NO REGRETS ~ An American Adventure in Afghanistan

Afghanistan

© David Kaelin 2013

I have not written all this to complain: I have simply written the truth. I do not intend by what I have written to compliment myself: I have simply set down exactly what happened. Since I have made it a point in this history to write the truth of every matter and to set down no more than the reality of every event, as a consequence I have reported every good and evil I have seen of father and brother and set down the actuality of every fault and virtue of relative and stranger. May the reader excuse me; may the listener take me not to task.

~ Babur Khan, founder of the Mughal Empire

Do not try to do too much with your own hands. Better the Arabs do it tolerably than that you do it perfectly. It is their war, and you are to help them, not to win it for them. Actually, also, under the very odd conditions of Arabia, your practical work will not be as good as, perhaps, you think it is.

~
T.E. Lawrence,
The Evolution of a Revolt

I don’t fear death; I fear remaining silent in the face of injustice. I am young and I want to live. But I say to those who would eliminate my voice: I am ready, wherever and whenever you might strike. You can cut down the flower, but nothing can stop the coming of the spring.

~
Malalai Joya,
Raising My Voice

Table of Contents

Author’s Note

Abbreviations

Maps

Part I
Defense Contractors, Mercenaries, and War Profiteers, Oh My!

Fort Knox, Kentucky

Into the ‘Stan!

Operation Enduring Freedom

Taliban Rocket Show

Fallen Soldiers: The Pat Tillman Story

Balkans Invasion

$35 Haircut Special

Camp Cupcake—The Easy Life

Phoenix Rising

Bombs, Bullets, Insurgents

Part II
The Nights of Kabul

White Collar Mercenaries R Us

Arriving in the Mile High City

The Taliban’s House of Murder

Wazir Akbar Khan and the Chinese

The Kabul Beauty School

Part III
Herat: The Revolutionary City

The Pearl of Khorasan

Tarjomani-Man

Meeting the General

Terp Boot Camp

Training the Afghans

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Masjid Jami

Ghalla Attar

Motorcycles, Politics, and Sex Videos

Kidnappings and Drive-Bys

Major Zahir Arrives

Boy Buggin’ Pashtuns

Chaghcharan

No Greater Love

The Boys from Farah

Land of the Great Conquerors

Epilogue

Glossary

Acknowledgments

Author’s Note

This book is based on true events that occurred during my decade of service in Afghanistan as a defense contractor for the U.S. military. I have changed the names to protect those who may be endangered by their continuing involvement with Coalition Forces. This is a very real danger. It is especially true of those brave men and women who serve as interpreters and translators for the U.S. military and Coalition Forces. These men and women, primarily Afghan, place their lives on the line daily in their efforts to drag Afghanistan to a better future.

Other individuals, particularly defense contractors, mentioned herein still work and live in Afghanistan. The U.S. Army and State Department are staffed with many people who hate, or merely dislike, contractors. Any chance they come by to fire a contractor would be seized upon with relish. For that reason, I’ve changed all those names as well.

The U.S. Army denied contractors (and still does to an extent) the right to carry firearms in self-defense. Instead, they leave us reliant on the military personnel who surround us. Some of the men and women with whom I worked disagreed with this policy. These persons offered me the opportunity to have a measure of self-defense at my disposal. Those names were changed as well.

As regards other U.S. military personnel, if I felt that the actions of a given soldier or marine might endanger their careers, I changed their name. Similarly, I changed the names of certain members of the National Guard. I did not work closely with U.S. Air Force or Navy personnel. I retained the real names of colonels, generals, and other high-ranking members of the armed forces, since these individuals have all been cited in the press at one time or another, and, in many instances, quite often.

I have also retained most of the Afghan military officers’ real names. They know the dangers that surround them. They are public figures. Some of these men are as venal as the Taliban and bandits who prey on the Afghan populace. Others are men simply trying to make a decent living and survive with a measure of security for themselves and their families. Even the venal ones befriended me and offered hospitality and a measure of security in my travels throughout Afghanistan. I do not call these men corrupt or criminal in this book. I write of my experiences with them. I leave you to your opinion of their humanity.

Abbreviations

PART I

Defense Contractors, Mercenaries, and War Profiteers, Oh My!