No Time to Cry (Nine While Nine Legacy Book 1) (16 page)

Liam picked up his pace.
“Watch what I do. Do what I do.” He whispered in my ear, grabbing my hand and
pulling me behind him, to the stairs.

I was dazed. Holy crow…this
was it. He was going to cull. I felt like calling out to warn them. Liam must
have sensed it. He put a hand on my arm and shot me a warning glance full of
ice as he jostled up against one of them. I had barely had time to notice there
was a faint bluish-black haze of sorts about the targeted girl, before he spoke
a word I didn’t understand…and the haze dissipated.

Then he was nodding at me,
at the guy that was nearest to me. I think I was beginning to hyperventilate.
The stairs were growing nearer. Time was growing shorter. And it dawned on me
that Halah’s escaped seafood was no accident. It was going to become an
accident though. Someone was going to die because they lose their footing on
calamari?

Liam gave me an urgent look
and a shove. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t. I implored him with my eyes, with my
heart, not to make me do this. I couldn’t be this person. Gideon had said I
would watch Liam and then cull on my own, but I thought he had meant two
separate events. “Now,” He hissed under his breath. I could only shake my head
again. He growled and then ran his hand along the guy’s arm, saying something I
didn’t understand, partly because he spoke so softly, and in part because it
was not English. He halted us abruptly and let them go on.

Liam held me steady, his
hands like vise grips on my shoulders as we stood near the top of the stairway.
I had no choice other than to watch as the happy group began their descent down
the now squid littered steps. First the boy, then the girl—so busy joking around
and having a good time that they never looked carefully at the ground— placed a
foot on the slick sea creature bits and took their tumbles down the hard flight
of steps, taking their three friends in front of them down with them in quick
succession.

 I could actually hear
the crack of one of their skulls and the crunch of another’s neck. The other
three made it down the flight with just some scrapes and nasty bruises, maybe a
twisted ankle.

Those two people were dying
right in front of my eyes.

Someone screamed.

I watched helplessly as a
girl below scrambled over to her friend who was just barely conscious, tangled
in a heap on the bottom step.

I felt tears running down my
face, watched as her eyes fluttered closed and she died. She was maybe only nineteen
or twenty. What kind of hell was this? To have this be my new life. To watch as
grief ripped through these people. I stared at Liam. As the crowd thickened, he
lost us within it, pulling me away from the death scene. Out and into the cool,
Seattle mist, tears still streaming.

 It took me a minute to
notice that we were not alone and that Liam was not standing with me any
longer.

He was with the two injured
persons. But they were supposed to be dead. How did they get out here? Maybe it
was all okay. My heart lifted and I began to walk over.

“Liam,” I called to him.

He ignored me. So, he was
mad, obviously, because I couldn’t do the cull.

Well, Gideon should have
been a little clearer about how it would happen.

I could see now why Liam had
responded in a voice filled with some measure of disgust when I had asked if he
was a Reaper. Halah had not looked the least bit concerned with what she had
been charged to do, had even been smiling as the iced over, slippery little
bits had fallen to the ground, holding the promise of someone’s doom. Did she
enjoy it? The killing?

“Liam,” I called to him
again. He was talking to the two ‘deceased’ people who actually looked pretty
healthy. I watched as he pointed off into the distance, and the two turned to
look at where he was indicating.

Liam finally turned…and
glared at me; the look on his face made me stagger backwards, and made my heart
lurch painfully. I looked away, sat down on the nearest bench, and shed a fresh
spill of tears.

“Do you not remember what
Gideon said about the Ingress?” A voice growled at me. It was Liam he was
hovering over me where I had slumped to the bench.

“He told me so much last
night. He said my cull would be
after
yours. I didn’t think it would be
two at the same time.” I defended myself. “I didn’t even have a chance to
understand what was happening. It happened so fast.” I stood up and snarled
back at him. “It was so horrible. Halah is horrible.”

“You left your mhésen to
suffer in a broken body and you have the nerve to say that of Halah?” He pulled
me up roughly from the bench. “This isn’t play time, little girl. You left your
cull to me. If I hadn’t done it that mhésen would have gone down the stairs
with its body,” He spoke in a hushed tone, but nonetheless wrath filled. An
unexpected tone from him. “It was simple enough. You watched what I did. It’s
not a difficult task to perform.”

“It is for me!” I yelled at
him. I shoved him away from me. Hating him at that moment. “Don’t touch me.
Don’t ever touch me.”

“So you're going to run off
again.” He scowled at me. A look near loathing on his face. Loathing…

“Fuck you.” My voice
hitched, as I tried to speak and keep in a sob at the same time. I turned and
left. I was going to walk home. I wanted nothing to do with him, not this
version of him.

I walked away from him.

And he let me.

~
Chapter Eighteen ~

I
didn’t want to open my eyes. I didn’t want to have to cull today. Dreaming
about it all night, replaying those falls down the stairs over and over in my
nightmares was bad enough.

Was each day to be the same? Some new
horror to be shown? To be a part of? I had, in my old life, heard of so many
horrific ways to die, the movies had such fun with it anymore. I didn’t want to
see any of them for real.

I hugged my plush gator, Boudreaux,
closer to me, burrowing my head deeper under the covers.

Maybe I could just hide here all day. No
one had come looking for me last night, to yell at me or threaten me. Maybe
they got it, finally got it. That I didn’t fit in with them, this life.

Maybe that was an even scarier thought
than having to cull.

I rolled over, reaching for my phone
that rested on the nightstand, wondering what time it was.

 I fumbled around for a moment,
knocking something to the floor with a light clatter—my bracelet—before
succumbing to the awful idea that I’d have to open my eyes for help.

And I nearly tumbled right off the far
side of the bed as I scrambled backward quickly.

Gideon was seated in the cute baroque
chair that I’d placed on the other side of the nightstand, in the corner.

I was too scared and shocked out of my
wits to let loose the scream that was lodged securely in my throat.

He stood, towered over me where I lay
ungracefully sprawled out across my bed, sheets and blankets tangled around me.
He reached down with amazingly deft speed and grabbed both of my arms, hauling
me up to a sitting position before yanking me clear from the bed to stand
before him.

I’ve never been so glad that I liked to
wear jammies—even if they were scant.

His deepest-darkest steel blue eyes were
embers, if that’s even possible. They were sparking with cold fire. They were
the deepest midnight ablaze with star fire.

Lustrous with pure anger. And it was
aimed solely at me. I wanted to look away from it, but I was caught in its path
and could not for anything pull away.

Oh shit. I’d royally fucked up. I
started to shiver. I had no control. The room was so chilled and growing more
so very steadily.

I’d never been so
awake.          

He was terrifying.

And beautiful.

“You’ve really done it this time,
Draghail.” His voice was so low, livid…dangerous.

I wondered what that word meant…that
last word he’d spit out at me with such vehemence. So Liam had obviously told
him, of course he had. Lap dog. I’d have to learn that word in Gaelic. My
feelings for Liam were, sadly, changing quite rapidly.

“Why didn’t you do it?” He demanded.

His hands were steel bands around my
biceps, not allowing me to budge in the slightest. Being close to him this
morning was nothing like it had been yesterday. All the gentleness and
understanding had vanished. Disconcerting in a whole other way from yesterday
when his hands on me had made me want to lean deeper into him.

I could feel his energy. It sizzled
under his skin. I could feel it racing along my skin, out and away from his
hands. It seemed to crackle in the air around us, filling the room with him.

So, would he be the one to do it, to end
me? I could only surmise that was the reason for his visit. He’d said if I
didn’t get my act together the Comhairle would come after me. Is that why he
was here? And, by the way, how had he gotten in? Had he kept a key for himself?
That was slightly disturbing. But more disturbing was the flicker of a thought
that I kinda liked the idea of it.

I wouldn’t let go of this life without a
fight, not this time. I had not seen it coming the first time, Isabelle had not
seen it coming her way, but Iliana had been warned.

This was his fault.

I pounded him with my fists, pummeling
against his chest…his very incredibly firm and sculpted chest. He just stood
there and took it. His eyes fixed on my face. He didn’t try to stop me, but oh
the look on his face told me just how pissed off he was at me for this assault.
He let me wail on him and didn’t hit me back. When my fisticuffs weakened he
spoke again.

“Answer me Iliana. Why didn’t you do
your job? You left it to Liam. You left a mhésen in its body. Do you have any
comprehension of what that could have done? Do you care?”

“Why are you doing this? And NO I have
no idea! Did you tell me the consequences? Did Liam? No! He only said, ‘do what
I do…say what I say.’ Well, I didn’t understand any of it. You said my cull
would be after his…not at the same time.”

“And was it so difficult to simply lay
your hand on someone’s arm and speak a single word?”

“Yes!” I was amazed at his detachment.
“Yes, it is that difficult. Halah was so…so blasé about setting up the
disaster. It was all so far beyond horrifying. I had no idea it would be
so…ghastly. They were so broken, so bloody and twisted.”

“What did you think death would be
like?” Tidy? No atrociousness whatsoever?”

“Maybe?” I stumbled over the word. I
hadn’t really thought over the exactness of what my cull’s ‘deaths’ would be
like. Only that I had to do them, so I would. I’d been so wrapped up in what
had befallen me personally, the end of me, that I hadn’t put all that much
thought into what the actual culling process would be like. What I might have
to see and endure.

I never thought about having to
see
or watch
what happened to the people on my assignment. And all that
‘do-it-or-die’ stuff had been somewhat on the distracting side too.

I said I’d do them because I didn’t want
to die…again.

“Mine didn’t hurt.” I said softly.

“Why do you suppose that is?” He glared
down at me. Not many men could do that, look down at me. He seemed taller than
six-feet-five-inches today.

I had no answer for him.

“Because Liam did his job. He did it
with expediency and care. You didn’t feel the poison because he performed his
cull before it was ever in you.” His voice was like death.

“When? I didn’t meet him until
after…when I saw myself on the couch.”

“Be assured he did. He’s quite
proficient with his skills. You’re not meant to be aware of a Coimhdeacht.”

Oh yes, he was quite proficient with his
skills. A new wave of anger surged through me thinking of Liam’s talent last
night and how easily he could switch off his charms and turn away when ordered
to do so.

“I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t
know if I can be so cold…so indifferent. I can’t be like you…detached...dead
inside.” I snapped. I would not have thought it possible, but his grip
constricted around my arms even tighter and I grimaced.

I’d most definitely be bruised. His
glower turned seven shades of icy and deadly.

When he spoke next, his voice was so
deep and so close to a growl that it made me shake clear through. “So, you
would prefer we left the mhésen in the bodies rather than release them? So that
perhaps one may know what it feels like to have a steel rod shoot through their
skull in an industrial accident? Or would you prefer one knows the glorious
pain of having a car crushed in upon them when a semi on the highway loses
control and strikes them head-on at seventy-five miles per hour…”

“Stop it,” I pleaded. I could imagine
the pain. I could see the deaths.

“Maybe you would like one to know the
feeling of being dragged beneath a motor boat’s engine blades?”

I could feel it. “Stop, Gideon.” I was
feeling sick now, my throat tightening.

“Or maybe the absolute terror and agony
of being trapped in a burning building?”

The torture in my body intensified,
sweat speckled my brow, I groaned, and if Gideon hadn’t had such a grip on me I
would have sagged to the floor.

“Stop!” I screamed from between gritted
teeth, and pulled away, tore away from him with everything in me. His grip
faltered and I fell to the floor, nauseated and weak. Crying…again, holding
myself, rocking against the lingering pain throughout my body. “Why did you do
that to me?” I cried out.

He knelt in front of me, raised my chin
up in his hand, forcing me to once again look in his eyes. “Because you have
one hope, one last chance of surviving, of keeping this life. You’re out of time.
You have to believe in everything I say to you, trust in me, in the others, or
I can help you no further…or prolong a visit from the Comhairle. Are you going
to keep wasting my time Iliana, or are you going to work with us, give it your
every effort? Do you want to live? I need full compliance, a complete, and
nothing less than, tell me teach me everything mind set. If you can’t abide,
then we might as well end this here and now.”

I was shivering. I was chilled clear to
my bones. It was as if the frostiness was coming from him, his words, his
thoughts, his touch. When I tried to nod—my teeth were chattering too hard to
allow me to speak—Gideon let go his hold on my face.

“Okay then, that’s a start.” Some of the
icy fire left his eyes.

“But why me? Why was I on the list? Why
now? Why didn’t I get an Ingress? Why this for me? It’s all too crazy, it’s
making me crazy. Just as I think I can do it, it all falls apart. I fall
apart.”

“Who are you to argue, or ask questions,
of an order that has existed for the span of time”?

“Am I just not supposed to wonder? To
blindly accept and follow? How is that even possible?”

“People die when they are meant to die.
The rules you knew, were led to believe were truth, have changed, but death is
still death. The end of one thing, the beginning of another.”

“So who decides it? Who gets that final
say in the matter? Who chooses?”

“You’ll drive yourself crazy with all of
these questions.”

“Gideon…I need to understand. It’s how
I’m built. I can’t learn if I don’t
get it.
”

“But you understand the hierarchy?” He
asked as he stood me up, and then sat me on my bed. He remained standing, still
above me. Still the authority figure. Still being the Cerberus. Always the one
in charge. He wrapped the soft throw from the foot of my bed around my
shoulders.

“Yes. I can’t pronounce any of it, but
yes.”

“People are due to die—humans
die—whether it’s by sickness, or age, or tragically by horrific accidents. It
happens, everyday. It has to. And it’s our job to see to it that the
mhésens
do not suffer. Release them Iliana, before the
pain, before whatever is due to befall them. It is simple. You never have to
see the cause. Take the mhésen. Turn your back on the shell left behind before
it gets messy, if you’re able…if you need.” Then his voice turned dark and
threatening. “But
never
leave a mhésen in a body again.” He leaned into
me, held my face again, locked his gaze with mine. “
Never
.”

I shivered again. My heart was racing,
but not entirely from his intended verbal threat. His nearness was affecting me
in the most confusing way.

“If you miss another cull…I’ll be the
one that has to deal with you. They’ll send me. I’ll be the one that has to
carry out the Comhairle’s edict.” His sight grazed over my face.

Did it linger on my lips just for a
moment? Did I imagine that? Because I could still recall that dream-kiss so
vividly. He was giving me a final warning, of job ‘termination’, and I was
thinking of that damn kiss…that wasn’t even real…that he knew nothing of.

“And I’d really rather not,” he added.

He didn’t want to end me. That was good
news. A mere three seconds felt more like five minutes as we stayed locked that
way, then he liberated my face and crossed the room to the door. Before exiting
he turned—all traces of that moment flown. “Get yourself ready, we have an
appointment to keep. You
will
be culling today.” He closed the door
gently behind him.

I let my breath out, not even realizing
I’d been holding it.

I
had just finished taking a near scalding shower, trying to ease the chill that
had taken up residence in my body, and to erase the multitude of aches that had
permeated my entire being. It had helped, but was still been shaken as I tugged
on my tight black jeans and pulled a soft and warm, super deep blue beauty of a
long sweater over my head. It was incredibly touchable—my body quickly recalled
his hands on my arms. Why? Why did my brain keep doing this to me? I was
supposed to be bereaving over yet another rebuff from Liam…not visualizing starting
up something with Gideon. That was just ridiculous. The fact that Gideon may
yet be sent to ‘end’ me should definitely be off-putting as well.

“Where’s Liam?” I asked as I emerged
from my room, fully prepped for the day.

 I was sure he’d been waiting in my
living room the entire time that Gideon had been telling me off.