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Authors: Elizabeth Gannon

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“Positive, Your Grace.”  The faux-pixie
nodded.  “I have been researching this since I first encountered the woman.” 
She frowned.  “I’m afraid that I lost track of her after the Cormoran
revolution however, and our allies in Baseland were unable to track her down.”

“That’s okay.”  Lujayna assured
her.  “If you say you saw her, I know how to find her, don’t worry.”  She
smiled down at the girl, running her hand across the faux-pixie’s cheek.  “You
are a
beautiful
girl, child.  Has anyone ever told you that?” 

The faux-pixie opened her mouth to
thank her, but never got the chance.  The empress slit the girl’s throat in one
swift stroke, quickly holding up one of the containers in an attempt to catch
every drop of blood spraying from the wound.

The girl fell to the floor,
twitched several times… and then was still.

Marston looked out the window,
trying to imagine himself somewhere far from this War of Gold and Silver.  Some
distant land where real pixies still frolicked with him through the forest, on
some warm summer evening.  Magic and free and alive.  Beautiful women, all the
colors of the rainbow, who wouldn’t make him do terrible things or care about
the terrible things he’d already done.

A beautiful champion who could save
him from his life and the choices he had made.

“Csejte?”  The empress called, her
voice entirely casual.  “You’ve managed to be quiet for quite some time now.” 
She kicked the woman’s corpse with one elegant foot.  “Come and take your
reward.”

Marston made a face.

“At once, mother.”  Csejte hurried
forward, looking a little too eager.  “Thank you for your generosity.”  The
large man turned the faux pixie’s body over and started pulling at her clothes. 
“As always, you inspire me with your benevolence and kindness.”

Lujayna ignored his son’s words,
focusing on adding the girl’s blood to a larger bowl and mixing in various
compounds from the vials arranged on the table.  “Spirits of my ancestors…” 
She called aloud.

Csejte ripped off the dead girl’s
breastplate, exposing her body to his view.  He dabbed a finger in the blood
from her neck wound, beginning to trace little shapes on her breasts, like a
child finger-painting.

The dead faux-pixie’s face was
turned towards Marston, as if silently asking him why he hadn’t saved her.

But she was wasting her time. 
Because that wasn’t who Marston was.

Csejte began fumbling with the
buckle of his pants, and Marston tried not to be sick.

Lujayna continued whatever evil ceremony
she was performing, like her son wasn’t
raping a fucking corpse five feet
away
.  She held her bowl aloft, offering it to her demon gods.  “The Silver
Wolf, forever proud, will swallow the sun and bring his terror to the world…”

Csejte stuffed his erection into
the dead girl and her body slid several inches along the floor from the force
of the penetration.

“My foe runs as fast as the wind, Great
Silver Wolf.”  Lujayna placed the bowl down on the table and silently stared
into it for several moments, as if searching for something.  “Reveal to me
where the bitch is fleeing…”

Csejte pulled himself free and
climaxed all over the corpse’s face, the faux-pixie’s dead eyes staring at
Marston in empty accusation as she suffered the indignity.

Cursing him.

Judging him.

Blaming him for his cowardice and
inaction.

Marston paled, feeling nauseous and
afraid.

He was sick of this place.  The
whole royal family was weird and creepy.  Not that he didn’t occasionally get
off on a little creepiness, but this family was enough to scare him into
sleeping alone forever and locking his doors at night.

Lujayna looked up from her bowl and
arched a quizzical brow at Csejte.  “That’s it?”  The empress inquired,
obviously unimpressed with her son’s prowess. 

“Well, I…”  The man stammered,
trying to explain why he hadn’t lasted longer.

“I suppose it will have to do.” 
She interrupted, gesturing towards the door.  “Take her down for the guards to
enjoy as well.  Then toss her to the dogs.  We have other business this day.”

Apparently the girl wasn’t even
worthy enough of being drenched in silver and placed in the palace garden.

“At once, mother.”  Csejte
immediately responded, fastening his pants.  “Again, your generosity is
boundless.”

“She was a pretty one.”  Lujayna
observed wistfully, looking down at the faux-pixie.  “Wasn’t she?”

“Especially now.”  Csejte agreed,
lifting the corpse up and carrying it towards the door.  “Her beauty was
nothing
compared to yours though, obviously.”

“Obviously.”  Lujayna looked down
at her mysterious pot of blood again, as if it were speaking to her.  “In the
meantime though, what am I to do with
you
, my pirate admiral?”

It took Marston a moment to realize
that she was talking to him.  “My beauty is nothing compared to yours
either
,
Your Grace.”  He tried, hoping it came off as charming.

His words appeared to fulfill their
intended purpose, and the Empress went back to ignoring him.

“As
fascinating
as this
meeting was,” Allerleirauh spat out, “did we learn anything other than that
fact that Csejte can’t keep it up for more than a minute and a half?  Something
I think we
all
knew already.”

Sadly, the handless bitch was right
about that.  Today’s events were not out of the ordinary for the royal family,
and the prince did seem to have difficulty with… getting overexcited with his
fallen foes.

Marston had personally always
wondered if the man had gotten “overexcited” with Allerleirauh as well, once
upon a time, and that was another reason why the girl or her mother had
resorted to the disfigurement.

Honestly… he kind of hoped the man
had.

Allerleirauh was a heartless bitch
who
deserved
to get raped by a deathless monster she was related to.  In
fact, Marston really didn’t care what horrible things any of these people did
to each other.  As long as one or more of them was in pain, it was fine with
him.  The whole royal family could rape each other to death in a fucking
daisy
chain
for all he cared, he just wanted out.

He’d taken the job because of the
gold, ignoring the things he’d have to do and the people he’d have to help.

It had been a mistake.

“I will not tolerate insolence, Allerleirauh!” 
Lujayna bit out, nonchalantly rubbing some of the girl’s blood into her skin,
believing that it kept away wrinkles.  “I have sacrificed everything for you
and your siblings and your ingratitude does not go unnoticed.”

“Thanks, Mom.”  Allerleirauh
responded sarcastically.

Marston almost laughed at the tone,
but was able to turn it into a cough. 

The Empress and her daughter
ignored him.

“Did we find out where she is or
not?”  Allerleirauh pressed.  “Because I still want her dead.  I’m not at all
happy to learn she might be alive.”

“I don’t need to know where she is,
child.”  Lujayna casually began to strip and work more of the girl’s warm blood
into her naked skin.  Marston was too afraid of the woman to even notice her
nude body.  He’d been on the job here long enough that creepy sexual escapades
were just white noise to him at this point.  “Because I know where she’s going
to be.”

“Where?”

Lujayna smiled, her beautiful face
now smeared with blood and looking like the demonic wolf she worshipped.

“Where is she going, mother?”  Allerleirauh
asked again.

Marston looked down at the floor,
tired of looking at the evil woman’s sinister nakedness and wishing he was free
of Adithia.

Going legit involved waaaaay too
much murder and perverted shit for his tastes.

He just wanted to be a pirate.

Lujayna turned towards her
daughter.  “Why, she’s coming to…”

Chapter Five

 

“Adithia?”  Ransom asked in confusion. 
“Why are we going to Adithia?”

Her partner heaved a longsuffering
sigh.  “Because our dear client has gotten it into his head that he needs to go
retrieve his mother-in-law before we can continue with our mission.”

“Why?”  She frowned.  “That doesn’t
make any sense.”

“Neither does the idea that anyone
would marry him in the first place, Dove, but reality isn’t always rational.”

“It’s not rational to you, because
you’re
insane
, Uriah.”  Ryle reminded them.  “You’re a criminal and…
and…”

“…an asshole.”  Ransom helpfully
supplied for him.

“Yeah!”  Ryle agreed eagerly. 

Uriah gasped in mock horror.  “Whose
side are you on?”

She shrugged.  “Sorry.”

The Swab ignored that.  “I want you
to know that I’m going to do everything in my power to see that you’re prosecuted
for kidnapping me.”

“Which time?”  Uriah inquired
casually.

Ransom held up her palms to her
partner, as if reassuring him.  “See, it sounds bad, but ‘everything in his
power’ seems to consist mostly of
whining
.”

Uriah chuckled in amusement.

“And getting kidnapped.”  She
added.  “Obviously.”

Uriah chuckled harder.

“I really hate you, Uriah.”  Ryle
spat out, then went back to quietly seething.

“I didn’t say it!”  Uriah
protested.  “She did!”

“It’s the same thing!”  The boy
retorted.  “You’re like a goddamn package deal!”

It was said that a person could be
measured by how the world responded to them.  And if that were true, then
Ransom’s partner must have been the biggest thing around, because he never
failed to elicit a response from people.

Uriah inspired feelings in
everyone
.

The world reacted as soon as it saw
him.

Usually violently.

There seemingly wasn’t a person
alive who didn’t hate the man on sight.

Except Ransom.

Possibly because she was blind.

“Now then,” Uriah deliberately ignored
the Swab’s pettiness, “our
route
.”  He began to rummage through
something, then spread what sounded like a roll of paper out on the table in
the cabin.  “You need to decide which course is our best option.”

“Again, I’d just like to say that the
fact you let the blind girl navigate really explains a lot about why your
career as a pirate is in the shape it’s in.”  Ryle told no one in particular. 
“No offense.”

“I don’t ‘let’ Ransom do
anything.”  Uriah sounded annoyed.   He took personal offense when people
treated her like she was helpless.  “My partner can do anything you can do.  In
fact, she can do
more,
because you’re an idiot child and her brain is
actually functioning.  She might do it differently and it might take her
longer, but in the end, it will also be done
better.
”  He slammed a fist
down on the table.  “Now shut your mouth or I’ll gag you again.”

“Listen, I’m not saying that she’s
incapable of doing stuff, just that our navigation should…”  Ryle started to
explain.

“Your sister is already going to
kill me for this, Swab.”  Uriah interrupted.  “Which means that whether you
live or die, I’m facing the same punishment.”  He paused meaningfully.  “Think
about that fact before speaking again about my partner, yes?”

Ransom smiled, enjoying her
partner’s threat far more than she should have.  She didn’t really have a
problem with the Swab.  He was a nonentity in her world.  But that didn’t mean
that she couldn’t get satisfaction from hearing Uriah shut him up.

“I don’t know what
you’re
smiling
at.”  Ryle sulked, obviously addressing her.  “The man’s a lunatic.”

She waved off his concern.  “You
just don’t understand his sense of humor like I do.”

The Swab’s voice went up an
octave.  “
He’s killed people!

Ransom giggled.

“Now then,” Uriah continued,
ignoring them, “as there will be
no more
interruptions,” he paused,
obviously glaring at the Swab to drive the point home, “we can concentrate on
the course.”

“Where are we?”  She asked, leaning
forward across the table so that she was closer to the map. 

“We are…”  He trailed off, then
raised his voice.  “Do you mind,
Swab? 
Is there something my partner
can help you with?”

“Nope.”  Ryle sounded amused.  “I’m
feeling better about the whole kidnapping thing, actually.”

“Excuse me for a moment, Dove.” 
Uriah told her calmly, then walked around her to whisper something to Ryle.

“What?  Dude, I’m just sitting here
and if she’s gonna bend over like that, I…”


Look at something else
, or
the next thing you look at will be at twenty fathoms.”  He threatened.

“Oh, you’re not going to do
anything to me, you liar.”  Ryle scoffed in dismissal.  “We both know it.”

Her partner’s voice lowered.  “This
is not a joke, Ryle.  I’m not exaggerating.  I’m not lying.”  He paused.  “I am
being entirely serious with you right now, telling you the absolute truth
because it will save your life. 
Look at something else.

The room was silent for a moment.

Ryle’s voice took on its former
sulkiness.  “You know, if you weren't caught lying all the damn time, people
wouldn't jump to conclusions about your lies.”

Ransom nodded.  “He’s got you
there, ‘Rai.”

“And you shut up too.”  Ryle
snapped.  “He could behead a fucking baby in front of us and you’d still come
up with some explanation as to why he was right to do it.”

Uriah scoffed.  “Oh, she would
not.”

“Whose baby?”  She asked seriously,
as if the identity of the child mattered as to how she would react to its
murder.

“Or maybe she would.”  Uriah
corrected without missing a beat.  “But the point remains that none of this
concerns you in the slightest, Swab.  So shut your mouth like a good little
hostage, and
you look at the goddamned floor!

“Why does he have to look at the
floor?”  She arched an eyebrow.  “Am I missing something here?”

“Of course not.”  Uriah assured
her.  “I have the situation entirely in hand.”

“Whatever.”  She leaned across the
table again.  “So, where are we?”

Silence.

“’Look at the floor,’ Uriah.”  Ryle
repeated in a petulant mocking tone.

“Shut up.”  Uriah snapped from
behind her.

“What is going on?”  She asked them
again.

“Nothing.”  Her partner assured
her, walking around the table.

“Uriah is just enjoying the view
too, that’s all.”  Ryle added, sounding amused.

“Ignore him.”  Uriah advised. 
“He’s an idiot.”

She nodded.  “But that’s nothing
new.”  She frowned.  “And I still don’t know why…”  She paused, realization
dawning.  A smile quirked at the corners of her mouth.  “Were… were you
checking out my ass, ‘Rai?”

“What?”  Uriah stammered,
awkwardly.  “No!  Of course not.”

Ryle coughed in an effort to keep
himself from correcting the man.

“Huh.”  She tried to keep from
laughing at her partner’s embarrassed tone.  He was blushing.  She could tell. 
Which was simply
adorable
.  “Okay.”

Truth told, she didn’t mind him
looking, if that’s what he’d been doing.  In fact, it made her feel… good.  She
liked
the idea of him looking.  Quite a bit.  Unbidden, her body reacted
to the idea, warming and tightening at the thought of him viewing her with
desire.

Her mind might be fighting her
attraction to the man, but her body had always been certain of what she really
wanted.  The man’s mere presence made her ache for him, and thinking about him
looking at her in lust just made it worse.

She let out a long breath, trying
to maintain her composure, then tapped the map again.  “Our location?”

“Yes,” Uriah quickly said,
obviously glad to be on a new topic, “our coordinates.”

He leaned forward on the table
beside her and tenderly took her hand in his.

Ransom always loved how gentle he
was with her.  At first, she had assumed he was doing it because of her handicap,
but eventually she realized that he was doing it because she was
her

He seemed to see her as something precious and went out of his way to be as
gentle with her as possible.

She found that so sweet.

Unnecessary, but terribly sweet.

The man viewed himself as a
ruffian, deep down, and he took great pains to hide that from her.

He wasn’t an evil man, though.  Or
even mean.  He was just… ornery.

Uriah was a big dope.

He was strong and powerful, but that
just made his gentleness with her sexy as hell.  And his deep voice made her
melt.

He made her feel so good about herself. 
There was really no other way to describe it. 

He took one of her fingers in his
large hand and began to trace the outlines of the kingdoms with it, so that she
could get a sense of their location.  The borders of the countries and their
coastlines took shape in her mind. 

“Now,” he moved her hand southward,
“we are currently headed to Adithia,” he stopped at a point on the map, “to
pick up our client’s mother-in-law, but then we will depart again,” he moved
her fingertip northwest through the Adithian strait and across miles of ocean
towards the mainland, “to the Wasteland.”

The Wasteland was located on a wide
cape, with the Grizzwood sharing its northern border and then Baseland above
that.  It was basically the ass end of the world, before hitting the southern
isles.

She swallowed, too distracted by
the man’s touch and the fact he was so close to pay much attention to their
voyage.  “Uh-huh.”  He throat felt very dry, while other parts of her body were
feeling decidedly less so.

He leaned closer, his face inches
from hers as he used her finger to trace across the Wasteland towards their
north-east mountains.  “From there… we’ll head to Nar Ta’Tel…”

“Nar Ta’Tel is a myth…”  She breathed,
trying to keep herself from closing the minimal distance between them and
feeling like it was a losing battle.  She just wanted to rub herself against
him, tearing at their clothes.  “It doesn’t exist…”  She whispered, hoping her
voice was steadier than it sounded to her.  She doubted it was though.

“Our client thinks it does, Dove.” 
His pet name for her had never sounded sexier or more intimate.  She wasn’t
sure why, but the way he quietly purred the word just about drove her over the
edge.  It was so… loving.  It sounded like he was whispering it in her ear
while they were making love.

Her breath caught in her throat and
she swallowed again, trying to keep it together.  “I don’t… I don’t…”  She
mumbled, unable to think about anything but his touch.

“What?”  He asked her softly,
running his hand down her cheek tenderly and leaning closer to her.  “You don’t
what, Rance?”

“I…I can’t.”  She shook her head,
growing terrified over where this would end if she let it.  She wanted him. 
Badly. 
She needed the man like she’d never needed anything in her life, and that
scared her.

He didn’t love her.

He didn’t love her and she didn’t
need some kind of pity sex thing.

And even if she did, she couldn’t
risk their friendship and partnership on something uncertain.  Because he was
all she had.

And she couldn’t lose him.

She wasn’t strong enough.

She shook her head and turned
away.  “I can’t, Uriah.  I just…”  She swallowed the lump in her throat and
tried to ignore how tight her breasts had become in those few seconds of being
near him.  It was like he was in control of her body at this point, able to
turn her on with the smallest of caresses.  “I just…  Please…”

He was silent for a moment, then
slowly removed his hand from hers as if defeated.  “I understand.”  He cleared
his throat.  “But navigating to the lost city of the Adithians will not be your
responsibility, don’t worry.”  He said a little too quickly, like he was desperate
for something else to explain her words.

Ransom was silent, feeling horrible
about herself and the entire situation.

But he didn’t love her.

He was just a really nice guy,
who’d been saddled with her as a partner and wanted to make her feel…
desirable.  Unbroken.  Whole.

But Ransom didn’t really feel like
that.

Or maybe she did… she wasn’t sure.

Dammit.

She hated thinking foolish things.

“So,” Ryle announced loudly,
tapping his fingers on the arm of his chair, “I gotta say, this has been a
very
illuminating little moment.  Possibly explains more about this kidnapping than
anything else, in fact.”

“We’re glad we could entertain
you.”  Ransom bit out, her voice sounding raw even to herself.

Uriah kicked over a chair in
frustration, then bellowed several obscenities at himself… and possibly Ryle,
it was hard to tell for sure.  He let out a long breath, obviously disgusted. 
“I’m sorry, Rance.”  He told her seriously.  “I sacred you.  Didn’t I.”  It
wasn’t a question.  “I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head.  “I’m… I’m used
to you knocking stuff over, Uriah.”  She smiled at him weakly.  “You don’t need
to warn me every time you plan on kicking something.”

“That’s not what I meant.”  He said
softly.

“I know.”  She nodded.  “But…”

Before she could finish the
thought, the door to the cabin slammed open and Din’s voice filled the room. 
“Do you have our course yet?”

Uriah swore loudly again, unhappy
at being interrupted.  “Don’t you
knock?

“Not usually.”  Din paused.  “Why? 
Are you, the blind girl, and the hostage doing something…
sexual
in here?”

BOOK: Nobody Likes Fairytale Pirates
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