Never a Road Without a Turning (17 page)

He put the horse away quickly and went to find Mrs. Applethwaite, for once hoping that her husband was too ill to accomplish any tasks she might have in the rest of the house. The housekeeper was busy preparing their suppers and shooed him away when he asked. But when he peered through the door into the entry hall, he found Mr. Applethwaite lifting one of the scuttles Pip left by the front door.

“Oi, let me do that,” Pip said as he rushed to help the man.

Mr. Applethwaite frowned at him for only a second before he shrugged. “Suit yerself. ’e’s in the library.” He handed over the scuttle and hurried back to the kitchen, quick on his feet for a man with so many ailments.

Pip grabbed the scuttle and took a breath to steady himself before heading for the door. A quick glance in the looking glass showed that his hair was a windblown rat’s nest and his cheeks were still red with cold, but for once he didn’t care how he looked. He needed to know Ash was all right.

“Come,” Ash called in response to his knock.

When he saw Pip instead of Mr. Applethwaite, Ash’s jaw tightened and he turned his face away. Pip carried the scuttle to the hearth and stirred up the fire. Without turning around, he said, “Mr. Carey is me benefactor. That’s all. ’e’s a good man, who took me under ’is protection because a friend asked ’im to.”

He turned to look at the man then, and Ash was watching him with a slight smile on his face, his eyes no longer so anguished as they’d been in the stable. “I suppose it’s your turn to ask a question now, is it?”

Ash followed his every move as Pip went to close the door and then returned to kneel by his chair. “I only ’ave one question for ye right now. How can I make ye ’appy?”

Ash closed his eyes, took Pip’s head in his hands, and bent forward until his face was buried in Pip’s hair. “Don’t leave me.”

Pip wrapped his arms around Ash’s waist and they clung to one another. The warmth of the fire and the steady rhythm of Ash’s breathing wove a spell over him until Pip forgot the rest of the world existed. But all too soon, the chiming of the clock on the mantel forced him to remember.

“Mrs. Applethwaite’ll be bringing yer supper soon. I suppose it’d be bad if she found us like this.” Pip drew away, and Ash released him with obvious reluctance.

“I suppose you’re right.” Ash drew in a deep lungful of air and expelled it noisily. “I’m sorry, Phillip. I’m sorry I snapped at you in the barn. It was a bloody foolish idea in the first place. I simply didn’t want to admit it.”

Pip stood and put some distance between them, before he was tempted to fling himself at the man again. He wanted the two of them back in Ash’s bed. Ash was so much easier to talk to when he wasn’t wearing anything.

“It weren’t all that foolish, Ash. But maybe give me some time to work with the ’orse an’ think on ’ow best to do it.”

Ash shook his head. “Even if I can get on the bloody thing, there’s no way I could stay on him in a real ride. I could tolerate the pain, but I’d have no balance, no control.”

“You don’ know that,” Pip said with more conviction than he felt. Even if the thought of Ash on a horse made his stomach twist with worry, that didn’t mean he liked hearing the man sound so defeated. “I’ll build ye a proper mounting block, an’ then we’ll give it another go. Just in the yard so ye can get a feel for it. No one t’ see but me an’ the chickens.”

Ash’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it seemed genuine nonetheless. “You’re good for me, Phillip.”

“I’m better’n good, sir,” he replied with a wink, and Ash chuckled as Pip hoped he would. “I’d best go afore she boxes me ears for disturbin’ the master.”

Ash nodded. “All right. After dinner, then?”

“Aye.”

A
SH
RANG
for him early that night. Mrs. Applethwaite compressed her lips in disapproval, but she didn’t say anything when Pip leapt to his feet and hurried through the door. Ash was in his chair by the fire. He looked unhappy, and the whisky glass by his side was already almost empty. He nodded when Pip entered but made no move to rise, and Pip crossed the room and looked at him worriedly.

“I think it best if we stay here and read for a while tonight,” Ash said quietly.

Pip’s smile immediately fell away and he pouted. That was not at all what he’d been hoping for. What had changed in only a few hours?

Ash turned to face the fire and said, “Mrs. Applethwaite will become suspicious if we continually disappear upstairs when you’re supposed to be reading to me. My bedchamber may be the furthest room from the kitchen, but sound carries, Phillip. She’s bound to have heard us on the stairs, and she may decide to investigate eventually, if we aren’t more careful.”

Pip bit his lip and stared at Ash’s profile as he spoke. Ash wasn’t telling him everything. But Pip wouldn’t spoil their time together by arguing. He shrugged off his disappointment and bent to retrieve the book Ash had left on his chair.

“
The Life and Exploits of the Ingenious Gentleman Don Quixote de la Mancha
,” Pip read aloud. He knew the story, had read it more than once. He looked up at Ash and sighed. “Sure ye don’t want me to read somethin’ else?”

Ash glanced sideways at him and twisted his lip into what Pip assumed was supposed to be a smile. “I thought you enjoyed farce.”

Pip rolled his eyes heavenward in a plea for patience and decided to let the man have his way. If Ash wanted to brood and sulk into the coals while Pip read aloud the adventures of a daft bugger on a horse and his equally foolish but loyal servant, then Pip would oblige him. But Pip would get something for himself out of the bargain as well.

He filled Ash’s glass from the decanter on the sideboard before plopping himself down on the carpet at Ash’s feet. He took a healthy swallow from the glass, waiting for it to burn a path down his throat and into his belly before resting his head against Ash’s knee and beginning to read.

The muscle beneath Pip’s cheek tensed at first, and Pip smirked to himself as he continued to read. Eventually though, Ash’s body seemed to relax again, and not long after Pip felt fingers combing through his hair.

Despite his earlier disappointment, Pip rather enjoyed his evening in the library. He even wanted to object when Ash suddenly called a halt to his reading, until Ash fisted a hand in Pip’s shirt and dragged him up for a fierce kiss.

“I would say the housekeeper should probably be in bed by now. Wouldn’t you?” Ash panted against Pip’s now damp and swollen lips.

Pip could only nod in response. He climbed the rest of the way to his feet quickly and offered his hand to Ash. Ash’s chin jutted stubbornly for only a moment before he sighed and accepted Pip’s help. Pip drew Ash into his arms and kissed him some more as a reward—and because he’d become addicted to his lips.

Remembering Ash’s words of concern earlier, Pip took more care on the stairs. But knowing Ash was behind him and feeling the man’s hungry gaze on his body was distracting. All he could think of was the aching hardness between his legs and Ash’s naked body beneath him on Ash’s bed.

As before, Pip reached the bedchamber first and undressed before Ash could get there. Ash’s pale eyes painted fire across every inch of Pip’s skin they touched, and Pip was trembling with want by the time he stripped the man and tossed his false limb aside. They grappled on the bed, kissing and caressing every bit they could reach.

Ash hooked his leg over Pip’s hip. “I want you, Phillip.”

“You ’ave me, Ash,” Pip chuckled breathlessly.

When Pip would have lunged back in to taste more of Ash’s skin, Ash gripped Pip’s face in both hands to stop him. “I meant I want you inside me again.”

Pip’s stomach twisted and he drew in a shaky breath. He stared at Ash, unable to think of what he should say.

“Do you not want to? Did you not enjoy it, before?”

“No. I enjoyed it plenty.”

“Then why?”

If he told the truth, that he was afraid of hurting Ash, it would only make the man angry and defensive. But anything was better than the wounded look he was giving him now. “I don’t want to hurt ye.”

Predictably, Ash’s jaw tightened, and he drew away from Pip. “How many times must I tell you that you didn’t harm me? What must I say to convince you I’m not as weak as you seem to believe?”

Pip threw an arm over him to keep Ash from getting out of the bed. “I don’t think ye’r weak. I never said that. Ye’r already in so much pain, I just don’t want to give ye any more.”

The frown Ash gave him conveyed his disbelief and confusion more clearly than words. “You gave me pleasure, Phillip, not pain. I don’t understand why you can’t believe that.”

Now Pip pulled away. He couldn’t meet Ash’s eyes, so he stared at the foot of the bed as silence descended between them. Eventually, Ash sighed and pressed himself along Pip’s flank. He laid his forehead against Pip’s temple and cupped his other cheek. “I don’t know what happened to you that made you believe as you do. But I wish you would trust me when I tell you you’re wrong.” Ash pulled back, kissed Pip’s cheek and waited for Pip to turn to him before continuing. “Beautiful Phillip, you have done more for me than you know. I would show you the pleasure such coupling can bring the recipient if you would let me. But for now, you only have my word that the men I have taken in that way only ever enjoyed it, as I enjoyed you.”

“Ye promise I didn’t ’urt ye? Ye swear?”

Ash’s smile was pure sin. “I wouldn’t have asked for it again if you had.”

This time, Pip didn’t need the words. The smile was enough. He pulled Ash on top of him and kissed him until the fear was silenced by the pounding of his heart.

Pip ground his throbbing cock against Ash’s hip while he fumbled in the night table. His hands shook so much Ash had to unstopper the vial for him, but soon enough they were kissing again, breast to breast, while Pip struggled blindly to reach around to prepare Ash’s nether entrance. As soon as Pip breached his opening with oiled fingers, Ash stilled and groaned into his mouth. Pip’s cock throbbed painfully between them as Ash threw his head back, pushed himself up on his arms and ground his arse down onto Pip’s hand.

“There. God, right there,” Ash moaned.

While Pip watched in wonderment and need, Ash twisted his hips and rode the fingers penetrating him until Pip’s belly and cock were bathed in a steady drip of the man’s seed. Unable to take any more, Pip withdrew his fingers from that clinging heat and rolled Ash onto his back. He immediately wrapped his arms around Ash’s thighs and dragged that tempting arse into his lap.

“Yes,” Ash demanded.

Pip breached his opening slowly at first, but Ash was having none of it. He gripped Pip’s thighs hard, those elegant hands much stronger than they appeared, and lifted his good leg over Pip’s shoulder, forcing Pip all the way inside him in one quick thrust.

They both grunted at the impact, and then Pip moaned as pleasure flooded his body. Ash’s steely grip on his thighs eased and Pip wrapped an arm around the leg by his shoulder as he began rocking into Ash’s tight passage with increasing force. Soon after, Ash let go of Pip’s legs entirely and braced his arms against the bed frame while the sound of flesh slapping against flesh filled the air.

Still a little afraid of losing control again, Pip refused to close his eyes, and in the end, he was rewarded with the vision of Ash as the man surrendered to oblivion. Ash threw his head back and arched his spine as much as he could with Pip nearly folding him in half. The muscles in Ash’s arms and neck drew taut, trembling and straining as ropes of his spend painted his belly. The sight was too much for Pip, and he only managed a few more ragged thrusts before his own release seized him.

Afterward, Pip collapsed next to Ash’s heaving body and struggled to calm his breathing as a sweet euphoria stole over him. This was how he was meant to feel. Anything he’d ever done before was a pale shadow in comparison to what he felt now. He cuddled against Ash’s side, grinning like a fool as his eyes grew heavy. He could spend the rest of his life just like this.

Unfortunately, Ash didn’t seem to share that feeling. Pip’s joy was short-lived when Ash yawned, patted the arm Pip had thrown across him, and said, “You should go before you fall asleep.”

Pip lifted his head and stared at Ash while the bastard merely blinked calmly back him. The face that had been so stunning in the throes of passion only a few short moments before was now devoid of any warmth of feeling.

“I don’t ’ave to leave yet. It’ll be hours afore anyone comes to check on ye.”

“Nevertheless, I think it best not to chance it. Good night, Phillip.”

The change from lover back to master happened so suddenly, Pip had difficulty feeling anything but shock. He climbed out of the bed and gathered his clothes, and then quickly set himself to rights.

He paused in the doorway and turned back to Ash, hoping the man would say something, anything to ease Pip’s mind. But Ash had already turned away from him and drawn the blankets over his head. Pip clenched his jaw against the insults he wanted to hurl at him and hurried down the stairs. He went to the library and put out the lamps and banked the coals so he wouldn’t have to endure a lecture from Mrs. Applethwaite in the morning, heaping insult upon injury.

Before he left the room, Pip refilled Ash’s glass and downed some more of Ash’s fine whisky in a single gulp. His eyes watered from more than the fiery liquid, so Pip poured himself another, downing that as quickly as the first.

“He can bloody well bugger ’imself next time,” Pip said aloud before he took one last swig directly from the decanter and returned it to the sideboard.

He grabbed the candle he’d lit before dousing the lamps and set off for his room. The whisky settled warmly in his belly as he crawled beneath his blankets. One advantage of not being able to visit the village pub easily was that the drink went further when he did manage to sneak a bit. He settled beneath the blankets while the palliative worked its magic, and soon the sharper edges of his hurt were softened in a haze of inebriation. He fell asleep with only a vague sense of discontent.