New Horizons (8 page)

“You can’t get it out.”

“Says who?” She tried yanking again. Like if she tried harder, it would budge. But there was no such thing as a good work ethic having positive results on everything. Some things weren’t meant to go your way.

Karen didn’t stop pulling. She even changed her stance, in case that was the issue why the stake wasn’t coming out of the ground. She stood up and pulled on the rope and I swear it moved an inch before I heard screaming from behind us. When I looked back, a few counsellors were headed out from under the shade of the woods. They were coming toward us to investigate.

“Oh look what you did now,” I said.

She continued trying to rip out the stake. Even when the counsellors were two feet behind her she was madly ripping at the ground. One of the counsellors was Guy. I waved at him. He ignored me.

“You still have many long hours out here,” a counsellor said. She had a huge nose, little eyes, and a stomach.

“I’m doing fine out here,” I told her. “It’s just hot.”

Guy looked down at me. He was standing next to two other counsellors. He glared at me until I looked away. They didn’t say anything about Karen trying to get her stake out—maybe it was an impossible thing to do. Eventually, they backed off and sat in the shade, one hundred meters away. They had water jugs and I missed 49.

It had to be one of the hottest days of the summer. I sat cross-legged and leaned back on my hands. There was no shelter from the sun. Our jugs of water were nowhere to be seen, and I would have given up a leg for water. I was dripping in sweat and my hair was in a knot on the top of my head with strands falling loose at the back.

“Hey you,” I said.

Caterpillar looked over his shoulder at me.

“Stop smiling,” I told him.

He wasn’t smiling at all. He was sweating so much and his hands were shaking.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked him.

“Nothing.”

“Sure looks like it.”

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

He smiled but his eyes were clenched so tightly together that it wasn’t much of a smile. Maybe he wasn’t used to sunbathing like I was. Lying out in the sun wasn’t for everyone.

The sun eventually began to set. At least it was cooler out when it ducked below the treeline. The sky was pink. And bright. A colour you forgot existed in nature. But it was there. You just had to look up.

"I think they’ll be taking us back to our bunks soon," Caterpillar said. He looked a lot better since it had cooled down. But he still had some weird twitches occasionally, like he couldn’t stay still. Maybe he had ADHD or was just restless.

I exhaled and sat up. "Damn, I was hoping we'd get to sleep outside. It's such a nice night out.”

“Yeah, it wouldn’t be my first night doing that.”

“Me too.” I looked at him. “What’s your name?”

“Murray.”

“Murray?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m Val.”

“Like Valerie?”

“Yeah, but Val.”

“I see.” He looked at the sky. “You’re kinda pretty.”

I touched my fat lip. “I sure feel kinda pretty.”

“You are. Even with a fat lip.”

It wasn’t the first time I was called pretty. And that wasn’t why I was jaded over it. Because I knew everyone had an angle to their face that was kind of pretty. And I imagined right then, with the sun how it was, that maybe he had seen it. But up close, in really good lighting, straight on, I was weird looking.

“You like how I look?” he asked. He was a big guy. He had huge shoulders and his shirt was tight on him. He had a lot of facial hair for a teenager, and he looked so much older than anyone I had seen so far at the program.

“You have a lot of tattoos,” I told him.

“Do you like tattoos?”

“No, I don’t.”

He smiled. “I bet you like them on me.”

“Actually, for real, I don’t care for them.”

“How old are you?” he asked.

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“Wow.” I raised my eyebrows.

“Let me guess, you’re like, sixteen?”

“I’m fifteen,” I lied.

“No you’re not.”

“Yeah I am.”

He looked at me.

“What?” I said

“There’s no way.”

“Why are you here?” I said, switching the subject.

“Reasons.”

I stared at him.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me how old you are.”

“I’m fifteen,” I lied again.

“Okay, fine. That’s a no then.”

“That’s fine with me,” I said. It wasn’t that pressing of an issue. There were weeks to figure each other out.

“Where are you from?”

“Basinview. You know where that is?”

“Yeah, I have an idea. I’m not near that area, but I’m not crazy far away from it either. Like a few hour drive, maybe, if you don’t make any stops.”

“Where do you live?”

“Sacton.”

I laughed. “Seriously.”

“What?”

“You’re from around here. That’s weird. You probably know what’s through the woods, and where the dirt roads go.”

“Yeah, mostly. I grew up here. It’s a really nice place.”

“I actually used to come up here every summer. It used to be a camp.”

“Camp Hedgewood, I know.”

“Did you ever go to it?”

He laughed. “No. My parents didn’t have enough sense to have me doing things like that.”

“Oh.” I looked up at the sky. Maybe it was more red than pink. It was hard to say. Maybe it was just changing. “It was a good camp. I liked it a lot.”

“I’ve never been to a camp.”

“No? Well, this program is kind of like camp. You have cabin mates, and eat your meals in groups, and there are outhouses—that’s camp.”

“Yeah, but I’m here because of a judge.”

I went quiet because I wanted him to keep going. I liked the sound of his voice. It was a nice change from hearing girls all day. His was deep, and if he was talking, that meant I didn’t have to.

“It’s bad,” he whispered.

“What’d you do?”

“I’d honestly rather not say.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ll think poorly of me.”

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll assume it’s something really bad.”

“Maybe that’s better.”

That was true. The first thing that came to me was him getting into a fight with someone, and maybe he really injured them. That was what I hoped. But I didn’t know him. Maybe he had sexually assaulted someone. I didn’t want it to be that. Somehow, that was scarier than physical assault. Whatever he did, though, Murray was suddenly interesting to me.

5:
SKIN AND BONES

Sharon came for Karen and I once it got dark.
She led us back to the cabin, and it was hard walking through the woods since the paths had become overgrown. The branches scraped my arms and legs, and it was a relief when we finally got to our cabin. Sharron opened the door, and all the girls turned and looked at us. Their boots were placed near their jugs of water, beside their bunks. Everything was where it was supposed to be, except for Karen and I. We had watched the sun go down instead of whatever social activity they had planned for our group.

"Welcome back,” Green Gables said. She was lying on her back in her bottom bunk. The colour of her hair was vibrant and wiry. There was a lot of it, and I wondered how long it had been since her last haircut.

"Thank you," Karen said.

I shoved by Karen and she couldn’t do anything back with Sharon right there. I climbed up into my bunk and noticed Bambi’s eyes glowing at me from her bunk. They were glossy, and maybe she had been crying.

Karen tried to jump up onto her top bunk in one swift motion. It took her several tries to get up, but when she finally made it, she pulled her shorts off and folded them at the end of her mattress. After slipping under her grey blanket, her eyes cut in my direction.

I was lying on my side, watching her move. Maybe I shouldn’t have been looking in her direction. But I had an urge to rattle her.

“What?” she said.

"Should have opted for a bottom bunk,” I told her.

“Enjoy your bunk hour, girls. After that, it’s lights out,” Sharon said. Her voice was sweet and reminded me of my dead granny who had known nothing about how people functioned—that a young girl could have twenty-thousand different lives without anyone ever knowing a thing. “I will be back for the lantern in an hour,” she said. The door shut and we were finally alone.

The crickets outside were loud, and it made me wonder if they were somewhere inside on the floor. The breeze outside came through the peep hole and rattled the door just enough to irritate Karen. She got down and plugged the hole with her sock.

“What a problem solver.”

Karen charged my bunk. She tried to get up the ladder but I shoved her away with my feet. She eventually got a hold of my ankles, but I kicked her wrist away.

“Get the fuck off my bunk,” I said. My voice was calm. I didn’t want to sound frustrated. There was no way she could affect me if she thought nothing bugged me.

Karen managed to get up on the top bunk with me, but I climbed over the edge and jumped to the floor to avoid her. She followed after me.

Green Gables and the girls watched as she charged at me, and I let her pin me against the wall. Karen was the type of girl that if you weren’t wearing a shirt she’d hold you by the skin like a kitten. Maybe humans were supposed to be held like that too.

“Listen,” she said. Her hot breath smacked me in the centre of my face.

“I’m listening.” I closed my eyes.

“You're not as strong as you pretend to be."

I laughed. “I know I’m not strong.”

She put her hand over my mouth, and her fingers grazed my teeth. I gagged on the taste of salty sweat, and finally shoved her off of me.

“Don’t touch my face,” I told her. “That’s disgusting.”

“Stay out of my way, toothpick,” she said.

“Sure thing, tree trunk.” I moved around her and jumped back onto my top bunk.

Twin and Twinner laughed from their bunks. Their laughs raised the hairs on the back of my neck. It was one of the best feelings to have someone laugh at your joke—not just any joke, but a joke that killed someone else.

The silence from Karen as she climbed back up onto her bunk was satisfying. But it went on for too long. And then it stung me.

“Damn you’re annoying,” I said. My head was on my pillow and I pulled out the elastic from my hair. The roots were greasy but the ends were dry.

“And why is that?” she asked.

“You know I’m just trying to bother you, but you let that bother you. You’re so annoying. I don’t get you.” I sat up. “If you’re going to talk, fucking talk.”

Karen popped up in her bunk. I thought her head was going to hit the beams running across the ceiling. “It’s pretty easy to laugh at the fat girl. You’re all so predictable.” Her breathing laboured and there was a shakiness that made my stomach drop. “Girls like you are the reason other girls hate themselves. And then it’s all a surprise why I’m the way I am—you girls are bitches.”

Maybe she was crying. There was shaky breathing, and quiet sniffs of air that only holding in sobs could produce. When she wiped her nose on her grey blanket, I wondered if she had a soft shell like the rest of us. It was nuts how when you were vulnerable, you leaked every kind of liquid out of every crevice in your face, all for the world to judge.

“You’re right,” I finally told her. “I am a bitch. But you’re a fucking bitch too.”

“Fuck off.”

“Fuck off? No—you fuck off. You’re fat and I’m skinny and we’re all in this damn cabin because we’re all offended by the stupidest shit. Get over yourself. None of us are right. We’re all the problem you dumb fuck. That’s why we are here.”

“Oh that’s nice.” Her voice was higher than normal, set to mocking mode. “How good of you to know why things are the way they are. You’re so amazing.”

“You’re the amazing one, actually.”

“Could you shut your mouth and sleep. Nobody cares.”

I laughed. “Sticks and stones, skin and bones—remember that one,
Karen
.”

“Sure thing,
Valerie
.”

I wanted to sleep and dream of normal dreamy type stuff. Like saving someone from something, or flying through the sky. But I laid on my back, wide awake. And I thought about the weirdest stuff. Like moments that suddenly mattered when it was dark. I was alone in a way that made me feel disconnected from my group, and that strangely bothered me.

“Goodnight ladies,” Sharon whispered. She was back in the cabin, holding the lantern she had promised to take back. Sharon looked right up at me. “Sleep tight.”