No Time to Hide (15 page)

“Cutter,” her voice was a thin, breathy cry of desire.

He grinned and dived in again.

Heaven, pure heaven. He delved his tongue as deeply as he could, tasting the salty, musky essence of her. Her hips begin grinding as she pushed herself harder and deeper against his flicking tongue. He took it all, wanted it all. She was so close to the brink. With one last thrust of his tongue, he felt her jerk and climax. He greedily drank every small drop of her pleasure.

When he raised his head, he could see the flushed exhaustion on her face. He trailed his fingers over the line of her hip and stomach. He could feel the quiver just under her skin. That was fine because he was quivering himself. How he kept from taking her in that instant, he would never know. She smiled dreamily at him, and he felt his heart expand. He could wait a little while longer.

“How about for you?” she asked, running her hand down his chest. She traced her fingers over the length of him, measuring, but not wrapping her hand around his erection and bringing his own pleasure to an end. He gritted his teeth as his desire edged a little higher beyond the boiling point.

“Kerry…” He grunted. “Please.”

She grinned mischievously. “Please, what? Stop? Go?”

“Yes. Yes.”

Then, amazingly, she got on her knees on the mattress and pushed him over onto his back. Then, as he lay looking up at her, she bent her head over him. As her breath whispered across him, she said, “This one is for you.”

Later, much later, he lay on the bed listening to the sound of the shower running. It had been amazing and mind-altering. They had pleasured each other a total of three times. Now, though his body should be drained of all thoughts of sex, he was thinking of joining her in the shower for a fourth time.

He ran a hand over his rough face and shook his head. As much as he would like doing nothing other than staying in bed and making love for the rest of the week, he knew they had work to do. It was time to get moving. He had taken physical relief in a woman who wasn’t his wife. He sat up and put his arms on his knees. He waited for the guilt to hit him. He waited to hear Helen’s voice in his mind scolding him for getting involved with a civilian. Instead, he heard nothing.

The shower stopped and a few minutes later Kerry came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel around her head and his shirt that hung almost to her knees.

“Hi,” she said shyly.

“Hi, yourself,” he said. “Come here.”

After a moment’s hesitation, she sauntered to the side of the bed. He brought her down on top of him, pulled the towel from her head and kissed her thoroughly. His heart was pounding when he broke the kiss. From the flushed look on her face and the glazing of her eyes, he knew she felt the same way.

“I’d better go shower,” he said finally.

“I know. I’ll get dressed. We’ve got work to do.”

Cutter suppressed the pang of sorrow he felt that the other side of this had to intrude now. “Yeah, we’ve got things to do.”

“Cutter, I want you to know, I’m not sorry for what just happened.”

“Good. You shouldn’t be,” he said.

“I suppose this is normal on a case, huh? Especially when you have to live with one another so closely and everything.”

He stopped halfway to the bathroom at that question. “Normal? No, nothing about this case is normal. Why?”

She lowered her head and started playing with the bedspread that was falling halfway off the mattress. “I know this didn’t mean anything to you. I know I’m not your type and all. I know this was just because of all we’ve been through. Just a natural release.”

Cutter sat beside her on the bed. “Hey, that’s not true. It did mean something.”

She looked up then and, for an instant, he thought he saw the gleam of an innocent, pure little girl. As quickly as it appeared, it was gone.

“Oh, I don’t mean you’re promiscuous. I just meant after Helen and all that you’re not looking for a love relationship. I understand. I’m not either. Even if you were looking for love, it wouldn’t be with someone like me.”

He wasn’t going to comment on the love bit, but he couldn’t let her continue to denigrate herself. “What do you mean
someone like me
?”

Kerry laughed. There was no humor in the sound. “Come on…don’t be obtuse. You had Helen. She was a hero. I’m a…”

“A what?” he asked. “Coward?”

She nodded miserably.

He put his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. “I want to tell you something,” he began, groping for a way to put his feelings into words without sounding like a complete flake.

“I know, I know. We’ve got to stay focused on the case.”

“No, what I wanted to say was that I’ve never met anyone as courageous as you.”

For a second Kerry looked completely stunned. “That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is.”

“I’m a chicken. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be in this situation now.”

Cutter reached for her hands and held them until she stopped shaking her head and looked at him. “No, now you’re wrong. You’re afraid in all the right situations. If you hadn’t been afraid, you wouldn’t be brave, you’d be dead.”

Kerry sighed. “I know you’re right. But I have to ask this question. If Helen had been in my situation, would she have run?”

Cutter sat back and ran his hand through his hair. It really was in need of a good trimming.

“I’m sorry. Don’t answer that. It’s really none of my business.” She had the doe in the headlights look again.

“Don’t apologize. And don’t look like I’m going to rip your head off just for asking a question.”

“I’m sorry,” she said again, and looked so appalled Cutter laughed.

“Look, Kerry, you can’t be something you aren’t. And you can’t compare yourself to others.”

“But Helen wouldn’t have run, would she? She’d have testified, and stayed and fought.”

“Probably,” Cutter said, realizing what he said was the truth. “Helen trained incessantly. I don’t know, sometimes I think she thought she was part Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Wonder Woman. She thought she was invincible.”

Kerry nodded. “I bet she never had nightmares about all the mistakes she made. I bet she didn’t get so scared she couldn’t move just at the thought of something happening.”

“No, I think you’re right. Helen never thought about any of the what-ifs.”

“I wish I could be like that,” Kerry said.

“No, you don’t. You think you do, but you don’t.”

Kerry was shaking her head when Cutter grasped her upper arms and held her still. “Listen to me now. Helen thought she was invincible and, although she had been trained to evaluate the risks and rewards, most times she never considered the risks. All she thought about was kicking ass. All she thought about was moving up the ladder. Getting to the top. She was excited I was going to get a promotion, but I also think she was a little jealous. When I remember it now, I think it’s what made her even more reckless on that last job.” Cutter paused a moment as that fateful morning passed through his memory.

“And what did she get for her recklessness? She got dead. She got our baby dead.”

He dropped his hands from around Kerry’s arms and looked into her deep, dark blue eyes. “And let me tell you something, Kerry. As the someone Helen left behind, it isn’t worth it. I wish she’d been more afraid. Every day I live, I know my son or daughter died with her. I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could’ve convinced her our life together was worth doing everything to protect.”

He could see the tears streaming down her face and reached to touch her cheek. He captured a drop on his finger.

“Sweet, sweet Kerry, don’t cry for me. Believe me, I’m not worth it.”

“I’m not really,” she said, hiccupping on her sobs. “Okay, maybe I am. But I’m also crying for Helen and your unborn child.”

Stunned Cutter asked, “Why?”

Kerry bit her lip.

Cutter felt compelled to taste the spot she’d worried and followed through. When his lips met hers, he felt the rapid beat of her heart through them, tasted the salty flavor of her tears and felt a part of him that had first been wounded beyond repair, then scarred so deeply he knew it could never recover, begin to heal from the inside out. All this emotion, all these feelings were reserved for him. He felt powerful. He felt invincible. He felt awed.

“Don’t cry, my darling,” he murmured as he backed them toward the bed. “I’m not worth the tears.”

“Don’t you dare say that,” she raged, becoming a tigress. “You are worth it. You’re worth everything. I don’t want to hear you ever say you’re not.”

“So you’re telling me you’re crying not because you’re sad, but because you’re mad?”

“You’re darn right I am. I’m angry with Helen. I’m angry at what she did to you. I’m angry because she was a fool not to realize what she had with you, how important the life she held within her was.”

“I don’t know now why Helen pushed things so much. I didn’t have a chance to ask her,” Cutter answered. “But I do know you wouldn’t have done that. Would you?”

Kerry’s open gaze and emphatic shaking head were all the answers he needed. He tumbled her back on the bed, twisting so she lay on top of him.

Somewhere during the endless early morning hours he lost all the individual pieces that had been his life before meeting Kerry. They were merged together with her touch, taste, and scent until they were one seamless picture. Part of him he refused to acknowledge how everything had changed. There would be no going back to the life he had known before her. There would be no going forward with the life he had planned before her. All that remained was Kerry. In his mind, he chanted her name like a mantra, until it became everything to him.

***

Monday, 8 A.M.

Fort Dix, New Jersey

Dominic walked outside the walls of the prison, free for the first time in twenty-four months, really in the last four years since he’d ordered the death of that weasel Willie Bonaface. He breathed deeply, checked the fit of his Italian suit, checked the reflection in his perfectly polished loafers. It felt good to be outside those walls. He felt better than he had ever before in his life. He was healthy, had lowered his cholesterol with the strict diet and exercise program prison life offered, was mentally sharp and focused.

As the white limo pulled up at exactly that moment, Dom rubbed his hands together. He had one minor detail to take care of before returning to his home and picking up the reins of business. One small item and that would be in the end of this mistake.

The limo driver jumped out, rounded the hood, and held open the passenger door. “Sir,” he said.

“You’re late,” Dom replied. “Don’t let it happen again.”

Dom stepped inside and smiled. There was the man he wanted to see, a briefcase full of papers, and a beautiful blonde who slightly resembled Kerry. He nodded to the man and smiled at the woman.

“Ride up front for a few miles. I’ll call you when I’m ready,” Dom said to the man. He smiled at the blonde and reached for the glass of champagne sitting on the bar. “Hello, doll. Take off all your clothes. I’ve got a powerful itch that you can scratch.”

The woman was experienced and talented. Not like the real Kerry, but much more satisfying. Dom leaned his head back against the back of the seat and let her lips and hands do all the work. If he closed his eyes, he could even pretend she was Kerry, if only for a moment. He could also see his hands wrapped around the real Kerry’s throat, tightening with each passing moment. There were quicker ways to kill. Dom didn’t want quick. Not on this one. He wanted satisfaction. He wanted to hear the sounds she would make as she struggled to breathe. He wanted to see the fear and then the despair in her eyes as she knew she was dying.

He closed his eyes with those pictures floating through his mind as the woman on the floor of the car brought him to the edge. His release was violent and sweet.

***

Monday, 8 A.M.

Elmira, New York

Kerry stretched and held onto the wonderful dream for a moment longer. It had been a night of discovery, a night of epic bliss. As she moved her legs, she felt a twinge as tender muscles reminded her the night had also been very physical. She truly felt wonderful. No panic attacks, no nervous stomach and most of all, even though they had slept little, she felt wonderfully refreshed.

She grinned. This was one physical activity she could get used to. In fact, perhaps she was ready to instigate another workout. She turned on her side and encountered not the warm, muscular back of her lover, but an empty room. She sat up, unmindful of the sheet and spread falling to her waist and leaving her breasts bare.

Maybe he’s in the shower.
She got out of bed and tugged the mostly loose sheet around her like a sarong, then padded over to the bathroom door. It was closed, but when she opened it and turned on the light, she saw it was empty. She turned around and looked back at the empty room. “Did he go get the laptop already?”

At that moment, she heard footsteps outside and then the door swung open, allowing bright summer sunshine to pour in and momentarily blind her, keeping her from seeing who it was. Her heart stopped and she wondered if it would ever recover.