Neanderthal Marries Human: A Smarter Romance (Knitting in the City) (40 page)

“
That’s easy for you to say.” Dan gritted his teeth and walked around a slot machine. He was propping up a mostly asleep Marie while Kat was tonguing his ear. “You’re holding your wife. If I enjoy myself I’m a scumbag.”

We finally reached the elevator. Nico pressed the button. We waited.

My attention flickered to Dan. Kat leaned in to him, pressed her body against his, and kissed his jaw. “You’re cute,” she said, and her hand slid from his neck to his chest, then lower.

I cocked an eyebrow at them.

“Fuck….” Dan gasped. His eyes lifted to the ceiling of the casino. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Hurry up.”

“
I think she likes you.” Nico grinned between Elizabeth’s kisses.

“
No.” Dan’s voice was tight. He tried turning from Kat, but she was plastered to him. If he moved away too far or too fast, she would fall. If he let go of Marie,
she
would fall. “Kat would never do this if she were sober. Can one of you help me out? Move her hand?”

“
Sorry.” Nico didn’t sound sorry. “My hands are full.”

Dan looked to me. Sandra giggled in my ear and bucked, smacking my ass.
“This is fun!” she said. She slurred her words, making it sound like she’d said,
Thishun.
Then she slumped, her body dead weight. I had to lean forward and grip her legs to keep her from falling.

The movement revived Janie. She turned more fully against me, kissed my neck
, and pulled my shirt completely out of my pants. She whispered in my ear, “I want you to talk dirty to me and call me Kitten so I can scratch your back and eat your….”

I straightened
and pulled away before she could finish.Otherwise, I would probably dump Sandra on the floor, grab Janie, and find a stairwell.

Instead
, I glared at Dan and said, “You’re on your own.”

*Janie*

The next morning
I woke up feeling like death.

Then the world slowly came into focus.

I realized I was in bed.

And I was
lying on a man’s chest.

And I was topless.

“Oh shit!”

Startled and completely horrified, I tried to jump up and out of the bed but succeeded only in falling to the floor in a tangled
mass of sheets.

“
Janie?”

I blinked from my position on the floor
, sitting completely still. I even held my breath.

The voice that said my name sounded like Quinn
’s. I licked my lips, forced myself to breathe, then peeked over the edge of the bed.

Quinn was
lying there, his head propped up on his hand, his elbow on the bed. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, but he had on camouflage cargo pants. I squinted at the pants then I moved my gaze back to his.

His hair was askew as it was a little longer than usual
, and his eyes were sleepy.

I closed my eyes then opened them again. Sure enough, he was still there.

“…Quinn?” I was surprised by the sound of my voice. It sounded raspy, and my throat hurt. I blinked at him again. “What…who…how…why are you here?”

Quinn
’s gaze moved over me as he sat up. He seemed to be studying me or waiting for me to say something.

But I had nothing to say. My mind was
oddly vacant, and my head hurt. I tried to think, tried to recall my last memory, and found the only thing I remembered was getting ready to go out the night before.

After the spa, we came back to the hotel room. Fiona was flying back
early, so we all said our goodbyes then got ready for our last night.

I remembered putting on a red dress that Elizabeth had picked out and thinking it was scandalous.

I remembered the girls putting a veil on me and a white sash that read
Getting Hitched.

I remembered Sandra passing out chocolates and
Ashley passing out drinks and us making a toast to Las Vegas.

Everything after
that was a void of unknowns.

“
Kitten.”

My eyes refocused on his
, and I stared at him. He looked pensive and…watchful.

“
Yes?”

“
What do you remember?”

I pressed my mouth into a line and shook my head, my eyes drifting shut.
“Please, please, please don’t tell me that I was drugged again.”

I heard him sigh and I knew the answer.

I thought about freaking out. I decided against it. Instead, I attempted to sit perfectly still and just…wait. I would wait for the memories to return or to wake up from this bad dream. I didn’t realize it at the time, but sitting perfectly still and denying the existence of reality was—by definition—freaking out.

Then someone screamed. Actually, it was more like a shriek.

My eyes flew open and I glanced toward the sound.

Quinn
looked at the door, looked at me, then fell back on the bed. He covered his eyes with his forearm. I thought I heard him laughing; it sounded both irritated and amused.

“
Are you…?” I tried to swallowed, but I was so parched that nothing went down. I needed water. “Are you going to see what that was?”

“
Nope.”

I watched him. When he said nothing else
, I scootched closer to the bed. “Do you know what that was about?”

“
Yep.”

Another shriek sounded from beyond the door. I frowned at him. He still wasn
’t moving.

I stood with the intent to walk out of the room but remembered my half-nakedness. Also, I was dizzy. I
spun in an unsteady circle trying to find something to wear. Finding a man’s green T-shirt—presumably Quinn’s, unless there was another man lurking about that was Quinn’s size and smelled like him—I pulled it on and walked to the door.

“
Don’t, Janie.”

I glanced over my shoulder at him. He looked exhausted and had a very strange expression on his face.
“Why not?”

“
Because once you open the door, you let the world in. Just come back to bed. Elizabeth’s crisis can wait.”

My eyes widened and I flinched.
“Elizabeth’s crisis?”

Quinn sighed again, groaned, cussed, then pulled the covers over his head. Despite the muffling effect of the sheets
, I heard him say, “Just be thankful that
we
didn’t elope last night.”

I frowned at the lump he
’d become under the covers, trying to make sense of his words. When no sense could be found, I opened the door and stumbled out of the bedroom.

I heard voices coming from one of the bedrooms so I made a
beeline for the sounds. Within one of the rooms, I found Elizabeth sitting on the bed, white as the sheets she sat on. On one side was Ashley; on the other side was Marie. They were all dressed in the same clothes they’d worn the night before.

But
Elizabeth had on my veil.

“
Hey. What’s going on?” I tiptoed toward the bed, searching the room for danger and finding none.

Elizabeth turned saucer
-round eyes to me and held up her left hand. “Look.”

I
crossed the room, squinting because I’d forgotten to put on my glasses. I was almost on top of her before I realized she wore an engagement ring
and
a wedding ring. Last night she’d had neither, because, although she was engaged to Nico, they hadn’t yet chosen a ring.

I gasped.

“I know! Right?” Elizabeth groaned then regarded the ring with evident despondency.

“
What the…? Well, where did those come from?”

“
I don’t know!” Elizabeth shook her head, her hand dropped to her lap, and I saw she was trying to take the ring off. It wouldn’t come off.

“
How did it get there?” I asked, looking between Ashley and Marie. They looked equally confused.

“
I don’t know!” Elizabeth shrieked. She was tugging the rings with more force and panicking.

I opened my mouth, closed it, opened it again
. “What happened last night?”

“
We have no idea.” Ashley’s voice met my ears. “It’s like one minute we’re all toasting your wedding and the next minute we’re standing here with dead rodent breath, looking like hades, and Elizabeth is married to…someone.”

Elizabeth groaned and fell
backward onto the bed; she covered her face with her hands and curled into a ball.

“
Could it be Nico?” Marie sounded hopeful. “I mean, it could be Nico. I don’t see any strange men wandering around the suite.”

Elizabeth shook her head but
kept her face covered. “He’s in New York filming all week. Unless he somehow finished early, flew out here, found us doing…whatever we were doing last night, bought the rings, took me to a wedding chapel, and married me, then it’s not Nico. Besides, we haven’t even set a date yet.”

“
Also, if it were Nico, wouldn’t he be here right now?” Ashley asked the room. “In fact, shouldn’t someone be here? I mean, your new husband should be around here someplace.”

Elizabeth groaned again and rolled to her side.

“That’s not helping, Ashley.” Marie shook her head, but she was suppressing a smile.

Ashley exhaled loudly and flopped on
to the bed next to Elizabeth, rubbed her back. “I’m sorry. It’ll all work out.”

“
Who knows if you’re even really married.” Marie sat on the bed on the other side of Elizabeth. “Maybe someone gave you the rings for safekeeping….”

Elizabeth assumed the fetal position.

“She’s married.” A voice sounded from the door and we all turned toward it. Elizabeth lifted her head and peeked through her fingers.

Sandra was standing there holding a piece of paper
; she looked like a redheaded raccoon. “I found the marriage license on the bar.”

There was a pause
, and I was pretty sure we were all holding our breath.

Then Ashley blurted,
“Don’t keep us in suspense, woman! What does it say?”

Sandra looked down at the license and read the name
. “Niccolò Ludvico Manganiello.”

Elizabeth sat up slowly, her eyes wide and unblinking, her mouth open. She looked
entirely befuddled. Then she said, “Nico?”

Sandra nodded
and held out a second piece of paper. “He left you a note.”

“
He left me a note?” Elizabeth breathed; then she repeated, but much louder, “HE LEFT ME A NOTE?!”

I flinched and my eyes darted to Ashley
’s. She was covering the bottom half of her face, and I could see she was trying not to laugh.

Elizabeth stood suddenly, swayed a little, and marched over to Sandra. She grabbed the note, unfolded it, and read it with, frankly, wild eyes. Through the back of the paper
, I could see that only two or three lines had been written. Elizabeth read it several times before a short hysterical sounding laugh erupted from her mouth.

“
Don’t keep us in suspense, woman! What does it say?” Ashley repeated, although I had the feeling this time she was trying to use it for comic relief.

Elizabeth passed me the note then began to pace the room muttering,
“I’m going to kill him…I’m going to kill him….”

I glanced from her to the paper, and read the contents out loud
.

Dearest Wife,

Now we don’t have to worry about setting a date. You’re welcome.

Your Husband, Nico

***

Sandra wouldn
’t stop
apologizing.

Soon after discovering that Elizabeth and Nico had gotten married the night before and that none of us had any memory of it, Sandra confessed that the chocolate
had been spiked with absinthe. More specifically, a type of absinthe called Amsterdam absinthe.

“
I can’t understand it, though.” Sandra held her forehead in her hands, glaring at her coffee cup.

We
’d called up for room service and we were all gathered in the large sitting room munching on a buffet of brunch foods.

Marie and Ashley were knitting. Sandra was beating herself up. Dan was by the buffet spooning himself eggs. Elizabeth was zoning out with a dreamy smile on her face. I was sitting on Quinn
’s lap eating a plate of fruit.

And Kat was not making eye contact
with anyone.

“
Absinthe shouldn’t have made us lose our memory; it’s supposed to be like getting drunk but without the fogginess. And it’s completely legal! You can even order it online.” Sandra sounded despondent.