Nancy’s Theory of Style (18 page)

“No need for you to read it since GP
already knows about it. I’m meeting with the warehouse leasing agent this
afternoon, and I’ll be starting my budget, although it all depends on whether
GP can get the sets and costumes,” she said. “Eugenia, you study your books.”

“Can we go to the park?” It was obvious
the girl had no work ethic.

“Today is a work day and I have very
important things to plan for a very big party – with pirates,”
Nancy
said.

Derek looked puzzled and said, “There
were no pirates…”

“We’re using our artistic license to
create a post-modern oceanic environment – with pirates!”

He raised one eyebrow and said, “It is a
universal dream to dress like a pirate.”

“It’s so true. Write that in the Theory
of Style,”
Nancy
said. “We can discuss pirates in fashion, like Vivienne Westwood’s seminal
Pirate Collection.”

“I like pirates,” Eugenia said. “Let me
do something.”

Nancy
hated to turn down help, even if it was
child labor. “Can you write?”

“I know my numbers and ABCs almost.”

“Do you know how to use scissors?”

“I have scissors with my markers!” the
girl said excitedly.

“Excellent. Fetch your scissors.”

 
As the girl ran to the bedroom,
Nancy
took her least
favorite issues of magazines from a shelf. “I was going to donate these to a
homeless women’s shelter because it seems that they need style more than anyone
else, but this is critical,” she told Derek.

When Eugenia returned with a purple
plastic pencil case,
Nancy
set her at the églosimé-topped cocktail table with the magazines, a poster board,
and a glue stick. “I need you to cut out pictures that are good for pirates. Piratey
colors and piratey clothes. Like Capt. Hook and Jack Sparrow. Can you do that?”

The girl nodded solemnly. “Is Captain
Crunch a pirate?”

“Possibly. When you’ve got enough
pictures, you can glue them into a collage. Do you know what a collage is?”

“Pichers glued together?”

“Pic-tures,”
Nancy
corrected. “Yes, but in an interesting
and creative way.”

When Eugenia was thus occupied,
Nancy
called Derek into
the hall and said, “Something has happened and I need a dispassionate opinion
on whether I’m overreacting.”

“Something concerning the child?”

“She’s a temporary problem. This is far
worse. Someone posted a hateful photo of me from Gigi’s party and called me a
slut!”
Nancy
’s eyes
welled and she blinked quickly to stop the tears.

“Anyone who was at the party knows you
behaved with the utmost propriety,” he said soothingly. “I’m sure it can’t be
as bad as you say. Let’s look at it together.”

They went to
Nancy
’s writing table and she showed him the
ghastly photo. “You see? Why would someone do that to me?”

Derek tilted his head as if examining
the photo from another angle would improve it. “Oh, Madame,” he said and then
turned his face away.

“Are you laughing?” she asked just as he
did laugh aloud.

When he stopped, he said, “I regret my
inappropriate response, but—” and then he started laughing again and pointed to
the laptop screen. “Your expression!”

Nancy
looked at the photo again and saw her
widened eyes, ringed like a raccoon, her mouth open, her arm flailing, and her
lopsided hair. “Okay, so it’s a little funny, but why would someone post it?”

“Madame, everyone who lives an enviable
life is subject to envy. But you are almost fully clothed, unlike the other
ladies on this site, who are, for want of a better word, slags.”

“What should I do?” She wiped at a tear.

His clear, dark eyes looked into hers
and said, “Princess Di faced vicious scuttlebutt and carried on with grace.”

Soon after,
Nancy
’s attorney called and advised her to do
the same thing.

So they all worked in very companionable
silence for at least five minutes, when Derek realized that Eugenia should also
be cutting out pictures of water and boats and
Nancy
thought they all needed another hot
drink and Derek asked if he could have a bowl of cereal.

Nancy
found number-crunching very absorbing
and before she knew it, it was almost noon. She looked up and saw that Eugenia
was asleep on the sofa and there were paper scraps scattered on the table and
on the floor. Eugenia had glued cut-outs of the letter E on her sweatshirt.

“At least she knows one letter of the
alphabet,”
Nancy
said. “It’s terrifying how utterly incompetent the young are.”

“Do you have any notion when her mother
will return?” Derek said quietly.

“She could show up at any minute.”
Nancy
wondered if she had
the same worried look in her eyes as Derek. “Or maybe not at all. I don’t know.
Why Birdie left Eugenia here is an igloo wrapped in a quibble inside a
condominium.”

“Mrs. Carrington-Chambers, perhaps you
should engage a nanny in the interim. I will call a service and---“

Nancy
looked at the sleeping girl and thought
of how Birdie had shuttled her around and deposited her with strangers. “It’s
probably too early to declare defeat.”
 

What would it be like if
Nancy
returned to Todd
and had the grimy Toddlings he desired? She thought of their bad personal
hygiene and selfish natures. Her eyes welled with the idea that the world would
be so unfair.

Derek stood and went to her. “Mrs.
Carrington-Chambers?”

She wiped at her eyes, careful not to
smudge her mascara. “I’m sorry that I’m such a mess today. I understand if you
want to leave. I’d be happy to give you a reference and I know you’ll find
another job faster than you can say cheerio. Cheerio, the greeting, not the
cereal.”

He stared at the diminutive creature
snoring softly on the sofa. “I know nothing of them. They don’t seem entirely
human.”

“No, and their proportions are wrong. Their
torsos and arms are long and they have stubby legs. And they’re very, very self-centered.”

“One can hardly hear one’s own thoughts
for all their prattling.”

“They’re messy. Look, how she’s
destroyed my apartment.”

“One can’t reason with them. They ask
why incessantly.”

“You can’t go out and have fun if you’ve
got to worry about them,”
Nancy
said. “No wonder her mother dumps her off at every opportunity.”

As soon as the words were out of her
mouth,
Nancy
heard how heartless she must sound. “Not that there’s anything wrong with
children per se.”

“Not at all,” Derek quickly said. “I think
that the problem may largely lie with over-indulgent upbringing, such as with
dogs that are coddled.”

“You may have something there. If one
had total control of a child’s environment, a child might be reasonably
civilized.”
 
She looked into Derek’s eyes.
“What do you want to do, Derek?”

He thought for agonizing seconds before
speaking. “We mustn’t act hastily. Her mother will surely return soon. That is
most natural to a mother, isn’t it?” he said. “Of course, I shall stay here to
assist you in any way you need, and we can reassess the situation as it
changes.”

Nancy
was so happy that she threw her arms
around him. “Thank you! Thank you!”

And then she felt his arms go around her.
“There, there, Mrs. Carrington-Chambers. You can rely upon me.”

She felt marvelous there in his arms,
enjoying this idyllic platonic relationship between a young woman and a gay
man, each possessing excellent taste and similar outlooks. She leaned closer
into him, inhaling his wonderful, fresh scent.

He dropped his head close to hers and
said, “Your hair is so soft.”

She thought she felt his lips grazing
her ear when her phone rang and they jumped apart. Eugenia sat up and rubbed
her eyes with her fists.

Nancy
answered without looking to see who was
calling. “Birdie?”

“I’ll be a birdie, if you want me to,”
said a familiar gravelly voice. “I’ve been called worse.”

“Oh, Bailey! I thought you were my
cousin.”

“Ah, the infamous Birdie,” he said. “I
don’t think I’ve ever met her. Was she at your wedding?”

“If you met her, you’d remember.”

“I’m holding you to your promise to go
out with me. Are you free Saturday? I thought we could have dinner and see a
show, or go to a club. Whatever you like.”

Nancy
glanced at Eugenia who was walking in a
circle, waving her arms, and singing to herself. Something was wrong with that
child. “I think I’ll be available, but I may have a commitment. Can I give you
a call tomorrow?”

“If I have to wait, I suppose I have to
wait. Don’t think I do it for anyone else,
Nancy
.”

Nancy
walked into the hallway with the phone.
“If I go out with you, it’s as your friend only.”

“Are you sure it’s not a date?”

“I’m positive.”

“You’re wounding me.”

She smiled and said, “Talk to you soon.”

“Bye, beautiful.”

Nancy
savored the moment, smiling to herself.
Birdie would come back, and Nancy and Bailey would go somewhere and people
would see them and know that Nancy Carrington-Chambers absolutely should be
invited to their wine country weekends.

When she returned to the living room,
Derek said, “You look happy. Good news?”

“Bailey Whiteside wants to go to dinner
with me on Saturday. Do you remember him from Gigi’s party?”

“The chap in red undergarments? Yes.”

“When I go out with someone prominent,
people will see that the tawdry gossip about me is meaningless.” She cast a
glance at Eugenia, who was staring at her. “I’m sure I’ll be available by
then.”

“Miss Eugenia has expressed a desire for
lunch.”

“But she just ate this morning. Eugenia,
are you hungry again?”

“I didn’t get my snack. At the farm they
always gave us pumkin bread and orange juice.”

“Pump-kin. That sounds terrifying. Pumpkins
should only be eaten between October 31 and Thanksgiving. They’re orange and
orange is the color of insanity.”

“Do you really think so?” Derek asked.

“Well, the alternate theory is that
violet is the color of insanity, but violet is a very flattering color for my
complexion.” To the child,
Nancy
said, “Can’t you just eat another bowl of cereal?”

Eugenia plucked at her shirt in way that
was both pathetic and annoying.

“Mrs. Carrington-Chambers, I could go to
the market and fetch some provisions for lunch, if you like. I could join
Eugenia in a nosh.”

Nancy
realized that he’d been skipping lunch
while he worked for her. “And you’ve been living off coffee with me.”

“Excellent coffee and an impressive
array of water.”

“I guess that isn’t enough for a man of
your build.”

Derek shook his head. “Both men and
children need sustenance. And, if you will permit me saying so, you might
benefit from an occasional meal so you can keep up your busy schedule.”

“Let’s all go out for lunch then.”

“And the park?” Eugenia asked hopefully.

“You have a very idle disposition,”
Nancy
said. “Yes, we can
go to the park, because it’s a special occasion. You can’t wear that cape. Why
did you glue paper to your top?”

“I want to wear my cape.”

A battle of wills ensued.
Nancy
tried to follow Sun
Tzu’s strategic advice, but the child’s maneuvers were unpredictable and
irrational. Finally,
Nancy
said to Derek, “You convince her.”

Derek thought for a moment before
reaching into his pocket and pulling out a coin. “See here, Miss Eugenia, I
will give you a shiny penny if you leave the cape here. You can put it on when
we return.”

Eugenia stared at it and then said,
“It’s not very shiny.”

Derek shrugged and said to
Nancy
, “She’s very contrary.”