Never: an erotic retelling of Peter Pan (29 page)

Josh held her hard, still slapping against her buttocks, prolonging the explosion until he too shuddered and lay still.

Then for a long time there was quiet. 

Softly, into that quiet, Josh said, "You love the boy."

Dee almost laughed.  "I don't know anything about love," she said, and some perversity of natured caused her to add glibly, "If I had, I wouldn't have ended up here."

Josh shook his head.  "Fate brought your generous heart to us," he contradicted.  "Fate, and Peter's discerning eye." 

Dee bit her lip, humbled by his compliment.  "I don't know that I've shown much generosity since I've been here.  The only - "

"You do not hoard your grace, but offer it freely to all.  What is that if not generosity?"

Nymphomania
?  Dee wished she could see him.  It was hard to imagine his words had been issued with a straight face, but by their tone she had to accept they had been spoken honestly.  "You're the generous one," she told him.  "I can't imagine anyone else seeing my actions as more than self-serving."

"Then perhaps that is why Fate brought you to us, and not to 'anyone else'." 

Dee smiled, liking his logic.  "Perhaps." 

"I still think you love Christophe," he persisted, "and perhaps Peter believes this also."

Dee forced herself to consider that.  "You think Peter took him away so everyone could have an equal turn?"

"For the good of the tribe."

It made sense.  She had become overly fond of Christophe - favouring him above the others.  Had they felt resentful?  What about the twins?  After one brief skirmish on her sleeping platform, she'd all but forgotten them.

And Mack.  Brutal though he was, he belonged to the tribe.  Perhaps she should have made an attempt to gentle his sexual behaviour.  Did he ever kiss?  She tried to imagine kissing him.  Soft kisses.  The thought made her lips quirk into a wry smile.  It might have been fun. 

But Christophe had captivated her completely, distracting her from her purpose, blinding her to her appointed 'duty' within the tribe. 

"Maybe Peter did the right thing," she admitted, much as she hated to.  She hadn't come to Never Land to find someone.  She'd come to forget, to lose herself in the many.

Besides, out of sight, and scent, Christophe was a faded shadow of himself, not a strong enough presence to feed the obsession she'd developed for him.  Especially not while she lay in the arms of another man. 

Yet there was more to Christophe than her body's reactions to him.  Even with the desire diminished, she felt... something.

Behind her, as though reading her thoughts, Josh said, "You've developed a bond with the boy."  

"I feel... emotions for him."  Lord, that had been hard to admit.  "Not love of course," she hurried to explain, "but..."

"Affection?" 

She nodded.  "Yes, he - "

"Arouses your maternal instincts."

She baulked at that.  "Just because I care about him - "

"You are confused in your feelings though, are you not?"  Josh demanded.

"Yes, but I don't think I'm mothering him."  She laughed, a little embarrassed.  "I'm mean, we've kissed.  I've..."  she broke off, annoyed to find herself blushing.

They lay together in silence and she listened to the sound of Josh's breathing, felt it on her back.  What was he thinking? 

Finally he spoke, but the words appeared to have no bearing on their earlier conversation. 

"Would you die for me, Wendee?" he asked.

"Die for you?"  Was this another test?  She felt her blood go cold.  "How?"

"I'm speaking theoretically," he explained.  "If you could save my life by dying, would you do it without thinking?  Instinctively?"

Perhaps this was a test of a different kind. 

She searched her feelings, and as she did, a primitive level of awareness within herself was wakened.  The tribe was based on more than mere food-sex-survival.  They weren't individuals looking out for themselves.  There was an inter-dependence between them that needed to be tested, to be known and relied upon. 

They'd need to know where she fitted in. 

For the first time Dee felt a real belonging within the tribe.  And that belonging required absolute honesty.

"No," she said, "I wouldn't do it instinctively.  I'd stop.  I'd think."

"Would you die to save Xavion?"

Dee couldn't imagine a scenario where she might need to protect Xavion - he who had declared himself her Champion.  But the answer was the same. 

"No."

"Mack?"

She shook her head.

"The twins?"

She paused, and he had to reminded her, "Instinctively."

"No, I wouldn't.  Not instinctively."

"Then consider that Christophe is being attacked and that you have a weapon.  He is injured, bleeding, and will die unless you help him."  The voice in her ear was devoid of emotion but Dee shivered with the horror of the scene his words painted.  "Instinctively remember.  Do you leap from the shadows and fight or stay hidden and live?"

Dee's stomach lurched and she closed her eyes.  "Fight," she admitted, the single word coming out on a hollow breath.

Behind her, Josh sighed.  "It is as I thought.  The mother-love.  The fearlessness of the lioness who protects her cub.  It is not the love of a mate."

Dee dragged her thoughts back.  "No, it's not love," she agreed, "But it's not..."  She grimaced in distaste at the thought.  "Mothers don't do... what I've done with Christophe."

"Some do," Josh contradicted.  "The cub grows, becomes a lion.  He mates.  Perhaps with the lioness who bore him.  It matters not.  Lions are not monogamous and neither are we."

"We're not animals."

"The difference," Josh said, his voice slow and clear, "is that the lioness forgets the cub and responds to the lion.  In her mind, he is no longer of her flesh.  Yet you, Wendee," he paused as though unsure how to express himself tactfully.  "You take flesh not of your own and make it cub instead of lion.  Child instead of mate.  Why?" 

She shook her head.  Confused.  She wanted to deny his accusation, but despite her turmoil she could sense truth in his words.  "But why would I - "

"Have you borne children?" he asked suddenly.

"I...  No."  For some reason tears pricked her eyes.  Josh was touching her inside, deep, where she had no protection.  "I could have once," she whispered, "but..."  Unexpectedly, she choked up.

"Wendee."  His cheek touched her back.  "I should not have asked.  The past is of no consequence here.  Forgive my intrusion."  His smooth, heavy muscled arms enveloped her, pulling her close to his chest to comfort her but her heart was heavy, soaked like a sponge with the tears of the past. 

Yet, perversely, it wasn't the child's death she was mourning.  It was...

She took a deep, shuddering breath.  "Can I tell you something," she whispered, knowing instinctively that she could share this burden with Josh.  That he'd understand.

"Of course."

"I think I know why I'm drawn to Christophe."  She spoke slowly through a tight throat.  "He reminds me of someone I knew.  Someone I was falling in love with.  But this person... left me and I was very angry with him.  I think that's why I want to hurt Christophe.  To get back at..." Dee found she couldn't even say the name, "the other." 

There was no face inside her mind to haunt her, she had erased that, but the pain of that loss was still a heavy ache in her chest.  She shivered and Josh held her closer.

"We have this in common then," Josh whispered against her skin.  "Christophe reminds me of a past outside this world.  I try to forget..."  He paused, "but his eyes...  They are the eyes from my past."  Dee heard anguish in his voice and wondered at it.