Nefertiti (23 page)

You create the infinite possibilities out of yourself:

Cities, towns, fields, the journey of the great river;

Every eye sees you in relation to all things

For you are Aten of the light over the world,

And when you depart none exist...'

I remembered my intuitions on seeing the Great Temple for the first time. All those loyal and conforming citizens raising their hands and their babies to the light of the sun; those old men, sweating in their dignity during the ceremony for Meryra; and the poor dead girl whose face had been beaten off. What did all that have to do with living in truth?

She turned away from me and walked along the edge of the last shadows that still lay across the floor.

'But I now know that to exalt human nature, especially one's own, beyond reasonable limits is a terrible mistake,' she continued. 'Passionate commitment to the idea of a better world can disguise passionate hatreds. Beliefs that claim to transform men end up debasing, degrading and enslaving them. So I think. I pray it is not too late.'

She hugged her arms about herself. The spell of the lamps had given way to blue dawn light descending the stairs. In that light she seemed less magnificent, less exceptional, more ordinary, more human. There were lines of tension and tiredness etched into her face. She wound a fine shawl around her shoulders for warmth and came and sat down close to me.

'I see now the horror we have unleashed. It is a monster of destruction. The streets are filling with soldiers, homes are being broken open, fear is occupying the cities like an invading army. I heard that a band of Medjay set fire to a village, mutilated the temple icons, killed, cooked and dined upon the sacred animals in the sanctuaries, and then forced the men out naked into the wilderness. Is this the future of which I dreamed? No. This is barbarism and darkness, not justice and enlightenment. Even the little things, even jars of unguent and incense, are to be made illegal if they carry the symbols of the old gods. It is madness.'

I said nothing. I agreed with everything she said. But I was really waiting for what came next.

'But Akhenaten does not think so. My husband, the Lord of the Two Lands, is blind to what is happening. He is obsessed with his vision. And by deluding himself that all is well he plays into the hands of his many enemies. He demands grea
ter responses, stronger enforce
ments, an ever harsher light shining into every part of people's lives. And of course the people start to hate him. He has persecuted the Amun Priests beyond what was necessary and tolerable, and he has ordered the names and images of their gods to be hacked from temple walls and local shrines, even tombs. He has cast them out upon the streets where they cry havoc and revenge. And he ignores the growing turbulence elsewhere in the Empire; he ignores the pleas for help from his northern allies. The territories become unstable, caravans are attacked, and the work of generations to extend and confirm our power over the vassal states is lost in a year. The local wars become more severe, the populations lose the security they need to produce goods, supply routes become too dangerous, fields lie derelict and produce only weeds, taxation is not collected, and those loyal to us lose their towns and their lives to bandits whose only interest is immediate profit and whose only kindness is slaughter. Above all, he ignores the fact that there are men of great power who wish to manipulate this nightmare, this chaos, to their own ends. Monsters at our borders and nightmares at our gates work well for them. Do you begin, now, to understand why I had to leave?'

She looked at me with a desperate plea for understanding in her eyes. Again I had the sensation of vertigo, of finding myself on the precipice of a terrible abyss, and no bridge but words to cross it.

'This is the talk of the city,' I said. 'I have heard it whispered wherever I have gone. But it has not entirely come to pass yet.'

'No, not yet. And
that
is the story we must enact. Everything is at stake. Not just my life, or the lives of my daughters and the continuance of our family, or of you and your own children. Not just the fate of this city, and its Great Truth. But the future of the Two Lands. Everything that Time has created out of nothing, all this gold and green glory, will be lost to chaos and su
ffering, returned to the wilder
ness of the Red Land, if someone does not stop it now.'

I built the only bridge I could to her. 'I will do anything you ask of me. Not only for these reasons, but also because I want my old life back. My home and my family. I cannot return to them unless I go forward.'

She touched my hand gently. 'You are living in great fear for their well-being. I am sorry to have brought you to this. But perhaps now you understand why.'

We sat there, quietly, as the light evolved through deepest indigo into long, low streaks of red and then to a pale gold that brightened the room, the signs and symbols in the stones, and her face, the new day like a scarab of power and promise.

'There are many forces working against me,' she said eventually. 'Too many threats. Some within the family, some in the Medjay, some in the military, and of course the Priesthood, who would overthrow the new god and return the Two Lands immediately to the old and more profitable ways. Many of the new men in power would have opposed me without a second thought, for their lives and fortunes are dedicated to the new regime. Do you know what it is like to trust no-one, not even your own children? That is why I had to choose flight over fight. Why I had to leave behind my life and myself, why I had to cover my tracks and find a way to save us all. And I could not bear to be seen to condone the Great Changes now, by appearing beside my husband at the Festival.'

'And the girl? Seshat?'

'I heard the news.'

'Her face was beaten off.'

She turned away in a gesture of sorrow. 'I know.' I stared at her. When she looked back at me her eyes were lit with pain and anger.

'You think I ordered her death to cover my disappearance?' 'The thought had occurred to me.'

'You think I would kill an innocent girl? To save myself?'

She walked away, the anger suddenly seething inside her. I had to admit that the possibility of such guilt no longer fitted the woman I had found. I almost wished I had not spoken. I had hurt her. Still, I could not help but add, 'And you know about the deaths also of the young Medjay officer Tjenry, and of Meryra the High Priest?'

She nodded, returned to the couch and sat down, shaking her head. Neither of us spoke, but I could see she was thinking, like me: who could have committed such brutal atrocities, and why?

'Why me?' I said, suddenly.

'What do you mean?'

'I mean, of all the people you could have called upon, why me?'

She shook her head, smiled sadly, then looked me straight in the eye. 'I had heard a lot about you. You are a rather well-known young man. I read the classified papers on your accomplishments. I was intrigued by your new methods, which seemed clever and, in some strange way, beautiful. I knew there were men of the old order within the Medjay who did not like you. And as I read more, I felt that you would not care. That you might be afraid but you would not act out of fear. There was something in all this that I trusted. Why do we trust anyone?'

The question hovered between us, unanswerable. But I had some-thing else I needed to say now.

'Sometimes telling people that we trust them confers on them the responsibility to live up to that expectation.'

Her expression of amusement acknowledged the burden she was placing on me.

Yes. Of course. And will you?'

'What choice do I have?'

She looked disappointed by my answer; her face suddenly lost its animation and its curiosity. It was as if I had dropped a level of play in a complex game of
senet.

'You always have a choice,' she countered. 'But that is not what I am asking. You know that.'

Now it was my turn to tell a little story. I set everything out so that there could be no misunderstanding.

'Akhenaten has threatened to execute my family, including my three girls, if I do not find you in time for the Festival. There have already been several attempts on my life. Mahu, the head of the Medjay, has told me he will have me tortured and garrotted, after he personally destroys my family, if I trouble him or this delightful and disastrous city of yours. I have been made to stand in the sun in the middle of the day. I have been led by a black cat through a crazy tunnel, and made to believe I had scared myself to death in order to test my loyalty to a woman whose disappearance has brought all this about. Is it surprising that the thought of catching the next boat up the river and going home is perhaps a little appealing? It has been a busy five days, and I have to say, my Lady, I still think there is something you're not telling me.'

For a moment she looked amazed to be addressed in this way. And then she laughed, deeply and happily, and as she did so her face seemed to release itself from its tensions. I must admit, I had to work hard to keep the smile from my own face. Gradually her amusement subsided.

'I have waited a long time for someone to talk to me like that,' she said. 'Now I know you are the man I believe you to be.'

I sensed now a welcome sparkle of candour between us.

'Perhaps there are a few things I have not told you,' she continued. 'I will tell you everything I can.' Her face hardened. Suddenly she was made of stone. 'I have a plan. It requires your assistance. I can promise you only that I will return in time to save your family from the sentence of death.'

'When?' I asked.

'By the time of the Festival.'

I nodded. Suddenly we were agreeing a deal. The politician in her was now paramount.

'I need to know now whether you will accept. If not, of course, you are free to do as you wish - to go home to your family. But I will say this: if you do, the future will turn out only one way, and I promise you it will be a time of darkness. If you decide to stay, you can help me save us all, and take part in a great story. You will have something exceptional and true to write in that little journal of yours. What is your choice?'

I was taken aback by her sudden coldness. I tried to calculate the options in my head. I still had the best part of a week's grace before Akhenaten's sentence of death on my family could be confirmed, but Mahu could still move against me while I was missing. Perhaps I could get a message home to warn Tanefert; perhaps he would not make so open a move before he had proof of my failure. And what of Ay, whose name I had invoked so recklessly? It seemed clear to me that the only way truly to protect the lives of my family would be to see this through to the end. Otherwise we would always be walking in fear, every shadow seeming dangerous.

'What do you want me to do?' I asked.

She looked truly relieved, as if I could have answered differently. 'I need you to protect me when I return,' she said. 'In order to do that I need you to find out who is plotting against my life.' 'Can I ask you some questions?' She sighed. 'Always questions.' 'Let's start with Mahu.'

'I do not think it wise to prejudice you with my own opinions about individuals.'

'Tell me anyway.'

'He is as loyal as his dog. He has served us well. I would trust him with my life.'

I couldn't believe my ears. Surely she was wrong.

'He tried to kill me. He loathes me. He wants me dead.'

'That is because his pride, which is great, has been insulted by your presence. But that does not mean he does not want me found for the right reasons.'

'I don't trust him.'

She said nothing.

'Who else?' I asked. 'Ramose? Parennefer?'

'These are key players. They all have their motivations. Ramose is a wise counsellor. I have never seen him act out of meanness, revenge or personal ambition. This is rare. He seems like a castle - strong, harsh, defended. But he loves beauty and appearance. You have noticed how well he dresses? He was once Master of the Wardrobe.' She smiled at my look of surprise.

'And Parennefer?'

'Parennefer likes order. He has a horror of messiness. His desire for precision goes very deep in his personality, and is very powerful.' I tried my trump card. 'And Ay?'

She could not dissimulate the fear that flitted across her face like a hunted animal. What had I touched upon? A name to conjure with. The name I had used against Mahu.

'Can you tell me about him?'

'He is the uncle of my husband.'

'And?'

'He will attend the Festival.' She looked cornered. 'Are you afraid of him?'

'Your simple questions, again.' She shook her head anxiously, then continued. 'He will be arriving in the city shortly. Along with all the players in this drama, and with the heads of the army; and with them all the tribal chiefs from north and south, all the city dignitaries from across the lands, all those who pay tribute, whose children are retained in the royal nurseries, whose daughters are married into the Harem. In short, every man and woman of power and family will arrive in the city in the next few days. I have to act decisively against my enemies, and with my friends, in the certain knowledge of who they are, and what they plan against and for me.'