New Kid Catastrophes: 1 (TJ and the Time Stumblers) (10 page)

TIME TRAVEL LOG:

Malibu, California, October 11

Begin Transmission:

Subject not happy. Waaaay not happy . . .

End Transmission

The good news was Hesper Breakahart did not return to school the next day and turn all her friends against TJ.

The bad news was Hesper Breakahart could still text all those friends. And since all those friends wanted to be Hesper’s
best
friend, that meant TJ instantly became everyone’s
worst
enemy.

It’s not that she didn’t appreciate the attention, but being Malibu Junior High’s public enemy #1 wasn’t exactly what she had in mind.

Then there were Tuna and Herby, who stayed glued to her side. They felt responsible to protect her from any and all problems (most likely because they
were
responsible for any and all problems). They’d also fixed the cloaking device, which meant they were once again invisible to everybody . . . well, almost everybody.

“What about me?” TJ whispered as she trudged up the stairs to her locker on the third floor. (Of course all of her classes were on the first floor, so it only made sense to put her locker on the third floor. We’ll get to another fact about third floors in just a minute.) “Why am I the only one who can see you?” she asked.

“An excellent question,” Tuna whispered back as he floated beside her. “One to which we have no answer.”

“Guess you’re just lucky,” Herby said, catching his reflection in the window and sucking in his gut. The guy was obviously still trying to impress her . . . and he was obviously still failing. Miserably.

“Shouldn’t you boys be out looking for your nuclear submarine whatever?” she asked.

“Actually,” Tuna replied, “you are our first priority.”

“Lucky me,” she sighed.

“Exactly.” Herby beamed. He was pleased she was finally getting the point. “You’re just lucky.”

“Look, fellas,” she said, “I don’t want you interfering like you did yesterday.”

“You mean
helping
like we did yesterday,” Herby corrected.

“No, I mean
interfering
.”

“Actually, we were looking out for your welfare,” Tuna said.

“Actually, busting Hesper’s nose only made my life miserable.”

“What about the flying dictionary?” Herby argued. “That was pretty good.”

“Guys, I’m serious.”

“But, Your Dude-ness—”

“No more!” A couple of students glanced at her, and she lowered her voice. “Whatever happens, I’m on my own; understand?”

There was no answer.

“Understand?”

“Understood,” Tuna answered gloomily.

“Ditto,” Herby sighed.

TJ glanced around and noticed several kids snickering. “What’s going on?” she asked. “Why’s everybody laughing?”

Tuna replied, “Perhaps they are not used to girls walking up stairs having lengthy conversations with themselves.”

TJ could only shake her head. Now
everyone
thought she was a nutcase.

Everyone but good ol’ Naomi

Simpletwirp. Suddenly she and her breath mints pulled up beside TJ.

“Oh, great,” TJ muttered. “What else can go wrong?” Of course she remembered the lecture the boys had given her the night before, but come on, this was Naomi Simpletwirp—the geekiest girl in school.

And at least this morning, one of the most talkative.

“So did you hear that Hesper is not coming to school today?” she asked, pulling out some breath spray and taking a hit.

“No, I—”

“And did you hear her friends really have it in for you?” she asked, checking her lip gloss.

“No, I—”

“And do you think these shorts make me look too—”

“Listen, Naomi, I’d really like to chat, but I’m going to be late for class and—”

“I know,” she said, “and that’s why I’m here.”

“Sorry?”

“To help you make it to class without getting killed.”

“Killed?” TJ asked.

Naomi lowered her voice and glanced around. “Did you ever see
Jaws
?”

“The movie?”

Naomi nodded. “You need to look at these kids like they’re all great white sharks.”

“What does that make me?”

“Uhh . . . raw hamburger.”

“Hamburger?”

“They say it’s a shark’s favorite food.”

TJ took a breath. “Look, Naomi, I really appreciate you wanting to help and all, but—”

“No sweat,” Naomi answered as she adjusted her hair, then readjusted it, then readjusted the readjustment. “That’s what best friends do.”

“Actually, no offense, but I’m not sure I need a best friend right now.” TJ wanted to add “at least not a best friend like you,” but since Naomi had enough self-image problems, and TJ didn’t want to entirely destroy her life.

“What do you mean?” Naomi asked as they arrived at TJ’s locker.

“What I mean is—”

But that’s as far as TJ got. Because as she grabbed the locker handle, she finally understood the real reason people had been smiling and snickering at her. It was . . .

Now, back in Missouri, a good act of revenge would be to put lard or peanut butter inside someone’s locker handle so when they grabbed it, they would get a handful of goo.

Point made, nobody hurt.

But since this was Malibu, California, (where everybody has way too much money) and since it was for Hesper Breakahart (whom everybody was trying way too hard to impress), things were a little different.

Actually, opening the locker was no problem.

It was the 9,207 marbles that came pouring out of it (courtesy of a giant hole someone had drilled through the entire back wall and into her locker, then filled with marbles the night before).

Ever try standing at a locker as 9,207 marbles pour out of it?

Actually, TJ did a pretty good job of standing. It was just all the slipping, sliding, and

rolling that made things a little difficult.

Everyone was standing around having a good laugh. Well, everyone but Elizabeth (Hesper’s best friend since forever). Instead of laughing, the sweet little thing was offering to help TJ by shouting, “Here, grab this!”

TJ looked up to see Elizabeth holding a fire extinguisher.

“Thanks!” TJ shouted. “But I really don’t need that right now!”

“Sure you do,” sweet little Elizabeth said.

And before TJ could protest, Elizabeth shoved the giant extinguisher into TJ’s arms, pulled the pin, and

TJ was

shooting down the hall like a NASA rocket to the moon.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t heading to the moon. Remember the third-floor fact we were going to get to? Well, as you may have already figured out, third floors always come to an end. And at the end are third-floor . . .

“STAIRS!” TJ shouted. “I’M HEADING FOR THE

S-S-STAIRS!”

And as if all that bouncing wasn’t bad enough, she heard the familiar and very unwelcome sound of

She glanced over her shoulder and caught a final glimpse of the hallway behind her. It was covered with wall-to-wall flipping and flopping goldfish.

“S-S-STOP TH-TH-THAT!” TJ shouted as she continued down the steps. “T-T-TURN TH-TH-THEM B-B-BACK!”

She didn’t have a chance to see if the boys obeyed.