Nerd Girl (30 page)

“Okay,” I said and gave him with an encouraging nod. This was what he wanted to tell me last night. I remained in the crook of his arm while he stroked mine lightly with his fingers.

“When we started seeing each other, I inadvertently turned the other cheek. I didn’t want to think about what I was doing. I think it was easier to do this because Catherine was
… away.” He sounded remorseful and paused, carefully choosing his next words. “After being with someone for so long, sometimes it’s hard to figure out if you’re with them because you truly love them or if it’s just comfortable. When I started getting involved with you, I wasn’t sure if I was experiencing cold feet and wanting to just have a fling …”

I cringed at the casualness of his words, but let him continue.

“Or …” he trailed off, “or if there was some deeper reason why I couldn’t seem to stay away from you. It was really confusing for me. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but if I told you about Catherine and me, I was afraid you would run. I remember everything you said about how you feel about people that cheat.”

He shifted our bodies so that we were leaning on our sides facing one another. His eyes were cast downward in regret. When he looked back at me, his face was pained. “I’m not proud of what I did. It was very unlike me to do something like that. I’ve never cheated on anyone I’ve ever been with. I need you to believe that. I don’t know what I was thinking up to that point really. I was in total denial of the consequences. But when I saw you last Sunday, reality slapped me in the face
… literally.” He gave me a small grin and I remembered my act of violence out on the street.

I shuddered at the awful memory of that morning.

“Not that I didn’t deserve it,” he protested, “but when you walked away from me and looked at me with such
… disgust
… it destroyed me. It physically hurt inside my chest. I haven’t felt that bad since
… well, since my dad died.”

I sucked in my breath. I wasn’t expecting to hear that. His voice cracked and I could see his pain. “It hurt to lose him.” He then met my sympathetic eyes, but didn’t elaborate further on the story. “I knew at that moment, when you walked away from me, that I didn’t have cold feet and it wasn’t a fling. I knew that I was falling in love with you, because the idea of losing you hurt just as bad.”

My heart contracted at his words. He said he was falling in love with me. I was blown away by the raw honesty of his words.

Unaware of how his words had just impacted me, he continued to tell his story. “Catherine and I had a long talk that day that we saw you. She was obviously very upset and hurt, but she was surprisingly calm about it. I told her I couldn’t marry her; she asked me to think about it before I made any final decisions. She wanted me to make sure that this was what I really wanted.
I waited the week before contacting you because I needed to make sure that I was doing the right thing. I didn’t think I was going to change my mind, but I owed it to her to understand my own reasons for what I had done, and to think about what I was giving up to be with you.

“The thing is, what became clear to me was that I wasn’t giving her up for
you
. I broke up with her because I didn’t love her in the right way she should be loved. Regardless of whether or not you had come into my life, Catherine and I shouldn’t be getting married. She just deserves better, more.” It was obvious that he cared deeply for Catherine and that he had done a lot of thinking about the true reasons behind his actions. I appreciated his thoughtful explanation.

“I needed to separate what was happening between Catherine and me from how I felt about you. I knew that if you didn’t want me back, which was entirely possible, given the way I behaved, it was still the right thing for Catherine and me to break up.”

He caressed my face with his hands, looking at me with almost blinding intensity, so strong that I felt like I was looking at the sun. “What I do know for sure is that I
want
to be with
you
. It hurt so badly not to be with you. I knew that if you were ever going to consider forgiving me, then I needed to be completely available to you and completely confident that my history with Catherine wouldn’t be an issue for us.”

I was both breathless and speechless by his honest confession, moved by the conviction and sincerity in his voice. I kissed him softly, tenderly. “Thank you for telling me all of that. I took your silence this week as your decision that you had gone back to her.” I remembered the pain I had felt at the thought of having lost him. “It tore me apart,” I whispered sadly.

“I was afraid of that. I’m sorry I went dark this week. I’m so sorry, Julia, for having been dishonest with you. I just needed the time to figure all of it out. As a courtesy to Catherine, I took a few days to think about it. But it was a no brainer, Julia. I’ve completely fallen for you. I have never felt for anyone what I feel for you. You’re it for me, Julia. I know it as sure as I know the sun will come up every morning and set at the end of each day.”

I climbed on top of him and kissed him passionately. “For the record, I love you, too,” I whispered.

We made love again; this time we explored each other slowly and gently, taking our time, reveling in the security and warmth of our heartfelt admissions.

“Three times in seven hours. Not bad for an older man,” I teased him.

“I’m a little surprised myself,” he said with a self-deprecating grin. “I can’t help it. You’re just so damn sexy. Not to mention insatiable,” he mumbled as he nibbled on my hip.

I looked over at the clock and it read 9:30. I was supposed to be at my parent’s house by eleven for brunch. “So, what’s your plan for today?” I asked a little breathily, squirming under his wriggling tongue, which was now moving down my calf and towards my toes. I giggled as he started nipping at my toes with his teeth.

He paused momentarily with the toe kissing to murmur, “Need to get my boat prepped.” He suddenly looked up in surprise. “Do you have any plans for next weekend?”

“Um
… no, not yet,” I said shyly. “What do you have in mind? Something with a boat?”

“I have a meeting with a real estate agent up at the San Juan Islands on Friday. I was planning on going up on Thursday and staying over the weekend. Would you like to come with me?” he asked, his eyes hopeful.

I smiled at the thought of a long weekend getaway with Ryan and nodded enthusiastically. “Okay.”

“Good.” He nodded simply, looking pleased with himself. He scooted himself back up so he was now facing me with half his body over me. “So, what’s your plan for today?”

“My parents are hosting a post-wedding brunch at their house,” I said. “Anna and Ethan will be opening their wedding gifts. I’d ask you to come, but I think it might be a little boring for you. You’ve probably had enough of my family for a while.” I gave him a wry grin.

“Nothing with you would be boring. But like I said, I’ve got some maintenance to do on the boat before our trip; I have a mechanic coming to look at it. What are you doing tonight?” he asked expectantly.

“Spending it with you,” I said with a smile, then immediately regretted my response, thinking it may have been too presumptuous.

Ryan didn’t seem fazed. “I’ll cook you dinner at my place, if that works with you?”

“And he cooks too …”

I arrived at Ryan’s house a little after six o’clock. I was still with my family when he texted me his address. Anna, aka The Nosiest Person on Earth, made me do a search on Zillow to see what his house was worth. The estimate was $1.6 million. Well, I guess that’s what executive salaries will get you these days. It didn’t appear to be huge, but I bet it had a knockout view. Surprisingly, he lived right underneath the overpass I usually ran over during my workouts. Who knew that the possible love of my life was only forty feet away?

Ryan had a contemporary home on a corner lot with almost no yard. The multi-storied triangular home was built on a hill into a block of concrete. It had a flat roof, the kind that you would see in
Dwell
magazine, and the roof of the garage doubled as a balcony. The most impressive feature of Ryan’s home was not the house itself, but the view. The house was facing west and had a 180 degree unhindered view of Elliott Bay, the Magnolia marina, and the Olympic Mountains in the distance.

I had always admired the homes along this stretch because they sat on one of those old, traditional streets, bordered by hundred-year-old trees with cobblestones peeking through the cracks in the pavement and the streetlights illuminated like old lanterns. I loved these old Seattle neighborhoods because they always had so much more character than the newer ones on the east side, near MS.

Ryan earned extra points for living on the west side. It’s not like he couldn’t afford to live in any of those new, wealthy neighborhoods across the lake, but he obviously
opted
to buy a home here. I chose to live on this side of the water because I didn’t want to be a slave to the corporate machine. Part of me felt like if I moved to the east side to be closer to work, I was somehow selling out and giving into the idea of work controlling my life. Even though my career was important to me, living in Seattle made me feel like I wasn’t letting work define all of me and I could live surrounded by more soul and character. Some people called me a Seattle snob and that was fine with me.

When I rang the doorbell, Ryan greeted me with a hug and a gentle peck on the cheek. After being away from him for most of the day, there was a moment of awkwardness as we adjusted to our newfound intimacy and relationship. He ushered me in and offered me a glass of white wine.

I took the proffered glass and looked around. There was so much you could learn about someone just by how they decorated their home and the feelings you experienced when you walked into a room. Ryan’s living room, dining room, and kitchen were part of one large space, which was what made up the main floor. The west wall was floor to ceiling glass. The house was obviously designed specifically to take advantage of the amazing view. His furniture was contemporary and color-coordinated in oranges and grays. The hardwood floors were a beautiful, dark cherry, which complemented the ultra-modern kitchen made of white stone counters and dark wood cabinets. He must have had a designer help coordinate all of this, or maybe Catherine helped decorate.

I saw a copy of
Sports Illustrated
on the coffee table, along with
Forbes
and some PC industry magazine. Other than that, there was minimal clutter. There were few pictures up and I couldn’t help wondering if he had put some away. He and Catherine were together for seven years, after all. That was certainly plenty of time to produce memorable pictures and vacation photos. I tried to push the thought of Catherine out of my head. I knew that there would be many more times that I would be reminded of her presence in his past, but I didn’t want her invading my mind and our time together right now.

In an effort to distract myself, I stood in front of his window to take in the view. I had just sighed at the beauty of the sky, the water, and the mountains, when I felt him kiss my shoulder. His hand lightly caressed my opposite hip; the other took my glass of wine and set it aside. I shivered at his touch and felt his lips slowly make their way up my neck, giving me goosebumps.

“Mmm
… you smell really good,” Ryan breathed into my ear.

I didn’t usually wear perfume, but I was glad I remembered to tonight. I could feel the smile on his lips as he continued to kiss the nape of my neck. I looked down and noticed his feet were bare. How was it that even his toes looked sexy to me? As I turned around to face him, I slowly eyed my way up his body. He wore an old pair of jeans with a hole in one knee and a short sleeved, light blue, striped shirt, loosely tucked in. I took off my heels and wiggled my toes in relaxation.

I was wearing a green sleeveless cotton dress tonight because I wanted to show off my shoulders and neck, which I considered some of my better features. It seemed to be working.

“You have a beautiful home. The view is amazing.”

He handed me back my glass of wine and I took a sip. It was crisp and dry, with a hint of oak.