Nauti Intentions (32 page)

She sat down in front of Alex, leaned her head against his good arm, and touched him, held on to him. God, he should push her away. He needed her

out of here.

Agony streaked through him as Mark doused the area with the liquor and went to work. He was quick, efficient. The nails and shrapnel were pul ed out

within minutes. The longest fucking minutes of his life.

He kept his head on his arm, snarled in fury at the pain, cursed the bastard responsible, and swore he was going to fry him and feed him to the dogs at

the local humane shelter.

“Al out,†Mark announced. “Shouldn’t need stitches. We have straight punctures. I’m going to clean them, bandage your shoulder up,

and inject an antibiotic. You’re going to have to sleep soon, Major. You’re going to fal on your ass if you don’t.â€

“Soon.†Alex knew sleep wouldn’t hold off much longer. The wound as wel as the adrenaline crash would get him. Before it did, he’d

make certain everything was secure to protect Janey and himself while they slept.

Janey held back more tears as he rose to his feet as though nothing was wrong, no pain, no wounds. As though he hadn’t shielded her body with

his, as though it didn’t matter.

“There’s coffee in the kitchen if someone wants to make it.â€

Janey turned to Natches, meeting his brooding gaze, the worry she saw there.

“Let me get Janey some clothes and we’l be right out,†Alex announced. “Close the door behind you.â€

Natches stared back at her for long seconds before he moved out of the room, fol owed by Mark and Tyrel .

“Here.â€

She caught the T-shirt he tossed her as she turned around. “Crista left some sweats in here, too.†He moved to a dresser, rummaging through it

until he came up with a pair. “Get those on and we’l figure this out.â€

He moved to the closet and pul ed out a shirt. As Janey dressed, she watched him ease into the shirt, button it, then sit down in the chair to tie leather

athletic shoes on his feet.

“When we walk back out there, you’re going to play real nice,†he final y announced as he rose to his feet.

“What do you mean?†Janey watched him warily now.

“There were cameras in your bedroom. That’s how Natches knew to cal . I’m guessing he got some real pretty snapshots of us earlier.â€

Anger fil ed his tone as Janey stared back at him in shock.

“Of us? You mean . . .†Her face flamed in shock. “Earlier.â€

“No doubt,†he bit out, his expression tightening in anger. “He’s going to drag you out of here. And I’m tel ing you, Janey, you try to

leave with him, and there wil be hel to pay.â€

She shook her head before glaring at him. “You think I’d take this danger to Chaya or Crista and their babies?†she asked him incredulously.

“You think Natches is that insane, Alex? Or that I am?â€

“I think Natches is terrified for you.†He ran his hand around the back of his neck in frustration. “And I think you’re starting that whole

internal argument where you can’t let someone be hurt because of you. I’m letting you know right now, Janey. Leave this house and when I find

you, I’l paddle your ass.â€

Her eyes widened. “What is this, another of those male things?†she argued. “You’re in pain, therefore you can start ordering me around

like one of your soldiers?â€

“Pretty much.†He grimaced as he moved to her, jerking her against him, holding her to him as he stared down at her.

And he was hard. Janey noticed that fact first. The second was that his eyes glittered now with almost fevered intensity.

“You’re mine, Janey.â€

Before she could argue, his lips were on hers, his kiss hard, heavy, his tongue fil ing her mouth, pumping inside it as her fingernails rasped against the

heavy cotton fabric of his shirt where it covered his rippling abs.

“Now, don’t argue with me in there,†he breathed out roughly. “Where you’re concerned, I’m not nearly as in control as I act, and

I’m sure as hel not rational.â€

“Yeah. Try insane,†she accused him. “Evidently nails buried in your shoulder isn’t enough for you to figure out how much trouble I am.â€

His eyes darkened, flared with anger. “Six months ago I carried you out of Dayle Mackay’s house, and I made myself a promise.â€

“That you could save me?†she sneered. “Like a child.â€

“Is that what you think?†The tight curve of his lips was in no way one of amusement. “Oh no, baby, that wasn’t it. I promised myself you

were going to belong to me. One way or the other. No matter what it took. I didn’t come back this time with pure intentions, Janey. Not by a long shot.

When I came home this time, it was with every intention of getting you into my bed and keeping you there. Forever.â€

Her eyes widened. “You’re lying, Alex.â€

“I don’t lie, Janey.†His expression was savage, his eyes thunderous. “And this, I sure as hel aint lyin’ about. Get it in your head, baby.

You’re not going anywhere. Once this is over, I’l go back to trying to convince you that this is where you want to be; until then, it’s where

you’re staying. Period.â€

“Whether I want to or not?†she cried out. “Do you ever listen to yourself, Alex? You don’t believe in love, but by God, I belong to you.â€

She mocked him furiously. “You don’t care that I want more than a man who’s settled for me, or decided he wants to own me. No, that’s

just supposed to be enough for me.â€

“You love me,†he stated.

Janey stared back at him. That statement destroyed her. She felt the pain lance though her heart, through her mind. It dug into a part of her that she

always fought to protect and ripped a jagged wound across her soul.

Yes, she loved him. Loved him until she wondered if she would survive what he was doing to her.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t need your love, Alex,†she whispered. “That I don’t need a man who knows how to love. You like the

sex. You like having a woman you think you can control with sex. And you like the thought of being a daddy.†She continued to mock him. “But you

don’t love me. And I need love.â€

“Janey.†His voice was warning.

“I’ve lived without love al my life,†she stated roughly. “My entire life, Alex. I’m not wil ing to live the rest of my life wondering what it

would have been like to be loved.â€

She felt her lips trembling, her fists clenching. “Damn you! Damn you to hel for making me care. For touching me. For showing me everything I

can’t have!†She was screaming at him, enraged now. “You play the big, tough soldier who gets nails pul ed out of his shoulder without a

whimper. But you’re a fucking coward.â€

“That’s enough, Janey.â€

“The hel it is.†The tears were running down her face again; sobs were tearing at her chest. “You won’t love me. You can’t love me.

You can’t even let anyone know you’re fucking me!â€

Janey swung away from him as those words tore from her lips. She capped her hand over her mouth, fought back a sob. Fought back the pain.

“What did you just say to me, Janey?†His voice was dangerously soft.

Turning back to him, she realized the bitter smile that shaped her lips was rife with mockery.

“You hide through the day.†Her breathing hitched. “When I have to go out, my brother or cousins fol ow me; you can’t. You pace my

fucking apartment. Wouldn’t do for the future chief of police to be caught screwing a traitor’s daughter, would it?†She had to fight to breathe

past the tears now. The hurt. “Look at you.†She yel ed back at him. “You nearly bled to death in front of me, and now you’re stating

ownership like you bought me on an auction block. You don’t own me.â€

She was shaking. Shaking so hard she felt as though she was going to come apart. She could feel her heart shattering, al the pain, al the years that

she had been alone, too afraid to care, too afraid to love, slicing through her.

“I didn’t let anyone know we were lovers because I didn’t want your stalker to know someone was plotting to catch him,†he said softly.

His expression was frightening. It was hard, flat. His eyes were brutal, spearing into her.

“Good excuse.†She wiped the tears from her face. “Real y worked, too. You almost died!†Her voice rose again.

His finger stabbed at her. “We’re going to fight this out later,†he promised her, his voice furious. “When your brother isn’t standing in

the kitchen listening to us argue like idiots.â€

“There’s no fight.†She caught her breath on another sob. “There’s no fight, Alex, because in the end, it’s not going to matter

either way. You won’t love me. That leaves us at a dead fucking end.â€

“Janey, dammit, do you think I don’t care for you?†His voice rose now, his eyes dilated, the color darkened. “Do you think you don’t

mean more to me than any woman in the world outside my sister?â€

“That’s not love!â€

“I wouldn’t fucking breathe if anything happened to you,†he yel ed back furiously, crossing to her and jerking her against him. “What the

fuck more can I give you, Janey? Damn you, I couldn’t live in a world without you in it.â€

She buried her head against his chest, sobbing. Breaking down. Feeling the anguish of so many years rising inside her. Al the aching loneliness, the

nights she stared into the darkness and wouldn’t let herself cry.

“It’s not love,†she cried desperately, holding on to him, wanting to sink into the floor and curl into herself as the rage and the pain raked

through her with angry talons. “Oh God, Alex. I can’t walk away from you. I can’t tear myself away from you. And you’re going to destroy

what’s left of my soul.â€

Because she needed to be loved. Just once. To hear the words
I love you.
Words she hadn’t even heard from her brother since he was a boy.

Words she had never heard since then from anyone, male or female. She needed, no, she hungered to be loved, and unfortunately, Janey knew, no other

man’s love but Alex’s would do now. And Alex didn’t believe in love.

“Janey.†His arms were around her, both arms. He held her against his chest, one hand covering the back of her head to press her against him.

“Baby. You have everything I am,†he whispered against her hair. “Everything, Janey. I’d never cheat on you. I’l never hurt you. Nothing

matters past you. If I could give you more, I’d give you more.â€

Janey shook her head, pul ing back from him. “Let me go.â€

“I can’t let you go.†He cupped the side of her face and lifted it, touched his lips to hers. “Janey, you might walk away from me, but I’l

never let you go.†His eyes stared into hers, and inside, she felt that secret, hungry part of herself open again, gasping, grasping for any part of him she

could get.

“And I have no choice but to accept that,†she said hol owly. “Because you’re right, Alex. I do love you. I love you so much I can’t bear

what I’m doing to both of us now. If I could walk away and take al the danger with me, I’d do that. Because I hate myself for this. I hate myself for

being here. And I hate knowing you’re in danger because of me.†She jerked away from him, forcing him to release her. “But you’d fol ow.â€

“I’d fol ow,†he said quietly. “To the ends of the earth, Janey, I’d fol ow you.â€

She glanced over at him, drying her face. She hated crying. She hated the sense of helplessness, of hopelessness, that it fil ed her with.

“Do you know how to love babies, Alex?†she whispered then. “Am I supposed to accept that you can’t love at al ? Or just that you

can’t love me?â€

She touched her stomach, wondering. Hating herself because she loved him too much, and she knew it. She loved him with everything inside her soul.

And he didn’t know how to love.

“Watch you touch your stomach, Janey,†he said gently, “as though already imagining our child there. Do you think for a moment that you and

that baby won’t fil my world?â€

“Babies need to hear
I love you
.†Her chin shook as she tried not to cry anymore. “Even from their fathers.â€

What the hel was he supposed to say? Alex stared back at her, suddenly feeling an edge of helplessness. He couldn’t explain to her what he felt

for her, what he felt at the thought of having children with her. Holding their child. Seeing both of them in a new life they had created.

His throat locked up at the thought of trying to explain it, tightened with emotion he didn’t know how to describe. This wasn’t what he had heard

love described as. This wasn’t what he had seen love to be. He wanted to protect her, yet he wanted to watch her be herself. He wanted to surround

her in security, and at the same time, he thrived on the flashes of independence he saw within her.

“Teach me how to love, Janey.â€

He watched the surprise that fil ed her face, the shock.

“Alex, you don’t just teach someone how to love,†she said miserably.

She didn’t know how much her pain struck at him, how it destroyed him. Seeing her eyes so fil ed with shadows and hurt enraged him.

“Why not?†he asked her then. “You have a man wil ing to give you his life if it wil protect you from a single scratch, a single tear. If you’re

that important, why can’t you teach me how to love?â€

Her expression clenched, a flash of bemusement fil ing her gaze. “You’re crazy,†she final y accused him, but she didn’t fight him when he

pul ed her back into his arms, and she didn’t cry.