Never, Never (25 page)

D
REAMING WAS ONE OF THE THINGS
H
OOK MISSED
most about London. He wished that, rather than feeling the dead eyes of the crocodile filling his stomach with cold, leaden fear, he was asleep, and touching Tiger Lily. But, he supposed, it seemed odd to dream when you were living in one. So there was nothing for him but an endless cycle of reality, and sleeping, and reality again.

That did not stop him wishing and imagining the taste of Tiger Lily's lips, the feel of her skin, remembering what it felt like to have his mouth at her hip.

Inevitably, every thought of her turned to a crocodile. Her smile became a row of sharp, hungry crocodile teeth. Her footsteps became the slow, steady ticking of a clock.

He tried to remember London, to remember his mother and father and brother, but his pictures of them were so blurry that they did nothing to stave off his horrible imagination. So nothing would lull him to sleep, and he tossed and turned violently, wondering just how long this Nevernight would last.

Eventually, when his body had reached such a state of exhaustion that his eyelids forced their way closed and he had just begun to drift off, there was a loud rapping at the door. He jumped up to a seated position and gripped his sheets, ready to shred them. Hook scowled and rose
from his bed, pulling a cover around his waist. He flung the door open with vigor and said, “What sort of fool—”

He stopped short when he realized who was standing in his doorway, suddenly very conscious of his bare chest and lack of any clothing beneath the blanket.

“Tiger Lily,” he said, suddenly entirely out of breath.

“I'm sorry; I shouldn't have come so late.” Her gaze flicked from the top of his head to his feet and back up again, and she blushed.

He scratched his head with his hook and tried to gather his wits about him. This was no easy task, it turned out, being that he'd just been roused from sleep. “No, no,” he said, still in that half-daze of near slumber. “Come in.”

Tiger Lily accepted his invitation and walked into his room. He closed the door quietly behind her and turned to face her, heart rate rising rapidly. She stood there for an awkward moment, wringing her hands and looking at anything but him. He gave her what he deemed a reasonable time to begin talking. She did not take it. Finally, after what seemed an eternity of silence, he was compelled to speak.

“What—” he started, unsure whether to draw close to her or back away. He chose to stay backed against the door. “What are you doing here?” His words were clumsy, he knew, but eloquence had fled his head completely. Tiger Lily was there, in the middle of the night, with him.

Tiger Lily looked directly at him, and he thought what he saw in her eyes was guilt. Panic overtook him. This was it. She had come to end it for good. His throat constricted.

“James, I—”

“Don't say it,” he said hoarsely, unwilling to hear what he knew she would tell him in moments. “Please, don't.” He took a step into the room.

A better man could have handled it. A stronger man would have heard her out and sent her away and slept off the pain, or drunk it off. Clearly, he was neither better nor stronger. With the woman in the room, he was nothing but vulnerable and raw. He hated it at that moment, more than ever.

“James,” she said, taking a step toward him.

Hook turned away from her, swallowed hard. He was fully aware that his actions were those of a child. But the pulse pounding dangerously in his throat and the sweat breaking out all over him made it impossible for him to react in any other way.

“Please, James, just—”

“No,” he pleaded. “Please, don't even tell me. I cannot hear it from you. “

Tiger Lily made a sound of exasperation and forced her way in front of him.

“You fool pirate,” she said, and she grabbed his head and kissed him. The feel of her mouth took his breath away, and at first he didn't even kiss her back, he was in such shock. But he quickly came to his senses and kissed her, deep and hard, with everything in him.

Tiger Lily pulled away for a moment. “What did you think I'd come to say?”

His voice was husky. “I thought you'd come to tell me you were leaving me.”

She rested her fingers lightly on his bare chest, and his breath hitched. “I've made my choice, James Hook.”

“Have you?”

She swallowed hard and drew closer to him, fingers spread over his collarbone. He shivered.

“I cannot spend my life loving a boy.”

Hook's pulse quickened. “And can you spend it loving a pirate?”

Tiger Lily stared up at him. Both of them were frozen, it seemed, heavy breath the only sound in the room. Tiger Lily broke the spell. She brought his mouth to hers, and Hook encircled her body with his powerful arms, forgetting about the blanket, letting it fall to the floor. He breathed into her, a low, guttural groan that came from the depths of him, and he let go of all the passion he'd been restraining for so long.

He pressed his chest hard against her and pushed her into the cabin wall, and she gasped. Hook tangled his fingers in her hair and kissed her over and over, deeper and with more longing than he ever had. The touch of her was exquisite, overwhelming. He was reluctant to pull back from her lips, but he had a greater need to explore the rest of her.

His fingers glided down to her shoulder and he stopped when they reached the edge of the fabric of her dress. He looked into her eyes, hoping, questioning, next to pleading.

She looked straight into him, and a corner of her mouth turned up.

“Are you sure?” he whispered, voice cracking.

She clasped her fingers around his and slid the sleeve of her dress down until it bared the top of her arm. Hook breathed in shakily and did the same to the other. The curve of her neck, the smooth lines of her shoulders, they were unreasonably enticing. He slid his fingers up, behind her neck, gentle, barely touching her. Then he leaned against the wall, hook digging into the wood, and brought his lips to the hollow of her throat, feeling the rapid pulse beneath his lips. He drank in the taste of her skin, sweet honeysuckle and smoke and earth; it was intoxicating.

He moved lower, teeth brushing against her collarbone, stopping when his mouth reached the curve of her breasts and kissing her slowly. Then he backed away
once again and slid his hand up the length of her leg. She was trembling. He clenched his fist around the fabric of her dress and slipped it off her.

Hook stood there, still, unable to move, unable to breathe, staring at her. Her body was smooth and curved and heady; he couldn't even blink. Then, Tiger Lily pressed up against him and kissed him, and he lost all capacity for rational thought. There was nothing in his mind, save for her soft body against his and the feel of his fingertips across her. He laid her on the bed, completely vulnerable to her, letting his hand and hook glide softly over every surface of her body. He lowered his face and kissed her throat, up to her jaw, stopping at her ear.

“Tiger Lily,” he whispered, barely able to form words at that point, “I love you.”

He waited, skin burning atop hers, breath catching in his throat, terrified that he would not hear it back from her. Then, in a voice so low he could barely hear it, she said, “I love you, James Hook.”

Her body melted against his, yielding to him, and he gave himself completely over to her. He was totally consumed by her, enraptured by the feel, the taste, the beauty of her. And when she let out a small sound of pain, he brought his lips to her ear and kissed her gently until she relaxed against him and they moved together.

Afterward, Hook lay beside her in the darkness, running his fingers up and down her back, hardly believing that the woman he'd loved since he'd been able to love was lying next to him, skin against his, breathing rhythmically in and out as she slept. He wondered, briefly, if tomorrow he would wake up and find that this had all been a dream. But that wasn't possible here, was it? For the first time, he was thankful for that. He smiled, thoughts clouded and fuzzy.

It was difficult to think clearly with her so close, even though she was asleep. As Hook lay, spent and peaceful in the night, stroking her skin softly, he found that there was nothing more on this island that he wanted. Nothing more than her.

The thought of slitting Peter's throat did not sound so thrilling then, not with Tiger Lily there, wanting to be with him. It was as though all his life, he'd been searching for breadcrumbs, desperately needing breadcrumbs, but laid before him was a spread of pastries and fruits and fine wines. And were that the case, who in his right mind would long for the breadcrumbs?

Perhaps the killing of Pan was not a worthwhile venture. Perhaps, if Tiger Lily loved him, Pan was not what he needed at all. Perhaps he could brave all of Neverland if this woman agreed to be with him.

“Tiger Lily,” he whispered.

The rhythm of her breathing hitched, but then resumed.

“Tiger Lily,” he said again, brushing her raven hair away from her back with his hook.

“Hmmm?” she answered, half in the throes of sleep.

“Run away with me.”

Tiger Lily gave him an answer that was clearly influenced by grogginess. “Not tonight, James. It's late out.”

“No. I don't mean now. I mean ever. Run away with me.”

Tiger Lily was quiet for several seconds, then she rolled over to face him. Hook tried to ignore the feeling of her bare skin moving against his.

“What did you say?”

“I asked you to come away with me.”

She grazed her fingers up the length of him, playing with the soft curls of his hair that lay over his shoulders.

“What do you mean, come away with you?”

He kissed her between her jaw and her ear. “I mean, leave all this.”

“It isn't possible.”

“I know we can't leave Neverland. I know. But we could leave this all behind, go somewhere without Peter and the crocodile and your father forcing a barrage of suitors on you.” He smiled into her throat.

“Where? The Never Wastes?”

“Yes. Perhaps. Or some part of the island we've never seen. Or a little place off the coast I haven't sailed to yet.”

She frowned up at him. “The Never Wastes—that place is nothing but nightmares. You'd regret it the moment you set foot in it.”

“Not if you were with me. And we don't have to go there. We'll sail off.” He kissed her, unable to keep from feeling, tasting her lips.

She smiled and moved her fingers to his chest, absentmindedly running them through his chest hair.

“You're a pirate. Would you have me live aboard the
Spanish Main
?”

“If you wished it.”

“I'm not a pirate, James.”

“Then I'll leave it,” he said, shrugging.

“Leave it?” She scoffed. “You are Captain James Hook, the fiercest pirate in the sea. You'd leave it all behind for a woman? I hardly think so.”

He brought his hand to her face, staring into her eyes with utter sincerity. “I'm not lying to you, Tiger Lily.”

She closed her eyes and smiled as he ran his thumb over her cheek. “What about Peter?”

His thumb froze.

“What about Peter?” he asked, voice immediately dark.

“Could you give up your quest for revenge on the boy? Could you really stop caring about him?”

He relaxed and stared over her out the window, considering.

“Yes. I haven't known peace since I was a boy. Now I know it with you, and no thirst for revenge can rob it from me. I'd forget about him.”

Tiger Lily bit her lip. “You don't know what you're saying. Give up piracy, give up your ship, give up your Pan. It's sleep talking.”

“It isn't.”

“We will talk about this in the morning, when the woman beside you isn't naked and you've your wits about you.”

Hook grinned, and she rolled over. His heart beat quietly against her back, and he closed his eyes and breathed deeply. And he wrapped his arms around her and fell asleep kissing her neck.

W
HEN
H
OOK AWOKE
, T
IGER
L
ILY WAS NOT IN HIS
bed. He wondered, for a moment, if perhaps last night really had been, impossibly, a dream. He sat slowly up and flung his legs over the edge of the bed, morning confusion muddying his thoughts. Hook stood and pulled on his pants, letting his chest stay bare; Peter was back in Neverland, which meant he could walk outside not fully clothed without freezing.

He walked out of his cabin and onto the deck, telling himself that he hadn't invented the night with Tiger Lily but doubting it somewhat. His bed was empty, after all. He shook his head, trying to clear the haze from his mind, and furrowed his brow when Bill Jukes plodded past and snickered, Flintwise at his heels, very conspicuously avoiding the captain's eyes.

He swiveled his head to glance at his crewmembers, and no one, save for Starkey, would look him in the eye.

“Starkey,” he said, making his way over to his first mate.

“Captain.”

Hook leaned over the ship's bow, not pressing, simply waiting. Starkey was unable to keep his opinions to himself, Hook had found. He didn't have to wait long.

“It's a bold move, Captain.”

“What?” he said, turning his head, elbows on the edge of the ship.

“The Princess?” Starkey said, raising an eyebrow.

Hook sighed. “You all know, then?”

“It'd be hard not to, her leavin' your cabin this mornin' and walkin' right through the middle of everyone.”

Hook chewed on his cheek. He was not required to defend his actions to his crewmen. Nonetheless, he felt like he needed to. Heat rose to the surface of his skin.

“She's Pan's, isn't she?” said Starkey quietly, looking out over the glass sea.

Hook whipped his head around with a snap and growled, “What would give you such an impression?”

Starkey looked into Hook's snarling faced and calmly replied, “I meant no insult, Captain. But she's been runnin' round with Peter since she was little. We've all seen 'em here and there. I'm only sayin' it's bold, is all.”

James breathed slowly in and out, inwardly recoiling, expecting a lecture. He felt extremely young, preparing to be berated for pursuing a girl he shouldn't have, as though Starkey could punish him, level him with a word. Something about Starkey often made him feel this way.

The other man simply narrowed his eyes, compelled Hook to meet his gaze, studied him hard. Then Starkey jerked his head toward the starboard side of the ship and said, “She's down there. On the beach.”

Starkey turned and left him, heading toward the breakfast table, where most of the men had gathered by then. Hook stood there, blinking. What had caused Starkey to simply let him off without a word?

Perhaps he approved? Or perhaps, after all this time, Starkey had finally accepted him as Captain, finally agreed to let him make his decisions and to follow them, whatever his own opinion on the matter. He stole a glance back at his first mate, and Starkey did not look up from
his food. Hook straightened, running his fingers through his long, black hair, and left the ship, bare feet sinking into the warm sand. Then, he saw her.

She was standing on the shore, long hair whipping in the breeze. The suns were just rising, sky pastel and lovely, nymphs lighting up the sea. He breathed a sigh of relief. Tiger Lily did not turn; she was completely still, water bubbling around her ankles, sand creeping up her legs. She was exquisite, stealing the breath from him. He almost hated to disturb her, but he wanted to touch her more than he wanted to let her alone. So, he walked quietly over to the woman and stopped behind her. Somehow, she still couldn't hear him, so he slid his arms around her shoulders and kissed her lightly behind her ear. She jumped.

“You weren't there when I woke up. I feared last night wasn't real,” he said, voice still low and gravelly from the early morning,

“Quite the opposite,” she said, smiling.

“Are you well this morning?”

“Very,” she said. Her voice was somewhat dreamy.

“I slept better than I have in ages.” He slid his fingers down to hers, then, and she curled her fingers around his hand. He started walking down the beach toward the little coves scattered here and there, and she walked slowly with him.

She laughed. “I think you may have been at least half sleeping even when you were awake, from the things you said to me last night.”

“Is that so?”

“You said you'd give up the
Spanish Main
for me. So, you tell me.”

She was teasing him, he knew. He thought for a moment as they walked, and the low murmur of the men on the
Main
faded into near silence, the only sound the
gentle whip of the waves, the occasional bird singing out. They stopped at the mouth of a tiny cave.

“I don't know. Part of me wants to tell you that your feminine wiles influenced me into saying crazy things.” He nudged her just inside the cave's opening and kissed her again, this time at the spot just where her neck met her shoulder. It was difficult, he was learning, to keep his lips from touching her.

She grinned.

“The other part wants me to tell you that I'm irreversibly in love with you, and that there isn't anything I wouldn't give up to be with you.”

Tiger Lily turned around, eyebrows furrowed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned up against the cold cave wall. It was so small and close in there, barely room for them to stand. He leaned into her warm skin.

“The
Main
, James? You'd leave your ship? Give up being a pirate?”

Hook brushed a tendril of hair behind her ear and unwrapped his arms from around her. Then he heaved a sigh and sat on the soft floor of the cave. He played with the sand, grabbing a handful, sifting it through his fingers.

“Truthfully? I'll always be a pirate, Tiger Lily.” He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. “Take off that dress again and perhaps you'll hear me saying something entirely different.”

Tiger Lily laughed and sat beside him, shadows playing on her face. She slid her hand between his shirt and his skin. He felt a chill go up his back.

“Ah, so it was babble in the throes of passion then,” she said, smiling and running her fingers up and down his spine.

“I can't forget who I am. And I won't.” He arched his back lightly under her fingertips and shuddered. “But that does not mean I don't wish to run away with you.”

Her hand froze. “Think about what you're saying.”

“I have.”

Tiger Lily snatched her hand from his back and grabbed her arms, frowning.

“What?” Hook asked, turning to look at her. “Is that so insane?”

“It's just, I've never been anywhere but home. I can't simply leave everything.”

“Fine,” he said, leaning closer to her. “Then I'll go to the Chief and I'll tell him to leave your suitors well enough alone. I'll tell him you've chosen Captain Hook.”

She laughed aloud. “Would you? Would you, really?” Sarcasm dripped from every word. “My father would have every man in the camp on you in a second. You'd be dead before you could turn around.”

“I don't know about that. I like to think the Chief and I have something of a rapport.”

“James,” she said, smiling without humor, “you're a pirate. He will never allow me to be with a pirate.”

“Then, that brings us to our former argument.” He turned toward her and cupped her face with one hand, eyes burning and intense. “I won't abandon piracy forever, and I won't give up my ship entirely. But I'll leave with you. We can go anywhere. Someone else can take my place until we return, whenever that may be. I'll not worry about the
Main
for as long you wish it. I'll think of nothing but you.” He slid his fingers down her arm, drawing goose bumps where he touched her, and kissed her palm. “And see nothing but you.” He kissed her again, on her arm. “And feel nothing but you.” He brought his lips to her shoulder, heat between them all the more striking in the cool, dark closeness of the cave.

Tiger Lily rolled her eyes and batted him away, shivering. “I can't think when you're kissing me like that, pirate.”

He chuckled mischievously and sat back, folding his arms across his chest. “Fine. I shall fight fair. Know that that's an honor I rarely afford people.”

She shook her head, smiling, then sighed heavily. “Where would we go, truthfully? I'll not live in the Never Wastes. You'd certainly not survive there.”

Hook narrowed his eyes and smirked. She was right; he was somewhat inept at wilderness survival. Then, he turned out toward the ocean. “Keelhaul. We could go to Keelhaul.”

A shadow fell over Tiger Lily's face. “Yes, James. Let's go to Keelhaul, where you've been kinder to all the women than anyone who's ever visited its shores.”

Hook bit his cheek and conceded the point.

He stood and peered out over the island. There were little peninsulas and tiny pieces of land that could hardly qualify as islands, all of them dotting the landscape. “Not Keelhaul, then. But look around. There are a thousand places we could go, little Never Isles off the coast that neither of us has ever seen.” He knelt again, fingers playing in the soft pieces of hair at the base of her neck. “I'll give you a life you've only dreamt of, Tiger Lily. We can be together anywhere. Then, when we've tired of some perfect little paradise, you can sail away with me on the
Main
.”

“What of Peter?” she asked, staring at some dark spot on the cave wall.

“What of him?” said Hook, voice instantly low and angry.

“You would forget him so quickly?”

“Yes,” he said, words just this side of a growl. “Why is that so important to you anyway? Would
you
?”

“James—”

Hook stood, crossed his arms. “I tire of this.”

Tiger Lily rolled her eyes. “Of what?”

“This,” he said, waving his arm at her. “Even after last night, he's still here. He's always
here
.”

“Stop it, James,” she spat. “I haven't even laid eyes on Peter for a week—”

“A week?”

“—and last we spoke, he wanted little to do with me anyway.”

Hook frowned. “What?”

Tiger Lily drew her arms tighter around herself and pulled her knees into her chest. “He says I'm growing up.”

“You are,” said Hook, reaching out to touch her, kneeling in the sand, trying very hard not to think of the day he'd heard those very words from Peter.

“For you,” she said, looking over her shoulder at him. “I grew up for you.”

Hook drew in a breath.

“I can't decide whether I love you or hate you for it, James Hook, but I did, and now here I am.”

His pulse spiked and he laid his hand on her shoulder, running his thumb in little circles on her skin. “You grew up to be with me?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“That can't be,” he said quietly. “You'd been growing up long before you knew me.”

“Yes,” she said. “Consequences of being the Chief 's daughter. You grow up quickly, experiences and all that.” She bit her lip. “But I'd stalled, you know. I was quite happy to stay where I was, young, a girl, and then I met you again. And everything changed.”

“Is that—” His voice cracked, and he drew in a deep breath. “Did you come to my room last night because— because you're too old? Because Peter no longer wishes to be with you?” Vocalizing it at all made him sick to his stomach.

“No,” she said, spinning around to face him, hands at the base of his jaw. “I came to your room last night because I love you.”

His gaze dropped to the floor and then rose to hers. “Then why mention his name the moment I ask you to leave?”

“Because if I'm to leave with you, I need to know that you love me more than you hate him. He dreamt me. If he dies, I'm not—I'm not entirely sure…”

Hook nodded. He knew what she was wondering, for it had crossed his mind as well. If Peter died, would Tiger Lily still live? He reached out and touched her face, pulling it to his.

“I love you more than I long for London, more than I love the
Spanish Main
, more than I hate Peter Pan.” He kissed her slowly, deeply, and she tangled her fingers in his hair. “Come away with me,” he breathed.

She bit her bottom lip. “I don't know about it, James.”

“Are you afraid?”

“A bit.”

He paused for a moment, skin buzzing from brushing hers. “Of what? Leaving, or me?”

She let out a breath. “Not you. It's no small thing you're asking of me, James. You're asking me to leave everything I've ever known, to abandon my family, my people. I can't decide it in a night.”

“Then don't,” Hook said. He twitched his hand toward her and played with her thin fingers absent-mindedly.