Never Let Go (30 page)

In fact, I never knew I was capable of it.

I crawl on all fours to Spencer’s legs. The air between our bodies feels hot and full of electricity. I lean down to make sure my breasts brush against his thighs as I advance. He groans as I settle my head just below his cock.

“Paige, you don’t have to—”

“I want to,” I tell him. I bring my tongue out and lick along his base. Spencer shudders and drops his head back.

I take that as a good sign. I was afraid I might do something wrong because of my lack of experience. But, as long as I stop thinking and surrender to the moment, I think I’ll be okay.

I try swirling my tongue over the tip. Spencer gives another sound of pleasure, and then brings his head up. He looks down at me, brushing the hair from my face.

I tilt my head to one side and move my mouth down the length of Spencer’s cock.

“Kitten, that feels so good,” he moans, his voice hoarse and low.

I smile to myself and back up to do the same to the other side. His penis is hard and so very big. I don’t know how much of it I can fit in my mouth. But I want to take him in. I want to hear his groans. And if I do something wrong, so be it. I want to experience the full extent of power I have over this amazing man.

My fingers curl around him and I open my mouth and start to suck. My head falls in motion with my fist. Up and down, up and down. The wet noises I’m making fill the room. The heavy sound of Spencer’s groans excites me. I know I’m doing something right.

I bob up and down, breaking away once in a while to pay special attention to his balls. When my hair falls into my eyes for the second time, breaking the visual connection with Spencer, he uses his hands to hold it back over my head. It doesn’t take long for him to start guiding my motions. I let him.

Blood pools in my core as he drives into my mouth. Every heartbeat sends a pulse of scorching need through me. I need relief. Instinctively, my free hand slides along my body and dips past my panties. I’m swollen and wet; I’ve never been more aroused.

Spencer notices. “Hell no,” he growls. “Only I get to do that.”

In one quick motion he flips us over. I land on my back with a
thud
. My chest is heaving. My breasts feel extraordinarily heavy.

Spencer bends to suck on one, while using his hand to knead and press the other. I moan and shudder.

He does not stay long. His fingers hook into the sides of my panties.

I give a sudden gasp of panic. Spencer takes such good care of his body. He’s trimmed and tidy. The last time I shaved was over a month ago. Waxing has never been part of my repertoire. It’s not like I had any great need.

“Wait!” I gulp as he starts to pull.

Spencer freezes. His eyes zero in on me. “What’s wrong?”

I look away, flush with embarrassment.
Way to ruin the mood, Paige
. “I… I’m not shaved,” I mumble.

Spencer frowns slightly. “What?”

“I’m not shaved!” I say, louder.
Kill me now.

“I heard you,” Spencer says. “Is that all?”

“Well… yes.”
This is also the first time I’m
really
going through with this to the end.

He chuckles and shakes his head. “You think I care?” Before I can stop him, he rips the panties down my legs. “Wow,” he breathes. “So pretty and pink.” He spreads my lips. The feel of his fingers right
there
is heavenly. “You know how I’m going to prove to you that I don’t care?”

I don’t have time to answer as Spencer dips his head and licks up my folds. An overwhelming wave of pleasure—no,
euphoria
—consumes me. It crawls ups my spine from his touch, ebbing to every extremity. I give a breathless moan.

Spencer grins up at me. “You like that?” he asks. Again, he doesn’t give me a chance to answer. He tongue resumes its journey along my most sensitive parts.

I melt beneath him as Spencer works his magic. He’s so damn
good
. He brings his fingers into the mix, rubbing my clit and sending slow pulses of ecstasy through me.

One finger slips inside. I gasp. It’s quickly joined by a second. My core clenches against the welcome intrusion.

It doesn’t take long for my body to be consumed by the utter bliss that is Spencer. A rising, unfamiliar tension builds inside of me. It’s almost like a spring getting wound tighter and tighter, until it has no choice but to unleash its latent energy.

Spencer lifts his head. “You’re close.”

I give a muffled sob in reply and clutch his hair, trying to force him back down.

He doesn’t budge. It’s like trying to move a rock.

“Paige,” Spencer says. “The first time you come with me… I want to be inside you.”

My chest tightens and I suddenly feel short on breath. This is it. There won’t be any interruptions this time.

This is my chance to banish my dysfunctional perspective of sex once and for all.

Spencer notices the change and he moderates his voice. “I’ll go slow,” he promises. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Okay,” I whisper. I reach for his hand. “I trust you.”

He smiles. “You’re unbelievable,” he says. “In the best way.”

He hops off the bed and runs to the desk, opening a drawer. I hear the rip of plastic. When he turns back, he’s rolling a condom over his erection.

He returns to me, gently easing himself on the bed. His body hovers over mine. The thinnest slice of air separates our skin.

He leans down to kiss me. The head of his cock brushes against my belly.

My insides clench in a mixture of apprehension and need. I
want
to be intimate with Spencer. But I’m afraid.

I’m afraid he’s going to hurt me, I’m afraid he’ll recognize my inexperience, I’m afraid I won’t be up to par.

I’m afraid I’m going to disappoint him.

Spencer lifts away from the soft kiss and cups my face. “You tell me if something’s wrong,” he whispers.

I nod.

Using one hand, he guides his penis between my legs. I feel the tip brush against my entrance. My heart is racing. He glides it up and down, acclimating me to his touch.

“Ready?” he asks. His voice is gentle.

I take a deep breath. “Yes,” I whisper.

Spencer pushes in. The air leaves my lungs in a rush.

He stops right away. His eyes are cloudy and intense. “Are you all right?”

I try to let my body relax. “Mm-hmm.”

Spencer leans down and seals his mouth over mine. As we kiss, his hips move forward until he’s all the way in.

It hurts. I won’t deny that. But somewhere past the pain is a distant trove of pleasure. I can feel it, ever-so-faint, like the first creeping rays of the sun giving light to a new day.

He lowers his head so his cheek is flush against mine. He pulls his hips back slowly, then pushes in again. This time, the pain is a tiny bit less. He starts rocking into me, over and over, slow and gentle.

Spencer locks eyes with me as he moves. He’s still holding back, searching my face for the first sign of distress so he can stop in time.

I’m not going to let him find it. Each sharp thrust makes me gasp, but I’m not going to ruin this for him. I’m not going to ruin this for
me
. Some more of the pain starts to subside, and I feel the tiniest threads of pleasure.

I trust that this will get better the more I experience it. Maybe not
this time
, but the intimacy building between me and Spencer is worth the discomfort.

He whispers sweet nothings in my ear as he brings my arms over my head. Our hands are linked together, our foreheads touching. The pressure within me that retreated for a minute is trying to return. I don’t think it will make it. But the sweat covering Spencer’s body, and the guttural sounds he emits tells me he’s close to the edge.

Spencer shoots into me with a wordless growl. I cling to his shoulders, never reaching my own release, but determined to let him extract every last bit of pleasure from his.

When it’s done, he collapses next to me. I listen as his breaths slow by my ear.

We’re both spent and exhausted. The glazed look in Spencer’s eyes tells me he’s oh-so-satisfied.

I didn’t get there with him this time. But I will, I think, in the future.

Chapter Twenty-Six

My phone rings but I’m too busy to answer. I only find the time to look at it when the sky starts darkening outside.

I fish it out of the pile of clothes on the floor and look at the screen.

“Who is it?” Spencer asks in a husky voice from the bed.

“Katy.” I stumble back on shaky legs and collapse beside him. “Probably just returning my call.” I scroll through the messages she’s sent me. There are nine, in order of increasing urgency, each inquiring about my whereabouts. The last one is accented not only by all-caps but also by six or seven
rows
of exclamation marks.

Spencer chuckles when he sees. “I think I’ve kept you here for too long,” he notes.

I arch my neck back and kiss him. “I think it was just right,” I reply smugly.

And it really was. Sex with Spencer was like nothing I could believe. It was magical. He knew when to push and when to hold back. He knew how to do things that drove me absolutely crazy. Once I opened up to him, I experienced the sort of carnal pleasure that is reserved for only the deepest fantasies.

And that little blip of fear at the start? It never came again. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that Spencer rid me of all the dysfunctional learning of my upbringing, but he truly made me live in the present. For the last few hours, bliss and happiness as I never imagined have been mine.

“We should go out tonight,” Spencer suggests. “Just you, me, and Kate. Give her a farewell dinner of sorts.”

Before today, it might have bothered me to be reminded of Spencer and Katy’s history. It doesn’t anymore. I feel content with what I have.

That revelation strikes me like a thunderbolt.

Content
. Have I ever been content before? Had I ever felt truly happy?

No
.

Even the time I treasured in the pool, where my mind stopped
thinking
and all I knew was the motion of my body, I hadn’t been content. I’d only been… numb.

“Yes,” I smile. I dial Katy’s number. “Yes, I think that’s a great idea.”

***

Spencer and I meet Katy outside
Edge
, a popular campus bar-slash-lounge. They’re lax with ID’s, so it’s not long before the three of us are set up with drinks, laughing and enjoying our final night together.

It turns out Katy spend the day—and most of last night—visiting some of her old flames. She apologized for missing my calls, and asked if they were urgent since I had made so many. I tell her “no.”

Spencer pays our tab at the end and we head outside. He hugs Katy goodbye, telling her it’s a shame that she didn’t come by his place, too. I hit his arm. He surprises me—and Katy, obviously—by turning and kissing me right there on the street.

When I’m released, my legs are wobbly and I’m a little breathless. I see a knowing smile spread on Katy’s face.

Spencer takes off on his bike. Katy and I walk the long way home. We don’t talk about Andrew. I feel like everything with him is very far behind me now.

Better to simply forget.

Katy and I stay up late sitting on the couch, talking. Both of us are trying to make the most of our last hours together. The movers are coming tomorrow, and Katy will be gone by the time the sun goes down.

I tell her everything about Spencer. She deserves to know. I tell her of his music, his workshop, his books. She listens to me ramble on with a sweet smile on her face. Then she asks me about the sex.

I blush a little, but everything I’ve said has been building to the point. I tell her about what happened today. About how amazing he made me feel. She says she’s glad he turned out to be right for me, and that she is sure it will last.

Then we go to sleep, our hearts filled with sadness for the friendship we share, but also with hope for the chance of love that our future brings.

***

I wake up the next morning to the blaring of my alarm. Drowsy, I feel around the nightstand for my phone, find it, hit
snooze
… then throw it halfway across the room.

Seconds later—well, actually ten minutes, but it doesn’t feel that way to my sleep-deprived mind—the phone starts screaming again.

I had the brilliant idea of setting the most obnoxious alarm I could find last night. To make sure I actually got out of bed.

Right now, there’s nothing I regret more.

I groan and swing my legs over the edge, then stagger across the room and pick up my phone. I turn around to find Katy sitting up on her bunk.

“Ugh, what time is it?” she grumbles.

“Eleven,” I say. “We got five hours of beauty sleep. Come on, the moving truck’s going to be here soon.”

I start the coffee maker while Katy dresses. I pour myself a cup, throw some ice in it to cool it quickly, and chug it black. The bitterness makes me gag. But it also makes me feel more awake. I make another cup, adding cream and sugar this time, and sip it hot while I wait for the caffeine to hit my bloodstream.

It’s overcast outside. It also looks cold. I come to the window and open it to let the air in. There’s a smell of an impending rainstorm in the air.
The perfect weather for a perfect day
, I think sourly.

Katy comes out of the shower, and we share breakfast in silence. It’s ironic how well the weather matches our moods. We said all we had to say last night. Today, it’s about facing the music.

Katy sighs when her phone buzzes, bringing both of us out of our trance. “The truck’s here,” she says.

“Looks like we gotta get started,” I remark.

“No sense putting it off.” Katy smiles weakly. “Thanks for offering to help.”

I frown at her in mock-displeasure. “Are you kidding? Just because I don’t want you to leave doesn’t mean I’m going to throw a tantrum and sabotage the move.”