the way it is.”

This time Mr. E. didn't argue.

But I was excited because now I had some clues to figure out what
pizzazz
really meant!

“Og,
pizzazz
isn't like pizza at all!” I squeaked to my friend. “It's glitter and glitz. It's zing and bling! It's that little something extra,” I explained.

“BOING?” Og sounded a little
piewhacked
.

“It's fancy instead of plain,” I said. “If you had a very fancy pizza, then I think you'd have a pizza with pizzazz!”

Og leaped into the water side of his tank for a swim. I'm not sure he understood what I said, but at least
I'd
figured out that mystery word.

Now if only I could figure out what had happened to Mrs. Brisbane.

And why Mr. E. was a teacher who didn't really teach.

And where-oh-where Phoebe's watch had gone?

After lunch, Mr. E. gave the class free time. He gave them a
lot
of free time!

Some students read. Some drew pictures. Some of them wrote. Some of them walked around the classroom. Some of them even talked. (Something Mrs. Brisbane would not have allowed. For her, free time meant quiet time.)

Only one of them talked to me: that was Phoebe.

“Humphrey, I brought you a piece of apple,” she said. “This time I remembered.”

“That's unsqueakably nice of you,” I replied. I was very honored that Forgetful-Phoebe had remembered me.

Phoebe leaned down close to my cage so I was almost nose to nose with her.

“But I can't remember what I did with my daisy watch,” she said. She looked around to see if anyone was listening. No one was . . . not even Og, who was swimming in the water side of his tank.

“My parents gave it to me before they deployed,” she said. “They're both in the military, and I miss them a lot. They weren't supposed to be gone at the same time, but then they had to be.”

So that's why Phoebe was living with her grandmother.

“I just have to find it. I wouldn't want my mom and dad to know I lost it,” she said.

“YES-YES-YES!” I told her. “You have to try very hard!”

I hoped that, somehow, Phoebe understood me.

Phoebe sighed. “I think about Mom and Dad all the time. I guess that's why I don't remember things very well. Mrs. Brisbane was sending reminders home with me every night and calling my grandma when something important was coming up,” she explained. “Mr. E. doesn't do that.”

Then she grinned. “Of course, he doesn't give us real homework and tests!”

“I noticed,” I told her.

“Would it be okay if I looked in your cage?” Phoebe asked. “I was thinking maybe it fell off while I was cleaning it.”

“Of course! Please look,” I replied. To squeak the truth, I was sure it wasn't in my cage because I know every hiding place there is. But I thought it was a good idea to look, and it was awfully nice of her to ask first. After all, my cage is my home, and as much as I like humans, I don't want them sticking their hands inside all the time.

Phoebe opened the cage door and poked all around. She was doing such a good job of looking, I was afraid she'd find my notebook hidden behind my mirror.

Luckily, she didn't!

“I guess it's not there,” she said at last. “I was wishing that you had found it and saved it for me, Humphrey.”

I wished her wish had come true!

After free time, Mr. E. said something that curled my toes and wiggled my whiskers. “Folks, it's almost Halloween. While we have the art supplies out, why don't we decorate the room?”

“Eeek!” I squeaked. All I could think of was the leering orange pumpkin someone put close to my cage last year.

“BOING-BOING! BOING-BOING!” Og sounded as alarmed as I was.

But my friends were happy and excited about Halloween.

“Let's give our decorations some pizzazz! We want the ghastliest ghosts! The goriest goblins! The creepiest creeps! And the weirdest witches!” Mr. E.'s red hair seemed to shine a little brighter.

I felt a shiver . . . and a quiver.

“Let's make it the most haunted Halloween ever,” he added.

I just couldn't look. I dashed into my sleeping house. But I didn't sleep a wink.

I couldn't stop thinking about Phoebe. Finally, I understood why she was so forgetful. But I didn't have a clue about how to help her.

Also, there were some eerie sounds going on in the classroom.

I heard a ghostly “Oooooo.” Then a ghastly laugh . . . like a witch. And a fur-raising howl. Halloween was turning into Howl-a-ween!

I finally had to take a peek outside. Luckily, I didn't see any ghosts or goblins—just my friends drawing, coloring, cutting paper.

So I went back into my sleeping house again. And this time, I took a nap.

Later in the afternoon, Mr. E. announced that he had a letter from Mrs. Brisbane! I dashed out of my sleeping hut and climbed up high in my cage so I could see and hear everything.

“Pay attention now, Og,” I told my froggy friend. “There may be clues.”

Og hopped up on a rock and was very quiet.

“Dear class, I hope you are all doing well,” Mr. E. read. “I miss you all, but everyone here is very nice and they've got me on my feet. My days are a whirl and they say I'm performing very well. Please be kind to your substitute teacher and to one another. Fondly, Mrs. Brisbane.”

My friends all applauded when Mr. E. was finished.

“Did you hear that?” I asked Og. “She
must
be learning to dance. She said she's performing and she's up on her feet.”

Og didn't know anything about ballet, and it was hard to explain to him.

After school, when the classroom was empty except for Og and me, I took out my notebook and looked at my list of clues. I took my little pencil and added two more:

 

Clue 6: Mrs. Brisbane is on her feet and in a whirl.

Clue 7: She is performing very well. Mrs. Brisbane definitely must be at ballet school!

 

I had plenty of clues, but they didn't help me understand why Mrs. Brisbane would leave the class to learn ballet, especially with all the problems my friends were having.

And I didn't know how one small hamster—me—could solve their problems all by myself.

I
had
helped Kelsey. She hadn't bumped into anyone all week, and I'd heard her telling her friends about ballet class.

On the other paw, Hurry-Up-Harry seemed to have forgotten everything Mrs. Brisbane had taught him about getting back to class on time. Tell-the-Truth-Thomas was stretching the truth farther and farther every day and losing friends. And even though I knew why Forgetful-Phoebe was so forgetful, I couldn't think of what to do about it.

It was still a mystery to me why Mr. E. didn't do a little more teaching. After all, he was a teacher. He needed help, too.