Never Marry a Stranger (4 page)

“But your memory…” Susanna said with doubt.

Matthew looked at Emily, now standing beside his parents, her face full of sweet concern for him. She wore a gown of plain yellow, as bright as the sun. Had she wondered—and worried—if sleep had brought the return of his memories? His parents had probably wished for the same thing, without the worry.

“There is nothing I can do about my mind,” he said. “The memories will return or they won’t.”

He found himself studying Emily, wondering how to needle her, to trip her up into revealing more about herself. He had a sudden, incredible idea. He’d claimed “holes in his memory”—why not take that even further, expand upon his memory loss? Such a weakness would allow him to stay close to her, to
learn everything he could about her. If he couldn’t remember how to do some of the basic things in life, then as his wife, Emily would have to teach him.

“We can tell you anything that you want to know,” Rebecca said, pulling him farther into the breakfast room and giving him her chair beside Emily. She gestured with amused poise. “This is your wife, Emily.”

He grinned at Emily, who grinned back as she sat down beside him.

“Rebecca,” Lady Rosa said in a warning tone, “now is not the time to tease your brother.”

“Mother, if I am not teased,” he said, “how will I know I’ve returned home?”

Professor Leland gave an easy chuckle and resumed his seat near the head of the table. Even when his cousin the duke wasn’t in residence, they always seemed to leave the head of the table open for him.

The servants were bringing Matthew a plate overflowing with ham and eggs and toast, his favorite breakfast. It all looked delicious, and he found himself starving.

He forced himself to hesitate over his plate, remembering the holes in his memory, hoping to attract Emily’s notice.

“Matthew?” she said quietly.

He looked at his family, busy eating, as if he didn’t want them to notice his dilemma.

“It is the strangest thing,” he said in a low voice, meant for her ears only. “I can’t remember how I like my toast.”

Her expression was full of worry and compassion.

“You mean your amnesia affects even such simple things?”

“Sometimes. Other times I feel confident, to the point where I forget such a weakness even exists. But I couldn’t remember some of the servants’ names last night.”

“Oh, but surely, after two years—”

“But I knew they’d been here my whole life!” He let some of his frustration show. “And you’re my wife! How could I—”

She put a gentle hand on his arm, glancing at his oblivious parents. “Matthew, the more you give in to frustration, the worse it will be. Relax, and let it come back to you slowly.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

With conviction, she said, “Then you create new memories.”

Create new memories with Emily. What an intriguing thought. He held her gaze, looking into those sincere blue eyes, trying to exude a vulnerability that would draw her to him—and trying not to look at her mouth with too much hunger.

He was distracted by a tug on his coat sleeve, and he turned to Susanna, on his other side.

“Obviously Mama told us of your dilemma,” she said in her no-nonsense tone. “Tell me what it feels like to have ‘holes’ in your memory.”

She must have been listening to their conversation. “Studying me like your latest project?” he asked.

She gave a faint blush. “I have simply never met anyone with your condition. When I think of you and Emily seeing each other for the first time in over a year, husband and wife yet almost strangers—”

“Susanna.” Lady Rosa once again spoke in that tone of voice reserved for mothers.

“Let them ask their questions,” Matthew said easily. “Maybe talking will help me. You’d want that, wouldn’t you, Emily?”

“Of course.”

To his family, he said, “This is surely difficult for her. We’ve decided to take our relationship slowly, get to know one another all over again.”

Rebecca frowned. “To Emily, you are her long-lost husband, but she has to think of you as a suitor again?”

Emily put down her napkin and gave Rebecca a smile. “I do not mind at all,” she said, her voice firm. “I will do whatever is necessary to make our life normal again. After everything that has happened, we cannot expect that to come about quickly. And you mustn’t feel sorry for me. I am not the one without memories, who was almost killed.”

Matthew noticed the fond approval in his father’s gaze, the way Lady Rosa dabbed at the corners of her eyes. Even Susanna and Rebecca looked chagrined. Emily knew just the right things to say.

But how could he have expected otherwise, after seeing the household’s devotion to her?

He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Her skin was warm and soft, and he had to disregard the sudden images that came to mind of her hands touching his bare skin. “We will get through this, I promise you.”

Emily gave him a tremulous smile. She could even tremble on command, he thought, hiding his enjoyment.

And then he saw Reggie openly staring at him, barely masking his anticipation of the next act in this play. Matthew realized he should save his more intimate persuasion with Emily for when they were alone.

He released her as he turned back to Susanna. “As for holes in my memory, at first I didn’t notice I had forgotten anything, until someone told me.”

“Usually me,” Reggie volunteered.

“Your help must have been comforting,” Lady Rosa said.

Now Reggie looked uneasy. “I don’t know how much ‘help’ I was.”

Was his friend realizing how difficult it was going to be to lie to his family? Since Matthew had spent
his whole life pretending, trying to be the person his parents expected, he was rather used to lying, at least about himself.

Reggie sent a sincere glance to both Susanna and Rebecca. “But I did my best.”

Matthew wanted to roll his eyes. His friend wasn’t going to be bothered by guilt for long. He noticed that although Rebecca smiled at Reggie’s flirtatious look, Susanna went back to eating, as if indifferent. Had she truly given up on finding a husband for herself? Not that Reggie came from exactly the right Society, Matthew mused, at least as far as the
ton
was concerned.

Matthew returned to explaining his supposed amnesia. “Occasionally something very basic is just suddenly gone from my mind. It is…frustrating, to not know everything.” And captivating, he thought, watching Emily.

“Let Matthew eat,” the professor said.

Matthew smiled at him and dug in. For Emily, he made a show of randomly choosing peach jam for his toast. He couldn’t help noticing that she ate with as much gusto as he did. Guilt certainly didn’t bother her appetite.

After a while, with a young woman’s impatience, Rebecca said, “Surely you’ve eaten enough, Matthew.”

“You don’t look like you’ve been starving,” Susanna observed. “Tell us about your injury.”

He smiled and held up a hand before Lady Rosa could protest. “When I first arrived in India, my regiment was assigned to General Napier, who was determined to control the Sind, the territory between India and Afghanistan. There were battles aplenty, and I was deemed a bit reckless.”

“Reckless?” Susanna echoed, looking puzzled. “I would not have thought so, Matthew.”

How could he explain what it was like, fighting for his country? He’d wanted to rediscover himself, and with nothing to lose except his life, he’d walked the edge of safety. It had been an incredible—if sometimes painful—experience.

“Remember, my battle skills were part of the reason I was promoted to captain,” he told his sister.

“But they didn’t save you from getting hurt,” Rebecca said.

He grinned, for she sounded almost disappointed in him, as if he should have been invulnerable. “In the next battle, I took a bayonet wound to the side, but I thought it minor and continued on. I was told later that there was an artillery explosion, which was how I was burned, but I remember nothing of it. So perhaps holes in the memory can be a good thing.”

He found himself glancing at Emily, who watched him intently but remained silent.

“You were so lucky that your face was not
touched,” Rebecca said solemnly. “Did you awaken on the battlefield?”

He shook his head. “I awoke in a Christian mission. The regiment had left me behind to recover. I was there for several months.” He tried not to think of those days, and where his stupidity had led him. Reggie was watching him a bit too solemnly.

Matthew smiled regretfully at his parents. “This is when the mistake of my supposed death happened. And I am so sorry for it.”

Lady Rosa spoke at last. “If you were there for several months, why did you not write to us?”

“My new regiment went much farther upriver, away from English outposts. I knew any letter I wrote I would have to carry out with me, so I waited too long.”

Hamilton came through the doors then, carrying a silver tray stacked with letters and the newspaper, which the professor promptly took.

After glancing at the newspaper, Professor Leland fixed Matthew with an amused gaze.

“As of today, all of England will know of your return. You made the
Times.”

He displayed the front page, and they all could read the headline: OFFICER RETURNS FROM THE DEAD!

“I was only in London for a few hours,” Matthew said, amazed.

“The servants at Madingley House must have
been so excited,” Lady Rosa said, clapping her hands.

“And talkative.” Matthew glanced at Emily, wondering at her reaction. “I did not think I could keep my return a secret, but I’ve been in England less than two days. This is fast work.”

Lady Rosa smiled. “Good news can travel just as swiftly as bad. Perhaps people are glad to have a reason to celebrate.”

Matthew smiled at Emily, and she returned his smile. But did she seem a bit…distracted? What did she think of having his arrival—and her own name—splashed across England’s most widely read newspaper?

T
he eggs tasted like dry pieces of rubber going down Emily’s throat. She hadn’t anticipated that a duke’s cousin returning from the dead would be so newsworthy. But, of course, he was an army hero—who was not quite married. If
that
got out, it would set the newspapers ablaze.

She took a deep breath to calm herself. There was nothing she could do now. She only hoped that Emily Leland would not be connected to Emily Grey.

She glanced at Lieutenant Lawton, Matthew’s friend, with his curling black hair and rakish grin. His presence complicated everything. At first, thinking he would denounce her, she nearly panicked, then realized that he hadn’t done so last night. If Matthew truly was married to another woman, then Lieutenant Lawton didn’t seem to know her. What a confusing mystery.

Emily looked around the table, where everyone watched Matthew with the rapt attention of a
loving family thrilled to have their only son back. They weren’t examining his words as she was, studying his expressions and mannerisms. Perhaps that was why something rang false for her. He skimmed over months of painful recovery too easily. She decided to help him explain his poor correspondence, in hopes of eventually earning his trust.

She asked him, “Wasn’t it also difficult to write a letter when you couldn’t remember everything? I imagine you did not want to reveal your problem.”

The two sisters gasped in unison, as if they’d been foolish not to realize that.

Matthew looked down at Emily, one brow arched in surprise. “Yes, it was difficult,” he said softly.

“A wife would understand,” Lady Rosa murmured with pleased satisfaction.

No, Emily thought, a woman who spent time analyzing everything she said or did would understand.

“As I mentioned,” Matthew continued, “I had to be told about my duties in my first regiment. I was worried there were other, more important things I couldn’t remember. And of course, there were,” he said, glancing at Emily. “I didn’t know what to write, and I didn’t want to make you all worry if I sounded…wrong.”

“Of course, son,” the professor said. “What are
letters, when we now have the real thing? The rest of the family will be overjoyed.”

“Can we discuss all of this later today, privately, Father?” Matthew asked. “I have so many questions.”

“We will speak when you’re ready,” the professor said, happiness softening his eyes. “I do not have to be at Cambridge until tomorrow.”

Emily realized that Matthew probably wanted to talk about
her
. When she’d awakened that morning, she half expected to find him there in the bedroom with her. Even in a common marriage of convenience between acquaintances there was a price for the woman to pay: physical intimacy without any love. She told herself that she was prepared to pay the price.

Rebecca began, “Matthew, what about—”

“Enough, girls.” Lady Rosa rose to her feet. “Poor Matthew came home late. He has more recovering to do, so I suggest we allow him to do it at his own pace.”

“Mother, I don’t need to be coddled,” Matthew said, giving her a wry smile. “I think the best thing for me would be to resume my old life. Surely there’s a ball or two to attend.”

Rebecca straightened in her chair with obvious interest. “There is a dinner tonight hosted by Lord Sydney.”

The professor frowned. “Surely it is too soon.”

They all looked at Matthew, not bothering to hide their surprise. Why did his request to return to a normal life seem so unusual to them?

“Not at all,” Matthew said promptly. “We should go.” And then he turned to Susanna. “You’ll introduce me to those I can’t remember?”

“Rebecca can help you,” Susanna said, patting her brother’s arm.

“And why would
you
not go?” he asked, wearing a faint frown.

“She’s too busy in Father’s laboratory,” Rebecca said, giving an exaggerated sigh.

Susanna’s voice was cool. “It is important work.”

“Of course it is,” Matthew agreed, “which means you need the occasional amusement to relax.”

“You know I don’t consider such events relaxing,” she said.

“You used to be an excellent dancer. Why is that not relaxing?”

Susanna only shrugged as she picked at her eggs.

Their mother said, “Randolph, I wish you would make clear to your daughter that being seen in Society can only help her.”

The professor’s face became impassive. “We’ve had this discussion before, Rosa.”

Emily saw Matthew look between them in resignation, as if he wasn’t surprised at their disagree
ment. But she knew the Lelands’ relationship had become stronger this past year. She herself had encouraged it, almost as if helping them eased her debt to the family. But pushing this subject now could only make things worse.

“Matthew, would you go for a walk with me in the garden before you speak with your father?” she asked.

She could feel the tension ease in the breakfast room, as Lady Rosa smiled.

“That is a lovely idea, Emily, dear.”

“And you don’t even need a chaperone,” Rebecca said with a smile.

Matthew pushed back his chair and rose to his feet. “A walk with my wife is an excellent suggestion. Emily, I need to speak to Reggie for a moment. May I meet you on the terrace?”

She smiled. “Of course.” But inside, she was already considering ways to use their time alone together to her advantage.

Matthew caught up with Reggie in the great hall, where his friend was staring up at the display of swords and axes on the walls.

“Are these all from your family, or did somebody merely decorate the walls with them?” Reggie asked skeptically.

“There have been Cabots fighting for England for hundreds of years.”

“Impressive. My father was in the infantry fighting in France. Always claimed he saw Napoleon from afar. No mementoes, though.”

They stood side by side for a moment, and Matthew considered the fifteenth century suit of armor he’d been forced to learn about when he was young. “So…what are your plans?”

“You mean now that you’ll be too busy to keep me amused?” Reggie said thoughtfully.

Matthew sighed. “I’m sorry about this.”

“Don’t be. This is vastly entertaining.” He glanced over his shoulder, then lowered his voice. “Your wife is quite composed and intelligent.”

Matthew nodded slowly. “How could she not be? She’s fooled everyone for almost a year.”

“And lovely,” Reggie continued. “I hadn’t quite realized that, when she looked like death upon seeing you last night. A man could do worse.”

“For a wife?”

“For—anything.” Reggie straightened. “I think I’ll take myself off, then. It’s been a long time since I’ve ridden the English countryside. I imagine the park is beautiful here.”

“And extensive. You’ll return for luncheon?”

“Maybe not.”

“Then the dinner party.”

“Oh very well, if I must converse with pretty girls, then I must.” Reggie grinned, even as he gave
Matthew a speculative look. “Will you be fencing Emily with words today?”

“It might feel that way.”

“Then enjoy yourself.”

“Oh, I intend to.”

Reggie sighed. “I am quite envious.”

After Reggie left for the stables, Matthew went through the drawing room and outside. Emily was waiting for him at the edge of the terrace. In yellow, she rivaled the hollyhocks lining the gravel path below them. Though it was autumn, the sun shone between puffy clouds, and she only wore a simple black shawl over her gown. Several curls escaped her chignon to flutter in the breeze. She absently pushed one behind her ear, her expression serene, as if with his return, she no longer had any cares in the world. Together, they walked down the marble steps and onto the pathway.

He took her arm, entwining it with his. She didn’t try to pull away. In fact, she momentarily leaned against him, shoulder-to-shoulder, and hugged his arm to her. Was she thinking of other things a husband and wife did together? He was; his desire for her seemed heightened with the mystery of her.

“So when I sent you from India,” he said, saving the conversation about their imaginary six months together for another time, “you arrived here ill. Was the sea voyage hard on you?”

She shook her head. “I have always found the sea quite invigorating.”

“Ah yes, the family boat,” he said with sudden remembrance. “How terrible of me to force you on another voyage so soon after the death of your family.”

“I wanted to be with you,” she said almost boldly.

The jolt of her deep blue eyes hit him hard. She affected him so easily, but she would learn he was not so easily manipulated.

“And then you heard that I was dead. It must have been…very difficult on my family—and you.”

“They’d already been notified of your death before I arrived,” she said quietly, tilting up her face as the sun came out from behind a cloud. “It sounds so strange to talk of such things around you. Having cheated death, you seem almost larger than life.”

Flattery again? It was a good tactic to use on a man.

“We were all consumed with grief,” she continued. “They are a wonderful family, and they helped me recover in ways I’ll never forget.”

“And by the way they dote on you, you must have helped them recover, too.”

She hesitated, then let out a breath. “We all helped each other wait through…the length of a month.”

She looked determinedly at a distant fountain.

A month, he mused—and then it dawned on him. The length of a woman’s cycle.

“They thought you might be with child?” he asked, working hard to hide his amusement.

“I did not think so, due to the six week length of my voyage, but your mother was so full of hope.”

He did not want to think of Lady Rosa grieving for him. “When that long wait was over, what then?” he asked. “What did you do here, in mourning?”

“I became acquainted with your family, of course,” she said. “We women spent much time together sewing and painting.”

“You’re an artist?”

“As much as any woman taught the basic skills. I have no great talent,” she admitted, “unlike your sister Susanna. Our evenings were quiet affairs, of course. The immense library here was a great consolation. After a brief leave of absence, your father went back to teaching and his research. Susanna’s quiet sessions sketching at his side seemed to ease him. If only your mother had such a preoccupation.”

“In mourning, she could not see to Rebecca’s social calendar.”

A smile tilted the corners of her mouth. “No, but since the spring, she has made up for the lack.” She shot him a speculative look. “Why was your family so surprised that you wanted to go to the dinner tonight?”

He debated how to answer that, and decided on the truth. “I used to be…rather set in my ways.”

She laughed aloud, and it was the first time he’d heard her amused. He’d read once about a woman’s laughter being compared to the sweet ringing of bells, and he’d scoffed at it. No more.

“You, set in your ways,” she said, when she finally collected herself. “Not the man
I
married.”

“Well apparently, marrying you was the first spontaneous thing I ever did. And then India allowed me the freedom I’d never granted myself.”

“You can’t tell me you didn’t attend parties.”

“Of course not—you know my mother.”

They exchanged smiles.

“But I kept myself very controlled. I think my family assumed my amnesia would make me retreat until I felt more myself, and once it probably would have. But now—no. I’m home, where I want to be, doing what I want. And a dinner party with my family will make me happy. Susanna can do as she wishes, even bury herself in her laboratory. Not me.”

He felt her arm tense against his.

“Matthew, that is the wrong attitude to have toward your sister. You men can do as you please, roam the world and earn your fortune. But not we women. Don’t dismiss Susanna’s problems.”

He smiled, but she didn’t smile back. “I’m not
dismissing her problems,” he said. “But she’s an adult, long past starry-eyed girlhood.”

“And so that means she’s right?”

Her eyes held his with such seriousness, as she stopped on the path to face him.

“Right now, Susanna’s life is as she wants it,” Emily said. “But someday your parents will be gone, and she’ll find herself either alone or a dependent in a family member’s household. Everyone will have children and be living their lives, and she’ll feel…apart.”

He couldn’t take his eyes from her, wondering what part of this passionate speech was real and what was just a masquerade.

“I don’t think she’s truly happy,” Emily continued thoughtfully. “She knows her mother is disappointed, but Susanna doesn’t know what
she
wants.”

“I think you’re challenging me to do something about it.”

She blinked at him, then spoke slowly. “Maybe I am.”

It seemed to him that the only way Susanna could be happy was to find companionship among the
ton,
with whom she’d be spending the rest of her life. “Very well, then. Together we’ll launch her again into Society, beginning with the social events here in the country. We’ll make her see that with a little effort on her part, she can make more friends
and be a happier person. A happy person attracts men easily.”

And while he was helping his sister, he would be able to watch Emily.

“She’s always attracted men to her side,” Emily was saying, “but apparently not the ones she’s interested in, because she rebuffs them. But I like your idea. I can help.”

“I don’t doubt it.” He took her arm again and they resumed their walk. “Now back to learning more about my wife. What have you been doing since coming out of mourning?”

“Well, the family had two weddings to plan, which gave us all something to do.”

He came to a halt and stared at her. “Weddings?”

“Oh, I did not realize…well, your cousins, of course, Mr. Throckmorten and His Grace, the duke.”

Stunned, he said, “We regularly corresponded before my injury. I did not even hear word that either of them was planning to court a woman, let alone marry. Of course, I could have forgotten that, too…”