Never Giving Up (Never #3) (29 page)

I hadn’t even thought about that part. He was right and I loved him even more for believing that together we could handle whatever was thrown our way.

“So, we take her home then?”

“I think so,” he said, leaning down and pressing a small kiss to my lips. “Your mom has her opinion, but in the end we’re Mattie’s parents and we make the call. That’s the beauty of having your own children, I suppose. It’s our chance to mess up.”

I laughed, realizing that he’d managed to make everything better just by holding and listening to me. The fact that he’d agreed with me was just icing on our proverbial cake. Also, there was the fact that not once since Mattie was born had he called me hormonal. I knew I was, any woman who had a baby and then stood by while they were taken by ambulance to the hospital was bound to be. But not once did he ever indicate that I wasn’t entitled to any and every feeling I had. My hands wound their way up to link behind his neck and I pulled him down to me for a real kiss.

His lips pressed against mine and I sighed as his hands gripped my waist, pulling me against him again. His tongue skimmed the seam of my lips and I opened for him, eager to taste him, to feel connected to him in that way. Our tongues met and shivers ran through me as his slowly caressed mine. Fast and frenzied was incredible, but no one did slow and sensual like Porter. His hands slid up my sides, gliding over me, leaving a trail of goose bumps. When they finally made their way to my face, each hand cradled one side, his thumbs rubbing gently under my eyes. Suddenly, he tilted my face, angling my mouth just so. I heard him growl, felt the sound reverberate through his chest, as he took my mouth. My heart leapt, overpowered by the sudden need I felt coming from him. Slow and sensual turned into heated and heady.

My fingers threaded themselves through his silky hair, gently tugging him closer to me, only to be rewarded with another moan from him. I was on fire. The flames were building causing heat to pool between my legs. The kissing continued, never losing steam, never lacking intensity.

Eventually, when he finally pulled away, breathing heavy and very hard against my belly. He sighed and pressed small kisses along my neck.

“Two more weeks,” he said against the sensitive skin below my ear.

“Until?” I asked, too caught up in the feeling of his lips against me to fully comprehend his words.

“Until I can bury myself in you again.” His teeth nipped at my earlobe and I moaned, quite involuntarily.

“Mmm. You’re a tease,” I sighed. I frowned when I felt him pull away, but was turned on all over again when I saw how dark and full of lust his eyes were.

“Trust me, Ella. If we weren’t in a hospital room right now, I’d be finding all kinds of alternative ways to use my mouth.”

“Oh God. Please, don’t say things like that,” I said, pressing my forehead against his chest. I breathed his scent in, trying to come down from the high he’d given me. “How do you always smell so good? And always smell the same?”

“How’s that?”

“Like wood, soap, and sexy as hell.”

He laughed, his chest rumbling beneath me. I loved the sound of his laughter, especially when I was the one who caused it. His laughter died down and we stood there in each other’s arms for a few minutes, both of us just watching Mattie sleep.

“So,” I heard him say hesitantly. I leaned back and looked up at him.

“So, what?”

“I got a call from our lawyer this morning.”

“And?”

His hand came up and he ran the back of his fingers over my cheek, obviously trying to lessen the blow of whatever he was going to tell me.

“They moved the trial up.”

“Ok . . .”

“It starts tomorrow.” My stomach dropped and my eyes widened. “If you still plan on testifying, you have to be there.”

“But, Mattie . . .”

“I know . . .”

“I can’t leave her . . .” My head shook back and forth feverishly.

“Shh . . .” he said, pulling me against him again.

“Porter, I can’t leave her.”

“You don’t have to.”

I did though. If I wanted to make sure Jason Ramie was put in jail, if I wanted my chance to tell him and a jury exactly what he’d done to me, I would have to leave her.

“What am I going to do?”

“You’re going to do whatever you’re comfortable with and I’ll support you either way.”

The door to the hospital room opened and Megan and my mother walked back in. Both of them stopped in their tracks when they saw us, clearly noticing something was wrong.

“Oh, Ella. I didn’t mean to upset you,” my mother said walking to me, obviously thinking I was still upset over our argument. She placed her hand on my back and I turned to her, wrapping my arms around her, suddenly needing the comfort of my mother, regardless of how angry I had been with her just ten minutes ago. I cried into her shoulder as Porter explained the situation. All the while I felt my mother’s hands rubbing up and down my back, continually calming me, letting me know she was there for me.

“Fella, whatever you need, just let us know.” Megan’s voice was soft from across the room and I gave her a weak smile over my mother’s shoulder.

“Truly, Ella. If you want us to stay with her while you go to the trial, we’ll be here, no matter what. Or if you just want us to help you while you’re here, we’ll do that. And if you decide to take her home, like the doctors said, I’ll help you with that too. Anything, Ella.” My mother’s voice was filled with emotion and I knew she was apologizing for what had happened earlier.

“Thank you, Mom.” I pulled away and wiped my eyes, feeling like the breakdown had passed for the moment. I looked to Porter and saw his eyes trying to gauge what I was thinking. My eyes drifted to Mattie next and I took in a deep breath and let it out loudly.

I spent the next few hours just holding Mattie, rocking back and forth in the uncomfortable chair the hospital provided, nursing her, kissing her, feeling her satiny hair beneath my fingers. I listened to Porter interact with my family and I tried to add a word in every once in a while, but I was busy loving on my daughter. No one seemed to notice or mind. Eventually my mother and sister left, kissing us both and giving Porter hugs, telling him to let them know what I decided to do.

Sometime that evening, as I held Mattie in my arms and spoke to her about little lambs and curds and whey, the door slowly creaked open and I was surprised to see Brittany poke her head into the room. Her face was painted with hesitation and worry, instantly setting off my internal alarm—something was wrong.

“Hi, Brittany, come in,” I said quietly, not wanting to wake Mattie. Porter stood and opened the door all the way for her and she shyly made her way into the room. When she made it fully in I saw that she carried a bouquet of colorful wildflowers. She set them down on the counter and twisted the vase so that the most beautiful and colorful flowers faced us.

“I wanted to come and see how Mattie was doing,” she said timidly. My eyes flitted downward and I noticed her hands were trembling. Something wasn’t right. Brittany took the few steps that brought her right next to me and she looked down upon Mattie and a smile grew wide across her face. “She’s so beautiful. Is she going to be ok?”

I nodded and looked down at her as well. “The doctors say she’s through the worst of it and can go home soon.”

“That’s fantastic,” Brittany said, but her voice didn’t match the sentiment. Tears welled and she trembled.

“Why don’t you sit down,” I said, standing up and offering her my chair which she took quickly. “Porter can you go and get her some water?” He was up and heading towards the door instantly.

“No, wait, he should be here for this too,” Brittany said, halting him.

“You’re scaring me, Brittany. What’s going on?” She took a few deep breaths in and out, seemingly trying to calm herself down enough to speak. My eyes met Porter’s and I knew he was just as confused as I was.

“I remember when I first started at Poppy,” she started, with a trembling voice. She looked down at her hands, wrung them together, still giving me no reason to calm down. “I remember thinking that I was so lucky. I got this amazing job working for this incredible woman who was everything I wanted to be.” She looked up at me then, tears falling down her cheeks. “A few weeks after I started this awesome job I met this awesome guy. He was so sweet and attentive, always calling and texting, I thought I’d hit some sort of jackpot. First the perfect job, then the perfect boyfriend.” She sniffled and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her jacket, emotions leaving no room for politeness or manners. Her eyes locked on mine and she looked at me with so much hurt and found myself close to tears just to see her that way.

“When our relationship became physical, I spent many nights wondering what the catch was. The other shoe had to drop at some point, right? Things were too perfect.”

Porter shuffled on his feet, obviously uncomfortable listening to Brittany talk about her sex life. “I’m going to take a walk,” he said gently.

“No, I’m really sorry Porter, but it’s important that you stay.”

He looked at me with wide eyes, silently begging for me to rescue him. I shook my head slightly and motioned for him to stay.

“His name was Bobby and he was wonderful. We dated for over six months before we slept together. He travelled frequently for his job so when we could see each other it wasn’t usually for a long period of time and he was always coming and going. In all that time he never once pressured me. He was so patient and kind. And when we finally did sleep together, it was wonderful. I felt like he really loved me.”

She began to fully cry and I handed her the small box of Kleenex from the end table.

“I’m sorry. I’ve never told anyone this before.”

“Brittany, it’s ok. Take your time. We’re not going anywhere.”

She took a few steadying breaths and then trudged forward.

“When he asked me to let him take pictures of me naked, it caught me off guard, but I didn’t say no right away.” She shrugged and then shook her head, obviously having an argument with herself in her mind. It seemed as though she’s had this discussion with herself a few times. “Lots of people let their boyfriends take pictures of them, right? My first instinct was to say no, because, well, it’s a naked picture. But I didn’t want him to be angry with me and I wanted to make him happy. I wanted him to want me.”

At that point I stood and brought the baby to Porter and then returned to Brittany, placing my hand on her, trying to convey that I wasn’t judging her. She was neither the first or last young woman to let her boyfriend take naked pictures of them.

“I eventually let him take the photos and I won’t lie, part of me liked how much he seemed to enjoy them. After a few weeks I had grown accustomed to him taking the pictures of me, but when he then asked to take pictures of us
during
sex, I was surprised.”

Porter was visibly uncomfortable with what he was hearing and he turned his back to us, trying to give her as much privacy as possible. I could feel the tension coming from him.

“He was really persistent and had strong arguments. He kept asking what the difference was between naked pictures and sex pictures? If I trusted him with one I shouldn’t be bothered by the other.” She cried still, her words chopped up by sobs and sniffles. “I couldn’t answer him,” she said with a twinge of panic. “I’d already let him violate me, what was the difference?” She shook her head and I squeezed her hand, hurting for her, wanting to tell her that it was wrong of him to put her in that position.

“When I finally relented, he seemed so pleased with me. The pictures, to me, were disgusting. I didn’t like looking at them, but he seemed to like taking them. I always asked him to erase them and sometimes he would, but I knew sometimes he kept them.”

She was quiet for a few moments. Then she seemed to gain some strength and continued.

“He became more demanding and even though I wasn’t happy anymore, I thought perhaps if I did everything he asked he would become the man I had originally fallen for. If I could just make him happy . . .” She trailed off and my heart broke for her. I started thinking back to the first year when she worked at Poppy with me and I couldn’t think of any time when I noticed she had been unhappy. Could she have been going through something this traumatizing without me having even noticed that something was wrong?