No Use For A Name (16 page)

I wasn't really looking forward to watching the game, but our squad was required to be there, perched in the bleachers in a show of support. I hate to admit it, but I was insanely jealous of the varsity squad. I wanted it to be me shaking my pompoms and dancing on the sidelines, but of course that wasn't going to happen. Between that and my insane urge to look for the name 'Mottola' stretched across every broad-shouldered football player's back, my night was going to be full of irritation.

The stands were packed, and Kaia and I sat next to each other in our short skirts and tops. I had my cheer windbreaker on, because I was sure it was going to get cold as soon as the sun hit the horizon in about a half an hour. The varsity cheerleaders were nowhere to be seen. "Where's the varsity squad?" I asked Kaia. "Shouldn't they be out here riling everybody up by now?"

Kaia nodded and craned her neck, trying to see the doors that led from the basement locker room to the football field. I'd heard that was how the cheerleaders and the football team always entered on game days, and it certainly seemed more dramatic than just kind of trickling in off the street. But we couldn't see the doors from where we were. Finally, just a few minutes before kickoff, the varsity squad straggled onto the sidelines and lined up in a ragged formation. About half the girls had sickly smiles pasted on their faces. The other half had their mouths set in grim, determined lines. Stephanie Yates adjusted her messy ponytail before linking arms with the two girls on either side of her. Wait. Her
messy
ponytail?

"They don't look so good," I murmured to Kaia.

Kaia nodded in agreement, and the varsity squad began to attempt a basic kick line. The high school marching band got all fired up at the sight of them, and the horn players stood up and blared their part of the fight song extra loud. It was too much for Stephanie. Breaking ranks with the other girls, she staggered forward a couple steps, bent in half, and projectile vomited into the first row of spectators.

Horrified fans screamed and leapt out of the way as one by one the other cheerleaders sank to their knees and a couple more lost the contents of their stomachs.

"Oh my god," Kaia cried, horrified. "Get off the field! Get! Off! The! Field!" she screamed, waving the disoriented cheerleaders towards the basement doors. A few of them must have heard her, or maybe they just figured it out on their own. They formed a little herd and made their way toward the basement doors, most clutching their stomachs, but a couple—oh my god, I would die if it was me—clutching their butts.

It was Lisa who jumped up from our little bevy of JV cheerleaders, a bright smile on her face. "Come on girls! It's show time."

Amy Yates stood up too, her face ashen. "Sit down, you idiot. We can't go out there. We don't have any cheers."

Lisa grinned at her. "You might not. But
we
do."

I stood up, and my smile must have stretched all the way across my face just like Kaia's did. The rest of the squad jumped up too, except for the Hilltop girls, who sat there, looking stunned.

The nine of us started to pick our way down the half dozen rows between us and the sidelines, and I heard Amy, Ashley, and Hannah arguing furiously behind us. "We can't let them go down there without us," one of them said. I guess the others came to some sort of agreement, because when we trotted onto the sidelines, the three Hilltop girls were with us.

Lisa totally took charge. "Okay ladies. Sorry, but we're going to have to relocate a bit to the left, because as delighted as I am right now, I still don't want to look at varsity puke during the game." She turned to Amy. "Unless you'd like to make yourself useful and clean it up."

"Fuck you, Lisa," Amy replied.

"Yes, I didn't think so." She turned to the rest of us. "Okay girls, I'm going to go have a chat with the band. You know what to do."

She sprang so lightly on her toes, it almost looked like she floated up the couple of steps of bleachers to where the band leader sat, a look of shock still etched across his face. I'm pretty sure he came close to being puked on, because there was a whole row of empty space in front of him that would have been a prime viewing spot.

I lined up with Kaia on my right and a space for Lisa on my left. She chatted with the bandleader for a couple minutes. He waved his arms in the air and shouted some orders to the band, but I couldn't hear him over the roar of the crowd as the football team charged out of the basement doors and onto the field. Lisa took her spot in line next to me and turned to me with a serene smile on her face.

The band struck up a new fight song with a hip-hop flavor, one we'd been practicing to for several weeks. She linked her arm with mine, and winked at me. "Lisa, you are awesome," I said. "And I'm also really, really scared of you."

Amy Yates and her two friends had no idea what we were doing. They stood on either side of us as we launched into a complicated series of steps. Basically, they looked like idiots. I let the music take me over, and for the next two hours, nothing on earth could bring me down.

At least I had two good hours.

We ran into the locker room, sweaty, exhausted, and exhilarated after the game. I could hear the whoops from the boys' locker room down the hall. We'd won the game, so they were excited too. Frankly, I wouldn't have cared either way. I got to cheer in front of a screaming crowd, and it was the most amazing feeling ever. I savored it, because I knew it wasn't going to happen again until junior year, if I made the varsity squad. Stephanie Yates' cheerleaders wouldn't be stupid enough to send us out for snacks again.

I stripped out of my cheer uniform, pulled my hair out of its tight ponytail, and stepped into the shower area.

The rest of the cheerleaders were buzzing around, taking off their uniforms. Amy and Ashley were there too, but they didn't need to shower, since they hadn't really done anything athletic. The three Hilltop girls had been more like lopsided bookends, standing on each end of our group of nine, shaking their pompoms while the rest of us actually performed.

I wondered where Hannah was, but I didn't have to dwell on that for long. Just as Kaia and a couple other girls stepped into the shower, Hannah ran in, her cheeks flushed, a big grin on her face. She sashayed her arms over her head and strutted like a stripper on a catwalk, talking in a sing-song voice. "Party at Derek Mottola's!"

Oh man.
Derek's 'first game of the year' epic blowout. I couldn't believe I had actually managed to forget about that all night long. Amy and Ashley squealed and jumped up and down.
As though they had earned the right to party
, I thought bitterly. I turned my head directly into the shower spray and let the warm needles of water beat against my face.

I stayed that way for a long time. I heard the squeaky sounds of the shower controls spinning as one by one the other girls finished up with their showers. Finally I dipped my head and turned off the water. I grabbed a clean, threadbare towel from the giant Rubbermaid garbage can full of them and wrapped it around my body. I walked over next to where Kaia was getting dressed. I could tell she wanted to say something to me by the tense way she held her body. I was pretty sure I knew what it was, so I answered her before she had to ask. "You know I don't mind if you go, right?"

Kaia couldn't contain her sigh of relief. "Oh my god, are you sure? I totally don't want to, like, betray you, but Derek is still my friend and I really want to go to his party and
…
do you swear you're really not going to be mad at me?"

I nodded. "Yeah, it's fine. Do you mind giving me a ride home first though?"

Kaia bobbed her head eagerly. "Yeah, that's no problem at all."

Kaia had an extra pair of jeans and a tank top with her that she let me borrow, so I didn't have to wear my sweaty cheer uniform home. We drove straight from the school to my trailer. Kaia threw the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway before I'd even reached the steps to the front door. She didn't even kill the car once. It was obvious she was ready to party. The truth was I would have loved to have gone and milked this night for all it was worth. But I couldn't. Why did the party have to be at Derek's house? More than 2,000 kids in our school and there wasn't
anyone
else who could have thrown open their doors? Figures.

As I climbed the steps to my trailer, I could hear canned laughter on the TV coming through the thin walls. I pushed open the door, not bothering to keep it quiet. I assumed it was one of my sisters watching reruns of
The Cosby Show
, so I was surprised to see that the only person in the room was my dad.

He turned at the sound of the door and blinked his large eyes at me, then returned his gaze to the television.

"Hi Dad."

"Hi Baby." His voice was the same polite monotone he almost always used with me.

I let the 'Baby' slide. No sense trying to get him to call me Barbie, Mary, Tawny, or Nefertiti. For all I knew he thought my real name was Frances too. His 'Vacancy' light had been on as long as I could remember.

"Um
…
did you have a good day?" I wasn't sure why I lingered in the doorway, trying to start a conversation with him. He wasn't interested. I guess I must've been even more bummed out about missing the party than I'd realized, standing here trying to start social hour with my dad.

He registered his surprise at my unexpected chattiness by lifting his eyebrows about a millimeter. "Sure."

"What did you do?" Jesus, why am I prolonging this agony?

"Worked."

"Oh. Uh
…
good."
Okay, that conversation was enlightening. Time to move on.
I jerked the door shut behind me and walked woodenly across the living room, cutting between him and the TV on my way to the hall that led to my bedroom, where I planned to hide for the rest of the night. Maybe even the rest of the weekend.

"Baby?" Dad's voice stopped me with one foot down the hall.

"Yeah?"

"There's shrimp in the fridge. You can have some if you want."

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. Dad never shared spoils from the casino buffet. I was pretty sure those leftovers were his one and only reason for living. "Thanks, Dad. I'll have some in a little while."

I walked down the hall and stiff-armed my bedroom door. I slipped my shoes off, flopped belly down onto my bed and shoved my face into my pillow. I hadn't realized how sore my muscles were until I gave my body a chance to rest. God, I was weary down into my bones. I lay on my bed for at least twenty minutes, trying to clear my mind of all thoughts. I was surprisingly successful.

The next thing I knew, there was a tapping at the door. "Baby?" My dad's voice said quietly through the pressboard. "The phone's for you."

I hadn't even heard it ring. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, looking across the room at the tiny digital clock at the foot of Phoebe's bed.
Eleven thirty? Holy shit
. My stomach rumbled and I bit my lip.
That shrimp was long gone by now
. I'd fallen asleep.

Phoebe had a little makeup table crammed between her dresser and the door, and her phone sat there on top of a pile of haphazardly stacked magazines. I crossed to the table and picked up the receiver. "I've got it," I called through the door, and I could hear the click as my dad hung up the cordless he must have carried with him.

"Hello?" I said.

No one said anything, but in the background, I could hear a lot of voices, all jumbled together. I sighed. Lovely.
Kaia was calling from the party
.

"Hi Kaia. Thanks so much for trying to include me in your social gathering, but really, I'm fine. You don't need to rub it in."

"Kaia's why I'm calling."

My heart jumped into my throat at the sound of his voice.
Derek. Oh god, it was Derek
. "What's going on?" I said, my voice strangled by the sudden throbbing pulse in my neck.

"You need to come get her."

My hand tightened around the receiver. "What's happening?"

"What do you think?" Derek said tersely. "She needs somebody to get her out of here."

"Can you come get me? I don't have a car."

"If I could come get you, then I could drive her myself. I dropped out of driver's ed, remember?"

I didn't like the accusatory note in Derek's voice. "Nobody asked you to drop out," I snapped.

There was a brief pause, and I thought Derek was going to hang up on me, but he didn't. Instead he swore. "
Shit
."

"What?"

"I lost her. I had my eye on her, but she's gone. Goddammit. Where the fuck did she go? Get your ass out here, Baby. Find a way. Nobody else is gonna help her, and Kaia needs you
now
."

Click. Now he really had hung up on me.
And he called me Baby.

I stared at the phone in my hand. What was I going to do? When I needed a ride, I called Kaia. Or
…
I jammed the old push button phone into the cradle and picked it up again to get a dial tone. Fingers shaking, I punched in Grady's cell number. He picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Grady? Hi, it's me." It was nice that he recognized my voice well enough now that I didn't have to call myself Barbie. "My cousin's in trouble, and I could really, really use your help. Can you come get me?"

Of course he could.

I hadn't expected him to show up so quick though. He must have been driving around when I called. I heard his knock at the door as I ran a brush through my hair. I jogged down the hall and through the empty living room. Dad had left the TV blaring. I pulled open the front door, ushering Grady in. "Can you wait for just a sec? I've got to get my shoes on."

Grady nodded, peering around the poorly lit living room with obvious interest, but—thankfully—no obvious disdain.

I jogged back to my room and was just slipping on my tennis shoes when I heard glass shattering in the living room.
What the hell?