Noble Falling (17 page)

We laughed as we prepared our dinner, relishing the ability to take our time and make something actually enjoyable to eat. Slicing persimmons as Kahira roasted the birds, I would sneak bites of the delicious fruit, checking each time to see if Kahira had seen. More than once, I looked up to find her attention focused on me. At first, she would look away, but after she was the one to catch me staring at her, our eyes would linger and my heart would beat so loudly I thought she would hear.

Our food was ready by the time the sun was setting, and as I watched the light fade, I realized I didn’t want the day to end. For the first time since my convoy had been attacked, I was content. Kahira and I sat in silence. Unreasonably, I couldn’t help but feel as if it were the last meal I would truly enjoy. Ori would return tomorrow, and I would find myself back in the reality of my position—a position that would not allow me to acknowledge how I felt about Kahira, even if I had already admitted it to myself.

“Aleana?” Kahira managed to look worried, even as her tattooed brow arched.

“Sorry, my thoughts were elsewhere.” I smiled, hoping she wouldn’t press the issue, because I had no idea what I would say should she ask what I found so distracting.

She handed me the last piece of persimmon. “Hopefully not a place too horrible?”

I offered a smile in return, knowing it would not be able to pass as genuine.

“I learned a long time ago that thoughts should be a way of escaping.” Kahira shifted toward me, her eyes holding a kind seriousness. “Live in the dreams you can control, and any torment is bearable.”

“Is that how you did it?”

As soon as I asked, I silently chastised myself for forcing Kahira back into her past. However, instead of turning away or dropping her gaze, Kahira offered a curt nod and spoke softly.

“I told you the other night that I had a reason to keep living through my torture when it all started. That was what I focused on. I threw myself into a different memory for each new wound I received. Until Lord Moray came to see me personally, I thought things would still come out right in the end. I was a favored servant in the house; I just assumed there was some misunderstanding among the guards. It was foolish, but I kept telling myself that my arrest would be rectified as soon as my lord, or his daughter, heard I was imprisoned. Then he told me that Lelia was dead, and that I was being charged with her murder. I saw the look on his face, and I knew then that he was the one who had done it. In that moment, I forgot every pain in my body, and had my hands been free, I have no doubt that I would have killed him.”

“Kahira.” My hand covered hers. “I still can’t see how you can place a murder on your shoulders when you didn’t even know she had been killed.”

“Part of me knows I can’t….” Kahira looked at my hand resting on hers, clenching her jaw before she continued. “It’s just that I was so helpless. It took me several months to start to believe there was nothing I could have done. But she was killed because she loved me, and I didn’t even know what was happening in order to try and save her.

“Lelia tried to save me, though. Her maid, the woman who helped me escape and who had kept the relationship between Lelia and me a secret, told me as she freed me from the stocks several days later what had happened. When I was first thrown in the dungeon, Lelia had begged her father to let me go as soon as she found out. She admitted she loved me. She admitted that my sister had not lied when she came forward with the true nature of our relationship.

“Lord Moray came to me after he beat his daughter to death. He branded my skin personally, and then ordered I be taken to the stocks. For good measure, he broke a few of my ribs before they dragged me out of the dungeon. By the time they placed me in the stocks, where I was at the mercy of the townspeople, I had nothing left to distract me—nothing waiting for me that would make the suffering worth it. Lelia was dead, and it was my own sister who had betrayed the secret I never even knew she held.”

I knew my grip had tightened on Kahira’s hand, but she made no effort to avoid my touch as I finally spoke again. “Why did your sister turn you in? Surely she must have known what would happen….”

Kahira’s other hand rose to trace the lines of the brand on her arm. I noticed the sadness that had been so present in her eyes was fading with every word she spoke, replaced with a look I could not name.

“My father always bragged about my sister’s ambition. Betraying me gave her an advantage in the household. It seems she was willing to have me suffer for her own benefit. Of course, she had no way of knowing how far her actions would reach. She most likely intended for me to only be thrown from the household, where I would have to crawl back to our father. Instead, she sat back as I became one of the vanjiv.”

Kahira’s hand clenched around the mark on her arm.

“This brand….” Kahira shook her head, emitting a small laugh. “It doesn’t only mean that I am an outcast. It means I am not allowed the rites usually given at death. It means when I die, there will be nothing of me left, not even the essence of my soul. By branding me, Lord Moray erased me from my culture. By burning his crest into my skin, I am doomed to never find peace. Usually, the vanjiv are executed before the wound begins to heal. Then the body is burned and the ashes spread into the wind. Except for me, vanjiv aren’t given the time to consider what it truly means to be branded.”

“Kahira….”

“No, Aleana, please.” Kahira turned toward me, leaning slightly in my direction and offering a genuine smile. “Don’t pity me. These are things I have accepted. And….” She took a deep breath, diverting her eyes from mine. “And until I saw you being attacked by the very soldiers who would kill me on sight, I thought the memories had stopped haunting me. Before I came back to you, I struggled with myself as to whether or not I should.” Kahira smiled, every trace of grief removed from her gaze. “I tried to convince myself you would be fine, but when I heard Ferrum had been attacked… it didn’t take long until I knew I wasn’t going to allow Dakmor to claim the life of another innocent soul. Not if I would be able to stop it from happening this time.”

I freed my hand from hers, only so I could trace the twisted lines of the family crest burned into her flesh. “I’m glad you came back. I… I don’t mean to pity you. I just can’t imagine….”

“The pain fades, scars remain, but I have healed. Aleana….” As she spoke my name, my eyes lifted to hers and I suddenly became all too aware of how close we were. She raised the back of her hand to wipe a single tear from my cheek.

I carefully caught her hand, pressing my cheek into her palm. Her touch burned me; the fire radiated from her fingertips until every inch of my skin felt as if it had been set ablaze. Words failed me, and my body overrode any coherent thought I tried to piece together. Our movements were effortless, our mouths drifting together with only the slightest hesitation. Slowly, her lips began moving against mine, and I felt her hand slip to the nape of my neck. My body responded, begging her to move closer as my arms wrapped around Kahira’s neck.

It was only when she twisted her body toward mine, wrapping her free arm around my waist, that my conscience screamed through me. I tore myself away and jumped to my feet, trying to ignore the heat still pulsing through my body. Kahira looked at me, her green eyes burning with the intensity held in her touch. Tears pricked my eyes as I turned and ran into the night. I thought I heard Kahira calling for me, but I only ran harder until I reached the small stream where the moon’s dim light reflected off the surface.

My tears were pouring as I sat in the very spot I had previously shared with Kahira. I had told myself from the time I understood why Tallak could never make me completely happy that I would be fine as long as I never knew the kind of passion that would be missing from my marriage. The kiss that still lingered on my lips was anchoring itself in my memory, and I knew I had made a mistake. And yet, when Enza appeared at my side, the only protection Kahira could offer, I began to question just what I was willing to lose.

I
WASN
’
T
sure how long I had been sitting on the edge of the creek, but as much as the idea scared me, I knew I had to go back. Enza had stayed with me, but had curled up to sleep, twitching as she ran through her dreams. She jerked from her slumber as I stood.

“Come on, girl.”

The dog climbed to her feet, stretching before she padded off toward our campsite. She quickly realized I was not following and turned to look at me, waiting for me to gather my nerves and start walking. If only it could be that simple.

There was so much still running through my mind. I knew I could not avoid Kahira, as much as I wished I could. I wanted to just ride on toward Seyna, forgetting Kahira and every feeling she had awakened in me. But, I knew the wish was not because I was ashamed of what had happened. No, the truth was far from that. I wished for such an escape because I was not sure if I could bear riding by her side, pretending my feelings for her didn’t exist, until I would have to say good-bye forever. Knowing I had no choice, I began to walk up the hill toward the camp. Tears clouded my vision almost as soon as I started moving.

My heart was thudding in my chest by the time I saw the glow of the fire. Until I saw her sleeping form, I had not realized how much I was hoping to avoid a conversation with Kahira. My thoughts were still too scattered to begin to explain them to this woman. She was the cause of the knot that had formed in my stomach, and yet, the sight of her was calming. That realization almost sent a new wave of tears to my eyes, because that kind of comfort was a rare thing I was not guaranteed as queen.

I forced my attention away from the sleeping woman, focusing on readying my own bed. There was still too much running through my mind to fall quickly into dreams. The light from our dim fire was dying slowly, barely illuminating the cracks in the rock overhang serving as our shelter. Lying on my back, I watched the flicker of the flames bounce across the stone surface. Imagining shapes out of the shadows, sleep eluded me.

Eventually, I rolled to my uninjured side, seeking a better position. I was now facing Kahira, and memories of her lips against mine flooded me. Staring at her back, I couldn’t force my eyes closed. There was something so calming about just the simple proof that she was resting on the other side of the fire. I heard Enza whimper and had not realized the dog had curled up beside her owner. I watched as the dog’s tail wagged, and seeing the slight twitch in Kahira’s muscles, I suddenly realized Kahira was as restless as I. Kahira was just more adept at concealing it.

I lay there, trying to determine if Kahira’s silence was due to her own embarrassment or if she had feigned sleep for my benefit. Then scenarios began flashing through my mind. The notion of going to her, spreading my body next to hers so that her arms could lull me into a comfortable sleep, repetitively pushed into my thoughts. It took every fiber of my being to remain where I was. I was too afraid of what would happen if I did walk past the dying flames of the campfire. I was afraid not because I didn’t want it, but because I knew all too well how much the idea appealed to me. If I allowed myself to give in and call out to Kahira, I knew there would be no turning back. Her touch still burned through me, and I knew that if I felt her hands on my body again, I wouldn’t be able to tear myself away. And more, I knew that if I called her to me now, whatever happiness I could find in marrying Tallak would be erased forever.

I
COULD
tell by the sun’s position in the sky that I had slept in later than I had in years. When my eyes opened, I wasn’t surprised to find Kahira missing. However, until I saw her leather armor resting near where she had slept, I briefly entertained the idea that she had left for good. Despite how jumbled my feelings were, a broad smile broke out on my face when I saw a fresh pile of persimmons waiting for me nearby.

Digging into the fruit, I began to wonder when she would return, and what I would do when she did. But when the sounds of someone crashing through the brush came from nearby, any hopes of forming a plan vanished. When Ori immediately emerged from the tree line, I was almost relieved at the thought of avoiding being alone with the woman whose touch was still all too present on my skin.

Kahira’s voice coming from the foliage sent a jolt through my spine. “And you say there is no word of Dakmor’s involvement?”

My eyes connected with Kahira’s as soon as she became visible from behind the guard. Neither one of us looked away. With her staring back at me, it was as if time stopped. I had the urge to run to her and apologize for everything right then.

“Aleana.” Ori’s short greeting broke the tension building between me and the other woman.

My eyes found the ground. I was suddenly too timid to risk another look toward Kahira. I tugged on my bottom lip with my teeth before I responded. “Ori, were you able to find anything?”