Natural Selection (22 page)

“Kasper? Are you okay? What is it?”

He shook his head. “I did not know I could ever have such admiration for a dog.”

She laughed just a little then, the soft sounds of relief and release evident through her smile. And it occurred to him then the source of his unease and the mentioning of Mozart…
she had been trying to warn him. Had Emilia really so easily put herself in danger for his sake? Had she really sent away her most true protector for the love of everyone but herself? How was she capable of being so selfless? More importantly, how was he not capable of seeing it right away?

“Is it even remotely possible that you can forgive me?”

“Forgive you?” Though her laugh was all sarcasm, Kasper dwelled in the sound, a relief enthused shock working its way through him. “I’m the one who was stupid enough not to see Cyrus for what he was, for not thinking of a way to get myself out of that mess. Why should you ask for forgiveness when I’m the sorry one?”

“I should have seen what was happening. Asked more questions, been more
insistent for an explanation. If I had, I could have kept you out of danger and… my god; the peril I must have put you through.”

“You didn’t do this
,” she said with more determination than he deserved. “Your cousin did. But what I want to know is why. Why does he hate you so much?”

“It is complicated
.”

“
Try me.”

He sighed deeply before continuing. Kasper had to admit that if he owed her nothing else, he could give her the truth. After all, maybe if she had known about his past more than she had, she would have been able to protect herself better. This entire incident was his fault in more ways than one.

“My parents were not only children. They had an older sister who disliked both of them immensely. I understand the unveiling of their relationship was merely the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

“He said—
claimed—that you sent his brother to prison. Is there anything to that?”

Kasper took leave to stare up at the ceiling. How difficult it was to forget, how
easy to remember…

“I was recovering from a plastic surgery attempt when the Christian missionaries contact
ed her. She claimed she took me in out of the charity of her heart, that if it was the will of Allah that I should live, it was his will that she should take care of me…”

“That
strict
childhood you always change the subject when I ask you about?”

He nodded and reached for more water.
“It became clear early on that her
generosity
had more to do with vengeance than charity, entertainment rather than kindness.”

“Entertainment?”

“It was a favorite game of hers to find reasons for whipping me, to deny me food, water…”

“Oh
, Kasper.” Emilia blinked away her tears. How could someone be so cruel to a child who so clearly didn’t deserve it?

“She refused to allow me to attend school, to go outside and reveal the shame that I represented. I
learned by stealing my cousin’s textbooks. I’d spend all night reading them in the closet before returning them to his knapsack in the morning.”

“Closet
?”

“Yes
.” He swallowed and continued on. Kasper hoped that as soon as he said it, he’d never have to say it again. “The one space I was allowed to occupy without prior permission.”

“How awful…”

“Jamshid was nearly my age. When I first met him I had the hope that children often have of friendship, but he was encouraged to be unkind to me—praised for it when he acted creatively enough. When I left that house, Cyrus was still very little. To be honest, I never gave him much thought. I only knew that I could not have another tormentor and live to tell of it.”

“What about this prison thing
, then? Did he get in trouble for hurting someone else?”

“In a way
,” Kasper mused with a small smile. “I was just starting out in the UK when I learned he had been indicted for embezzlement and tax fraud. As favored as he was by his mother, she never did teach him honorable business ethics. Downright spoiled him, if you ask me.”

“What does that have to do with you?”

His small smile turned into a full smirk. “I went to visit him in jail, offered amends by paying for his attorney fees and smoothing things over with his clients.”

Emilia couldn’t help but smile herself. “I take it you didn’t?”

“Oh no.” He laughed. “I did. I just happened to hire the most incompetent lawyer money could buy before revealing some of his… proclivities to his wife and clients. Even when he did get out, I wanted to make sure he would be ruined.”

Emilia wasn’t sure what to think. Normally, she hated lies and the concept of revenge seemed juvenile at best. Whatever happened to turning the other cheek? Yet the sound of Kasper’s suffering
made anger boil up in her that she wasn’t proud of. In those moments that Tut was biting Cyrus, she had wanted him to die—hurt at a bare minimum. Did that make her a bad person? A weak person? If she wanted to hurt him for one offense, she couldn’t begin to imagine what Kasper had felt after a lifetime of abuse.

“I later learned his mother had died. Smoke and drank herself into a first-rate heart attack. I was glad
, Emilia! Glad that I had made them suffer as much as they had made me! I cannot tell you…”

“
It’s okay,” she soothed, moving a wisp of hair from the head bandage. “What you did, what you felt… it may not have been the most morally sound thing in the world, but it is the most natural. No one could judge you for… giving karma a helping hand.”

“Do you still hate me? Despise me for what I am?”

“You’re only a man, Kasper. How could I hate you for that?

He smiled and leaned into the tips of her fingers. If this was hell, he was a happy man to have it!

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about him? About all of it?”

“There are many things about my life I’d like to forget—that was one of them. If I didn’t want to be burdened with my past, it certainly didn’t seem to be fair to do the same to you.”

“That’s what you do in a relationship, Kasper. You share your problems, your thoughts, your fears…”

“The only fear I had was losing you.”

“I know.” She ran the nail of her index finger against his. “So did he. That’s why he wanted to break us up before he killed us.”

Kasper gritted his jaws against each other. It seemed that even in the emergency that was his apparent rescue; no one had thought to remove his artificial teeth.
“Maximum efficiency.”

Emilia sniffed hard, turning her head and looking away from the embarrassment she felt. “Kasper, I know what I did was appalling. Unforgiveable—”

“You were doing what you had to do to survive. People have done far worse to get through the day, let alone stay alive.”

“That doesn’t excuse it
.” She opened her eyes and stared into his. Wasn’t it wonderful how humane he looked without his mask? While she often enjoyed the challenge of trying to read his expression, occasionally it was nice to not have to analyze his features. Still, Emilia couldn’t be entirely sure. Was that relief she saw sketched on his brow or just her wishful thinking?

“
At first, I thought hurting you was the first thing I could do…but hearing that shot? Seeing you lying there and not knowing if you were alive or not? It was more terrible than anything I’ve ever experienced. Kasper, I could apologize until I lost my voice, but it would still never be enough. Please tell me, how much do you hate me? Will you resent me forever or is there even the slightest hope—”

“You should not feel so terrible
,” he said, resisting the urge to laugh. “Ending my life was my decision…no one held a gun to my head like they did yours.”

Emilia smiled at his attempt at humor. Still, with his wounds fresh
, she couldn’t allow herself to laugh.

“I will always love you
, Emilia Ward, and nothing in this world or the next will change that. Haven’t I expressed that adequately enough by now?”

“You still love me
?” She shook her head as if the disbelief would fade away. “I think you should be run through the MRI again, an EEG, at least one more CT—”

“It
is my head I shot, foolish girl.” Kasper laughed freely at the disapproval on Emilia’s face. “Not my heart.”

“But you did shoot yourself
, Kasper! If I’m the reason you became so self-destructive, then I deserve to be punished just as much as your cousin. I shouldn’t have this much power over your actions, over your life!”

“Perhaps
not, but for all the misery you could give me, you have just as much power to give me joy. All you have to do is renew our friendship, let me steal from you some of that light that keeps you so illuminated.”

She nodded seriously and began biting the inside of her cheek. “If only being your friend is
the penance I have to pay—”

“Penance?” He chuckled. “For me? Hardly. It is only that losing you once almost killed me
, Emilia; I don’t think I could bear to live through it again.”

“You won’t have to
,” she pleaded. “I’ve wanted to be with you since the moment I saw you that’s never changed. I’m not competent enough to love anyone as much as I love you.”

Kasper smirked and rotated his neck again. Emilia’s foolishness must have rubbed off on him after all. Otherwise how could he have been so
outrageous, so careless with her welfare when it so plainly intertwined with his own?

“I suppose we both need each other then
, don’t we?” he asked with more skepticism in his voice than he wanted to reveal.

Emilia smiled genuinely for the first time since seeing Kasper awake. “Of course we do. If odd balls like us don’t stick together, there won’t be any of us left.”

Epilogue

The crisp air of the autumn night brought the guests in from the outside, the luscious gardens only tempting those who had thought to wear an additional layer over their dress or suit. Emilia smiled at a woman whose gown was equally as loud as she was and rolled her eyes once she was safely out of sight. She slipped through the crowds effortlessly, most of the guests much too enthralled with the sophistication of Iram Manor and the magnetism of candy corn cocktails and bleeding vespers. Truth be told, most of them hardly noticed the hostess unless someone pointed her out to them. And when they did, she greeted them warmly, introduced herself, and always made the effort to compliment their costume.

After all, one of the hosts had to entertain the guests.

Emilia scanned the happy flocks of party-goers, though she knew she wouldn’t find him there. It was much too easy for Kasper to blend in between the masked party-goers, the artificial spider-webs and fog from the rented machine—she knew she’d be lucky to see him at all.

She weaved her way through the line of apple-bobbers, waving to Claudette
, who was the Wilma to her boyfriend’s Fred as they made out in front of some of the artistically carved pumpkins in the corner.

Clearly not approving of this behavior, nor of that of any of the other young guests, Mrs. Levkin frowned deeply, while trying to resecure the
Statue of Liberty crown on her head. She laughed to herself as she watched Mr. Shiraz hand her a Bloody Mary. She thought she saw his mouth say something along the lines of how she should ‘lighten-up’ but she wasn’t sure.

She took the first few stairs to the third floor to try and obtain a better view of the great hall. If Kasper was there, she would find him.

Of course, she knew he wouldn’t be.

Emilia scoffed and continued up the stairs. Mrs. Levkin had practically guarded the staircase, forbidding the entry of anyone Emilia or Kasper didn’t personally know, but now that things were in full swing
, Emilia ventured to search for him herself. If it was the last thing she ever did, she would make him at least give an appearance.

This party had, after all, been his idea.

With the other doors locked, she knew where to look for him right away. Though it had been months, she could hardly go into that room without shuddering, the memory of Kasper’s almost departure still fresh in her mind. Yet Kasper seemed completely unaffected by the memories his office held, and nearly impervious to his own suicide attempt. He, in fact said that he appreciated the office more than ever since it was the room where she had saved his life.

They agreed to disagree.

She could see the light coming from beneath the door as she stepped into the hall. Normally, she would have walked in without delay, yet given the nervousness she knew he would be feeling, she knocked loudly before letting herself in.

“You do know you’re missing you
r own party, don’t you?”

Kasper wasn’t in his chair, or even laying on the sofa as he occasionally did. The only sign of life at all in the room were the curtains blowing past the veranda, letting in
the cool night air.

“Kasper?”

“I am here,” he answered.

She followed the sound of his voice to the balcony
, unsurprised to see him standing near one of the pillars with a glass of wine in hand.

“You should not be out here
,” he said without turning around. “It is much too frigid.”

“You’ll keep me warm
.” Emilia entangled her arm around his and snuggled up to him. From the corner of her eye, she saw him smile.

“What are you doing out here
, anyway? You aren’t trying to escape, are you?”

He tensed in her arms. “Just thinking
.”

There was no such thing as Kasper just doing anything. Emilia sighed and tried to read his expression, which was considerably harder than usual given the dark and the costume mask he had
exchanged for his usual one. She looked out instead on the lights that had been wrapped around the pillars and sighed.

“Are you al
l right, Kasper? You’ve been antsy the last few days and I don’t think it’s just about the party. What’s going on?”

His hesitation only increased her concern.

“I-I have an issue that has been weighing on my mind lately…”

“An issue? What kind of an issue? What’s wrong?”

Smiling, he rested his glass on the concrete bistro table. How prone to worry his little peach was! How very sensitive to his concerns and tribulations! Would she never cease to understand that he had forgiven the misunderstanding between them? That she did not have to fear for him as long as her own happiness was protected?

“Rest easy
, you foolish girl, not everything is a matter for you to fret over.” He chuckled to himself and ran his fingers in her hair, straightening her light curls and watching them bounce back to life.

“Then what is it?”
she said with obvious relief. “What is this issue of yours?”

“It is—”
He looked over her shoulder and stared off to search for the right words. “Less of an issue and more of a question…”

Emilia leaned into his hand and smiled. At least, it wasn’t anything serious. “What sort of question? Something serious?”

“A far more important question than all these silly little ones you are asking.”

“Well, out with it then.” She laughed. “What has
you all twisted up in here?”

His face fell as she rested her hand on the left side of his chest, tapping a playful rhythm like a heartbeat.

“You do.”

“Kasper?”

“Emilia Ward, you have assaulted me, seduced me, and tortured me. Would you say it is fair that you owe me a large debt?”

Just the inkling of smile broke out on her face. “I suppose so. But why—”

“If,” he said with intended emphasis, “you agree that you are indebted to me, then there is only one remedy that will expunge you.”

“Oh
?” She rolled her eyes. “And what’s that?”

“W—well,” he stuttered. “You must marry me.”

“I-I must?”

“Emilia, I love you a great deal more than anything else in the world. If you agree to be mine—from a legal perspective—” he was sure to add. “I will insure you are well provided for and taken care of for the rest of your days. You will want for nothing and—”

“Yes,” she said between a fit of giggles.

His disbelief was evident even the dark. “Y
-yes? Really? Truly?”

“Really and truly!” Laughing, she threw herself into his arms
, where he embraced her gladly and muttered a prayer of thanks beside her ear.

“I only have one condition
.”

She pulled away so suddenly Kasper still had his arms outstretched, he could still feel the warmth of her around him
.

“Anything
,” he gasped with relief. “Name anything you want and it will be yours.”

From serious to playful
, her expression changed and she worked her fingers to remove the mask that kept them separated.

“We have to start the honeymoon tonight.”

“Oh,” he said, leaning in to take her lips for his own. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”