No Time for Goodbyes (6 page)

I
F THERE'S ONE THING
I won't do when I grow up, it's become a librarian's assistant. I thought the job would be cool and I'd get to read books while stamping other books with due dates. Instead, all I've been doing is breaking my back rearranging books in the right shelves, making sure everything is aligned and then indexing whatever the librarian has handed to me.

When college gets over, I spot Manoj strolling inside casually talking to a couple of other students. He hasn't yet seen me near the Management shelf, putting all the books in a straight line and I realise I am hopping mad at him. I understand that he's not going to babysit me, but he's kind of forgotten that I didn't bring any lunch with me and neither did I have any money to buy something in the canteen.

I dust my hands and say goodbye to the librarian and then head straight out of the library without looking at Manoj who has finally spotted me. He looks surprised at my reaction and then after saying a quick bye to his friends, he comes after me.

‘Hey!'

I continue walking, hoping it's in the direction of the gates. I know this probably makes me look all kinds of foolish and childish but I'm hungry! During lunch time all sorts of delicious smells had come creeping inside from the students who were sitting on the steps, eating. I'd completely expected Manoj to pick me up from the library so we could go to the canteen together but when he didn't come, I had even ventured towards the canteen on my own. He wasn't there so I came back disappointed. Now I'm hungry and angry. Never a good combination.

‘Wait up!' he says and finally catches up with me and grabs my hand.

‘What happened?' he looks concerned and suddenly I feel more foolish than angry.

‘Nothing,' I say and pull my hand out from his. He looks awkward and then scratches his head in exasperation.

‘Girls are still the same in 2012 I guess,' he smiles, and I shake my head.

‘No, really. It's nothing,' I say and try to move ahead when he stops me.

‘If you're angry with me for something, just come out and say it. Don't play guessing games with me Tamanna. You're here for a very short while. I don't want to spend that time trying to wonder what went wrong and why you're angry,' he says. His words deflate most of my indignation and I look down at my palms.

‘I'm just hungry, not angry,' I say softly and look up to see his eyes widen in realisation.

‘Shit! I'm so sorry! My Chemistry practical classes just extended into lunch and I was so busy completing my experiments, I completely forgot about lunch or that you wouldn't have had any!' he says. Immediately I'm mollified. It's not like he was with his friends and had forgotten me. I smile weakly and he smiles back.

‘I'm an idiot. I'm hungry too! Come let's go grab something to eat,' he says, moving in the direction of the canteen. Unfortunately, the canteen doesn't have anything to offer, so we head back outside the college.

I look at the area with interest. Now if this were 2012, we would have just walked down the road to Forum Mall. But in 1982, this area looks pretty deserted. The traffic is slightly heavy here but nothing compared to what I've seen.

‘I'll make up to you for this,' Manoj mutters as we stand in the bus stop and although it seems like there are a hundred mice frantically clawing the inside of my stomach, I've forgiven him.

‘Look, it's okay. Let's just go home. I'm sure Ajji will make something if we ask her to,' I tell him with a smile.

Manoj shakes his head. ‘You're right. But tomorrow, I'll take you for ice cream after college,' he promises with a smile and I ignore those boppity bops again.

‘So, how was your day?' he asks as we get inside the bus.

‘Aargh! Boring. I hated it!' I tell him.

‘Great. The one thing I thought you would enjoy,' he says dismissively. ‘You sure you don't want to clean up our house?'

‘No thanks!' I make a face at him and look outside the window. When we went to college in the morning, we'd sat together too but why does that seem different from this? I'm having this slightly breathless feeling although I haven't run anywhere and it's getting difficult to concentrate on what he's saying.

He tells me about his classes, his friends and his teachers and I listen in silence.

‘What do you plan to do when you grow up?' I ask him.

‘Maybe you can tell me that,' he grins and I look away. Not again!

‘I don't know. I haven't met you in 2012,' I tell him. When I turn back to face him, he looks at me curiously.

‘Why?' he asks.

‘I've no idea,' I shrug. ‘But you know what? Maybe I have. But you must be like nearly fifty in 2012 so I probably haven't noticed you. Maybe you're the fat and balding types or maybe I call you uncle and have never bothered to find out your name,' I say with a fake sweet smile. This is okay, this parrying between the two of us. I like it. It seems … safe.

He narrows his eyes at me and then with a chuckle, looks away.

‘You're right,' he says finally and I look at him. Big mistake. He's staring at me intensely and then says, ‘It's good you reminded me just how old I am compared to you. I tend to forget that.'

The rest of the ride home, both of us were silent.

‘I
CAN'T WAIT FOR
school to begin,' Suma says as we sit down for dinner that night. I look at her and smile. My mom, ever the enthu-cut.

‘Why?' I ask, looking around the now familiar kitchen. Reena and Vidya are sitting next to us and they're eating, talking quietly among themselves.

‘I'm bored of sitting at home all day,' Suma replies and I nod in understanding. I so get what she's saying. That boredom was what got me here. Manoj dropped me home and went back to his house in the evening. Despite Ajji and Suma insisting he stay back for dinner, he made some excuses and left. I'm actually glad he did. I don't want to think about what he said.

After dinner, I don't go back to the room with the girls. I decide to explore the house a bit and see what I can. There's a small backyard where Ajji has planted a curry leaf tree, some coriander plants and even a lime tree.

‘Don't go into the backyard in the night!' Ajji calls out to me in an admonishing tone. Oops! I come back inside to see her at the doorway to her room. I've been in 1982 for all of two days now and I haven't been inside her room yet. I want to go inside and inhale her familiar talcum powder and the starch on her cotton sarees. Most of all, I want to put my head on her lap and just sleep. Unfortunately, I can't do any of that.

‘Why don't you go to sleep?' she asks me, her face breaking out into a smile. I remember how mom has told me that Ajji had a hard life, but she was never one to crib about it. In fact, right up to the present she's always maintained a stoic smile and always indulged us whenever we visited her.

‘I'm not feeling sleepy,' I tell her.

‘Come,' she invites me inside her room and I step inside, feeling comfort wash over me instantly. It's just as I remember, except that in the present day Ajji's room is a little brighter.

She sits down on the bed and pats the space beside her and I sit down, feeling a little shy. To her, I'm practically a stranger and yet she's so kindly let me stay in her house just because I'm Manoj's friend.

‘Thank you for letting me stay,' I tell her with a smile and Ajji cocks her head and regards me curiously.

‘I don't know why but you remind me of someone I know,' she says. ‘I just don't remember who.'

I nod and hope to change the subject. ‘Who were the other women in the kitchen that day?' I ask her because I've noticed that they're no longer in the house. It's only Ajji and the girls … my mother and aunts I mean.

‘They were neighbours. They came that day to help me make some of the snacks that we make and sell. I usually manage on my own but one some days I get tired so they come and help,' she says. Mom's words about what a privileged childhood I've had are clear now. Ajji made and sold those murukkus I ate the other day to supplement their income.

‘They were delicious,' I tell her, wishing I could tell her that her days of hardship would get over as soon as my mother finishes college and gets a job. But that's still years away. At least another 7 years.

‘So who's there in your house back in Australia?' she asks me.

‘My parents and my younger sister,' I tell her. She starts asking me about Raina and I find it sort of surreal to give her all this information.

‘Your parents must be very trusting to send you off alone to another country like this!' she says when I stop talking.

‘I don't know. They're like most parents, I guess,' I tell her, scratching my ear. Ow! Something just bit it!

‘Wait, wait! Don't scratch like that,' she says and gently rubs some talcum powder on my ear. Aah! Lovely Ajji smells.

‘So how come your parents let you come to Bangalore to visit a
boy
,' she asks. Oh right.

‘Actually, they are very open-minded,' I tell her although the truth veers a little to the opposite.

Ajji nods and looks sad for some reason. I yawn. Today has been so tiring, physically and emotionally. I've discovered so many things about myself and others and none of it is comforting.

‘You're tired. Go sleep,' she says.

The phone is ringing in the hall as I make my way towards the room. Since none of the girls have come to answer it, I pick up the receiver cautiously.

‘Hello?'

‘Tamanna?' It's Manoj. My face behaves very silly by heating up immediately. Thank god no one is around to see it.

‘Yes,' I reply, clearing my throat.

‘You're coming to college tomorrow right?' he sounds anxious. ‘You said you didn't like the work but then it's for just a couple more days and then college is getting over anyhow. I thought …'

Whoa, why is he babbling?

‘Yes, I'm coming,' I cut him off mid-sentence and there's a pause.

‘Oh great!' he sounds extremely relieved and that insignificant detail makes me very happy for some reason.

I end the call and then go to the room. Reena and Vidya are asleep but Suma is awake although she's lying on her mattress.

‘How was your day?' she asks, curling up towards me when I get ready for bed.

‘It was okay. Tiring,' I tell her as I cover myself with the blanket and pull it up to my chin.

‘How was Manoj today?' she asks and I grimace. What does she want me to tell her?

‘We met some girl called Neelima today at the bus stop. And he's very popular in college also I think. Everyone seems to want to talk to him!' I say.

Suma leans her head on her elbow and snorts. ‘I know!' she says. ‘I've seen that girl Neelima a few times. She's very pretty, no?'

Oh mom. Don't go there.

‘Yeah, she is,' I say because Suma is expecting me to answer her.

‘But you know something?' she asks and I take a deep breath and shake my head.

‘No. Tell me.'

‘I don't think Manoj really likes her,' she sounds pleased as she says this.

‘Hmm,' I decide not to answer that. When I look at her a few minutes later, she's asleep with a smile on her face.

S
O WE'RE SITTING IN
this ice cream parlour called Chit Chat on MG Road. College is over for the day and Manoj has insisted that we come over here because he's feeling bad for having forgotten about lunch the previous day.

Today I did come prepared however. I had shyly asked Ajji if she would make lunch for me because I wasn't sure of the canteen food and Ajji had warmed up to me instantly, handing me a dabba packed with piping hot, fragrant chitranna. I ate outside the library on the steps, wondering what Manoj was doing, a little glad that he knew I came with lunch today, so he didn't have to feel like he
had
to spend lunch time with me.

The waiter brought us our ice creams and placed it on the table. The ice creams in 2012 are way more sophisticated and there must be at least a hundred more flavours. My glass dish of ice cream has three scoops on it, the typical vanilla, chocolate and strawberry covered liberally with cashewnut pieces and a wafer stuck on top. To be honest, it's not very appetising because I'm used to eating Death by Chocolate. Nevertheless, I'm sure Manoj's feelings will be hurt if I don't seem to enjoy it so I smile and dig in.

We're eating the ice cream in silence, because I'm quietly observing the people around us. Most of them seem to be young couples although there are a few families as well. Next door is Lakeview, and I've been reliably informed by mom that the 2012 Lakeview is not a patch on how it used to be before. But I'm sure the ice cream there would be just as insipid. What 2012 doesn't have is the atmosphere I think. There's no rush to go home, and no one is clicking pictures of their ice cream before digging into it. All the oddities of our lives in 2012 would actually make us look like aliens in 1982.

‘My grandfather wants to meet you,' Manoj says, breaking the uneasy silence.

‘Oh thank god! Has he found a way to send me back?' I ask, dipping my spoon into the chocolate scoop.

‘Not yet,' Manoj says slowly. ‘But he wants to talk to you, find out in detail how you came here. He wants to know the exact sequence of things that happened to you.'

I'm a bit disappointed but I shrug. ‘Sure, when does he want to meet me?'

‘Soon. Maybe when you get back home you can freshen up and come home with me,' he says.

‘Okay,' I say.

‘Want one more?' he asks when he notices that my ice cream bowl is empty. I shake my head.

‘Not as good as what you're used to, I suppose,' he says and for the first time, I notice a slight hint of bitterness in his tone.

‘We do have better ice creams in my time,' I tell him, feeling a little defensive. That's not my fault is it?

He doesn't say anything as he continues eating. When we're finished, the waiter comes and hovers near us and Manoj pays him the bill.

‘Thanks for the treat,' I tell him as we get up. He doesn't reply. Suddenly, I'm feeling angry and irritated and also homesick. I never asked for any of this.

‘What's your problem?' I ask him.

‘No problem,' he mutters as we near the bus stop.

‘Then why are you behaving like this?' I ask, trying to catch up with him. Why is he walking so quickly as though trying to outpace me?

He stops suddenly and turns around and I end up stepping on his toes and we crash into each other. He holds my arms to steady me and then steps back, shaking his head.

‘You want to know why I was shocked when I came here on Sunday?' I ask him, hoping to change the topic and make this weirdness between the two of us go away. My arms are still tingling and I ignore it as I walk beside him. He looks at me sideways and shrugs.

‘Well, all this is not there,' I say, gesturing to the trees and the benches lined up below it. ‘Instead we have the Metro.'

‘What's the Metro?' he asks, intrigued. I explain the concept to him and he's part fascinated, part horrified. I had never planned on telling any of this to him but now that I've started, I can't stop.

The bus rolls along and we get inside and I'm still talking. I'm telling him about the depletion of the ozone layer and the greenhouse effect and a whole lot of other things. Finally, he raises a hand and asks me to stop.

‘What happened?' I ask feeling breathless.

‘You were right. I wish you hadn't told me all this,' he says, looking out of the window. Great. Now I've gone and depressed him.

‘But it's not all bad! There's a lot of good stuff happening too!' I think of technology and how much it has changed our lives, most of it for the better.

‘Look, it will all be fine,' I tell him, shaking his arm to make him look at me. He turns in his seat and looks pointedly at my hand on his arm but I don't pull away so he jerks his arm free and takes a deep breath.

‘Most of what you said didn't make sense to me, so I'll just try and forget the rest,' he says evenly.

I hate this sudden quarrel that we're having for no reason. I mean, last week on Tuesday I was at home with my mother, watching her watch endless soaps on TV. I was bored out of my skull and positive my bottom had grown roots in the sofa. I had no idea this guy even existed. Suddenly my world has been turned around on its head. How am I supposed to make sense of anything?

‘Okay, why are you behaving like this?' I ask him in a fierce whisper.

‘You really want to know?' he asks, his voice low. To my horror, I realise that his low voice is really sexy. Oh god! I did not just think that.

‘Until Saturday I had no idea who you were. Now suddenly, we're spending so much time together and I know this cannot last. You're going to go back to where you belong and that just makes me …' he shrugs as though unable to complete his sentence.

‘It just makes me angry that I'm not around in 2012. Or even if I am, I'm so much older than you,' he completes his sentence in a baffled whisper.

I look down at my lap, horrified to realise that I'm fighting tears. Why the hell am I crying? What just happened?

‘I'm sorry for everything,' I find myself telling him. I have no idea exactly what I'm apologising for. I look up at him and realise that he's looking out of the window. We get down from the bus in strained silence and a few feet away from Ajji's home, he stops.

I stop too and look at him surprised. He steps forward and unleashing a huge number of boppity bops in my chest, he cups my face in his hands.

‘I told myself yesterday that you're too young for me. I kept repeating it all day. But nothing seems to work. I don't know why,' he says, shaking his head sadly. Leaning forward, he kisses my forehead and steps back. Before I know it, he's walking away. I want to call out to him to remind him that I'm supposed to go with him to his house but my throat seems to have stopped working. Never mind. I know the way. I'll go on my own. I'm so overwhelmed with everything that I just want to go back to 2012 and forget all of this is happening because it doesn't make sense to me.

I take a big gulp of air and look towards Ajji's house and my heart sinks. Suma is at the window, arms crossed, staring at me.