No Turning Back (Full Circle) (9 page)

“Hey, y’all.  Make sure you got your seatbelts on and got some sense.”

We get through the license check like it’s a piece of cake.  As I’m about to turn right to get to campus, I hear Tori.  “I’m starved!  I need a Servco hotdog!” 

Of course, all the drunk girls agree.  So, where do we go? The Servco gas station.  I get queasy just thinking about those hotdogs and realize anything must taste better drunk. 

After what feels like an eternity, we finally make it back to Southern.  We begin to walk towards Kluft when I hear my name.

“Squirrel, hold up!”

I don’t need to turn around to know that it is Joe, but I do anyway. He jogs to catch up with me. 
Damn he’s fine
.  He has a smile plastered all over his face.

“So, I just wanted to let you know I added another unique fact to my list.”

“Oh, really?  What’s that?”  I smirk.

“You can bend over to the floor and touch your toes,” he says playfully.  “No, really Charley, you can dance your ass off.  It’s going on the list.  If all country girls dance like that, then I’m gonna die and go to country girl heaven!”

“You ain’t right!  I just love to dance.  Always have and always will.  You ain’t so bad yourself, ya know?! In fact, I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t dance with you all night?  I’d probably ended up with the toothless guy that was all over Anna.”

“I think it’s a safe bet to say you wouldn’t have been alone.  I’m just glad I got you out there first.”

Joe and I continue to walk to Kluft.  As we approach the door, he stops, turns to me and looks me in the eyes.  Oh those make ya wanna melt eyes. 

“Guess I’ll see you Monday in class?” I ask quietly.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

He moves toward me, puts his hand on my chin, pulls my lips to his, and gives me one soft kiss.  I have so many thoughts going through my brain, and the biggest one of all involves a boy I call Cash Money.

“Um, Joe.  I gotta go.”  I haul ass upstairs straight to my room.  I’m alone as usual and make the text to Cash because I know he is waiting.

Me: I’m safe & sound

Cash: Good, Had fun at the hall

Me: Great! Talk to you tomorrow love u

Cash: Love u 2

Chapter 7: 18
th
Birthday

Joe and I keep our talking to a minimum in Freshman Seminar Monday.  I don’t exactly know what he is thinking, but I know what’s on my mind.  I like everything about him.  His fine ass body, his dance moves, his voice, his smile, his crystal blue eyes, and the way he makes me feel.  I also know how I feel about Cash.  He’s my rock, anchor, always there no matter what, knows the good-bad-ugly, loves me unconditionally, and has always been the country boy in my little country fairytale.

As I’m pondering my thoughts, I hear Joe.  “Hey Squirrel, you okay?  You seem like something’s on your mind.”  I shrug my shoulders.  I know that I decided to take things slow with Cash, but I also want to live my life here.  I think the living here is going to include Joe.  I don’t want to be one of those girls who leads guys on.  They always pissed me off when I was in high school.

“I’m okay.  Just got some stuff to think about.”

“Well, I’m here if you need to talk.  I mean, I hope it’s not me.”

How do I ignore that comment?  I try to shrug it off and change the subject, but that doesn’t happen.  As class ends, Joe makes sure to get my attention.  I know that he has something to ask.

“So Squirrel, we had a great time at Hank’s. Are you all going again this week?”

“Yeah, we did have a great time.  I’m not really sure about the plans for this weekend.  That’s too far out. My birthday is Friday though, and we’re planning to have a party on the hall.  You should come.”

“I think I might have to take you up on that.”

As we walk across campus, I decide to put what’s on my mind out there.

“Joe, I do have something I need to talk to you about.”  I want to tell him what is going on, but I know I can’t share that with him.  He just needs to know what to expect from me or rather what not to expect.

“Oh okay.  You wanna go somewhere?  We could grab a bite to eat somewhere off campus if you want.”

“Um, maybe let’s just walk and talk.  I found a nice trail the other day when I ran.”

“Oh.”  I can hear and see the disappointment.

We make our way to the trail after stopping to drop our books off in my dorm room.

“So, what is it you need to talk about?”

“Joe, I just need to be upfront with you.  Do you remember when I met you at the soccer party?” He nods.  “Well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me and where I come from.  A lot of it I don’t want to talk about, but I don’t want to give you the wrong impression either.  I had so much fun with you Saturday and at the party, but I just want to enjoy college.  I just don’t want you to think that I’m leading you on in anyway.”

We walk a few minutes before Joe speaks. “Since the day I saw you at that god awful freshman get-to-know-you activity, I wanted to know you more.  I don’t know what you have been through, but I can see a strong person inside.  I just have one question.  Is there someone else?  I’m not saying I want us to be an item, I just want to know.”

“Yes,” I manage to say.  I walk with my hands in my pockets.  I’m unsure if I should elaborate.  After what feels like forever, I finally decide to tell him about Cash.

“Can we sit a minute?” As I point at a fallen down tree trunk.

“Sure.”

“I’ve mentioned my best friend Cash.  He has been there for me through a lot of shit.  I’ve loved him my entire life, even when I wouldn’t admit it.  I don’t know what will happen between us now that I am not home.  I just need you to know he’s still in the picture.”

“Okay, so what does that mean while you’re here? Are you off the market or fair game?”  I give him a puzzled look.  “I didn’t mean it like you were a piece of meat.  I just want to know if I have a chance.”

“This is what I know.  I want to be independent.  I have a lot of baggage which I will not explain to you.  I left Grassy Pond to discover who I am. I have no idea what will happen along the way.” I take a deep breath and pause. “I just didn’t want to hide that from you.”

“Charley, that says a lot about you.  Most girls would have done what they wanted regardless of who they hurt.  You are different.  I don’t know what happened at home and it doesn’t include me, but I do want to get to know you.”

We stand up from the log and Joe pulls me in for a hug.  I feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off me, well at least half a ton.  The other half will lift when I talk to Cash.

On the way back, we talk about practice, the lacrosse game, swimming, and my party.

“So, what you want for your birthday?”

“Not a thing.  I just want to hang out with my friends and live it up.”

Once we return to my dorm room, Joe grabs his bag and leaves to get ready for practice.  I know I need to talk to Cash, but I’m sure he’s busy on the farm.  I have to be honest with him.  I know that I love him, but it’s time to have some fun.

After practice, I decide to call Cash.  I go to my room and say a little prayer.  I don’t want to hurt him.  I know he feels what I do for him, but he also understands why I came to Southern.  I pick up the phone and call him.  Before the phone even finishes the first ring, I hear Cash Money.

“Hey Char-coal!  What you up to?”

“Just finished practice and thought I’d see what you were doing.”

“You miss me, huh?”  He states with such confidence.

“But of course!  Everything okay at home?”

“Yeah, so what you really got on your mind?  I know you Char, remember?”

“Gah, I can’t get anything by you.  Well, I just needed to hear your voice and talk to you about us.”

Cash gets really quiet.  It sounds like he’s moving around.

“Hold on Charley, let me get where we can talk.”

I can hear the TV in the background and the screen door slam.  I know exactly where he’s going. Toward the club.

“You going to the club, Cash?”

“I thought about it, but I think I’ll just sit at the truck.”

I love that truck.  It is the perfect way to draw any country girl to a country boy, let alone some of the fun we have had in it.  I pull myself from my thoughts.

“Okay, Charley.  What you thinking?”

“I’m having so much fun here.  I’ve really started to just be me, but I wanted to tell you one other thing.”

Before I can start my sentence, Cash completes it for me.

“There’s a guy, huh?”   

“I’m not sure.”

“You’re not sure that he’s a guy or that you like him?”  He asks laughing.

“Cash, you always make light of everything.  I just needed to talk to you.  You know I love you.  I’ve always loved you, and after I left Hooters, I thought there could be no one but you.  But, I just want to have fun.  I don’t want to be tied down to one person right now.  Does that make any sense?”

“It does, and I already knew that this was bound to happen.  You are there and I’m home.  I want you to experience college which is why I’m not pushing us.  I’m here for you no matter where I am.”

“So, what do we do?  I mean, are things okay with us?”  My heart is in my throat.

“I tell you what.  Have fun and experience college, but be careful.  I can’t say that enough.  I’ll do the same here.  Charley, I love you.  Let me ask you this. What would happen if I went out with someone else?  How would you feel?”

I stop before I can even speak.  Did he really just ask that?  That hadn’t crossed my mind.  I think I just might be sick.

“I guess I’d have to be okay with it.”  Even though I know that I wouldn’t be fine with it.

“So Char, let’s do this.  Let’s both experience life and see what happens.  I’m not saying I’m going to look for someone, but let’s just have fun.  When you come home next weekend, let’s talk about it in person.”

“Okay, but regardless, I do love you, Cash.”

“And I love you too, Char-coal.”

We hang up the phone and I take a deep breath.  I know I want to have fun, but if Cash meets someone else it will be the end of me.  I know it’s a double standard, but I don’t care.  I want my cake and eat it, too!

I try to take the remainder of the week to focus on practice, class, and my birthday.  I can’t believe that I am almost eighteen.  All the girls on the hall have been going overboard planning my party.  I honestly think that it is just an excuse to dress cute, drink, dance, and have fun.  I’m game.

I wake up Friday morning to find my door has been abused by toilet paper, shaving cream, and all the decorations a college kid can find in their closets.  I go to practice, and when it’s over I get ready for my lovely 8 a.m. Bio class.  On my way to class, my phone blares “Crash My Party.” Cash.  I answer to the rich warm voice singing in the phone.

“Happy birthday to you!  Happy birthday to you!  Happy birthday, dear Char-coal!  Happy birthday to you!”

“Well, if that isn’t a way to start my mornin’!  Thanks Cash.  I love you!  I knew you wouldn’t forget!”

“Ain’t no way in hell I’m missin’ your eighteenth birthday.  So, how’s the party gonna be tonight?”

“Well, for starters they decorated my door after I went to sleep last night and all the girls are going crazy with outfits, decorating, and drinks.  They have tried to be discrete, but they are
so
obvious.  I think we are going out for supper tonight.”

“That sounds like fun.  I hate I’m going to miss it.  You know, this is the first birthday that we aren’t going fishin’ and hanging out at the club?  I guess we can do that next weekend, huh?”

“You bet!  I gotta get to class. Thanks Cash for not forgetting.”

“I’ll never forget you Charley, never.  I love you, too.”

After Bio, I meet Joe at the picnic table as usual to work on our project.  He has added one more to his list. I gotta catch up!

Unique facts about Charley:

1. She lives on a farm

2. She set 3 records at her school in swimming, all state, and didn’t want to swim in college (weird)

3. Eats
roadkil
unique animals (squirrel, opossum, deer, goose, and turkey)

4. Goes hunting, fishing, and cleans everything she catches

5. Enjoys being outdoors

6. Has used the same pair of goggles for 4 years

7. Best friend is Cash and she calls him Cash Money

8. Flip flops or Arait boots are her preferred type of shoes

9.That girl got moves!

10.

As I finish reading the list, I look up and realize that Joe is sitting there with a hot pink envelope.

“Happy birthday, Squirrel.  I know you said you didn’t want anything, but I just couldn’t resist.”

I take the envelope and open what I think is a card.  That’s when two tickets fall out, and I realize it’s not just a card.  It’s a piece of construction paper with cutout letters that read:

H
a
ppyBirthda
y S
qu
irrel
!
W
e
’
reg
oing
to
th
ezoo
!

I grin from ear to ear.  I freakin’ <3 the zoo!  All those animals!  I just want to take them all home to the farm!

“I take it that you like it?!” Joe says quietly.

“I love it!  Thank you so much Joe, but you didn’t have to do this.”