Nikolai 2 (Her Russian Protector #6) (28 page)

"Yes! I am
painfully
aware of how close I came to taking another bullet or two."

That barb hit its mark. The only scars on her body were the ones he had given her, after all.

"Why are you badgering me like this? Why are you interrogating me like some criminal?"

"Are you serious?" He curled his fingers at his sides as the image of her broken and blooded and surrounded by clouds of cocaine flashed in front of his eyes. He had done everything he could to keep her safe, and she had stupidly and recklessly risked her life. Panic and fury and fear surged with him. For the first time ever in her presence, he lost control. "I wouldn't have to ask any of these questions if you would just remember your fucking place!"

The nasty, ugly words he had just shouted at his wife, at the woman he loved, at his sun, echoed in the kitchen like a gunshot. He regretted them instantly. Self-hatred burned through him.
Why the fuck did you say that? What the hell is wrong with you? Apologize. Get on your knees and grovel.

Vivian reared back as if he had slapped her. The color drained from her face. "My place? And where is that, exactly, Nikolai? Hmm? Here? Locked up in the house with a bunch of street soldiers to keep me company? Is that my place? Or maybe my place is in the kitchen and in your bed." A fiery glint brightened her blue eyes. "Is that what you want from me? You want me to look pretty and keep house and fuck you and give you babies and never ask for anything else from you?"

The situation was spiraling out of control. He needed to call a timeout. He needed to walk away and cool off, but he just kept fighting with her. He was like a rabid dog that had chomped down on its prey and refused to let go. "Don't even start that with me, Vivian. I don't want to hear it."

"You know what? I don't want to hear anything else come out of your mouth." She pushed away her mug of tea. "I don't even know what is or isn't true anymore." He could tell that she was trying to be strong, but her wobbling lower lip betrayed her struggle. "I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

Her words stabbed at him. Was that really how she felt? Was she even happy with him anymore? He had watched enough relationships crumble to know that statements like those usually preceded life-altering events like separations or worse.

A desperate feeling invaded his chest. Like a wounded animal, he lashed out at her. "Well I know exactly who you are, Vivian Valero. You're the woman who just put our baby at risk by leaving her bodyguards and driving off with a judge who sold her on a sob story. Were you trying to get yourself killed? Were you trying to hurt the baby?"

Her face slackened, and he loathed himself for being so petty and childish and cruel. She gulped and bit her lower lip. On the verge of tears, she said, "You know what they say, Kolya. The apple doesn't fall very far from the tree. Maybe I'm more like my mother than I ever suspected."

His heart was ripped in two as her painfully spoken words hit him. God, what the hell was he thinking saying something like that to her? She carried so much fear about turning into her mother and about hurting their child. Why had he said that? Of all the nasty, ugly things he could have said, why had he gone
there
?

Because you're a miserable fucking bastard, that's why.

Without another word, Vivian abandoned her mug of tea and left the kitchen. She gave him a wide berth and disappeared from sight with footsteps so soft they didn't make even a whisper of sound. Overwhelmed by anger at his own stupidity and callousness, he picked up her mug of tea and threw it. Hot tea spilled down his arm and on the floor. The mug hit the sink and exploded loudly. He didn't even bother to clean up the mess.

Pivoting on his heel, he strode out of the kitchen and came face-to-face with Ten and Arytom in the entryway. Both men stared at him. Ten looked guilty and agitated. Artyom's expression was one of pure disappointment.

In me
, Nikolai thought.
He's disappointed in me
.

"Get your keys," he ordered with a flick of his wrist. "We're leaving."

Wordlessly, Artyom followed him out of the house and out to his vehicle. His captain started the engine but didn't put the SUV into drive. Hands on the wheel, he said, "Boss, I can handle all of this tonight. You can go back inside and—"

"Don't," Nikolai warned. "Just fucking drive."

Artyom grabbed the gear shift. "Yes, sir."

As ice hardened his heart, Nikolai stared out the window and tried to keep it together. After so many months of happiness with Vivian, he should have expected this to happen. He had tasted sunshine. He had felt the bright, pure burn of it on his skin. He had inhaled the sweet scent of it and let it warm his heart.

But that was all gone now. He had fucked it up, probably irrevocably.

Everything was falling apart.

Chapter Fourteen

"It's time to go." Ten ducked his head into the living room where I was curled up on the couch watching a twenty-four hour news channel. It was the most he had spoken to me since returning to the house after the shootout at Bobby Pham's place. "I've already loaded all the luggage. Boychenko is driving us." He seemed uneasy and uncertain. "If you're ready to go, I mean."

"I'm ready." I glanced at my watch and noted the time. There was nearly an hour before Yuri's jet was scheduled to leave. Nikolai had plenty of time to meet us at the small, private airport Yuri preferred.

It had been a long night. The worst night. Nikolai hadn't come home as far as I could tell, but Ten had never left. He had been asleep in a chair outside our bedroom door that morning. Boychenko had been downstairs, making a breakfast I didn't have the appetite to eat. In the end, Ten convinced me to shovel down the oatmeal and peaches by reminding me that I had to think of the baby.

The baby that Nikolai had meanly accused me of trying to hurt. Just the memory of those viciously spoken words made my heart stutter and my stomach flop. Did I think he meant it? No, not at all. He had been angry and scared, and he had stupidly lashed out at me. His childhood hadn't exactly prepared him for learning to fight fair, even with his wife.

But he had walked away instead of apologizing. That had hurt the most. Instead of trying to make things right, he had piled more bricks on top of that wall between us and had completely shut me out. I didn't have the strength to pick up a sledgehammer and tear it down. I was tired. I was just so tired.

For the first time in years, I had skipped church without a valid reason. St. Vladimir's was usually the one place I always felt safe and protected and happy. This morning I couldn't face the social aspect of it. All those people expecting me to smile and chat? All those people who would ask about Nikolai? The old women who loved to ask me when we were going to start a family and the ones who loved to tell me how lucky I was to have a husband like him? I couldn't deal with it. I just couldn't.

My joy at finally traveling abroad and seeing London had been dashed and stomped on by the terrible, nasty fight that had taken place in this kitchen last night. I couldn't stop replaying everything that had gone wrong, from the brawl between Ten and Eric, to the moment I had agreed to have dinner with the judge, to the first bullet exploding in that kitchen filled with drugs, to the horrible things I had said to Nikolai and he had said to me.

I didn't know where I stood anymore. I couldn't make sense of what was happening to our relationship. That old fear of mine about the foundation of our marriage seemed to be coming true. Those cracks were growing, and I didn't know if we could patch them before the whole damned thing came crashing down onto us.

"Hey," Ten said just before we reached the idling SUV waiting out back. He gently touched my shoulder in a silent bid for me to stop and then exhaled roughly as he scratched his fingers through his short hair. "I know it's too late, but I need to apologize for yesterday. That was so fucking out of line. It's my fault you ended up in that mess. I was hired to protect you, and I failed. Big time."

I had already let go of my anger toward Ten so I forgave him without hesitation. "We both screwed up yesterday. It's not fair for you to take all the blame. I shouldn't have gone with the judge."

Ten tilted his head. "Why did you go with the judge?"

"He asked me out to dinner."

"And?"

"And that's it. He seemed sad about his dog, and I needed to get away from the house—"

"And me," Ten grunted.

"And you," I repeated with a nod.

"So he lied to you about what he really wanted."

Thinking of Nikolai and Tatiana all I could do was shrug. "There seems to be a lot of that going around this house."

Ten frowned. "Who else is lying to you?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does. It matters to me.
You
matter to me."

"You hardly know me."

"I know enough," he said matter-of-factly. "I know that anyone else would have demanded I be thrown out on my ass that first day. Anyone else would have fired me yesterday." Looking decidedly uncomfortable, he gruffly insisted, "You're a good person, Vivian. You're a better woman than I'll ever deserve, and I'm lucky to work for you. So if someone is lying to you, if someone is hurting you, I want to know about it. I'll take care of them."

Stunned into silence by Ten's strident declaration of his loyalty to me, I stared up at him. My eyes prickled, and I blinked away the tears. Overly emotional because of the pregnancy and the stress, I seemed to be crying over everything these days.

"Tell me, Vivian," Ten urged. "Let me do something nice for you. Let me help you."

My mouth slanted with a sad little smile. "You can't help me, Ten. Not with this problem."

His eyes widened as he finally understood what I meant. "The boss? Why would he lie to you? If it's business—"

"Tatiana Filipova." I couldn't hold the truth in a moment longer. I needed to get it off my chest before it turned me rotten from the inside out.

Ten stiffened. "She's gone. She's history."

"She's alive. She's in Houston."

"What? That's not possible. She's dead."

I shook my head. "Nikolai faked her death. He told me himself. Whatever you saw with Kostya? It wasn't real."

Ten looked as if he wanted to argue, but I could see the realization dawn upon his face. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "When did you see her?"

"Thursday."

"Thursday? Where? At the mall? At…" His voice trailed off, and his gaze jumped to the house. I could see the wheels turning in his head. With a vicious snarl, he dropped a string of Russian and English curse words that actually made me blush. "You saw her at the hotel restaurant, didn’t you? That's why you were so upset. Why didn't you tell me she was there? I would have run her off. If the boss faked her death, he wanted her gone, not hanging around here like a fucking ghost."

"She was with Nikolai." There was no point in holding back now.

Ten's lips parted but no sound issued forth. Was he thinking the same thoughts I had when I'd discovered the pair together? Was he wondering if Nikolai had ever truly ended things with her? Was he wondering what was so important that she had come back here? Was he imaging them alone in a hotel room?

Shocked speechless, Ten put his hand on my back and urged me forward. We said nothing as we climbed into the SUV. If Boychenko noticed our strange behavior, he didn't comment. He drove us to the airport and helped Ten with all of the luggage that had been stowed in the cargo area.

After the luggage was handed off to a skycap, Ten trailed me into the airport. The luxurious lobby was small and quiet and hosted only one other party of travelers preparing to embark in a different private jet. Yuri, Lena, Ivan and Erin were already waiting. Sergei and Bianca hadn't arrived yet, and unfortunately, Dimitri and Benny couldn't travel with baby Sofia yet.

Ten hung back as Erin and Lena squashed me with their hugs and dragged me over to a sitting area to talk about all the places they wanted to visit in London. I glanced back at him a couple of times but he seemed to be deep in thought. Even when Ivan wandered over to talk to him, he kept his attention focused solely on me. After last night's scare, he wasn't going to take any chances it seemed.

It felt incredibly bizarre and surreal to sit on the plush leather seating and chat with Lena and Erin about dresses and tourist hotspots and Michelin-starred restaurants when twenty-four hours earlier I had been crawling on hands and knees through a stash house while bullets whizzed by my ears. I didn't even want to think about what Kostya or men like him had done to keep that shooting and the deaths of the Pham crew quiet.

Obviously it had worked. There hadn't been even a hint of coverage on the local news or in the papers. Not even Ivan seemed to suspect anything, and with his fingers still on the pulse of Houston's underworld, he usually had the good gossip fairly quickly.

When Bianca and Sergei arrived, I couldn’t help but smile. They made such a beautiful couple, and I was absolutely thrilled they had finally gotten together. Sergei wasn't like the other men in Nikolai's family of thieves and criminals. He had been forced into an unholy alliance with the Prokhorov family to save his family. Bianca had freed him from that life, and I prayed they would have a long, happy life together.