New Forever (25 page)

“Janus-“

“Is fine,” she finishes for me.

Not exactly what I was going to say. He kind of looks like he has to pee, but I don’t mention it since I’ve already taken him for three walks. I walk over to him, silently apologizing to him and his bladder, while I pet his head and gather my courage.

This isn’t a big deal. I haven’t seen my parents in five years and I’ll be showing up on their doorstep with Hayley by my side—you know, the girl that looks exactly like her twin sister, who they had an instrumental part in her death. Not a big deal at all.

Hayley takes my hand with a small chuckle and guides me out of our apartment and to my car. Unwilling to give her the keys, I drive us to my parents’ house with a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel. When they eventually start to hurt, I take turns flexing the muscles in my hands and Hayley takes the opportunity to grab my unoccupied hand and hold it on her lap. I go to move my hand out of her lap, not wanting the sweat that’s built up to bother her, but she squeezes it in reassurance.

“I read the email from you parents,” Hayley blurts out unexpectedly and I look back at her in confusion. “When we were in Nassau. Josie had just fallen asleep and your laptop dinged so I went to turn the volume off so it wouldn’t wake Josie up if you got more emails.” She licks her lips and I smile back at her grimly, realizing she’s just as nervous as I am. “I saw it was an email from your dad so I opened it and read it. I’m sorry, Max. I shouldn’t have invaded your privacy like that. “

“I don’t care about that, Hay.” I move my hands to her face while I keep my eyes on the road as I drive and stroke her cheek with the back of my hand. “I care about us, about us getting through this.”

“We will,” she promises with tears swimming in her eyes.

“I care about you. You know everything about me. I have nothing to hide from you. Look at my emails, go through my phone. It doesn’t matter. Just please don’t hold who my parents are against me. I can’t control that part of my life.”

“I don’t.” Hayley takes my hand in hers again and places the palm of my hand on her cheek. “I love you, Max. Nothing that happens today is going to change that.”

I know she wants me to look at her, a small glance to let her know I believe her, and I want to. I want to believe, so I take a deep breath and take another leap that leaves me completely vulnerable in her arms.

“Okay,” I tell her. “Okay.”

As we get closer, we make plans to go to Orlando to visit the theme parks and decide to stay in one of the resorts since neither of us have stayed in anything but the regular hotels. We lightly argue over which characters we want to dine with, but she eventually admits that having breakfast with superheroes would be the most fun. Our idle chit chat stops when I round the corner just before my parents’ house and I grip Hayley’s hand hard.

“You ready?” I ask and she nods. “You don’t have to do this, Hay. We can drive past their house. You don’t have to see them.”

She shakes her head confidently at me and I look back at her with sudden awe. All this time, I’ve only thought about how hard this was on me, but rarely considered how Hayley felt. She is about to meet my parents and the entire time she’s been putting me at ease rather than me trying to put her at ease. My heart skips at the wonder that is this woman and I silently promise her a forever in which I remember to always put her feelings before my own.

After I put my car in park in their driveway, I cup Hayley’s face in my hands and kiss her softly on her lips.

“You’re an amazing woman, Hayley. You’re brave and kind and, damn it, I’m proud of you.”

She smiles back at me before leaning forward once again and hugs me.

“I’m proud of you, too. Now, let’s go make Hannah proud.”

Before we even close our car doors, my parents are outside the house waiting for us. My mom walks slowly toward me, but I see the tears she’s holding back in her eyes and don’t second guess my decision to hug her tightly to me. In her arms, I forget the resentment I’ve held onto for so long and simply become her son again. A boy whose Mom only let him down once.

Not once had she ever raised a hand at me or spoken badly to me. She’d always been there for me, defending me, protecting me, loving and supporting me. She’d always been my mom and I’d turned my back on her for five years. I’d held onto my anger and never bothered to call her to see how she was doing. But she was still my mom, and as always before, she welcomed me with the love and warmth that brought back memories of my childhood.

“Hi, Mom,” I say quietly and we pull apart from each other without any awkwardness. As if five minutes had passed since we’d last seen each other, instead of five years.

“Hi, kiddo,” she says through the tears she brushes away with her hands. “Who’s this?” She smiles at Hayley and my heart constricts, feeling as if I have already betrayed Hayley by still loving my mom.

“My name’s Hayley,” she says softly and gives my mom a comforting hug. My heart slams in my chest when they embrace and the love I have for Hayley somehow manages to grow when I realize the gift she’s given me by simply hugging my mom.

“Are you the reason my baby boy has finally come home?”

“Kind of.” Hayley looks at me for help so I reach out to her and put my arm around her shoulders so that I can guide her into my childhood house.

“We should talk inside, Mom,” I tell her and she nods her head, obviously unaware of the sudden unease between us. The only emotion on her face is the pure joy to having her son back in her life.

When we turn around, I see my dad standing by the front door staring at us with his hands shaking over his open mouth and his face an ashy white. He knows. He may not have known Hannah had a twin sister, but he knows why I’m here.

“Dad,” I say, nodding my head at him in acknowledgment, but he doesn’t see me. He only sees Hayley.

“How?” He stretches out a shaky finger at Hayley while my mom watches them in confusion.

Hayley takes my dad’s outstretched hand in hers and looks back at me with a look of terror. I have to make this right for all of us. It won’t be easy, but I don’t think I can close off my parents again. Not when the love I once had for them slams into my gut, reminding me I had only pretended to erase them from my life.

My mom was always my rock, my anchor. She was the one who could love me at my most unlovable moments. My dad was the voice of reason, who always made time for a boy who worshipped him. They never stopped being my parents or the people I loved. That’s why these years have been so difficult. I held onto their betrayal and let it take over every inch of who I was. Almost every inch of who I am. Even the bitterness I felt toward them couldn’t snake its arms around the love I still felt for them.

I need today just as much as Hayley does. I can only hope I can leave their house with all three of them in my life. Because if I had to choose, I’d choose Hayley. She’s my future. But I’d long for my parents the same way I’ve done for years, only this time I won’t be able to deny it.

“Inside,” I instruct everyone and with my dad’s hands in hers, Hayley follows me into the house.

I look back at Hayley several times to make sure she’s okay, but she just smiles at me uncertainly. I want so badly to pick her up and take her from this place, from these people who have caused her nothing but pain. I want to protect her, but she won’t let me. And what’s more, I can’t let myself do it. Not if I want my parents back.

Trying to maintain a sense of normalcy, my mom comes into the living room with a tray full of glasses of water. Hayley is the first to take a glass and drinks majority of it in one gulp. She looks back at me again and waits patiently for me to start, but I’m having a hard time forming any words in my mouth. I want to make everyone happy, but don’t think it’ll be possible.

“I don’t understand,” my dad manages to strangle out.

“Don’t be silly.” My mom hits him on the shoulder playfully when she sits down next to him. “Our son is back and brought a beautiful young lady with him.”

“No.” He shakes his head in denial.

“Dad-“ I start, but Hayley interrupts me.

“Mr. Davis. Sir.” She clears her throat. “My name is Hayley Bell.”

“No.” He shakes his header harder this time.

“Yes, sir,” she continues undeterred. “I know you think you recognize me-”

“You-you died. Five years ago. You died.”

“No, sir.” Hayley gets up from the couch and walks slowly to my dad where she crouches down in front of him. She places a hand on his knee, trying to comfort the very man who brought her the worst pain in her life. “My sister, Hannah, died five years ago.”

“Your sister?” he asks, while my mom inhales sharply, finally understanding what is transpiring.

“Yes, my twin sister. I understand my sister and you had an affair just before she died.” Hayley looks back at my mom apologetically and my mom nods silently as tears roll down her face, but my dad stays quiet. “It’s okay,” Hayley tells them. “It’s time for me to let it go.”

She looks back at both of them and smiles warmly at my parents. Hayley then reaches into her back pocket and hands my dad a piece of paper that he immediately opens with jerky movements that show just how nervous he is.

“What is this?” He stands up suddenly, pushing Hayley and my mom back with his erratic movements.

“It’s Hannah’s suicide letter.”

I get up from the couch and put my arms around Hayley, who leans into me as soon as she senses my closeness. I kiss the side of her head and run my hand over her arm.

“I don’t want this! Why would you give this to me?”

My dad’s anger springs from every corner of the room and I step toward him, ready to defend Hayley and her actions. They’re hers to make and mine to support, because she has a right to this. To put her grief to rest and let it rest on his shoulders.

I leave Hayley’s side to grab my dad’s shoulders but he turns on me quickly, pinning me to the wall while his eyes widen when he looks over at Hayley. Instinct immediately kicks in and I knee him in the stomach and am about to punch him when Hayley gets in the middle of us.

She yells at me, and I don’t hear her over the ringing in my own ears. But I see her and her eyes plead with me to stop, so I do. I take a couple steps so that Hayley is behind me and stare at my dad who is lying on the floor bleeding, daring him to come toward me again. He slowly gets up from the floor and wipes his mouth of the blood dripping from open cut he must have gotten when he hit the floor and takes a step toward us.

“Now, listen here.”

“No, you listen,” Hayley’s voice is dangerously low as she glares back at my dad through silted eyes. “The most important person in my life was taken from me. I live with that every day. Every time I breathe, it’s a reminder that I’m alive and she’s not. I don’t hold you accountable for what she did—they were her actions, her decisions. But I do expect you to treat me with the respect I deserve and not belittle the pain of my past. Look at her letter, read it, and then throw it out for all I care. But at least admit that she was a part of your life. Maybe she wasn’t important to you, but she was important to me, and you shouldn’t just go about your life pretending she didn’t even exist.” She steps forward, away from the safety I’m offering her and points at me as she continues to speak. “That’s your son. The only son you have. I want you to be in his life,” she says, surprising both of us. “But you have to take the next step. It’s all on you.”

My mom walks around my dad and hesitates for a second before hugging Hayley. Hayley stiffens against the sudden embrace, but eventually puts her arms around my mom and strokes her back as my mom cries in her arms. I watch them in disbelief. I’m not sure who is comforting whom, but they both seem to need each other so I leave them to it.

Hayley’s forgiven them with the same ease she forgave me. She’s not holding them accountable or cursing their very existence. Instead, she’s giving us the opportunity to be a family again. She tried to comfort my dad and is now openly comforting my mom. I feel my heart soar as I watch my girl and my mom embrace, find comfort in one another, and let go of the past.

My dad walks around them and pats me on the back once so I follow him to the kitchen where he opens up a beer for himself and me. He watches me for a long moment before he puts his beer down on the counter and sighs deeply.

“I never meant for that girl to kill herself,” he says quietly. “I know you think I didn’t care, but I did. I still do. Every day I’m haunted by her face and the sadness that overtook it when I told her we couldn’t see each other anymore.” His eyes drift to the kitchen window and he stares out of it for so long I’m sure he’s forgotten I’m there. “I never should’ve had an affair. Not that it matters, but that was my last affair. I don’t know that she killed herself because of me, but I know I broke a part of her. I thought she’d move on. She was so young, Max. She had her whole life ahead of her. I was just one guy. One old perverted piece of shit that should never have touched her and left her dirty.” He brings his head down to his hands and rests them on the kitchen counter. “I never should have touched her,” he repeats.

“You can’t undo the past,” Hayley says quietly from behind us and we both turn around startled. “It’s in the past.” She shrugs. “Hannah died for a lot of reasons, not simply because you broke her heart. She loved too deeply, felt too much, and I think eventually it got to her. She’s gone,” Hayley whispers. “But we’re still here. So, I want us all to start living. I mean it and I don’t care if it sounds cheesy. We need to start living and be happy that we’re alive. For Hannah.” She smiles and shrugs her shoulder and I pull her to me and kiss her forehead.

“For Hannah,” I repeat and am rewarded with another one of Hayley’s smiles.

“We can do that,” my mom agrees. “For Hannah.”