Never Broken (13 page)

“But just so you know. I’m wantin’ more. Much more.”

Shannon couldn’t tear away from his gaze.
As do I, Rory. As do I.

Two days passed before Ainslee was
strong enough to leave her bed. She stood on wobbly legs, Rory and Shannon flanking each side. Leaning on them for support, she took her first step.

“Ho there, Ainslee.” Rory’s hand gripped her elbow as she nearly went down. “Feelin’ a wee bit dizzy?”

“Aye,” she said, wishing the room would stop spinning.

“That’s to be expected. Don’t do too much. Take a couple of steps, then sit back down.”

Ainslee gave her sister a wry glance. “He’s bossy like Da.”

Shannon laughed. “Told you.”

Rory looked at Shannon, a teasing glint in his eye. “I certainly hope you weren’t treatin’ your Da the same as you treat me.”

Ainslee didn’t miss the smoldering look that passed between him and her sister. Clearly they had grown close to each other during her illness. Part of her was glad for it, as Rory proved to be as good a man as Ainslee had ever met. But part of her worried. The three of them, living together in a small room, with Shannon and Rory’s obvious attraction for each other…

She and Shannon needed to move out as soon as possible. But without any money or resources, she didn’t know how. They were beholden to Rory, at least for the meantime.

A day later, while Rory was out, she broached the subject with Shannon. They sat at the table, Shannon tearing off chunks of bread and placing them next to the cheese she had sliced with Rory’s penknife. He insisted they take their meals in the room, as he didn’t trust the customers who frequented the pub house adjacent to the inn. After what had happened to her and Shannon on the docks, Ainslee’s trust was extremely low. “As soon as I’m well enough, the two of us need to move on, Shannon.”

Shannon stilled her movements. “And what of Rory?”

“Don’t you think we’ve taken advantage of his kindness long enough?”

“Where are we to go?” Shannon’s voice turned sharp. “We have no money, so we cannot book passage on a ship. We can’t go home, either.”

“We can’t stay here,” Ainslee said. “Not with Rory. Not with the two of you—”

“Nothin’ is happenin’ between Rory and me.” Shannon ripped off another piece of bread and tossed it on the plate.

“Then you don’t feel somethin’ for him?”

Shannon looked up. “I do,” she said quietly.

“And that’s why we have to leave. ‘Tisn’t right to be around such temptation.”

“We’ve talked about it, Lee.” Shannon averted her gaze. “There’s nothin’ to worry about.”

“If you’ve talked about somethin’ so personal, then obviously somethin’ led you to have the conversation.”

A deep blush colored Shannon’s cheek. “I think you should be mindin’ your own business.”

“Yes, but the church teaches—”

“I know what the church teaches. Rory knows it too.” She sighed “Don’t fret ‘bout it further. Rory is an upstandin’ man. My virtue is safe with him.”

Ainslee let the topic drop. She shouldn’t be judging Shannon and Rory, especially after they had nursed her for over a week. But her eyes were now opened to the change in her sister. How she swayed her hips a little more whenever Rory was around. How she wore her hair down as much as possible, claiming that wearing it up gave her a headache. How she said more to him with one look than she could with a thousand words. And the way Rory watched her as if he would never get his fill.

Ainslee knew little of romantic love, yet she wondered if Shannon’s proclamations were based more on their circumstances than her heart. It would be easy to fall in love with Rory. He was handsome, kind, and resourceful. Not to mention generous in the extreme. But what did either of them really know about him?

She went back to her bed and sat down on the edge. Despite feeling a bit better every day, she was tired. She had little memory of what happened after they reached the Cork docks. From what Shannon said, she had been close to death. She was grateful that God had spared her, but a small part of her asked why He’d bothered. What life did she and Shannon have now? They were stuck in an inn, relying on someone’s charity. How was this better than the life they’d had in Ballyclough?

Yet God had brought them here for a reason. She believed that even though she didn’t understand why. She took a deep breath. It was time she stopped fighting her situation and put her trust in God.

An hour later, the door opened, and Rory entered. His face was sullen, which was unusual for him. He pulled out a chair, then plopped wearily on it.

Concerned, Shannon rose from the chair, went to him, and put her hand on his shoulder. He covered it with his own. She didn’t care if Ainslee saw the tender gesture. Rory needed her. “What’s wrong,” she asked, steeling herself. Whatever he had to tell them it wouldn’t be good, not with his downcast expression.

He took a deep breath. “I went lookin’ for work today.”

Shannon wasn’t surprised. His money couldn’t last forever. “’Tis come to that, then?”

“I’m afraid so.”

Her hand slid from Rory’s shoulder as Ainslee got up from the bed and sat in the chair opposite him. Shannon’s gaze met her twin’s. This situation was their fault. Rory had spent his money on them. Shannon swallowed her guilt.

“Now, don’t be blamin’ yourselves,” he said as if he heard her thoughts. “I’ve never been that good at managin’ my money.”

She knew he was lying, but contradicting him would be useless. He would come up with some other self-effacing explanation. It was his way.

“To tell the truth, I’ve been lookin’ for a job for a week now and ’tis impossible to find work in Cork. ‘Tis impossible to find work anywhere in Ireland. There are too many people needin’ employment, and too few jobs available.”

“So what are we to do?” Fear slipped into Shannon’s tone. “How will we manage?”

“We have an option. Two, actually.” He leaned forward and glanced at her, then at Ainslee. “We can move to Liverpool, and I can search for work there. I’m not too sure, though. I’ve heard the Irish are not looked on with favor in that city. But since I’m half English, mayhap they’d be more eager to hire me.”

The idea of moving to England didn’t sit well with Shannon. Even before the troubles, she had been aware of the long history of tension between Irish and English. “What is the second choice?”

“Glasgow.”

“Scotland?” Ainslee’s eyebrows shot up. She had remained silent up to this point. “’Tis so far.”

“Not as far as America, lass,” he replied with a small smile. “I’ve been askin’ around, and there are many Irish emigrating to the lowlands. There’s plenty of work available there. Ship making on the Clyde, working in the coal mines…”

“Ship making?” Shannon crossed her arms. Rory wasn’t a ship maker or a coal miner. He was a physician, even if he didn’t yet have the formal schooling. She couldn’t see him doing anything else. “What about—”

“I’m leanin’ toward Glasgow myself,” he said, not acknowledging her. “What say you two?”

Shannon bit her bottom lip lest she tell him what she thought—that he deserved so much more than going to Glasgow with her and Ainslee in tow. He’d obviously made up his mind. It wasn’t fair to him. None of this was.

“Glasgow.” Ainslee sat straight in the chair, her chin thrust forward, seeming to accept this decision. What had changed her shift in thinking? Why was Shannon suddenly the one with fear and doubts?

“And you?” Rory asked softly, his gaze meeting Shannon’s. She saw both pleading and love in his blue eyes. She blinked away the tears that suddenly appeared. What choice did she have but to agree with her sister and Rory? “Aye. I say Glasgow too.”

“So ’tis settled. In the morn, we’ll head for Scotland.”

As the three of them shared a melancholy and meager meal that evening, Shannon fought to keep her spirits upbeat. Of the three of them, Ainslee was the most chipper. Shannon sat next to Rory, who picked at his food.
He shouldn’t be here.
The words repeated in her mind. All this time she believed God sent Rory to save her and Ainslee. But at what cost to Rory?

When Ainslee took an extra helping of cheese and bread, Rory smiled. “’Tis good to see your appetite return, Ainslee. You’ll need your strength.”

Ainslee seemed pleased with his remark, smiling shyly as she lowered her head and nibbled on the bread crust.

Shannon glanced at Rory. Ever the caretaker and protector. He’d given everything to make Ainslee well again. He’d given Shannon his love. What had he received in return?

Later that night Shannon heard Ainslee’s deep breathing as she slept beside her in the bed. Her sister had fallen asleep almost as soon as Rory had blown out the lamplight. But Shannon’s thoughts and emotions were a storm within her. How could she lay in this comfortable bed while Rory continued to sleep on the hard floor in front of the fire? Tears slipped down her cheeks, ones she’d dared not shed in front of him or Ainslee. She wanted to be the strong one. Now she was weak from the guilt churning inside. Rory had sacrificed so much. How could she show him her appreciation? Her love?

She slipped from the bed and crept to where Rory lay motionless near the hearth, using the extra blankets for a soft pallet. She watched as he dozed on his back, one arm thrown askew over his head. In repose, he looked more like a boy than a man, with the exception of the blond whiskers sprouting on his cheeks and chin. Her hand ached to touch them, to feel the rough scrape of them on her fingertips.

Her body grew warm, as it often did in his presence. With shaking fingers, she slowly pulled back the blanket. He had taken off his shirt and was clad only in black trousers. She slipped her body next to his, drawing the blanket over them as she pressed against his side.

His eyes flew open, and he looked down. When he opened his mouth to speak, she kissed him.

Rory froze. Awakened by
Shannon this way was a shock. “Shannon,” he whispered, turning toward her so he could speak as quietly as possible. He realized his mistake, as her body was now molded to his. Now that she’d had a proper diet for nearly two weeks, she had regained some of her voluptuous shape and softness. Her hair was down and unbound, and the firelight illumined her in a fiery orange halo.

Their gazes locked, his senses reeling and his heart pounding. Then they were kissing. Having her in his arms like this, after days of hiding his growing despair, made him forget the pain of the past and the uncertainty of the future.

Then as if controlled by an unseen hand, he was jerked back to his senses. He thrust her from him. “Nay, Shannon. We can’t do this.”

“It’s only kissing.”

“But it could lead to somethin’ else.”

“What if it does?”

He shook his head. “‘I told you. I won’t take advantage of you.” She tried to kiss him again, but he stilled her movements.

Her body stiffened, hurt seeping into her eyes as she pulled away. She sat up, turning her back to him and curling into a ball.

He rubbed his hand over his chin. He had to make her understand. After a moment’s hesitation, he pulled her back down until they were parallel to each other. Holding her sweet face between his hands, he made sure he had her undivided attention. Tears shone in her eyes then slipped down her cheeks. He wanted to kiss them away, but he knew if his lips touched her again he wouldn’t be able to stop. “Do you love me?”

She nodded. “Aye. More than anythin’.”

“Then that’s enough.” He removed his hands from her face.

“But I know you want more. I see the way you look at me. I know how you make me feel.”

She was so honest it made his heart hurt. He could only be as truthful in return. “I do want you. But not like this.” He saw the confusion in her eyes and tried to explain further. “Making love is something special. Somethin’ that should be shared in a marriage bed between a husband and wife. Not on a dirty floor with your sister sleepin’ a few feet away.”

Her eyes grew round. “Are you sayin’ we should get married?”

Her words sent him into a panic, making him lose the ability to speak.

“Do you want me as your wife?” She seemed steady and confident, a swift change from her shaky uncertainty moments before. “Because I want you as my husband.”

He stared at her, dancing flames reflecting in her soft brown eyes, the fire and her love warming him inside and out. He loved this woman. And despite fearing what the future held, he didn’t want to face it without her. “Aye,” he whispered. “I want to marry you.”