No Strings Attached (11 page)

Plenty to do and enough work to occupy her mind and body. She was putting in twelve-hour
days, seven days a week, coming home exhausted every night, her mind and body numb.
She’d strip out of her clothes, step into the shower, grab something to eat and either
read a book or veg in front of the television until she crawled into bed and passed
out.

Which meant she had no time to think about Clay. Or almost no time, because despite
filling her days and nights, he still crept into her thoughts.

She hadn’t seen him in the two weeks she’d been back. At the airport in Hawaii, she’d
told him to pretend this had never happened, that he should treat her as if they’d
never spent this week together.

Something odd had crossed his face. Regret, maybe? But then he’d flashed a grin at
her, kissed her hard and told her if she ever wanted a repeat performance in Hawaii,
he was all up for playing stud. She laughed and turned away, hurried down the gangplank
so he wouldn’t see the tears coating her eyes. She decided she’d seen in his eyes
only what she wanted to see. He’d thought of that week in Hawaii as fun and sex and
nothing more than that. And that was what she was going to think about it. Fun. Sex.

Over and done with. She was not in love with him. Her heart was not aching for him.
Her body was not missing his touch.

“Woman. You avoiding me?”

Ella’s head snapped up at the voice. Tish stood in her doorway, frowning at her.

Ella smiled. “Of course not. I’ve been buried since I got back.”

Tish came in, tossed her purse on the floor and flounced into the cushioned chair
in front of Ella’s desk. “Okay, spill. I want to hear all about it.”

Tish was the last person she was going to tell. She leaned back in her chair, thankful
it was after working hours and no one else was around. “It was…good.”

“Uh-huh. That’s not exactly the level of detail I was looking for.”

Ella launched into all the activities she’d done on the island.

“I don’t care about shopping or snorkeling, girl. I want to hear about you and Clay.”

She winced. “So you know about that.”

“Who the hell do you think put you two together? Come on.”

She wanted to ask Tish how he was, if he’d asked about her at all. So high school.
She wasn’t going to go there. She’d been the one to tell Clay to keep his distance,
to keep things between them professional only.

“Well? I’m waiting.”

But Tish was her friend. She had to talk to someone. “It was unlike anything I thought
it would be, Tish.”

Tish grinned so wide Ella was sure her cheeks would explode. “I knew it. I knew you
two belonged together.”

“We’re not together.”

Tish’s smile faded. “Why the hell aren’t you?”

“Because what happened between us in Hawaii can’t work here.”

“Again, why the hell not?”

Ella rubbed that spot in between her eyebrows where a headache was forming. “It’s
complicated.”

“I’ve got time. Explain it to me.”

“I don’t have time. I’m really busy, Tish. Let’s get together for a drink soon, okay?”

“You’re putting me off because you don’t have a valid reason why you and Clay can’t
be together.”

“Yes, I do have a valid reason. Plenty of them, the least of which is he’s not interested
in having a relationship.”

“He told you this.”

“Not exactly.”

“Did you tell him you’re in love with him?”

Her gaze snapped to Tish’s. “Of course not.”

“But you are in love with him, aren’t you?”

She was seconds away from denying it, but realized Tish would browbeat her mercilessly
until she confessed. She sank back in her chair. “Yes. I love him.”

Tish leaned forward. “Then what’s the problem, honey? Tell him.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“You know why. He doesn’t want attachments in his life. Besides, I swore I’d never
get involved with anyone in this industry again. Next time I fall in love it’s going
to be with a nice…accountant or something.”

Tish studied her with a critical gaze.

“What?”

“You’re afraid.”

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are. You’re afraid if you fall in love again, the man you love is going
to drop dead like James did.”

Ella struggled to speak past the pain and fury that boiled inside her. “That’s harsh.”

Tish lifted her chin. “I know. And it’s the damn truth. You’re scared to death that
you love Clay. Someone who could die on you, just like James did.”

“I am not. I just know it would never work. He isn’t interested.”

“How do you know unless you tell him? I think you’re giving bullshit excuses to ignore
your fear.”

Ella stood, paced the room, finally settling on looking out her window at the parking
lot. “I’m not afraid. I’m strong, Tish. I withstood a lot with James’s death.”

“And you don’t want to go through it again, so you’re tossing all this on Clay, when
in reality it’s you who’s the problem.”

She kept her gaze trained on the window. “I thought you were my friend.”

She heard the crackle of the leather cushion, then felt Tish behind her, her arms
encircling her. “I am your friend. I love you. I went through that pain with you and
never want to see you go through it again. And remember…I’ve been there, too.”

Ella nodded. “I know.” She wanted to say that Tish’s situation was different, that
her husband’s cancer had been slow and debilitating. But had it really been different?
They’d both lost men they loved. She was so confused.

“Ella. You can’t stop living just because you lost someone. It took me a long time
to get past John’s death. But I did. And I’m dating again. I haven’t fallen in love
yet, but I’m allowing myself the opportunity to. And I know it’ll happen someday when
the right man comes along. You have to open your heart and let it happen for you,
too.”

Tears welled and she forced them back, refusing to dwell on the past, or the possible
future that was riddled with terror. “You know what Clay does for a living, Tish.”

“Yeah. The same thing that James did. But the construction business didn’t kill your
husband, Ella. An aneurysm did.”

She shook her head. “I can’t lose another man I love. Not again. I wouldn’t survive
it.”

Tish squeezed her shoulders. “We’re all going to lose the ones we love, Ella. You
and I know that more than most people do. We just got a head start on most people.
And it made us stronger. We’re light-years ahead of the rest of them.”

That actually made her laugh. “Yeah, I’m strong, all right. I’ve spent the past five
years proving how goddamn strong I am.”

“You’re strong enough to try this again. Because you don’t want to spend the rest
of your life alone, without love. Without being loved.”

Tears rolled down her face, the anguish tearing her up inside. Was this what she wanted
for the rest of her life? To feel alone and afraid? She turned to face her best friend.
“You’re a real bitch, you know.”

Tish’s lips quirked. “Not the first time I’ve heard that. But you know I’m never gonna
sugarcoat it for you. You love him. And I know he loves you.”

Ella swiped her cheeks. “You think he loves me?”

“He’s been cranky as a bear since he got back. And usually he dives right into work,
happy as can be to be back there after he’s been gone. Not this time.”

“Have you—?”

“Asked him about you? No. I’m not poking the bear just yet. But I will.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Tish. I don’t know about any of this. Clay just isn’t the type
to want to settle down with one woman.”

“He wasn’t the type before. My guess is he’s changed his mind about that. But you’ll
never know unless you try.”

Trying scared the shit out of her. She didn’t know if she even wanted to try, because
Tish was right. The thought of loving and losing someone again terrified her.

“I’ll think about it.”

Tish nodded and went to pick up her purse. “You do that. Oh, and the reason I came
here?”

“Yeah?”

“The annual Trades charity ball is Saturday. I’m supposed to remind all the contractors
about it.”

She grimaced. “Do I have to go?”

“Yes. You have to go. I have to go. We all have to go. Suck it up.”

“I don’t have a ball gown.” She hadn’t been to the ball since James died. It was…too
festive. The contractors all brought their wives or dates. It was a huge deal since
it was their annual charity fund-raiser. Ella usually sent a check instead.

“No excuses. We’ll go shopping because this year you’re going. It’ll be good for you
to get out.”

She sighed. “All right. Shopping? I have to go shopping?”

“Yes.”

Once Tish set her mind to something, there was no getting around it. “Fine. I’ll need
drinks first.”

“You got it. We’ll go tomorrow.”

After Tish left, Ella stared down at the files on her desk. Paperwork could wait until
tomorrow. She needed some air. She went outside and headed toward her truck, rolled
the windows down when she got in, grateful for the constantly changing Oklahoma weather
that had brought a springlike day in the middle of winter. Maybe the fresh air would
clear her mind and blow away thoughts of Clay.

She loved this city. Big enough for progress, for constant changing and reshaping,
which meant her business thrived. Small enough for suburbs and getting from one end
of town to the other in a hurry. Tulsa had growing industry and the feel of a major
city without any of the congestion or drawbacks. Yet there were enough surrounding
small towns that you could feel as if you really were in Middle America and get away
from it all. That was what she and James had wanted, why they’d bought a house outside
Tulsa. Ella had wanted the escape, had loved the small-town feeling of their little
place in the suburbs with its quiet street where children played without worrying
about cars zooming by.

She and James had talked about having kids, but the time had
never seemed right. She had jumped into the construction business with both hands
and had loved it, and the whole having-kids thing had fallen by the wayside. Someday,
they kept saying. They had plenty of time. And someday never happened.

She was glad they hadn’t had children. She’d been devastated when James died, couldn’t
imagine trying to cope and handle grieving children at the same time. She’d had to
grow up herself at the age of twenty-five, had to learn to manage a business and take
care of herself.

Now, five years later, she was a different person than she’d been then. When James
had died her entire world had fallen apart. She had never lived alone, had never had
to stand on her own. But she’d managed it, and she’d grown the company. She had the
respect of every man and woman at Hicks Construction. She loved her job. It had filled
her nights and days. Mostly.

And she’d managed to fall in love again, despite thinking she never would.

So maybe she didn’t end up with Clay in her life. And maybe that did hurt a little.
Okay, a lot. But she’d set the ground rules for their time in Hawaii. And she’d chosen
the man—a man she knew didn’t want strings attached to their time together.

But at least she knew now that she could love again. And she would fall in love.

Someday.

But despite Tish’s insistence, it wasn’t going to be with Clay.

Clay walked out of his office, surprised to find Tish still at her desk. Kind of unusual
for a Friday afternoon. Usually she was gone at five o’clock sharp, ready for her
weekend. He couldn’t blame her.

“Workday’s over. Shouldn’t you be gone by now?”

Tish looked up from her computer. “Thought I’d hang out for a few minutes.”

Uh-oh. That usually meant she had something to say and she didn’t want to say it with
the other staff around. He leaned against
the desk opposite hers and folded his arms. “Okay, what’s on your mind?”

“Ella.”

Just the mention of her name was a gut punch. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking
about her since Hawaii. Oh, sure, he intended to honor her wishes, but it was damn
hard not to call her, to drive over to her house, to tell her how he really felt…what
he really wanted.

“What about her?”

“She’s in love with you.”

He frowned. “No, she’s not.” If she was in love with him, she’d have called him in
the weeks since they’d been back from Hawaii. She’d have expressed some interest in
getting together. She’d made things clear in Hawaii. Sex only. Onetime thing. Done
and over.

“You know, for someone who’s had a ton of experience with women, you are completely
blind.”

He pivoted and headed back to his office. “Stay out of my personal life, Tish.”

He started to shut his door. Tish stopped him. “She loves you.”

He whipped around to face her. “She told you this.”

Tish opened her mouth, closed it, then finally said, “Why don’t you ask her yourself?”

“So this is just something you’ve conjured up on your own. I’ve been on the receiving
end of your misguided matchmaking skills before, Tish.”