Nepenthe (Bracing for Love #2) (25 page)

“Olivia told me.”

He stops and stands upright, so I follow his lead. “It's around that time, I thought she might. Ben told me she stayed with you all last week.”

I nod. “She did. She was having nightmares.”

His shoulders slump as if he was hoping I wouldn't tell him that. “How was she? Doing better now? That's one thing she refuses to talk about anymore, but the nightmares weren't that bad last year, if I remember correctly.”

Clearing my throat, I say, “Might be because I was in them too. She's fine now, though. I have my issues, but I just wanted to say that she won't get hurt like that from me.”

He eyes me for a moment before nodding his head. “Let's get back to work.”

I let myself get lost in the sounds of power tools, boots walking back and forth on the wood floor, and the small talk. It's one of the best work days ever. I wish my dad could see me now. It's all I can think about as I walk into Dr. Stewart's office. Shaking my head, I throw those thoughts away. There's no need for them.

“How's it going, Corey?” he asks as I sit down.

“Better. Work's good, Olivia's good, I'm good.”

He laughs. “Sounds like everything is all figured out and going as planned, then. Any trouble sleeping?” I shake my head. “Any more-than-normal irritability?”

This time, I laugh. “Nope.” I must be having a really good day if he can make me laugh.

He smiles. “You're feeling good with the meds too? No side effects we should be concerned about? Are they working well enough?”

“No problems so far. Um,” I stop myself from asking a question that was on the tip of my tongue. “Never mind.”

“What is it?”

I run my clammy hands over my thighs. “Nothing.” He stares at me until I huff. “Fine. The irritability, is that all due to the, uh, depression? Or only made worse by it?”

“It depends. Are you as quick-tempered as before?”

“Sometimes.”

He seems to think about something before saying, “Here's what we're going to do. You haven't been on this medication long enough for me to be comfortable making any adjustments yet. Instead, I want you to actively work on not letting things get to you and keeping your temper in check. Talk to Ms. Cynthia about it, she can help too. If that doesn't help, then we'll talk adjustments. See what you can do first, though.”

When I get to Ms. Cynthia's office, I have to wait because her prior appointment is running late, so I text Olivia.

Me: Dr. Stewart may not be too bad after all.

Olivia: Good appt then?

Me: Yeah, waiting on Ms. Cynthia now. Hate waiting.

Olivia: But you get to talk to me! :)

Me: That makes it worth it. Gtg, have fun tutoring!

I slide my phone into my back pocket as I walk over to where Ms. Cynthia is waiting. She leads me into the back where her office is.

“You look like you've been sleeping better. Are Olivia's nightmares gone?” she jumps right in.

“For now, yeah.” I go ahead and explain everything that happened.

“And what do you think about all of it?”

“I don't know. I mean, I wish she hadn't gone through it, but all I want is to make her happy now. She's done so much for me and that's the least I can do in return.” That's not the only reason why I want to make her happy. I'm not getting into that with Ms. Cynthia, though. “We're going to see my siblings this week,” I add, ready to change the subject. “Should be fun.”

“This might be a good time to tell them what's going on with you. You're doing better, you're at a good place right now, and Olivia will be with you. We've already decided that she's good for you. If you're going to tell them, I have a feeling you need her there with you.”

This weekend? As in less than a few days away? I would need way more time to prepare for something like that. “I don't know.”

“Why not? You manage to talk to me, Olivia, and Dr. Stewart. You can do the same with your siblings.”

“I'll think about it.” Probably not.

With the last few minutes of our session, she gives me some techniques on how to not let an annoyance turn into anger. When I get home, I wonder if I'll actually have the balls to tell my siblings the truth. I set my keys on the end table, pick up the football, and lie down on the couch. I begin tossing it up in the air.

On the one hand, I don't want to tell them. At least, not this weekend. Luce is still recovering from her surgery and she's about to leave for spring break. No need to drop a bomb on her like that until after she's back. Then again, is there ever really the right time to tell someone you're on pills and going to therapy for depression?

Plus, I'll be there for an entire weekend. There wouldn't be a way to escape, especially if Olivia is with me. She'll force me to face them and any questions they have. That would be a good thing. However, it doesn't mean I'll like or enjoy it. How would I even bring it up? Hey, Patrick, pass me the mashed potatoes and by the way, I'm depressed. But, no worries. I see a psychiatrist who gives me pills and a therapist, who is a hateful old woman that I kind of like. Oh, my girlfriend knows too and she helps me.

That sounds ridiculous! How the hell am I supposed to explain all of this to them in a way that makes sense? Sighing, I flick my wrist a little harder, the football going higher.

The football.

I'm tossing my football.

It's falling back into my hands as I realize this when Olivia says, “What are you doing with the football? I thought you two weren't acknowledging each other.”

Her voice startles me; I didn't hear her enter. The football slips through my fingers, hitting me in the face. “Damn it, Olivia.”

“Sorry. Didn't mean to make you lose your concentration.” She folds her arms over the back of the couch, peering down at me. I hand her the football. “Why are you giving it to me?”

“I didn't realize I was even doing that until just now.”

“So I ruined it?” Her pretty little mouth frowns.

“No, you didn't. Just get over here already.” She walks around, placing the ball back in its place, and lies on me, resting her head on my chest. “I used to do that when I needed to think. I guess since it was sitting there, I grabbed it out of habit.”

“What were you thinking about? Did it help?”

I glide my fingers up and down her spine. “Maybe. Ms. Cynthia suggested I tell my siblings this weekend. Let's talk about that later, okay? How was your day? I thought you would be gone longer for tutoring.”

“It didn't take as long as I thought it would. I had a good day. You?”

“No complaints. Yoga or dinner first? I thought we could go out to eat.”

“Yoga first then. What's the plan for tomorrow?” At this, she lifts her head to look at me.

“We'll pack tonight. After I get off work, I'm going to get my bags and you, then we'll be on our way.” I already booked a hotel since Grant lives with them now and Olivia is with me. We'd rather have a hotel room over the fold-out bed in the couch.

“Okay. Let me lose the hoodie for the hoodie-hater.” She smirks as she gives me a pointed look.

“I'm not a hoodie-hater. I'm a fan of being able to see what's underneath it.”

She rolls her eyes at me with a grin. We do yoga at her place, shower, and then I drive us to a nearby steakhouse. Olivia wears her hoodie, too. I'm ready for warmer weather, so I can see her without it. After we order, Olivia begins to tell me more about her day.

“I shouldn't have scheduled the tutoring session today, because I have to cram to study for my midterm tomorrow and so does the other student. I was stressed out because he knew it already! That's why we ended early. We did a mock test, he passed, and I sent him on his way. I've done good so far on mine, but tomorrow's is a big one.”

“You're too smart not to pass. I can quiz you after we pack if you want.”

Olivia smiles. “Thanks. What did you do at work?”

“Installed countertops, the sink, and started building the pantry.” I pause, wondering if I want to bring this up or not. “I don't think I'll go back to school in the fall. Or at least, not to continue with that degree. I talked to Hank some today and this is what I want to keep doing. Maybe I'll go somewhere for programs with other similar work and then I can be an all-around handyman.” My smile falters for a moment. I went from the track to being a professional athlete to a handyman. Shaking my head, I get rid of those thoughts. I love carpentry
more
than football, so it shouldn't be a bad thing that my path has taken a turn.

“That's great, Corey.” Olivia's words and smile makes me shove any negativity into a corner far away from us. Dinner is spent laughing, debating who we think will ultimately end up with who on
One Tree Hill
, and learning more about each other. Afterwards, we go our separate ways to pack before I help Olivia study for her midterm tomorrow.

These are the kind of nights I love.

“HEY, CAN WE meet up with my brother tomorrow?” Olivia asks, turning down the radio. We're en route to my siblings and Olivia has been singing at the top of her lungs for the past twenty minutes. She's not bad, but she's not good either. All I can do is chuckle, smile, and try to ignore her when she reaches across to slide the back of her fingers along my cheek as she sings to me. “I'll see him over spring break, but you could meet him this way.”

“Yeah, sure.”

She turns the knob on the radio, the music growing louder. She bobs her head and starts singing as dramatic as she was moments ago. I've never seen this side of her, but we've never been on a “road trip” either.

“Corey,” she begins, the volume lowering again.

“Yeah?” I flick my eyes her way before focusing on the road again.

“You're boring. I'm singing and you're not. You should sing with me.”

I bark out a laugh. “No. I can't sing.”

“Neither can I, but that's not stopping me. C'mon. I'm the only other person in the car, so it's not like you'll embarrass yourself in front of a group of people.” She starts searching the stations and squeals when she hears a song. I've heard it before. Something about girls wanting to have fun. “This is the perfect song, Corey! Sing!” The chorus starts and she dances in her seat, which is really her wiggling.

My laughter can't be contained as I switch my attention back and forth between her and the road. She pokes my arm, still wanting me to sing. She's crazy. Maybe I am too because in a low voice, I sing the chorus. She better be glad I like her enough to do that, because it's a one-time thing for her only. Her eyes widen and she starts giggling between words. I shake my head at her, a smile playing on my lips.

We check in to the hotel around 8:30 p.m. since we left a little late and stopped to eat on the way here. After dropping our bags in the room, we make it to the house around nine. Cars are parked up and down the street and I wonder which house on this road is throwing a party.

All the lights are shining through the window as I hold Olivia's hand and walk up the steps. When I open the door, Lucy is standing there with a big smile on her face as all my former teammates who haven't graduated yet stand behind her, including Jamal.

“Surprise!”

My lungs stop working while my heart pumps as fast as it can, rushing the blood to my head. I start to feel dizzy. My chest tightens and my hands start to sweat. Right there in front of me is everything I lost. Friends, teammates, and the game.

“These guys still ask about you, so I thought it would be fun to get everyone together again,” Lucy continues as if I'm not about to have a full-blown panic attack in front of everyone.

I try to scan the faces, but they start to blur together. “Fuck it all to hell,” I mutter. Olivia squeezes my hand, momentarily snapping me out of it. “Thanks, Luce. Hey, guys.” Swallowing hard, I barely lift my chin in greeting.

“Corey.” I glance down at the sound of Olivia's voice. “Show me where the restroom is before everyone starts talking to you.”

Lucy starts to offer to do it for me, I assume, but I quickly begin to drag Olivia through the people and down the hallway. Just outside of the bathroom, I stop, position Olivia against the wall, and rest my forehead against hers for a moment of relief.

But only a moment's worth.

“What the fuck was she thinking? Inviting all my old teammates?” My voice is low, but the panic is clearly heard. “I can't do this. We need to leave. We can sneak out the back or something, but we can't stay here. I can't do it.”

“Corey,” Olivia lifts her hands to frame my face, “breathe. She didn't know she shouldn't do this because you haven't told them. We're not leaving. You
can
do this. Those are not your teammates. Those guys are your
friends
. That's how you need to look at it. They are your friends who want to catch up with the guy who abandoned them the moment he wasn't their teammate. You didn't have to lose them, so don't make the same mistake twice. Now, go back out there with a smile on your face and talk to them.”

With a deep breath, I nod. She lowers her hands, so I take one, intending to take her with me, but she stops me.

“I'll find you. My excuse was valid.” She points back to the bathroom.

Shit. Olivia gives me a reassuring smile before giving me a gentle push away from her and into my worst nightmare. I'm surrounded when I return with lots of hey's and hard slaps on the shoulder.

“I still can't believe you transferred to the dark side,” Jamal says with a shake of his head, talking about our rivals.

“Yeah, they're a bunch of arrogant bastards,” Dean, another teammate, adds.

“From what I hear, they have every right to be since they whooped your asses this season,” I find myself telling them. Football isn't what I want to talk about, yet here I am.

Jamal laughs. “Well, are ya doing good over there? How's their school?”

“We know they have hot chicks,” Dean mumbles under his breath, eyes on someone behind me.

I look over my shoulder to see Olivia talking to Lucy. My gaze hardens when I face Dean again. He's a dog that wants to fuck every “hot chick” he lays his eyes on, regardless of any relationship she might be in. There's no telling how many relationships he's helped break up.