No Quarter (NOLA's Own #2) (41 page)

Kenna

“Come on,” I prompted, hugging him tight before pushing him back. “I want to wash this shit off me.”

Phil sat back on his heels and finally looked down into my eyes. What I saw in there was a sense of peace I had never seen in them before. It was enchanting to witness. Those areas that had been so deeply shadowed were surrendering to his blazing light.

We simply stared into one another for a few minutes. I let myself be open to him, understanding that he needed that the most. All the self-loathing, the hatred, the anguish he had carried with him…the load of it had lightened.

“Can you forgive me?” he asked.

“There’s nothing for me to forgive.”

“I mean…about not tellin’ you. I guess I should’ve told you about all this before.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. What’s important is that you have now, and it helps me to understand you better.”

He grinned sadly. “Are you sayin’ I’m a complicated man?”

“Hmm…” I grinned back. “I suppose that’s one way of putting it.”

Getting to my feet, I reached my hands out for his, and he took them. We made our way to the bathroom, and I started plucking at the gems glued on my face.

“Here,” he said, lifting me and setting me on the counter, taking over the tedious job himself.

I thought he was just so desperate to touch me even if it was simply divesting me of my mask. His long fingers gently peeled each one off while his eyes absorbed the sight of my face.

“How do you feel now?” I asked him.

His eyes flickered to mine. “Better, I guess. Well, yeah, a lot better actually.”

“Good,” I replied.

A part of me wanted to probe him about Devon. Throughout his tale, I could feel the anguish in him as he had spoken of his best friend.

I still didn’t trust Camryn. There was something about that girl that didn’t make sense. Somehow—and it really disturbed me that I thought this—she didn’t strike me as
a victim
. With Sheri, I had always felt that she had suffered at the hands of others. But not with Camryn. Maybe she was just better at hiding it.

Right now was not the time for discussing either of them, so I let it go.

Phil continued picking off the gems, placing them in a tiny pile next to me on the counter.

“You looked beautiful tonight,” he told me softly. “I was so proud to have you up there with me, showin’ you off to the world.”

I laughed. “Yeah, what made you decide to do that?”

He shrugged. “With your face all sugared up, I guess I felt it was safe to show you off like that. No one knows what you really look like, and the ones who do…know how fuckin’ serious I am about you. Plus, the girls who hang around us at shows? They need to step off and realize I ain’t fuckin’ around. I haven’t touched any of them in a good long while, in any case.”

“I guess you’ve fucked all of them at some point.” I sighed in resignation.

“At some point or another. Yeah. I’m sorry about that, too.”

“You don’t need to be.”

“Well then, I’m sorry for myself. I’ve dipped my shit in some poisoned fuckin’ cunts, and in the end, you’ve had to share what has always been yours with all of them. It bugs me, is all.”

“Did you punish them, too?” I asked gently.

He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. “No. I went lookin’ for girls who I’d never have to see again, ones who wanted…it.”

“So…everyone else really
did
get what was mine before I could have it,” I stated, not really meaning to say it out loud.

Phil sucked in a sharp breath. “Baby…”

My eyes stared hard into his. “It’s true. What can you experience with me that you haven’t already done with countless others?”

That was a low blow, and I knew it, but I couldn’t seem to help myself.

“All of me isn’t enough?” he asked dejectedly.

He wasn’t just talking about his cock, that much I knew.

Deflating suddenly, I admitted, “It is. I’m just being a brat. Because for me, being with you really
is
new and exciting, and I get to find out all of these things about myself
with
you.”

“But it feels like that for me, too,” he said. “Every time I’m with you, it’s new. It’s amazin’.”

I nodded, and he snatched a crystal off my Third Eye.

“What do you want, Kenna? Whatever it is, I’ll give it to you.”

Just say it! Tell him what you want! No woman has had him like that, and that’s what you need from him. You need to feel that power over him, just like he needs to feel it over you!

“You know how you like to tie me up sometimes?”

“Yeah. You want me to tie you up more?”

I shook my head. “The first time we did that…you told me you never had it done to you. I want to be the only who has you like that.”

“Oh.”

He started removing the gems around my eyes, and neither of us made eye contact with the other for a few minutes. Perhaps I had crossed a boundary with him—which I thought was pretty unfair, considering I had none where he was concerned.

It took me a moment to realize he had finished and that he was looking at me, waiting for me to meet his gaze. When I did…

“Okay,” he said softly.

My eyebrows rose. “Okay?”

He nodded. “I’m yours, Kenna. Whatever you want from me, it’s yours.”

My heart started pounding wildly, and suddenly, I wasn’t so sure about it anymore.

“Shower first?” I croaked.

He nodded. “Can I kiss you now?”

I looked at him in surprise. “Of course. You don’t need to ask.”

His hands came up and framed my face, his head dipped, and he flooded me with his relief with the sweet connection of his lips on mine. At first, it was gentle, but then we got caught up in the passion that never failed to blow up between us. It turned into a desperate tongue-sucking, teeth-knocking clash that had us straining against one another.

Backing up, he pulled me off the counter and then began yanking my shirt over my head. With a groan, he dropped to his knees, pulled me roughly to him, and latched on to a breast, nearly sucking the whole thing inside his burning wet mouth. My fingers speared into his hair and tugged him closer. He turned his attention to the other one, sinking his teeth in with just the right amount of pressure.

Panting, he pressed his Third Eye to my sternum. “I always fuckin’ want you, Kenna. Fuck…you’d think it’d ease up over time, but I can’t fuckin’ keep my hands off you.”

“I don’t want you to,” I replied. “I never want you to keep your hands off me, babe.”

“I got face paint all over you.”

I smiled at that, and I told him a little breathlessly, “I guess we should shower then.”

For that, we
did
keep our hands to ourselves. We both knew that with one touch, we’d be fucking up against the shower wall. We dried ourselves off quickly.

When he went to put his hair up in the man bun, I told him, “Leave it down.”

His eyes met mine in the mirror.

“I want you on the bed, babe,” I said unflinchingly. “In the middle of it, on your knees. Go wait for me.”

Phil’s eyes widened with surprise. “Damn, you’ve fuckin’ given this some thought.”

“You have no idea,” I replied with a cheeky grin.

Unable to help himself, he grinned back, flashing me all sorts of dimple.

When he left to do as I’d told him, I shut the bathroom door for a minute of solitude. I looked at my freshly scrubbed face.

I can do this. I
want
to do this.

What if he laughed at me?

Then, he laughs at me.

He wouldn’t laugh at me. He was taking this seriously. I knew he was nervous, letting me have this sort of control over him, but he also knew that if I had trusted him enough to allow him to tie me up, he could be confident in letting me do the same.

Our relationship wasn’t about who was the dominant one. We viewed one another as equals, and he valued me as such.

He’s letting me do this. No matter what I want, he’ll give it to me. He really
does
love me that much. As much as I love him.

I gave myself a good stretch, straightened my spine, and marched my alpha ass out of that bathroom.

Center of the bed, on his knees, sitting back on his heels, Phil was right where I’d asked him to be. In silence, he watched as I went for my travel bag and opened it, finding what I was looking for—a belt with no holes that cinched where I needed it.

Climbing on the bed, I crawled up behind him. “Hands behind your back, please.”

So accommodating, my Dark God obeyed me without hesitation.

I didn’t want it to be too tight. His shoulders would need to be relaxed because I planned on having him on his back at some point, and he in no way had the sort of flexibility I had. Crossing his wrists, he waited patiently as I bound them, so he couldn’t break free.

“Comfortable?”

“I suppose so.”

Scrambling off the bed, rummaging through my things, I pulled out the clear bottle of Slide ’n’ Glide lube.

Inhaling sharply, he asked in a hushed voice, “What do you plan on doin’ to me?”

I shrugged. “I’m not sure. Just want to be prepared.”

“Liar. What are you gonna do?”

“Well, you’re always going on about what it’s like being inside and a part of me…”

“Fuck.”

“Have you ever…”

“No,” his voice bit out, sounding pissed.

“Good. It’s
mine
.”

“Fuck.”

I sat myself before him, mirroring his stance, only my hands were in my lap. He stared into my eyes, and I stared right back. In doing so, I came to the jarring realization that Phil wasn’t just my boyfriend. He was not only my lover, the man of my wildest fantasies—and I guessed I had some pretty wild ones. This man went out of his way to make me happy. He always listened to what I had to say even if it was after the fact. He had been there for me the very second I stepped back into his life.

“
You
are my best friend,” I told him quietly, a little awed by my revelation. “More than Lili, more than Alys even. I don’t know how to explain it.”

His face went from quiet contemplation into full-blown shock. I hadn’t realized how my words would affect him, but his deep-set eyes went wide and filled with a shimmer of tears.

His lips parted and trembled. “Oh,
Kenna
…”

I smiled at him, feeling my own eyes fill as my vision blurred. Reaching out, I took his face in my hands and nodded. “You really are.”

His chest jerked on a sob, and as he closed his eyes, his tears spilled over. Turning his head, he pressed his lips to my wrist before facing me once more.

“You’re mine, too,” he whispered, his breath catching.

Between his legs his cock bobbed and twitched, oozing a copious amount of pre-cum. It looked swollen to the point of pain.

“I need you to kiss me, Kenna,” he begged. “Please…”

He tasted of all the things I loved. Heady and sweet with a promise of the erotic, Phil was the most delicious flavor, no matter what the mood, no matter what the body part. I could happily spend the rest of my life with my mouth fused to his.

But I hadn’t tied him up to make out with him.

Pulling back, I pressed one last chaste kiss to his lips and then scampered around behind him, pressing my chest to his back. At the feel of my breasts connecting with his skin, he moaned softly.

“Do you trust me?” I whispered, my lips brushing his ear.

“Yes,” he answered without hesitation.

“What’s our word?”
I’m totally digging this role-reversal.

His chest heaved with a huge breath, and he lovingly sighed. “Kashmir.”

Sliding my hand over his shoulder, up the back of his neck, I fisted it into the hair at his nape and pulled. “Do you like a little bit of pain?”

With his neck arched like that, I could see the pounding pulse in his jugular. He was so vulnerable right now.

He swallowed thickly, Adam’s apple dipping. “Yes. More than a little bit.”

“Really?” I asked, truly surprised. “Why haven’t you told me this before?”

“I don’t know. You bite me when you come, sometimes. I
love
that. I love it when your marks are on me.”

“I can’t help it…” I nipped his lobe. “The things you make me feel are so intense that sometimes, I just…”