Nine Lives (27 page)

I take out the Hoover and I welcome the noise. It drowns all those words that were spoken in the kitchen. I won't turn it off because I'm afraid of their echo. I let it run as I drink another cup of tea. Much better. Much better. Then I clean out the grate as the Hoover hums. I haven't lit a fire since my Donald was taken away, but it is still full of ashes. I don't like ashes. I hate ashes, and I go at that grate with venom. It seems like a lot of paper has been burnt there and I rake it out. There's one slither of white among the pile, a scrap that dodged the flames. I pick it out. Donald's handwriting. Just a bit of a line. ‘I am innocent,' I read. ‘History will absolve me.' I stare at it while the Hoover hums. And I'm able to weep at last. Much better. Much better. I read it over and over again. There is no ‘why' in it. No clue. And I cannot wait for history. History can take a very, very long time. But I shall keep the scrap of paper, and if I have the opportunity to go to Donald's funeral, I shall bury it with him. In all his innocence, he shall lie with history. Until he is absolved.

Much better. Much better.

Bernice Rubens (1929-2004) was born in Cardiff, Wales in July 1928. She began writing at the age of 35, when her children started nursery school. Her second novel,
Madame Sousatzka
(1962), was filmed by John Schlesinger, with Shirley MacLaine in the leading role, in 1988. Her fourth novel,
The Elected Member
, won the 1970 Booker prize. She was shortlisted for the same prize again in 1978 for
A Five Year Sentence
. Her last novel,
The Sergeants' Tale
, was published in 2003.
She was an honorary vice-president of International PEN and served as a Booker judge in 1986. Bernice Rubens died in 2004 aged 76.

Discover books by Bernice Rubenspublished by Bloomsbury Reader at
www.bloomsbury.com/BerniceRubens
Madame Sousatzka
Nine Lives
Sunday Best

This electronic edition published in 2012 by Bloomsbury Reader
Bloomsbury Reader is a division of Bloomsbury Publishing Plc, 50 Bedford Square,
London WC1B 3DP
First published in Great Britain, 2002, Little, Brown
Copyright © 2002 Bernice Rubens
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eISBN:9781448210053
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