Neophyte / Adept (25 page)

The problem with being a potential was
and had always been
what happened to the ones who had it, but then
it went away? It was like, how could we ever go on? I had come so close to my
dream and now it felt like I didn’t deserve to be here.

“The Sons and Daughters of Romulus next,” said Veruschka
Ravenseal.

* * *

We were given a break. It was weird to think that we were
losing each other. Strange though it may sound, I was used to us being
thirteen. Now Gemma Moonflower and the other three members of their respective
new Houses were off––being Indoctrinated... Truly––and
miraculously––and completely...

They were
wanted
.

It felt enviable. Who didn’t want to fit in, or feel like
they belonged? I had been a Wiccan now forever and ever––even in
the lean years when I didn’t have a Mark and couldn’t craft accidentally
or
on purpose––and I never
felt that way, like I belonged.

I was always an outsider––even when I was in I
was out. And especially at the Gathering. The Wiccans had a claim to
her––whoever she might be––this One––and
the werewolves and vampires. And that stake in something––in me, if
I was to be Her––felt good. It felt like I was wanted. That I had
not been abandoned. Or dumped in some hole somewhere. Some rota. That I had
some value. Now I didn’t know. And it sucked.

It sucked worse than Pendderwenn, who couldn’t stop
violating me with his I-want-you stare.

Or was I being double negative or impossible? Two-faced or
whatnot?

Lia took my hand and whispered to me: “I really hope it’s
you. I mean, I think you really deserve it, whatever it is.
I’m––sure I’m not the One,” she said.

“What?” I said.

“I’m too old, for one thing. Twenty-four. You heard them.
It’s like I’m practically a dinosaur. And my birthday’s coming up.”

“And you think
that’s
why you haven’t been selected?” I said. “Lia, you don’t really see yourself the
way you are.”

“I don’t?” she said in a minute voice.

“Not at all,” I said.

Gaven called us over. We were standing in one of the many
tunnels which went off in odd directions all over the secret underground
Gatheringplace.

“I just wanted to see how you were doing–– Hi
Halsey,” he said to me. Gaven took Lia’s hand. I let her go to him.

“I think I’ll just go elsewhere,” I said to them, but they
didn’t hear me.

Lia was saying something like: “You shouldn’t be
fraternizing with me. You have selecting to do.” He responded with something
gruff. “I don’t care,” he said. Or whatever he said.

I was looking at some of the plants which were holdovers
from the night of the Ball. Some other people were milling around. We had about
an hour, Veruschka had said. The selection process would take the remainder of
today and probably even tomorrow. I didn’t see what the big deal was? I put my
hood up. There were just thirteen of us. Despite what they said, we had no more
potential than anybody else. Besides, I rambled to myself, since when did
somebody else care about someone’s
potential
––it
was only what you could do, that mattered, and what could I do?

I was entering hard times. I could feel it. Where I wasn’t a
kid anymore, but I wasn’t really an adult, either. I was stuck somewhere
in-between.

I wandered down the passageway and bent to sniff at the
nasturtiums, my head, and my hair, which was growing overlong, doing their best
to hide my face. The chatter seemed to die down as I walked and contemplated...
When, suddenly, I heard voices––
two
of them. Except this time they weren’t coming from far, far away. They were
here with me now at the Gathering, and I was no more in some magic trance than
the flowers I had been sniffing.
“If an
Initiate rejects a House, that marker is wasted––it’s tantamount to
a crime. They don’t want somebody who makes their House look
stupid––or worse, can’t be controlled...”

“Or is too
powerful––Is that what you think, my dear––”

I heard something behind me and turned from the hissing
voices.

Selwyn was standing there. The cold mind. It made my heart
leap. His hair was disheveled. He held a finger to his lips, bidding me be
quiet. I couldn’t explain it––there was
something
in his eyes; eyes so astonishingly blue I had only ever
seen their like in my dreams before. I opened my mouth––to scream,
yell, run, I didn’t know. Seeing him there had really shocked me. It was a
moment before I realized I wasn’t supposed to like him very much.

Finally, my heart rate settled down. He continued to hold
his finger up to his lips. I think he knew better than to grab my hand, because
I would have screamed, but he beckoned me away from there, where the voices
were talking––to someplace more light-filled; I did as he
requested, though I didn’t know why. “You’re very mysterious,” I said. “I want
to know why.”

He stopped when we were free of some of the darker tunnels;
for no other reason than just to see, I looked into his eyes once more, but he
kicked me out of his mind.

“You have aether––it’s dark,” I said.

His eyebrows went up.

“Where have you been?” I asked. “Why are you so disheveled?
You look like you’ve just crawled out of something.”

It was true. Selwyn looked almost filthy. “Are those the same
clothes you were wearing the night of the Ball?” I asked.

“Stop talking and listen to me,” he said. His voice was in a
hurry.

Somebody walked by and Selwyn jumped at the noise, looking
around to see who had made it; he put his hand out, as if trying to protect me.
“I tried to get a message to you,” he said to me, “at the Wiccaning.” It was a
moment before my mind caught up with what he was saying. His voice was
gravelly, as though he had barely used it. He ran a hand through his hair and
then put the full magnificence of his eyes upon me again; but not to look into
my mind. “I just want to talk,” he said.

“You mean you jumped into my head at the Wiccaning,” I said,
somewhat indignantly, “to see if you wanted to jump into my head?”

I listened for what his response would be.

“It was a wiccaning. Besides, I had to see what you knew, or
didn’t know,” said Selwyn, and smoldered at me. As he spoke he kept an eye out.
Not literally. He was just very attentive.

I only had an hour. I had to go.

“Wait,” he said, “this is important. Your mother and
father.”

“What
of my mother
and father?”

“I don’t think you know what’s going on,” he said. I was so
tired of hearing that. “But you will. And soon,” he said. He brushed himself
off, and threw his head back, listening. He needed a haircut and a shave. I was
not the only one hiding behind long black bangs tonight.

“Is that a threat?” I said. Despite my predicament of being
totally alone with him, Asher’s words came back to me. Selwyn wouldn’t try
anything––with everyone else here.

“A warning. Things are not safe, Halsey, especially for
you,” he said.

“What do you mean? Explain yourself. And why are you acting
like you know me?”

Somewhere I realized he had called me Halsey instead of
Halsey Rookmaaker.

But he shook his head.

“You’ll find out soon enough,” he said. “A piece of advice
until then. Watch your step.”

I folded my arms, much like Vittoria, and said, “Are you
trying to be spooky, or is it just a gift, because if you think you can
intimidate me, Selwyn...”

He blew a strand of hair out of his face, grinning broadly.
“You have their spirit,” said Selwyn. “Not everyone has made themselves known
yet––Pendderwenn, the Lenoir, the twins... They are only a few of
the strange beings located here.”

“And what about you?” I said. “Who are you, anyway?”

But he was shaking his head. “You need to get back,” he
said. “If you follow this path, and head toward the light––that’s
very important––it will lead you.”

“Not until you tell me what you’re doing here,” I said.

Selwyn looked around. “I’m here for the same reason as you
are, and the same reason as everyone else. Something happened a long time ago,
and I think I may finally know what it
was
.”

He left me standing there, and disappeared back the way he’d
come, but I was out of time. I couldn’t follow Selwyn. He gave me the heebers,
to quote a Marek line, that was not unlike the way I felt about magic
itself––tingly and whatnot. I followed the passageway back to the
Gathering, to the Star Room.

* * *

It was only as I felt the sand beneath my feet that I
remembered whose turn it was. The Trasteverean Werewolves would be making their
selection at any second. Lia didn’t mean––she hadn’t
meant––she wanted
me
to
be selected by them, did she?
Did
I
want to be a werewolf?

If I was being honest with myself, the answer was both yes
and no. Yes, I wanted to be a member of their Pack, but no, I didn’t think it
would be good for me. Thinking about it made me feel weird. Ballard’s family
was, in a sense,
my
family. They were
as close to a family as I had ever known. Yet, if I was to do what I had to do,
I had to be free of them.
Solo.

It would be one way for the werewolves to consolidate their
power. In a sense, Lia would always be a werewolf. But me... It would be a
major coup if The Sons and Daughters of Romulus had
two
Wiccans.

I thought about how I would feel if they picked Vittoria.
Like they had done the right thing, probably. But whoever they picked, the
nearest Wiccan House was the Roman House of Pendderwenn. Something about it, of
the rundown nature of Pendderwenn, made me not want to go there. Then I
realized it was a satellite of Ravenseal and that settled it. I would not be
going to Pendderwenn.

Could an Initiate reject the House which chose them? Had it
ever even been done before? I didn’t know if there was a precedent for it or
not.

The rest of the Initiates and I stood in a row, waiting to
be selected.

“With the fifth pick,” said Veruschka Ravenseal, holding up
the marker so she could see it more clearly, “The Sons and Daughters of Romulus
pick their own Lia Rosen as their Initiate.”

Lia was fifth. She was chosen. She breathed a sigh of
relief, and went off with Gaven, leaving me standing there with not much
enthusiasm for the ordeal to come.

The fact was, were I to be chosen now, I would be going
somewhere I didn’t belong, and I
had
to go. I realized that now. Lux had been right. It would be like I was throwing
my future away, if I did not. But that would mean leaving Rome, unless
Pendderwenn took me––which I didn’t want––leaving my
friends, and Ballard...

A little voice––
leaving Lennox
as well... Rome was his home, after all.

I didn’t know what to do.

A few last-minute meetings and negotiations were going
on––markers being traded, people positioning themselves to get the
last of the leftovers. The Wiccan dregs.

Vittoria laughed. “If they call that reading people, they
must be illiterate. I’ve never been put through so many degradations in my
life. And for what?” She must’ve meant the Wiccaning. “At least the dog’s back
in her kennel,” she said, referring to Lia.

“There’s value to being underestimated,” I said.

“Speak for yourself,” said Vittoria.

The other V, Veruschka, was caught up in some last-second
wheeling and dealing. “If he’s not coming, he’s not coming,” she said. “May we
proceed?” She looked at the remaining delegates––all of whom
nodded. Gaven must’ve been off indoctrinating Lia. Whatever that meant.

I was suddenly very, very,
very
happy for them. Gaven could relax now, and Lia could do
whatever she pleased. She was with The Sons and Daughters of Romulus. She was
free.

Veruschka smiled. “I am happy to say that with my own pick,
House Ravenseal selects Halsey Rookmaaker.”

There was anarchy.

Veruschka motioned to me; Pendderwenn looked outraged. The
two twins, I noticed, were clapping along with the rest.

I had never satisfactorily seen them before. For some
reason, my eyes avoided the twins. They looked like they had no souls. No one
spoke to them. Everyone avoided them. But they were allotted
space––
always
. The twins
had overseen everything since the Wiccaning. Why? Their eyes stared at me as
they clapped their hands.

I caught Veruschka’s eyes again, who was beckoning me
forward. At the sound of my name being called, time had seemed to stand still.
Vittoria stopped me before I could go.

“Were you in on this?” she said.

“In on what?” I said. I was somewhat dazed.

“Never mind. Go. I wouldn’t trade places with you if I
could,” she said.

She must’ve still been upset at being passed over.

“I didn’t know they were going to pick me,” I said, but she
didn’t care. I wouldn’t let Vittoria walk away, however, thinking she could
hold a grudge over me, because that’s exactly what she was trying to do. One
second, I was being beckoned by Veruschka, my new mistress; the next, there was
a gasp.

Vittoria was backing up––she was pantomiming
wiping her hands of the whole affair. She raised them up and brushed them off
and continued to walk backwards so everyone could see her.

“Vittoria, what do you think you’re doing?” said Veruschka
Ravenseal. The twitterers twittered. The remaining Initiates stared at
Vittoria.

Vittoria said, loud enough so that everyone could hear, “I’m
done with this place. I
have
a last
name. Goodbye.”

Lux stood up. “Vittoria...” he said.

“Don’t even waste your breath, Professor. I know where I’m
not wanted,” she said. She looked at me––and then she whipped her
head around and left the sandpit.