Next to Me (28 page)

I love you.

Jenna

I ask the front desk to deliver the letter by sliding it under the door in an hour. It’s three in the morning, so by the time Landon wakes and finds the letter, I’ll be long gone. I may even be sitting on a plane.

The concierge calls a cab for me and I’m at the airport by 4:00 am. The next flight to JFK leaves at 7:00 am. I breathe a sad sigh of relief knowing that there’s no way Landon will make it to the airport in time to try and stop me. Although I anticipate the texts and emails I’ll have waiting for me once I’m back in the States and my cell service resumes.

I stop for coffee and a pastry at one of the airport food stands and sit. I have a while before my flight so I take my time drinking my coffee and eating my croissant, thinking back to the day Landon and I decided was our actual first date. I remember how nervous I was when I saw him sitting at the café tables outside the coffee shop downstairs from my apartment.

Why would you get a croissant today, Jenna?
I scold myself.
Are you a glutton for punishment?

I shake my head and force myself to move on to more practical thoughts, like where I’m going to go and how I’m going to get there. Maybe I can contact Oz. He’ll understand me needing to vanish again and can maybe connect me with the guy who created my Jenna Rockwell identity. I have plenty of money, so I can pay him whatever it costs. I used part of the money Oz gave me for school, but I haven’t touched the rest of it at all. It’s

been sitting in an investment account for six years and has done pretty well.

My flight is called and I gather my carry on and sling my purse across my body as I make my way through the food court to my nearby gate. I’ve got about 700 Euros left but have no desire to go to a US bank and have it exchanged. It’s Dellinger’s money and I don’t want any more of it.

I notice a young woman who appears to be traveling with three small children all by herself. I saw her come into the food court earlier and there hasn’t been anyone else with them. She bought them some breakfast, but it looks like they’re all sharing one muffin and two bottles of orange juice. I don’t know if she’s just thrifty or if she scrimped and saved for whatever flight they’re about to take, but I decide that she would find this money more helpful than I would.

When I approach, I hear here speaking French to the children, who all respond to her in French as well. I pull the folded Euro bills from my purse and extend my hand to the woman. She looks up at me, confused by what I’m doing. I gesture the bills to her again and she slowly reaches up and takes them from my hand. Smiling at her and her beautiful children, I walk toward my gate. A few moments later, when I’m approaching my gate which is next to the food court, I hear the woman calling after me.

“M’dame! M’dame!” she shouts. She must have counted the bills and realized how much money I just gave her. Before I turn behind the wall that separates the boarding area and the food court, I look and see her huddled with her children. She shows them the money and seems to be laughing and crying at the same time.

It’s good to know that Dellinger’s money was good for something other than buying a pretty dress and some kick ass shoes.

The flight to JFK is four hours longer than the flight to Paris. It’s interesting how, even though the plane is flying 500 miles an hour, how the rotation of the earth can still add so much time.

It’s 2:00 am when the cab from the airport drops me off at my apartment.

I’ve only been gone three days, but it seems like so much longer. I unlock the door and slide my body into the apartment as quietly as possible. Leaving my suitcase next to the couch, I pull a chair out and find the camera Dellinger had placed to show me how close he could get to me. I do the same in my room and the kitchen. I’ll have to get to Spring’s room later. He would have just replaced them if I had taken them out before I went to Paris. I figure he needed to know that I believed him when he threatened my friends, and I was far too concerned with how I was going to pull this off anyway. I’ll have to find a way to get the one out of Mercy’s apartment somehow. Once I leave town and cut everyone off, he won’t be able to use my friends as leverage against me and won’t have any reason to monitor them. 

I go straight to my room and change into a t-shirt and sleep shorts before climbing into bed. I may have just spent three nights at the Shangri La Hotel in Paris, but there is nothing like your own bed. I tried to sleep on the plane, but I just couldn’t turn my mind off. Now that I’m in my own bed, I’m hoping sleep comes quickly. Dellinger is going to contact me any day now and I need a clear mind.

“Jenna?” Spring lightly knocks on the door and opens it. “I thought I heard you come in. How was Paris?”

I don’t answer. I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to leave my friends, my family…strategizing for when and where. But, seeing Spring standing here in my room, I realize how excruciatingly painful it’s going to be.

The tears come and come quickly without warning. I’ve broken down, sobbing and unable to form any words. I cried for weeks after I left my father in DC, but this is actually going to be so much harder.

“Oh, Jenna!” Spring rushes to me and lies on the bed, curling up next to me and letting me soak her t-shirt with my tears. “It’s ok. It’s going to be ok,” she says. She doesn’t ask me what happened, or even where Landon is. She may be making her own conclusions about what happened in Paris, but she’s not offering them now. And, knowing Spring, she won’t.

Spring lies there with me until I’ve cried all I can cry and I finally fall asleep.

And then I sleep.

And sleep.

And sleep.

It’s 9:00 pm when I finally wake. There are voices in the living room. Good voices. Voices of people I love.

“Hey guys,” I say quietly as I emerge from the hall.

“Oh, my God! You’re alive!” Mercy jumps up from the couch and runs to me, throwing her arms and pint size body around me while Demi, Jack, Spring, and Jerry look on.

“I was only gone for three days,” I say.

“It was a really long three days,” she says, as she hugs me fiercely.

“Do you want to talk about what happened? We know you told her not to tell, but Spring told us about the proposal and Paris.” Mercy says.

“No. And I don’t want anyone to say anything bad about Landon. I need you all to trust me when I say he didn’t do anything wrong, and that us not being together anymore was my decision. Ok?” I tell them.

“What if he shows up here?” Jerry asks like the protective friend he is.

“I doubt he’ll do that, but, if he does, I’ll deal with it,” I tell them. I walk to where Demi is standing and hug her, partly because I just need to hug her, and partly because I need to apologize to her for walking away when she needed me. I don’t know if she’s told Jack yet, and I don’t want my apology to be the catalyst to that conversation.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper to her. “I’m so sorry I left when you needed me the most.”

“It’s ok, Jenna,” she whispers back. “I found out that I was stronger than I gave myself credit.  I told him on my own.” I pull back and look at her face

to gauge how well that conversation went.

“We’re getting married,” she tells me with a huge smile.

“Oh, Demi! That’s so wonderful” I hug her again before I wrap my arms around Jack’s neck. “You better be good to them!”

“Don’t worry!” he laughs.

“When? What’s the plan?” I ask. It feels good to get out of my own head and back into the lives of my friends, even if for just a little while.

“Well…don’t freak, but…three weeks.” Demi covers her face with her hands and peaks out at me through her fingers.

“Oh, my gosh! That’s so fast!”

“I know, but I won’t be showing too much, and I didn’t want to have to get some maternity wedding dress, and I was definitely not going to have a baby on my hip either,” she says smiling.

“Jerry’s going to let us have the wedding at Duke’s, so we also thought maybe bringing a baby to a bar wouldn’t be the best way to start parenthood,” Jack laughs.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” I say to Jack. He’s never been one to focus on others before himself in the way you have to when you’re married or a parent. It’s one of the things that worried Demi the most when she found out she was pregnant.

“Is anyone ever ready for marriage or parenthood?” he answers. “All I know is that when Demi said she could do this on her own if I didn’t want to be a part of her or the baby’s life, I suddenly couldn’t fathom
not
being a part of her life. In an instant I knew that I had something I would be crazy to let go.”

“That…that is the rightest answer I have ever heard to any question…ever.” I smile, so happy that Jack and Demi are moving forward and tackling this new adventure together.  And, while I’m so incredibly happy for them, it makes me sad to know that there’s no way Landon and I could face the treacherous road I’m about to travel, together.

Chapter 17

It’s midnight when I close the door behind my dearest friends who came to see me in my time of crisis. Staying home from work to nurse my broken heart, Spring called everyone sometime after lunch and they all came running, taking the rest of their day off work to be there for me whenever I woke up. It felt good to see their faces and feel their warmth. It took some convincing to get Jerry to agree not to kill Landon should he ever show up here, but it was nice knowing that he has my back.

Mercy pulled me aside and asked what had happened in Paris. I just told her that when Landon and I got there, and I couldn’t go through with getting married, he was hurt and said that it was a mistake to be so spontaneous. That maybe now wasn’t the right time for us. I told her I agreed and we decided to go our separate ways.

I couldn’t tell her the truth. I know that she would worry and want to try and fix things. She would be impetuous and try to out Dellinger in some way, and that would only mean more backlash from him. No, I had to stick with a story that connected to the cover Spring gave her. It’s for the best.

When I wake the next morning, all I can think about is the dance studio. It’s been just over a week since that crazy crack head stabbed me. I won’t be able to do everything, but I really need to dance right now. And just being around Carina and Marco, watching them dance…it’s like therapy. So, I throw my hair into a ponytail, put my dance clothes on, and walk downstairs.

There’s a Latin class in progress when I walk in. I hadn’t paid attention to the time and only now realize that I’m terribly late.

“Mi amor!” Marco shouts when he turns around and sees me. “We have missed you so much!” He stops the class and rushes to me, hugging me tightly.

“I’ve missed you, too, Marco,” I tell him.

“Where have you been?” Carina asks, making Marco move so she can hug me too.

“Well, there was this crazy woman who came into the hospital early last week. She kind of stabbed me,” I tell them.

“No! Oh, my God, are you ok?” Carina asks. Her eyes are wide and I can see that she’s very concerned about me.

“It sounds much worse than it is. The wound wasn’t too deep, but it did knick some muscle. I laid off it for 24-hours, and it’s been healing fine since. It’s still a little sore, so just don’t make me dance with Marco,” I tell Carina, trying to calm her.

“If you say so,” she says. Marco kisses my cheek and excuses himself to continue the class. “So…are you still seeing Landon?” Carina raises her eyebrows in anticipation of a wonderfully juicy story about how Landon and I are madly in love and are going to spend the rest of our lives together.  Only the first part of that is true, but I can’t tell her that and explain why the second half of that statement is never going to happen.

“Well…he has to travel constantly for work, and I have obligations here…it’d be great if it could work out, but it just isn’t going to happen." I give her a sad smile and hope she reads it as me just being disappointed and doesn’t see that I’m absolutely devastated at the reality of how things have played out.

“In due time,” she says. “In due time you will have the love your heart longs for.”  She doesn’t say anything else, which is strange for Carina. In the past she’s been more than vocal about my love life. When I haven’t connected with someone she’s set me up with, she’s been quick to move on to the next guy in her attempts to fill my life with love. For her to leave it as she has is new.

I move to the back of the room and spend the rest of the class moving my body to the musical therapy and  let the stress and anxiety sweat out as much as possible. I don’t move like I normally do when I let the beat and soul of the music consume me and I would dance almost involuntarily. It’s a successful session, though, as I feel a bit lighter. With all that is weighing me down, even the smallest amount of relief is more than welcome.

Spring meets me at the door as I hobble into the apartment. “What are you doing home?” I ask her.

“I’m taking a few days off. I wanted to be here for you,” she says. She helps me to the couch, putting a pillow under my knee to make my sore leg more comfortable. “Had I been awake when you were leaving I would have told you not to go to dance today. It’s still too early, Jenna. But, it looks like you figured that out on your own, huh.”

“I had to go, Spring. I’m so full of tension and anxiety…it was the only thing I know that would relieve some of that,” I tell her.