New Beginnings (44 page)

As I looked at Stewart in the rearview mirror, his face was an unreadable mask. Fear shot through me spiking my heart rate. Was he expecting there to be a problem? Was there some kind of threat that had been made against Xavier or me or both of us? Is that why Xavier was acting the way he was? Shit. We shouldn’t have come. But it was too late. Marissa was already out and opening Xavier’s door.

Marissa popped open a large, black umbrella and handed it to Xavier as soon as he stepped out of the vehicle. He never let go of my hand as he exited and then helped me out. He also never looked me in the eye. Something was wrong. Something was off.

Wrapping his arm around my waist, he held me close to his side making sure that I was completely covered by the umbrella. The horrible downpour that started as soon as we left the condo continued.

I was thankful I wore flats. The grass was sopping wet and muddy in places, which would have had my heels sinking in the ground. Instead water kept sloshing over into my shoes. My feet were soaked and freezing already.

It seemed the funeral was already underway. As we got closer to the small crowd of people, I could here the reverend speaking.

Under a huge, lone pine tree sat a coffin on a pedestal. It was covered with a black cloth. A white flower arrangement made up of mostly lilies was arranged on the closed lid.

A large mat of artificial grass was laid out, which kept you from sinking into the soaked ground. Carline was sitting in the first seat with her parents next to her. A small group of about fifteen people were standing behind them.

Carline’s father stared blankly at us as we approached. Carline, however, did not see us. She was too busy crying into a handkerchief. Her wails increased slightly when the reverend mentioned Stephen as a loving husband. Xavier guided me to stand behind the group, which kept us out of Carline’s view.

As I listened to the reverend drone on about how wonderful Stephen was and the short but happy life he had with Carline, I thought about what he had said to me in the park the other day. He made it sound like there were no real feelings between them, that Carline wouldn’t be upset if anything were to happen to him. She sounded genuinely upset to me right now. As I feared, Carline truly did care about Stephen. He just never realized it.

Xavier’s hand started flexing against my waist in agitation. Glancing up at him, I was surprised to see him looking irritated and antsy. I knew he could feel me looking at him, but he still refused to look at me. What the hell was going on? Looking around him, I spotted both Stewart and Marissa standing about ten feet from us. Their eyes were solely focused on the crowd and us.

When the funeral ended, Xavier started dragging me away as quickly as possible. It was almost as if he didn’t want anyone to know that we had been there. Then this horrible, agonizing scream pierced through the quiet.

Looking over my shoulder, I saw Carline coming at us with a look of murder on her face. As if Xavier knew exactly what was going on without even looking, he picked up the pace heading toward the car with renewed purpose.

Stewart stopped Carline in her tracks. She thrashed around widely against his hold, screaming at the top of her lungs. Her father took her arm out of Stewart’s grasp. Heated words were exchanged between the two men. Marissa stayed close behind us.

This is why Xavier was in such a sullen mood. I wouldn’t be surprised if Carline’s father had contacted him telling him not to come to the funeral.

We were just feet from the vehicle when Xavier spun around to face Marissa. “Get her in the car. Now.” Before I could say anything or grab a hold of him, he was stalking off in the pouring rain toward Carline and her father. Stewart met him half way. Putting a hand to his chest, he tried to stop him, but Xavier just pushed past him.

Carline started struggling against her father’s hold. “How could you!” she screamed at Xavier. “How could you bring that bitch here? She killed him. That bitch killed my husband,” she screamed, pointing a long finger accusingly at me.

I stood in shock staring at them. She blamed me for Stephen’s death? I killed him? I watched as heated words were exchanged between Carline, her father, and Xavier. Stewart was pulling on Xavier’s arm trying to get him back to the vehicle. Marissa was in front of me encouraging me to get in the car. The whole situation was a mess.

“Ella, please get in the car,” Marissa urged. “I knew coming to this cemetery was a bad idea,” she mumbled.

“What did you say? This cemetery was a bad idea? What do you mean?” Marissa’s eyes widened. She realized she said something that she shouldn’t have. “What is it about this cemetery, Marissa? Answer me,” I demanded.

“Shit. You don’t know?” she asked.

“Obviously not,” I snapped.

“Xavier’s parents are buried here. He hasn’t come here since the day they were laid to rest. Gabriel tries to get him to visit, but he refuses,” she said sadly.

I looked over at Xavier with tears stinging my eyes. It must have been so difficult for him to come here, but he did. He did for me.

“I didn’t know,” I said to Marissa. “He’s never come? At all?”

“No, Ella. Gabriel comes and takes care of their plot.”

“So that’s why he’s been so sullen today,” I said softly, still staring at Xavier.

“That and Carline’s father contacted him. He urged him not to come. Carline blames you for Stephen’s death. Her father knew seeing you would upset her.”

“Why didn’t he tell me any of this?” I looked back at Marissa and frowned.

She gave me a small, sad smile. “Because that man would do anything for you. He knew you needed to come for the closure so you could finally put Stephen behind you.” She turned around and looked at them. Xavier almost looked like he was standing nose-to-nose with Carline’s father now. The heated conversation between them continued.

He came here for me now I felt like I needed to do something for him. He was living with whatever demons there were taunting him over the death of his parents. It was time to excise them.

I grabbed Marissa’s arm, forcing her to face me. Her surprised eyes met mine. “Where are they? Where are his parents buried?” I asked urgently. She didn’t answer me. She just looked down at my hand on her arm. “Tell me, Marissa. I know you know. If you don’t tell me then I’ll walk this whole damn place until I find them.”

She glanced back at Stewart and Xavier then she looked back to me. “They’re up there, on the right, under a group of pine trees. There’s a big, upright, black stone that simply says Hart. You can’t miss it. Two smaller, flat markers also in black are over each grave.”

I ducked out from the under the umbrella and started speed walking down the narrow road.

“Ella, let me drive you. You’re getting soaked,” she yelled after me.

I glanced over my shoulder. Marissa’s yelling alerted Xavier to my departure. When he first turned from Carline and her father, his face was contorted with anger. But as his eyes met mine, he realized where I was going and the anger gave way to fear.

Turning away from him, I started back down the road. A group of three, tall pines was up to the right with what looked like a black stone underneath. I picked up the pace. It was so close.

“Ella!” Xavier yelled. I ignored him and continued on, trying to walk faster.

The black stone was just several feet away when a strong hand grabbed my elbow stopping me in my tracks. I spun around, having to shield my face from the rain with my hand so I could look him in the face. His eyes were wide, his face pale, and he was staring at the stone that was just over my shoulder.

“Why didn’t you tell me your parents were buried here? Why didn’t you tell me that you haven’t been here since their funeral?” I placed my hands on his biceps and squeezed. “Why didn’t you tell me how coming here would be so difficult for you?”

He looked down at me with nothing but sadness in his eyes. “I can’t be here. We need to go. Now,” he said urgently.

“Why? Why can’t you be here?”

“I let them die,” he said through gritted teeth.

I shook my head at him. “No! No, you didn’t,” I said adamantly. He continued to look at me, shaking his head. “You didn’t let them die. Xavier, they were grown adults. Your mother knew, baby. She knew something was wrong, but she went anyway. It was her choice, and she wouldn’t want you beating yourself up right now over a choice she made.”

He continued to shake his head at me. “I should’ve physically stopped them,” he said angrily.

“Even if you tried there’s no guarantee that they would have stayed. It sounded like your mother was determined to go. You wouldn’t have been able to stop her.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “You don’t know that.”

“Neither do you. You can’t sit here and play the what if game, Xavier.” We continued to stare at each other. Even through the pouring rain, I could still see the tears fall from his eyes. “I can’t imagine how difficult it must’ve been to lose them the way you did, but you can’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault your mother wasn’t well.”

I released his arms and wrapped a hand around his. As I started walking toward the stone, I expected him to fight me, but he didn’t. He willingly followed.

We stepped in front of the big, black stone that was in the shape of a scroll. The name Hart was engraved in big, bold letters. I could feel Xavier trembling. His hand was shaking with such force it shook my whole arm.

Below the scroll-shaped stone were two black, flat stones just a foot apart. Beloved Father was engraved on top with his name, date of birth, and date of death. The other stone was engraved with Beloved Mother with her name, date of birth, and date of death also engraved.

We stood, shaking and trembling, in the pouring rain. My clothes were soaked through to my skin as if I had stood in the shower fully dressed. The heavy weight of them hanging off my shoulders, but I didn’t care.

Movement to the right of us caught my eye. It was Stewart coming to a stop in the street kindly keeping his distance. Marissa pulled up in the SUV seconds later.

Without warning, Xavier released my hand, and dropped to his knees on his parent’s graves. Water splashed out from underneath him when his knees made heavy contact with the soaked ground. His sudden collapse had me thinking he was physically hurt, but then he hung his head and started rocking back and forth. Gut-wrenching sobs escaped him.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He just kept saying over and over, rocking back and forth.

My heart shattered in my chest at the sight of him so hurt, so broken. Tears streamed down my face mixing in with the rain.

Stewart started walking over to us. There was a concerned look on his face. I raised my hand and shook my head at him. Marissa jumped out of the car, grabbing Stewart’s arm to also stop him.

Dropping down next to him, I wrapped my arms tightly around him and rocked with him. “It’s okay. Let it go, baby, let it go. It’s all right.” I kept murmuring over and over.

After several minutes, Xavier lifted me up encouraging me to straddle his thighs. We wrapped our arms around each other tightly. He buried his head in my neck. I could feel his heart hammering in his chest. His breathing was rough and uneven.

“Don’t leave me, Ella. I can’t … I can’t lose you,” he said, his voice breaking.

“Shh. It’s all right. I’m not going anywhere,” I said soothingly.

We stayed like that until his breathing slowed and evened out. Thankfully, the rain also tapered off to a light drizzle. Not that it really mattered. We were both soaked to the skin, but it was nice not having the rain beating down on you, stinging your bare skin.

Pulling back to look at me, his eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, he started shaking his head as if he were disgusted with himself. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” he mumbled.

“I’m not.” He raised his brows at me. “I’m your wife, and you needed me. I’m always going to be here for you.”

He crushed me to him. “Thank you. I never would’ve come here if it weren’t for you. This needed to happen. I realized that I’ve lost two important people that I loved very much, but I’m gaining three in you and our babies.” He loosened his hold on me without letting go. “And here I thought I was bringing you here so you could get closure with Stephen, but you ended up giving me closure concerning my parents. I don’t know how to thank you for that.”

“There’s no need to thank me. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” I said firmly, pushing his wet hair off his forehead.

His eyes focused on me as if he were seeing me for the first time today. “You’re soaked,” he said in horror, lifting me up to my feet. “Let’s get out of here. I need to get you dry. I can’t have you getting sick.” He grabbed my hand and dragged me to the SUV.

I felt horrible getting into his BMW dripping wet since both our knees, shins, and shoes were muddy. His vehicle was going to be in need of a good detailing after this. Stewart thankfully cranked the heat as he started heading back to the condo.

It was a quiet ride back. Xavier held onto my hand, his thumb rhythmically rubbed over my knuckles. Every time I would look up at him, he was smiling down at me. His mood had dramatically changed from what it had been driving here.

When we pulled into the condo parking lot, I invited Stewart and Marissa to join us for dinner. I had given Bev the day off and had plans on making lasagna. There would be plenty for all of us. They happily agreed.

When the elevator got to their floor, we all decided to meet at our place in two hours at four p.m. Obviously we all needed to get into clean, dry clothes.

As soon as the elevator doors slid shut, Xavier was on me. His cold hands dove for my wet hair so he could hold my head in place as his soft lips crashed against mine. He kissed me with such passion that goose bumps bloomed across my skin. Heat flooded my core making me desperately ready for him.

I vaguely realized the elevator stopped and Xavier was guiding us off and into the hallway of the condo. Pushing me up against the wall, he grabbed my pocketbook, pulled it down my arm, and dumped it on the floor without breaking our kiss. I blindly reached out and unbuttoned his jacket. Peeling the cold, heavy, wet material down his arms, I dropped it to the floor. His jacket made a splattering noise as it hit the ceramic tile. All the while his tongue penetrated my mouth and tangled with mine in a way that made me wild.