Never Had a Dream Come True (7 page)

Charmaine’s voice was unusually small, and Penny frowned as she looked into her sister’s vivid blue eyes. The endless sorrow she saw made her feel uneasy, and she couldn’t help but wonder why a young girl who was supposed to have everything at her pretty feet seemed as pitiful as a bird caught in a cage.

It wasn’t the first time Charmaine had let her ice-queen façade slip when they were alone, but this was the first time she had mentioned being unhappy.

“Charmaine…” Penny didn’t know where to start. How did you ask the most perfect woman in the world what was wrong with her? “Is there something you want to share with me? You have seemed so distracted the last couple of years, and I can see there is something bothering you.”

“There’s nothing bothering me. I’m fine.”

And there was the façade back firmly in place. But this time Penny wasn’t going to give in so easily.

“There is nothing wrong with you at all?”

“No. I’m perfectly fine.”

“Is that so?”

Charmaine’s shiny smile was meant to stun with its loveliness, but Penny was too used to her sister’s beauty to be dazed.

“If you are so fine, why did you then decline Lord Dane’s proposal?”

Charmaine paled, obviously not at all prepared for the intimate question, and it was clear to Penny she had found the sore spot.

Or at least one of them.

“Last year you were over your head in love with Lord Dane. He was all you ever talked about, and we all could see how much he fancied you, too. But out of nowhere you suddenly turned cold against him, and dismissed him most cruelly. What did he do?”

Charmaine twisted a handkerchief between her stressed fingers, forever destroying the delicate lace. “H-he didn’t do anything. I-I just…I grew bored with him. That’s all.”

“I don’t believe you. Lord Dane is anything but boring. He’s one of the most handsome men I’ve met, and had such a lovely kind heart, and he liked you very much. Not your looks, but
you
. And yet you denied him—and yourself—eternal bliss when you denied him your hand.”

“He wasn’t for me.” The sadness in Charmaine’s eyes were heart-wrenching. “And furthermore, he showed us all just how much he loved me by marrying that Yorkshire heiress one month after he proposed to me. One month. That’s how long his love lasted.”

“But you were no heiress and yet he still wanted you. That had to stand for something. A man like Lord Dane would never…”

“There’s no reason to talk about this anymore,” Charmaine interrupted rudely. “What is done is done and can’t be changed. Yes, I loved Lord Dane with all my heart, but I had no other choice in the end. I had to turn him down. It might have broken my heart, but at least yours is still able to find true love.”

“What has me finding love to do with you not marrying Lord Dane?” Penny frowned at her sister. Charmaine was acting more and more confusing.

“Oh, nothing. Why should it?” Charmaine’s laughter was forced and stiff. “Well, let’s leave Lord Dane to his new wife, and let us continue with the more interesting discussion about you choosing between the righteous Mr. Bedford and the infamous Lord Richard Darling.”

“I’m not choosing between them,” Penny sighed, letting Charmaine’s problem be for now. Her sister’s unwillingness to talk about it was quite obvious, and this wasn’t the moment to pressure her. “I told you, Rake is not an option for me anymore, not even in my dreams. I will instead spend as much time as possible with Thomas to get to know him as well as I possibly can until this time next year.”

“Ah, there you are,” Lady Nester breathed, relieved, as she joined them in the foyer. “Charmaine, I’ve been looking all over for you. Could you please come and help me choose what invitations we shall accept?”

With a disappointed sigh, Charmaine followed their mother back to the salon and left Penny staring unseeingly at the closed door, her thoughts whirling inside her head.

Something was bothering her sister, and it hurt that Charmaine wouldn’t tell her what it was. No one could look so heartbroken over nothing.

And even more strange was the whole Lord Dane affair. Charmaine had not denied him of her own free will, of that Penny was certain. And the more she thought about it, she couldn’t help but think their father was the sole reason why Charmaine still remained unmarried.

Lord Nester loved to brag about how many proposals his oldest daughter had received, and for the first time it dawned on Penny how strange it was that Charmaine could get asked to marry so many times and not even consider it once.

Why?

With one last sigh, Penny followed her mother and sister into the salon, even though her presence hadn’t been requested. As always, pain pricked her heart when she thought about how insignificant she was to her parents, and she became even more determined to get away from this house. She needed to be wanted for her own sake. She desperately wanted someone to miss her enough to come searching for her.

It didn’t matter that everyone found Thomas boring and uninteresting, not as long as she didn’t. For what it was worth, she knew he would miss her.

And that was a good enough reason to consider him as her future husband.

Sandhurst was showing its most beautiful side as their carriage slowly rocked down the bustling main street. Everywhere mongers called out to them, offering them good merchandise for the best price.

Children ran to and fro, laughing and playing among the strolling adults who peeked at what was offered to them. As it was harvest time, the market was filled to its brim with food, especially fruit and vegetables, each stall looking more inviting than the next.

Thomas halted the carriage outside the bookseller’s shop and then helped Penny down to the street. He held out his arm with a warm smile and a lighthearted Penny put her gloved hand in the crook of it. Slowly they made their way through the colorful crowd and escaped into the dark and musty-smelling store.

“Can I help you?”

An old man behind a counter looked up at them as they entered, but when he saw it was Thomas he just waved with his hand toward the shelves farther inside the store. Thomas obviously was a known and well-liked face in this shop.

“Come, let me show you. Mr. Wells keeps all the best books in the back. He says I’m the only one who ever is interested in them, as everyone else prefers the much lighter reading material in the front. I come here a lot, and tend to spend many hours among these fascinating creations all alone, without anyone disturbing me. It is truly a shame that no one else realizes what treasure rests in this modest shop.”

Penny turned to the maid who had accompanied her as chaperone and told her to go do the errands her mother had given her. It seemed they were going to spend quite some time in the bookshop, and she didn’t want to waste the young maid’s time. On light, grateful feet the maid disappeared out through the door, not overly upset at being dismissed.

“Look here,” Thomas called out from farther in among the shelves, and Penny followed the sound of his voice until she found him hovering over an ancient-looking book. “This is one of the first books ever printed. Can you see how absolutely perfect it is? The men who did this must have been artists, as it is perfect in every detail.”

Penny let her hand glide over the brittle page and she had to agree, the book was beautiful. “It must be worth a fortune.”

“Unfortunately not,” Thomas sighed. “In these modern times, people are not interested in books, and therefore books as valuable as this are not worth many shillings. But to me they are, and I collect every piece of perfection I can find, as I think they will become extremely valuable one day. A man has to think about his descendants, doesn’t he?”

He gave Penny a sheepish grin, and she couldn’t help but giggle. Thomas might say it was for the generations to come, but they both knew he bought them for his own sake only. The man loved his books, and she adored him for it.

“I think future generations will be thankful,” she agreed with a wink, and he laughed heartily before returning his attention to the shelf of books. Slowly she strolled down the aisle between the shelves until she found the one where Mr. Wells kept the journals about travelling.

What wouldn’t she give to be able to travel around the world to visit all these wonderful places she had read about in journals such as these? All her life she had not been farther away than Windsor, and even then she could still see the roof of Chester Park glistening in the sun. With a forlorn sigh, she headed back to where Thomas was searching through piles of unsorted books. Why bother with dreaming about travelling to distant places when she had no money of her own to spend on anything, not even a book.

“Look at this!”

Thomas looked like a young boy who’d just caught his first fish as he handed her a small leather-clad book.

“
Poetry from the Heart
.”

“Such a good book,” Thomas breathed. “You really should buy it. I have two copies of it already, and I promise you it will be worth every penny spent.”

“I’m sure it is. But I would prefer borrowing yours, when I visit your home.”

Thomas froze and Penny blushed, mortified. Had she been too forward now? She must have spent too much time with the Darling family these last months, as she would never have been this direct otherwise.

“I would be honored if you were to visit my home.” Thomas gave her his sunny little-boy-smile, which seemed to brighten the whole store. “As a matter of fact, why don’t I scribble down an invitation for your family to come and dine with me later this week? I think that would be most suitable, don’t you?”

Penny nodded, thankful that he was willing to overlook her brazen way of inviting herself. She wasn’t used to socializing with anyone other than the Darlings, and for the first time she couldn’t help but wonder how she would be accepted in London by the
ton
. She had a sinking feeling no one would notice her at all, except for comparing her to her sister and finding her uninteresting and ignorable in contrast. Her destiny was to become a wallflower, one of those debutantes who sat on the outskirts of a ballroom, forever watching society from the outside.

Accepted but not wanted.

Not an unusual place for her, she thought wryly.

Thomas interrupted her pitiful state of mind with another excited yelp, and she shook the doomsday feelings off her shoulders. There was no need to stand here feeling miserable over the unalterable. Much better to enjoy this moment of solitude with the man she hoped to marry.

Three hours later they walked out of the dusky shop and put a whole pile of newly bought books and journals into the carriage. The maid, who had been napping on the seat, awoke, and Penny urged her to follow them to the Devil’s Folly—the local inn—where they were to have their afternoon tea.

When they entered the inn, Penny was surprised to find it crowded with cheerful gentlemen and ladies enjoying each other’s company.

Thomas put his hand against the small of her back and guided her through the crowd until he found a small table in a corner where no one else seemed interested in hiding.

“Here we go.” He sounded surprisingly relieved. Penny bit back a smile as she sat down on one of the chairs, carefully choosing the one which gave her the best view of the rest of the inn.

It was a bad habit of hers, wanting to watch other people. Or, considering her future wallflower life, maybe it was one of her best qualities. It was something to amuse herself with during the long hours of a ball. People tended to forget her presence, and she had more times than she could count overheard things which weren’t meant for her delicate ears, or seen things she wasn’t supposed to have seen.

During her younger years she had worked this quality into perfection when she realized how close she could come to Rake without him noticing. Her ears had turned rather red sometimes, but on the other hand she knew there wasn’t much she didn’t know about her childhood Prince Charming. Not even his parents had such deep insight into their youngest son’s mind as she did.

“I always forget how crowded this place becomes as the social Season in London comes to its end.”

She woke up from her past-dwelling thoughts and followed Thomas’s gaze toward the socializing peers surrounding them. Fashionable gentlemen flirted discreetly—or not so discreetly—with elegant ladies who pretended to be offended but whose laughing eyes told a different story.

This was the life which awaited Penny in London, and she knew without doubt it wasn’t for her. Some people—like Francesca—thrived in settings such as this.

But not Penny.

She needed solitude.

She needed space.

But most of all she didn’t need to be thrown at a bunch of strangers, people she was supposed to know and therefore have spirited conversation with.

She, who couldn’t even have a normal conversation with her own father without stuttering, was supposed to impress her family’s acquaintance with her wit and her humor. Charmaine had mastered the art of talking about nothing with anybody.

But not Penny.

“It is quite strange that they still have this much to talk about, considering they have spent most of the last couple of months together,” she mumbled with a forlorn smile, and Thomas gave her a curious look.

“How do you mean?”

“Oh.” Penny blushed. She had not been aware of speaking her thoughts aloud. Embarrassed down to her toes, she couldn’t help but wonder what he must think of her. She must seem the most dimwitted person alive.

But as she looked up into his face she could see only curiosity and kindness. There was not a trace of the usual frustration she met from her family when she spoke without thinking first.

“It just amazes me that some people thrive while interacting with others. If I had spent over three months in London with the same people, I would have searched at once for a quiet corner when arriving at my country home. Not seeking the first place to meet the same people again, chatting about the same things we have been talking about for months.”

Thomas gave her a slow and unreadable smile without responding to her unusual thoughts, and Penny felt her cheeks growing hotter. She was thoughtlessly talking this courtship to an end before it even started.