Naked Hope (33 page)

“I see. What did you tell Olivia?”

He slid his hands into his pockets. “That a very bad man hurt her mother.”

“And Olivia stopped blaming herself.”

“That’s what I think. You think so, too?”

Throat tight, she nodded. “And you? Have you stopped blaming yourself?”

Pain etched across his face. “Everything I thought to be true about the accident has shifted into something I can’t comprehend. I need to sort out things.”

Jill allowed her gaze to move slowly over him. “Olivia told me she knows you love her.”

Briefly, he closed his eyes. “That’s why I’m taking her with me, no matter what you say, Jillian. I know it’s a break from your protocol, and that my actions may affect your trial. But this is something I have to do—something Liv and I must do.” He dropped an envelope on her desk. “I’d like you to read this.”

She picked up the envelope, slid out the letter, and began to read. Overcome, tears collected in her eyes.

“So, now you know where I’m going and why. And why I’m taking Liv.”

Barely able to speak, she whispered, “Yes.”

“I need to know, Jillian. If we come back, is there a place here for Liv?”

“When you come back—” her words came out strangled and stiff. “—
if
you come back, we’ll reassess and map out a new protocol.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

Edith draped a fur trimmed white satin wrap around Jill’s shoulders. “The wrap really sets off the color of your gown, and faux fur is so chic these days.”

As she yanked on the strapless bodice, Jill rolled her eyes. “Perhaps, but if I trip over my skirt when I’m dancing, I’ll be doing a strip tease.”

The older woman quipped, “Be grateful you have that much to hold it up, dear.”

Jill lifted the crimson fabric. It shimmered like sun-kissed water as it draped around her in the mirror. The clingy fabric left little to the imagination. She bit her lip. “It feels
positively
decadent…”

Gavin’s mother tilted her head and drew her brows together. “Sometimes the line between stunning and decadent is a thin one. In this case, you are, to use your word,
positively
stunning.” She turned to the sales woman and held up one of the dozen pairs of shoes Jill had tried on. “She’ll take that gown and these shoes.”

Jill’s jaw dropped at the price tag.

Edith offered a benign smile. “This is for charity, and well worth the expenditure. One look at you and at least half of the attendees will empty their wallets.”

“Especially if I trip over my hem,” Jill muttered under her breath.

They crossed the street and popped into Leo’s. Delighted with the charming atmosphere, Edith remarked, “How quaint,” and ordered a cup of beef barley soup. She dug in her purse and withdrew quarters. “Would you mind, dear? If they have that song by Eric Clapton, I think it’s called,
Wonderful Tonight,
would you play it, dear?”

Jill’s stomach lurched, remembering the first time she and Gavin had eaten at Leo’s.
Wonderful Tonight
had been playing in the background. Jill dropped quarters into the slot, selected several songs,
Wonderful Tonight
among them, and returned to the table just as their food arrived.

“Well, now that all the work is behind us and you’ve finally chosen your gown, I’m so looking forward to the gala, aren’t you?” Edith asked, shaking out her napkin.

“Of course.” Jill picked at her food.

Edith wiped her mouth, catching a few stray crumbs. “It’s just so unfortunate that we had to replace Gavin. He can be so entertaining when he plays benefits. Very witty. It’s all in his timing. I know I sound like a proud mother, but timing is what makes the difference between good and great. In almost anything, don’t you agree?”

Jill squirmed, remembering the way Gavin held an ice cube on his tongue, guiding it across her body in no apparent rush, amplifying her desire. She cleared her throat. “Yes, timing is…important.”

“Well, anyway, the change couldn’t be helped. He suggested several fine replacements so we’re in good shape. Lawrence and I will come by about six-thirty. Will that work?”

“There’s no need to pick me up,” Jill demurred.

Edith drew back. “I’m fully aware things didn’t work out between you and my son, but please don’t let that stand in the way of our friendship. Besides, we’re a team and we need to see the gala through. We can’t do that if you feel awkward about the relationship between you and Gavin.” She reached for Jill’s hand. “My son is a difficult man, and so like his father. I can understand if he’s too dark for you.”

Too dark?

“I’m aware he sometimes doesn’t listen well, he’s moody, domineering, and…well, even though I’m his mother, I recognize that he’s darkly sensuous. Those same qualities draw some women like flies, as much as they might repel a woman like you. They’re also what make him a great musician, and an even greater conductor. He has to be strong, exacting, and clear about his vision with enough brooding mystery to make the music seem magical.”

Strong and exacting in the most exciting ways…

She looked deep into Jill’s eyes. “But, like his father, any woman who hopes to have happiness will have to know how to manage him, without him feeling managed. You’re the first woman I’ve met who has the strength and the soul to do that.”

She squeezed Jill’s hand. “Now, just let me call Baines to come and get us. He’ll drop you home before I head back to Shadow Hills.”

As Edith hung up from Baines, Jill twisted her napkin beneath the table and said, “He’s not too dark for me. He broke his word by allowing Steven to work with Olivia. And then he hid it. He deceived me, Edith. His deceit came at a great cost, not only to our relationship, but to his daughter, and to the other children in my program.”

Edith leaned back and studied Jill. “Now Jillian, you can’t possibly expect me to believe you.”

Jill’s head shot up. “What?”

“My son did all those things. And he was wrong. But his reason for doing them was right. If you can’t see that, then I was wrong about you.”

Unable to think of even one thing to say, Jill stared.

Edith’s gaze probed Jill’s. “And if you truly loved him, the choices he made about his daughter couldn’t keep you away. Love isn’t awarded because of how well someone does what you want them to. And love isn’t withdrawn because of how catastrophically they might fail at something. My son failed catastrophically because he will do anything to give his daughter back what she so desperately wants. To my way of thinking, that sounds like the very definition of love.”

Was that the very definition of love?
Jill wondered. But she couldn’t argue that Gavin would do anything to give Olivia back her music.

As Baines pulled up in front of her loft, Edith hugged Jill and placed a light kiss on her cheek. “We’ll pick you up for the gala at six-thirty. Please don’t let the things I’ve said ruin our friendship. I adore you, Jillian. We all do.”

Inside, Jill took off her coat, removed her gown from its wrapping and hung it out, then dipped her toe into one of the shoes. She slipped on the other one and walked around the loft, loving their sensual fit. She headed into the kitchen to make tea but couldn’t settle down. When the kettle boiled, she kicked off the shoes, stirred her tea, and wandered into the living room.

Seven weeks
. Her head ached as she threw herself down on the sofa and closed her eyes against the memory of Olivia beating at Steven’s chest and the ghastly look on Gavin’s face. Seven weeks since Christmas. Four since he’d taken Olivia and left for Wales.

Barren
. Excavating Gavin from her life left her barren. She blinked back tears. And what about Olivia? What had the last four weeks been like?

She blinked harder, reached for her phone, and sent a text to Gage, punching out
Will you help me dress for the gala Saturday? I miss G so much, I might not go unless you give me moral support.
She hit ‘send,’ brushing away the tears that spilled down her cheeks. Tossing her phone on the coffee table, she went in search of a box of tissues and chocolate, found both, collected her phone, and crawled into bed.

When her phone buzzed, she’d just turned out the light. She sat up, reached for her phone, and read
Message from Gavin
. Gavin texted her? Her heart skipped a beat. She slid her thumb along the arrow.

Gavin’s one-word message popped up.
What?

Her body went still. She gulped, staring down at the phone and then jumped as her phone buzzed with another text.

Did you mean that message for me?

Jill fell backward against the pillows, rubbing her fists into her eyes.
Damn, damn, damn
. Tears leaked from beneath her fists. She reached for a balled-up tissue on her nightstand, dabbed her eyes and wrote,
No, sorry. Meant it for Gage. Damn autotext…

Almost asleep, her phone buzzed with a new text.

From under her pillow, she pulled out her phone and read,
I’m sorry, Jillian. I really fouled things up. I miss you too
.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Jill sat on the edge of the bed, a hot pink towel wrapped around her freshly showered body. “I just know someday I’ll think that little blunder was funny.” She smoothed lotion into her arms. The spicy, romantic fragrance caught in her nose and emphasized her ache.

Gage pointed to the bottle. “Mmmmmm, that’s fabulous. What is it?”

“My own blend of bergamot, iris, vanilla and amber. I had the scent created when I was in Paris last year.”

Her friend reached for the bottle. “It’s divine.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “And not the kind of indulgence I would have expected from the serious-minded research psychologist persona you so often project.”

“I don’t project a persona,” Jill snapped. “I am who I am.”

Gage flicked an imaginary piece of lint from the scarlet gown that still hung on its hanger. “What did you do, after Gavin texted that he missed you?”

Smoothing lotion into her shoulders, Jill answered, “Spent the night tossing and turning.”

Gage nodded, her eyes wise. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t around. But now that I’m here, let’s get to work on your hair.”

“I’d rather just skip the whole thing.” Jill shrugged.

“It’s not too late. I can tell them you’re sick,” Gage offered.

Jill’s sense of obligation kicked in. She sighed. “No. It wouldn’t be fair to Edith to make her handle things. Besides,” she said, sitting straighter and reaching for a scarlet thong, “I have a new ensemble to wear, complete with this wicked little number.” She twirled the thong around her index finger. “And this little number.” She picked up a matching strapless bra. “Which goes under that glove Edith thinks will pass for a dress.” Jill pointed to her new gown. “And finally, a new pair of stilettos. That’s enough to make any girl happy, right?” Gage’s eyes filled with sympathy.

“Sure, but I get it you know. Tonight might have been very different.”

Jill didn’t say anything, lost in thought as she stepped into the satin thong.

“It’s the kind of evening that belongs in a fairy tale,” Gage said. “A girl needs at least one of those in her lifetime.”

Jill sat on the bed. “Agreed. Very romantic.”

“Exciting, even.”

“Gavin is more than a little exciting.” Jill shivered.

“Too bad he turned out to be a handful, just like I said.”

“More than a handful.” Jill couldn’t stop the melancholy note that crept into her voice.

Gage grinned. “More than a handful?”

Despite her abject depression, Jill managed a small grin. “More.”

“Glad to see you haven’t entirely lost your sense of humor. Still, size isn’t everything.”

Jill slipped out of the towel and reached for her bra. As she tucked herself into the satin demi cups, she defended, “Size is an amazing attribute if a man knows what to do with it.”

“Yes, but several times you described him as a bully. A sort of “Gavin Knows Best” type.”

Jill swiveled, defensively. “He was never a bully in bed. He knew how to take control at just the right moments, but he was never a bully.”

Gage reached for Jill’s brush. “Inattentive, then.”

“No.” Jill sat on the vanity stool in front of her mirror. “Quite the opposite. Single-minded.”

“Oh, you’re saying he’s boring,” Gage said, as she brushed through Jill’s hair. “Not open to exploration.”

Jill looked through the mirror at Gage. “I meant single-minded in the sense that nothing could stop him until he’d achieved the desired outcome…for both of us…and generally, multiple times for me. Trust me, he could never be accurately described as boring.”

Sweeping Jill’s hair away from her temples, Gage twisted it high on her head. “Okay, but what about all those women, and his agent.”

Jill whirled, heart in her mouth. “He did not cheat, Gage. There were no other women while we were together.”

“Hey,” Gage warned, “You need to hold still or lose a handful of hair.” She pinned the last twist into place, and smoothed her hand through the cascade of hair that rained in soft curls down Jill’s back. “No other women? Really? Not even all those weeks when you were cyber dating?”

Blood pounded in her ears. Jill snatched the brush from Gage’s fingers. “He did not cheat. He’s not a cheater.”

“No?” Gage stepped back and crossed her arms, surveying her handiwork. “Then why can’t you get past his lie of omission?”

“What?” She stilled, clutching the brush to her chest.

“You said it yourself. He lied. He didn’t tell you what was going on. That’s a lie of omission.”

Jill stalked into the bathroom, hoping to put some distance between herself and her friend. “I know what a lie of omission is. That
is
what he did, but there were extenuating circumstances, and he didn’t plan to be deceitful.”

“Really?” Gage Gage rested her hands on her hips.

“No, he

why you rat.” Jill emerged from the bathroom and tossed a wet washcloth at her friend. “You’re just baiting me.”

Gage’s brown eyes darkened. “True, and did you happen to notice you defended him at every turn? Why is that, do you suppose?”

Jill squeezed her eyes closed. “You don’t know them, Gage. That whole family—they’re bigger than life. Sometimes, I can’t even breathe around them. Gavin’s so focused on restoring Olivia’s music, and Olivia’s so lost. Lawrence doesn’t even try to pretend he’s anything other than a bulldozer. And Edith—you should see her go to work. She acts like the mildest, most deferential person in the world, and then one day, you wake up and find she’s got you right where she wants you. Even Baines. I haven’t once ridden in the Bentley without him trying to influence me in some way. And now, tonight, Gavin should have been a part of this, with me. At the very least, he was the entertainment headliner. We—the institute depended on him. Edith had to pull every string she could think of to replace him.”