Nameless Series Boxed Set (6 page)

“Ridiculous,”
she muttered faintly. “Why the hell am I doing this?”

There was no
answer. Not from her empty apartment. Not from her stomach. She couldn’t even
answer the question for herself.

She took a step
toward the kitchen, resolving that tomorrow after work she’d make sure to eat
something before she collapsed on the couch.

On her fourth
step, she realized she was too late, so she had a very unpleasant interlude dry
heaving into a wastebasket.

***

Two days later, she sat in her
father’s warm, messy kitchen. She’d asked him to put up the dirty dishes, since
seeing them now sometimes made her want to gag, but there were still books and
papers scattered around, as well as piles of unopened mail.

But that was
just her father, and the sight of such sloppiness was familiar and reassuring.

She’d just
explained to him about her pregnancy and what her plans were for the future. Now
she was sitting nervously, trying to study his face, praying he wouldn't be
disappointed in her.

Finally, he
furrowed his brow. “You’re pregnant? By Seth Thomas? But you’re going to raise
the child on your own?”

She nodded, her
throat closing up at his disbelieving tone. “I am. It was a really difficult
decision, and I know it might be hard to understand. And I'm sure it’s not what
you might have wanted for me.”

She swallowed
hard, feeling unexpectedly emotional. Hormones, probably. “But this is what I
want to do, and I hope you know I didn’t go out and do something careless to
get myself into it. I mean, we took precautions, but...” She hoped this would
be enough explanation of that particular concern, because she really didn’t
want to discuss condom failure with her father. “I know it might take a little
while to get used to the idea, so you don’t have to say anything now if you
don’t want to. I’m prepared to do this on my own. I’m not going to be expecting
anyone’s help.”

“On your own?”
he repeated, his face still rather stunned.

“I mean, Seth
will be involved to a certain extent, but we’re not in a relationship and we’re
not going to be. This is my thing, and I’m going to take responsibility for
it.”

Liz had been
surprised but excited, which was what Erin had expected from her sister. But she
hadn’t realized before just how desperately she wanted her father’s support in
this too. She knew he loved her, but he’d always been traditional, and she was
sure he’d never expected her to get into this kind of situation.

Her face
crumpled a little, but she forced herself to speak clearly. “I’ll understand if
you need some time to adjust, but I hope you won’t be too disappointed in me.” She
closed her eyes for a moment, feeling disgusted with herself for the
unnecessary emotion.

His face
changed. Smoothed out. Something soft awoke in his eyes. “Disappointed? How
could I possibly be disappointed? I’ve always been so proud of you. And now I’m
going to have a grandkid.”

And, for him,
it was as simple as that.

Erin lay on her couch, watching
the muted television and thinking about Seth.

He’d called her
every evening at about this time for the last two weeks. After work, she’d
talked to her dad, who’d gushed about the baby for fifteen minutes, and then
she’d talked to Liz, who’d asked her a bunch of questions about her plans for
childcare that had just upset her.

But Seth hadn’t
yet called.

Finally, she
picked up the phone and called him.

He answered on
the second ring, but his voice was muffled. “Thomas.”

“Hey,” she said
cheerfully, feeling a little nervous since she still wasn’t used to calling him
up. “It’s Erin.”

“Is everything
all right?” he demanded, his voice still sounding thicker than normal.

“Yeah,” she said,
realizing that she must have startled him by calling out of the blue. “I was
just checking in. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Seth definitely
sounded odd, and she was starting to have the rather uncomfortable notion that
she’d interrupted him during a bout of wild sex. It was a little early in the
evening for that, but, still, his voice was definitely not normal.

She tried to
remember what he sounded like in bed. Realized the huskiness was vaguely
familiar.

Maybe that was
why he hadn’t called this evening.

“No,” Seth replied.
“How are you?”

Her eyes
widened at the slightly disconnected response, but she replied naturally, “I’m
fine. I’m so glad the first trimester is over. I’ve been feeling a lot better
this week, and I’m not even as tired as I was before.”

“Good.”

“Are
you
okay?”

“Yeah.”

“You sound
odd.” She tried to pin down what it was. She was still visualizing him naked in
bed, which really wasn’t something she should think about. She definitely hoped
he didn’t have a gorgeous, unclad woman next to him at the moment.

His voice was
cold when he replied, “I’m not.”

And that should
really tell her something, since—while cool and arrogant—it wasn’t an entirely
coherent response.

“Well, don’t
get snippy. I’m just saying you
sound
odd. Are you sick?”

“No.”

And then
suddenly Erin realized what it was. Would have figured it out immediately if
she hadn’t distracted herself with the possibility of his having sex. “You’ve
been drinking!”

“No.”

For some
reason, his response made her chuckle. “Liar. I’ve seen you drunk, remember? It’s
not something I’d readily forget.”

“Did you call
me up just to mock me?”

Suppressing
another laugh, she made an attempt to soothe his ruffled feathers. “No. I just
don’t like to be lied to. You’re a grown man. You can drink if you want. And,
if you’re stressed out about all this, then that’s fine too. If
I
could,
I might occasionally drink myself into a stupor too.”

“I had a couple
of glasses of Scotch. I have not drunk myself into a stupor.”

“Right,” Erin
agreed, smiling into the phone. “You’re particularly lucid tonight. Just like
you were before.” She paused for a moment. Then said carefully, “I know you
didn’t plan on this whole thing and you were just hit with it without warning. You
don’t have any obligation to be involved, you know.”

Seth’s voice
was gravelly when he replied, “We’ve already agreed. My involvement is clearly
specified. You can’t try to talk me out of it now.”

“I’m not trying
to.” She realized in surprise that it was true. She didn’t even
want
to
talk him out of it anymore. “Don’t get huffy. I just don’t want you to do it
out of a sense of guilt and then brood about it. I’m perfectly capable of
handling this on my own.”

He didn’t answer
immediately. Then he pronounced very distinctly, “I’m involved to the extent I
want to be involved. I will tell you if that changes.”

“Right. Good
then.”

To her own
surprise and confusion, her primary reaction was relief.

Which was the
strangest thing, considering how much less complicated it would be if Seth
would just back out completely.

“In that case,”
she continued, her voice considerably lighter, “You go right back to brooding
darkly with your Scotch. I won’t bother you anymore.”

Seth muttered
something unintelligible—although it definitely sounded bad-tempered—and after
a mumbled goodbye, he hung up.

Erin was
chuckling when she put down the phone and rolled off the couch. He hadn't
really been drunk. She wondered if he was more worried than he acted about
being a father. Wondered why it would bother him so much, since he wasn’t the
one who would have to raise the baby.

Although,
thinking about how wretched his own upbringing had been, he had reason enough
to be conflicted about having a child. Just the idea of family must be hard for
him to wrap his mind around.

He’d been alone
for so long.

Feeling suddenly
glum, she got up to go to the bathroom. As she was washing her hands
afterwards, she peered at herself in the mirror.

Even in her
pajamas and with messy hair, she realized that she looked pretty damned good.

Who would have
thought?

She wore a
green tank top, and her breasts were distinctly visible through the fabric. They’d
definitely gotten fuller, and she admired the lush curves of them with an ironic
kind of pleasure. There was a strip of her belly showing between the tank top
and the waistband of her flannel pajama pants. Her belly was starting to poke
out a little, but she still wore her normal clothes.

She didn’t
think people just looking at her would know she was pregnant.

When she got to
the point that everyone who saw her knew she was pregnant, Erin wondered if
then she would finally start to connect with the reality of what was happening
inside her.

She knew it, of
course. Had accepted it and was building her whole future around it now.

But she still
felt a little...disconnected.

She rubbed her
belly slowly. Tried to understand that there was really a baby in there.

Gave up after a
few minutes since she didn't feel any differently.

Focusing
instead on what was more concrete, she studied herself in the mirror. She
actually looked really sexy. Even her skin was glowing the way people always
said it would.

Too bad no one was
around to appreciate her gorgeousness.

She felt a
little edgy and restless. Wondered if it was simply because she was still
hungry.

Then, as she
was washing her face, she realized what it was.

She wanted to
go out. On a date.

The problem was
finding someone to date. Interested men hadn’t been excessively available a few
months ago. And, now that she was pregnant, they would likely be even harder to
find.

Sighing, she
left the bathroom, giving her radiant reflection one last look.

Feeling sexy
wasn’t all the exciting if you were the only one around to enjoy it.

***

The following week, Erin was changing
clothes after work when she remembered to catch up on her voice mail.

There was the
daily message from her father—he called her at least once a day now.

And then there
was a message from Liz. “Hey,” came her familiar voice on the recorded message,
“It’s me. And Seth, the asshole, has been checking you out. Call me.”

That was all. Just
like Liz. Say something so utterly provocative, and then just leave her
hanging.

Confused and a
little anxious at what this might mean, Erin called Liz back immediately. “What
are you talking about?” she demanded, as soon as she heard her sister pick up.

Liz’s voice sounded
very pleased with herself. She worked as a staff reporter at a local newspaper,
and she always sounded this way when she'd uncovered an interesting story. “He
got some sort of agency to do a full-fledged background check on you, and
they’ve been digging up all kinds of information on you.”

Erin felt
suddenly breathless. “How do you know?”

“Lisa Curtis
called today and told me someone was asking around about you. So I did some
checking.”

Her heart
drummed wildly, and she felt a little sick. "Well, I can understand. When
he first found out, he would want to cover his bases—”

"Nope. Just
this weekend, they were talking to Mrs. Brown. You know, Dad’s neighbor? And
they were asking her about Dad, not even about you. This is way more than
covering his bases."

Erin sighed
deeply. She wasn’t really surprised. Just surprisingly disappointed. She’d
finally started to believe that Seth was genuinely interested in just being
involved, without taking control and without an underlying agenda.

But she knew
better than to have unwarranted faith in people.

“Yeah,” Erin
replied resignedly. “Thanks for telling me.”

Erin sat down
on the edge of her bed after they’d hung up and thought about it.

Got angrier and
angrier until she had to act.

She reached for
the phone. Then changed her mind.

Got up, put on
her shoes, and grabbed her coat.

Marcus used to
do things behind her back too. Make plans. Make decisions. Not tell her until
it was too late. It was another way to control her.

A year into
their marriage, she’d started volunteering at a community center, mostly for
something constructive to do with her time, and she’d begun to take the lead in
organizing a big book drive. He’d surprised her with a two week vacation to
Europe, having planned the whole thing without consulting her and telling her
only on the morning they were supposed to fly out. She couldn’t do the book
drive, obviously, since she was gone the two weeks she would have needed to plan
it.

Everyone
thought she had the best husband in the world.

She couldn’t
let it happen again. She couldn’t even let it start.

So she needed
to find out what Seth was doing. Right now. For sure.

He was going to
give her an explanation.

***

When Erin arrived at Seth’s apartment
building, she was made to wait down in the lobby for a few minutes while the
doorman called up to see if she was allowed in.

Apparently, Seth
was home tonight and was willing to see her.

He met her in
the entry hall, wearing a slightly wrinkled dress shirt and a pair of black
trousers. He’d evidently taken off his tie and suit jacket, as well as his
shoes and socks.

For some
reason, the sight of his bare feet made her chest clench.

Staring at her
in astonishment, Seth demanded, as soon as she entered, “Is everything all
right?”

“No, it’s not.
I came over to see why you were spying on me.” Her voice wasn’t particularly
loud or heated, but it was certainly abrupt.

“What?”

“All the
information you’ve dug up on me, all those people they’ve talked to, asking
about me. And about my innocent
dad
! I could maybe understand looking
into some basic background information when you first found out about the
pregnancy, but
this
is going too far.”

Seth’s face changed.
“I see. Of course, you're angry. Would you like to come in and talk about it?”

And that
question, combined with his placid expression, was perhaps the most infuriating
thing he could have said. “No, I would not! I want some answers.”

He seemed to have
recognized her state of mind because his next response was much less maddening.
“Yes, I’ve been investigating you.”

Erin unclenched
her jaw slightly. At least he was admitting it.

Then he added,
“Are you surprised?”

She took a
couple of deep breaths, remembered that she had resolved to be reasonable and
not jump to any conclusions. She clearly wasn’t succeeding in that endeavor
very well, so she tried even harder to force her confusion and panic down. “Not
surprised but really offended. You’ve been pretending to accept the pregnancy,
all the while going behind my back. Plotting and scheming who knows what.”

Her voice got
too shrill at the end—another sign that she was too emotional. She had to get
her fears under control. She didn’t have the answers yet, and everything wasn’t
falling apart just because of this one thing.

“What do you
think I’m plotting and scheming about?” Seth asked, looking genuinely curious.

His calm made
her feel even more out of control. ‘I don’t know. That’s the problem. It’s
enough that you’ve underhandedly violated my privacy. I would have willingly
told you anything you wanted to know. I don’t have any deep, dark secrets.”

“I’m starting
to believe that, and I’m at the point of calling an end to the investigation.
But this is a risky situation for me. I had to be careful. You understand that
I can’t let myself get used.”

“Neither can
I.”

They stared at
each other for a minute, neither backing down from the silent confrontation.

Until, finally,
Seth gave her that adorable half-smile. “I guess we’re at an impasse then.
Unless we can start to trust each other a little.”

Erin frowned
deeply, for some reason feeling slightly less panicked. He wasn’t acting like a
man who was trying to manipulate and control her—at least not in this. "I
was
starting
to trust you, but then I found out about all of this. Seriously,
I can understand that you’d want to be careful and look into my background—to
begin with. But what the hell are you still expecting to find?”

“I don’t know. That’s
why I still feel compelled to look. But, as I said, I’m beginning to conclude
that you are what you seem to be and that this situation simply happened.”

“It did. How
many times do I have to say so? I’m not interested in marrying you, and I don’t
want your damned money.”