No Limits (15 page)

“Don't you trust me?” he asked, putting his hand on the bed next to her hip and leaning over her.

“Maybe,” she admitted. “I think you are confused about what's going on with your career. You haven't even told me the doctor's latest prognosis. Are you out for good? Is there a chance you could be called back to active duty?” she asked.

She had a lot more questions, but having come in here and nudged him out of his melancholy she wasn't ready to stop. She needed to know more before she just said yes to Jason. And it wasn't like she had tons of other offers or men waiting for her. There was just Jason and a part of her acknowledged there would probably only ever be him. She realized he made her feel alive and in love. And she didn't want to take a chance on ruining that feeling by letting herself believe he also loved her when he just needed a distraction from his life.

“Okay,” he said, moving over to sit next to her on the bed. He propped a pillow behind his back and leaned against it.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, I'll tell you what the doctor said. The change in bone density, while positive, is small. I mean, if I only make progress at the same rate over the next six weeks...” He trailed off and she realized that before this he'd believed he could easily lick this bone-density problem, but now he wasn't sure.

He'd taken a hit to his confidence.

“Okay, well, I don't know much about your recovery, medically, but I do know that you sound like a man who's given up and that's not the Jason—Ace—McCoy I know,” she said.

“You're right. No one knows for sure—even Dennis said he wouldn't decide until the initial three months were up. He was hoping that Doctor Tomlin would find something concrete and she'd be able to give me a green light early. But seeing how little things had improved was a wake-up call,” he said. “No matter how hard I work or how well I eat I might not be able to fix this.”

“What kind of wake-up call?” she asked.

“The kind that makes a man take stock of his life. If I'm not going to be on the Cronus missions, then I need to make a life for myself here on Earth.”

“With me?” she asked.

“That's what I want, but I get that you aren't ready to commit to me until we know for sure.”

“That's not it. Life doesn't work like that, does it? We can't predict what's going to happen next. If we could, I'd have been prepared for Dad's death and for you coming back here. And you would have known you were going to have health problems,” she said. She was trying to guard her heart. That was why she'd thought they shouldn't commit to each other, but the truth was she already had fallen for him and he wanted her.

“I was scared. Trying to keep myself from getting hurt if you went back to Houston and started to go on long missions again, but the truth is no matter what we do after tonight it will still hurt if you leave.”

16

T
HE
NEXT
MONTH
flew by as the facility on the eastern part of their property went up quickly. They got a lot of local interest, and Rina's brother's construction company was hired to redo the bunkhouses and make most of them into astronaut quarters. Lynn flew back and forth but mostly left overseeing the project to Jason and Molly.

He wasn't himself, but then he was still dealing with the possible loss of his dream and trying to adjust to the idea of a new role in NASA.

Molly wanted to believe the way Jason smiled at her and talked about the facility's future every night before dinner, but she saw past it. He wasn't the kind of man who could spend the rest of his life so close to what he keenly wanted but couldn't have.

But on mornings like this when she was riding next to him checking fences, it was easy to delude herself that they would be together for a long time. That the love growing inside of her was really growing between them.

“Sunrise is always my favorite time of day,” she said, handing him the thermos of coffee that she'd brought in one of her saddlebags.

“Really?” he asked. “I like sunset.”

“I knew that,” she said. That was when the stars and planets were prominent and Jason's dreams of being up there were stronger.

“Just like I know that you like to get out of the house first thing to beat the heat of the day.”

“Well, it is Texas, and it does get hot in July.”

“Yeah, it does. What's on the schedule for today?” he asked.

“Nothing. The construction crews are done. Rowdy, Rina's brother, said that once NASA signs off on everything we'll be ready for the interior fitting. Which isn't his thing. So today everyone has the day off.”

“Everyone?”

“Well, Jeb has a skeletal crew doing the chores, but then we're going to have a barbecue by the pond. Good food, swimming and celebrating.”

“Sounds good,” he said. “Is Lynn here?”

“She is, along with a few of the other experts that have been hired,” Molly said. “I was pretty excited that Jessie Odell agreed to do the survival training.”

Jason smiled over at her. “I forgot you two knew each other. She's one of your oldest friends.”

“She is,” Molly said. She'd been worried about Jessie for the last year. Her longtime lover, Alexi Volkov, had died in his third attempt on Everest. Jessie had been climbing with him when conditions had turned hazardous and he'd fallen into a ravine. Molly had taken a few days to fly to her friend. Later, Molly's dad had died and Jessie had come back to the ranch for a few weeks to keep her company. When the ranch was approved for the NASA facility, Molly had approached Jessie to see if she was interested in being involved in some way. Her friend had decided that she needed something new in her life, and this was it.

“She is. I'm so glad she got this gig. She hasn't been herself since Alexi's death.”

Jason turned to look at her, his hands resting on the saddle horn and a straw cowboy hat on his head. “What about you?”

“What about me? I haven't lost my lover, have I?” she asked.

He shook his head. “But your dad died. How are you feeling now?”

She thought about it. She was so different now from the woman she'd been six months ago when Dad had died or even since the beginning of May when Jason had come back to the Bar T Ranch. She thought she'd evolved. “I think I might be Molly 2.0. A new version of myself.”

He threw his head back and laughed. “I guess that makes me Jason 4.0.”

“I guess so. Are you happy?” she asked. “Sometimes I think you are, but other times...it feels like you're trying too hard.”

“I am trying,” he said. “That's all I can do.”

“I wish I could make this easier for you. Find a way to fix this.”

“You can't. All I can do is continue to work out and hope for the best,” he said.

He pushed his hat back and looked over at her. She wasn't sure she liked what she saw in his eyes.

“I keep telling myself I have a very slim chance. But I doubt that much has changed since the preliminary tests in Houston.”

“What if it has?”

He looked at her and shrugged. “I don't know. I just don't know what's going to happen. I feel stronger. It doesn't mean I'll be cleared to go back.”

But he still hoped he would be—she could tell. This wasn't a surprise, but she felt hurt and embarrassed anyway that she'd been falling in love with him and he'd been biding his time. She should have known better. She
did
know better, but she couldn't help herself and she definitely couldn't deal with these feelings right now. She clucked to Thunder and loped away from Jason.

But there wasn't enough land even on 760 acres to run away from her emotions or her heartbreak.

* * *

J
ASON
WATCHED
HER
go and knew he had to go after her. Working together to integrate the new facility with the ranch during the last month had been nice. More than nice. He'd seen a life he hadn't thought he'd ever find. One that hadn't been his dream but that he was coming to enjoy and feel more at home in every day.

He hadn't been completely truthful with Molly just now. Each week he sent a sample of his blood to Dr. Tomlin. She was watching his calcium levels and last night he'd gotten an email from her that said she saw some improvement. She'd also shared some new information about Candice's blood work. Candice was scheduled to go back up to the International Space Station in one month's time. She'd do a shorter stint, the shortest that NASA ran, just four weeks on the station, and then she'd be back for another evaluation. He wasn't sure what all this meant for his prospects and he didn't want to worry Molly until he knew for certain.

But whatever happened, he knew he didn't want to lose Molly. So he followed her across the fields. His horsemanship had improved drastically since he'd come back here in May.

He pulled Carl—now his personal horse—to a stop as it struck him that leaving the ranch and Molly wasn't going to be easy. His commitment to her wasn't just something to get him through losing the career he'd always wanted, he realized, now that there was a possibility of him returning to active duty.

But how could he say that to her? Despite everything they'd said to each other, she seemed to think that he was either going to stay on the ranch forever or it was over between them. Didn't she?

He clucked and nudged Carl with his heels to get him moving again and finally caught up with Molly at the pond. She'd dismounted and left her horse—a well-trained horse would stay even if the reins were just left on the ground rather than being tied to something. He did the same with Carl. He found Molly on the path and followed slowly.

She turned when she heard his boot steps getting close and he noticed she'd been crying.

“Molly.”

She just shrugged and shook her head. “I want you to stay. I want to be enough for you and not have to compete with NASA. I know it's selfish.”

He reached for her, but she stepped back and he dropped his arm awkwardly to his side.

“You are enough for me. Sometimes I think I'm not enough for you,” he said, tackling the easiest problem first. “These past months have been...an awakening for me. Never in my life had I imagined I'd find a place to call home that wasn't part of the space program.”

She watched him with those wide, weary eyes of hers and he was aware that he had to do and say the right things now. Because he loved her.

He stumbled over the thought in his mind.

He loved Molly. He couldn't say for sure when it had happened. Maybe he'd loved her since the first night he'd come back and she'd dropped all her barriers and let him see the real woman. Or maybe he'd loved her since he'd first seen her dark eyes and chestnut braids.

“I'm glad you feel at home,” she said. “You always kept a part of yourself isolated when you lived here before.”

“I know. I've been afraid to trust another person. It's easier at NASA because it's all about rank and performance, but this—” he gestured to the two of them “—this is scary because the last time I thought of home like this was before my mom died.”

She nodded. “It's different for me. This has always been my home. It's hard for me to imagine being anywhere else. But you've always wanted to leave, even when you were a kid, to get out there in the stars. I can understand it, but it's hard for me to figure out how we could be together if you're still able to go on missions. You'd be gone for such long periods of time.”

“It would be hard,” he admitted. But it was his life. He loved Molly and he loved space. He didn't think he could choose between them. If his health forced him to be grounded, it would be easier in some ways. The decision would be out of his hands. But something deep inside of him felt that he had improved enough, that the exercises and treatments Dr. Tomlin had prescribed had done their job. And that would leave him in a situation he never thought he'd be facing.

“So what are we going to do?” she asked.

“Just keep on the way we have been for the last month. Nothing has changed. I brought it up...well, it doesn't matter. I made a commitment to you and the facility and I'm going to keep it no matter what the tests show,” he said.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

He had this one moment where his conscience battled with him. He loved Molly.

Love.

He couldn't remember the last person he'd loved. His mom, he supposed, but that was so long ago she'd faded into a distant memory and sometimes he couldn't remember her face. But Molly was here before him. Standing there looking very unlike herself with her arms wrapped around her waist.

She needed him. He had a chance to become like the strong, caring men he admired. But he'd have to give up his dream.

Wasn't that what love was?

Sacrifice?

He didn't know for sure, but he made his choice. “I'm positive.”

* * *

T
WINKLE
LIGHTS
AND
tiki torches illuminated the dock area and beach around the pond later that evening. Music, laughter and raised voices filled the air. Molly wandered among the ranch hands, construction crew and astronauts who'd come out for the party. She hadn't seen Jason in the last thirty minutes, but that was okay.

They had spent a lot of time alone today before everyone had arrived. She was worried she'd forced him into a decision he'd come to regret.

“What are you doing over here looking all pouty, sunshine?” Rina asked as she came up to Molly and handed her a plastic margarita glass.

She took a sip of the frozen strawberry goodness. “I think I might have manipulated Jason today to do something he doesn't want to.”

“Damn, girl, I wasn't ready for that,” Rina said. “I thought you were sad that the facility would be opening soon.”

It was the end of the Bar T Ranch she'd always known, but she'd made her peace with that. “Change is inevitable, right?”

“Yes, it is. So what happened with you and Ace?” Rina asked.

The two women moved away from the party area down the path where there was a bench nestled under a willow tree. “Remember when I used to think no one could find me here?”

“I do,” Rina said. “It was your spot. Your dad told me how you and your mom used to spend time under this willow.”

“We did. I always think of her when I come here. I wonder what she'd say about all this,” Molly said.

“She'd be proud of you. You've done what was needed to keep the ranch in the family and you are making it a place for future generations,” Rina said.

Molly wondered if that was true or if Rina was just saying what she thought she needed to hear. The truth was someplace in between, Molly reckoned.

“So...” Rina said, taking another sip. “What did you do?”

Molly finished her margarita and sat down on the bench.

“Jason is feeling better. He thinks...he thinks that going on another mission might not be out of the question for him.”

“Was it ever?” Rina asked, coming over to sit down next to her.

“Yes. He has been part of an experiment for bone-density loss. It's called spaceflight osteopenia. When we went to Houston right before we won the bid, the doctor saw him and the news wasn't good. He thought he'd never go back to space. So he started considering a future with me and the ranch...”

“Well, damn.”

“Exactly. And today...well, today he tried talking to me about it, but I was all like it's me or the moon.” She groaned, embarrassed. “I used to be afraid he would leave. No, I would think, what if Jason goes on his mission and when he comes back he doesn't want this or me anymore?” she said. God, she hadn't realized that was what she'd been feeling, but now that the words were out she felt freer.

Rina hugged her close and rubbed her back. “All I know is that love doesn't come if you force it. If that boy loves you, then he won't be able to go into space unless he knows you'll be here for him when he returns.”

“You think so?” Molly asked.

“I do.” They sat for a few minutes in silence. “I guess we should go back to the party,” Rina said finally.

“We should.”

She followed Rina through the branches of the willow and up the path only to run into Jason coming down.

“I was looking for you,” he said. He wore a pair of tight-fitting jeans and a dress shirt, along with a Stetson she'd never seen before. He had two glasses in one hand, a bottle of Maker's Mark in the other.

“I'll leave you two alone,” Rina said, walking past him.

“I was hiding out.”

“Under the willow?” he asked, draping the arm with the glasses over her shoulder.