No Ordinary Bloke (23 page)

“Oh, my darling,” I said, nuzzling her neck. “I already can’t wait to see you again.”

O
ver the next week, Allison and I were in constant contact. Little texts, occasional emails, and nightly calls took over our days. I was a happier man, which Elinor noticed. The following Monday, I walked by her desk, thinking I was minding my own business. Elinor looked up from her keyboard and gave me a knowing smile. “We’re cheery lately, aren’t we?”

“As usual, eh?”

“Right.” She rolled her eyes and went back to her typing. I deserved it. I’d been a sorry git to her for months.

Before I left for DC, I rang Adam to tell him about Allison’s visit. I knew he would be excited for me, and he was. “That’s brilliant, mate. I can’t wait to meet her.”

“So I want to get a few things sorted with you and if you could in turn chat with Nicki that would be very helpful.” I leaned back in my office chair and snacked on my afternoon biscuits.

“What sort of things?”

“I suppose the first is that I’m not sure what the sleeping situation will be.”

“Ah…” He laughed. “I wish you all the best on that, but just in case we’ll put her in a room of her own, right next to yours of course.”

“That’s exactly what I was hoping for.”

“All right. What else?”

“Just so you know I told her how I'd snogged Nicki when we were kids.” I bit into another biscuit.

“Oh Lord. Why on earth did you do that?”

“Come on,” I said, my voice muffled by biscuit. “Keeping that sort of thing to yourself is a sure-fire way to piss off a bird. I told her, and she found it sort of odd, but funny and hopefully, harmless. If I hadn’t told her, she would’ve eventually learned about it and thought I was a bastard who has hiding a secret crush on your wife.”

“True.” He lowered his voice. “Do you have a secret crush on my wife?”

“Fuck no.” Then I chuckled. “Obviously, I’m quite public about it.”

“You’re a bastard,” he grumbled. “Wait til I start chatting up this girl of yours.”

“Calm down, Adam. You know I’m pulling your leg.” I would never understand why this man who had so much both by birth and by hard work was so insecure. He’d been this way since we were kids. He was the very opposite of me. “Nicki’s yours and yours alone, which makes you a lucky man.”

“Thank you.” He cleared his throat. “So are you still up for babysitting on Saturday night?”

“Of course. Allison and I can play house.”

“I thought you might say that.” He laughed. “And what about our football match on Sunday?”

“Crap. I forgot about that.” I wondered what Allison might think of an afternoon watching a game.

“You’re not going to back out on me, are you?”

“I don’t know if she likes football.”

“How can you possibly have a future together if she doesn’t like football?”

“Good point. I’ll talk with her about it.”

“Just don’t get in a fight, this time, okay?”

“I’ll be on my best behavior. I’m going to have a date after all.”

Late Saturday morning, I leaned against a wall of the waiting area of Union Station as I read a paper someone had left behind. Hearing a new crowd of people walk through the doors, I looked up and saw my Allison in the masses. Her red hair was hard to miss. I waved the paper just a bit, so she could see me. When she did, a big smile crossed her face and her pace quickened. Wearing a flowing sundress, a blazer, and heels, she looked like a hot model for spring fashion, coming straight for me.

We met halfway, and I leaned down and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek. “Hello, darling. How was the train?”

“Hi, David,” she said, a little bashfully. “The train ride was fine. I got some work in. Thanks so much for meeting me here. You didn’t have to.”

“I’m not going to let you take a taxi.”

“Did you drive?”

“Adam leant me his car.”

“Wait a second.” She looked at me askance. “Can you drive on this side of the street?”

“For the most part.”

“Enough for Adam to trust you with his car?”

“Just enough, love.”

As we drove through the web of streets that cross Washington, DC, I noticed that Allison had her foot pressed to the floor like she was braking for me. Driving in America was always easy unless I had to turn; then it got a little confusing. She looked at me fearfully as I risked our lives getting on to Connecticut Avenue. “This is a nice car.”

“It is. I have one in black,” I said, stroking the leather of the Tesla. “Don’t worry. When I drive you in England, it won’t be this frightening.”

“It’s okay. I’ve been in some scary cabs before.”

“Thank you for the vote of confidence.”

“You’re welcome.” She smiled. “It’s sort of funny. I guess I had it in my mind that you were good at everything.”

“I
am
a good driver. It’s just these American streets are arsebackwards.”

“Americans say the same thing in the UK, so we’re even.”

As we drove up Connecticut and the street became less urban, she said, “I’ve never been to this neighborhood.”

“Nicki tells me it’s where President Cleveland used to have a summer vacation home because it was cooler than the rest of the city.”

“Really?”

“Utter bollocks. It’s hotter than hell in the summer time.”

She laughed. “You would hate an Iowa summer.”

“I might not hate it. I’d just wilt.” I turned onto Nicki and Adam’s street and pointed to a rambling old house. “Their house is that blue one on the right.”

“Wow. That looks like a presidential vacation home.”

“Not a president’s, but supposedly one of his friends.”

“It’s just the two of them in there?”

“The
three
of them.”

“Oh, that’s right. I forgot about Veronica.”

“She’ll make her presence known to you soon enough,” I said as I parked the car. “They bought a big house because they like having guests, and they’d like to have a big family.”

She admired the home and said in an almost wistful voice, “Those are very nice aspirations.”

“Indeed.”

We got out of the car, and as I pulled her bag from the boot, the front door opened. Out came Adam, holding Little V. Barefoot and in jeans and a t-shirt with V’s puke all over the shoulders, he looked like a fucking advertisement for new fathers. Allison smiled at him. No doubt, her ovaries were already exploding. I shook my head.
Wait till she hears the wanker speak.

“Hello you two,” he said in his perfect, upper-class accent.

“Hello,” I said, a little sourly as I escorted Allison up the steps.

“Hi,” she said, clutching her bag.

“Welcome,” Adam said as he bounced V up and down.

When we reached him, I put down her bag and put my arm around her waist. “Adam, I’d like to introduce Allison Wright to you. Allison, this is my cousin Adam Kincaid.”

“It’s wonderful to meet you,” Adam said, extending his hand. “This is my daughter Veronica.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Allison answered as she shook his hand. “She’s adorable.”

“May I take her?” I asked, holding my hands out to Adam. I loved Veronica. Truly I did, but at that moment I needed her as a prop to distract Allison from Adam.

“Certainly,” Adam said as he handed her over.

My reinforcement came as Nicki came up behind Adam. “Is Allison here? Did she survive?”

“She’s here,” I said before giving Nicki’s ponytail a tug. “Yes, she survived. My driving isn’t so bad.”

“Not so bad because it’s just ghastly,” said Adam.

Nicki then leaned over and gave Allison a quick hug. “I’m Nicki. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Hi,” Allison said, a little taken aback. “Thank you for having me.”

“Are you kidding? It’s great! Finally another woman around here
and
you’re an American. I can actually understand you.”

Allison nodded. “I know how you feel. I can’t imagine being alone with both of them.”

“Oh my God. You wouldn’t believe it.” Nicki scowled at Adam and me. “When they get together, it’s like a frat house. All they do is drink beer, eat junk food, and watch soccer. When V gets a little older, we’re going to need a family agreement to clean up our language.”

I pointed at Adam. “Maybe for him, but not me. I should be able to say whatever I want. I’m the poor relation.”

Adam waved his hand at me. “Don’t give us that load of crap. When was the last time you travelled second class?”

“I take the tube all the time.” After giving him a teasing punch in the arm, I looked at Allison whose grin had grown wider and wider. I was chuffed she liked my family and even happier she seemed comfortable with them.

“Everyone takes the tube, you arse,” said Adam. He nodded inside. “Let’s go in, shall we? Or Allison will think she’s unwelcome.”

For the rest of the afternoon, we hung out at the house. Nicki had put out a great lunch spread, and we had wine and beer while chatting and passing Little V around the table. Then V went down for her nap, and the adults went into the large back garden. Allison and Nicki read books on the matching hammocks while Adam and I had a kick around. I needed the practice. Allison had agreed to go to the game the following day, and I didn’t want to make a complete fool out of myself on the pitch.

When Little V woke up, Allison and I took her out in her pram. The walk through the tree-lined streets was a leisurely stroll until we needed to pick up a few things for Nicki at the corner market. As soon as we began the walk up Connecticut Avenue, passersby began to stop and ask us questions about V. From the beginning, Allison and I laughed and stammered our way through questions we had no idea the answer to.

After the third old lady walked away, Allison said, “So do we try and pass her off as our own or do we admit she’s your niece?”

“If we’re her parents, does that mean we’re husband and wife with all the benefits that go with that?” I waggled my eyebrows.

She smiled her cagey smile. “If we’re husband and wife with a ten month old, are we really getting those benefits?”

“Good point.” I put my arm around her. “Let’s go back to babysitting.”

“Do you mind that I’m sleeping in another room?” She looked down at the street and then back at me. “I would just feel a little awkward if our first time was here.”

“I told you it was perfectly fine,” I said, squeezing her arm. “I agree. I’d much rather be in a grand hotel or my bed for that matter. I’d have performance anxiety if Nicki and Adam heard us.”

As soon as I said, “my bed,” her mouth soured. “Your bed?” she asked.

The question consisted of only two words, but I understood everything she was conveying. I pulled away from her and lifted her chin. “Look at me. I need you to believe this. I normally don’t bring women back to my place. Period. The last woman I was with in my flat was my old girlfriend, Jemima, and that was eight years ago. And if that’s not enough for you, I believe I purchased a new mattress last July because the last one was bloody lumpy. I’d put the bed on the rubbish heap as well for you, but I’m attached to it because I made it me self.” I was going to end it on that personal note, but I thought of something else she might be wondering. “And on a different but related matter, in case you’re wondering, even though they feel like a rubber band on my dick, I always use a condom. I’m also religious about getting tested. I see my doctor almost as often as I see my barber.”