Nobody's Perfect (56 page)

No effing way. How could he make pink look so…dirty?

Dirty little slut.

Is that what he wanted her to look like? What he wanted her to dress like when he took her out?

Savi's heart pounded. "I can't do this."

Trust him.

Surely Damián wouldn't intentionally degrade or humiliate her. He was always so protective and caring. There must be a very good reason why he wanted her to dress like a slut.

Trust him.

Savi reached up and unbuttoned her blouse. When she laid the sedate, navy-blue, long-sleeved blouse next to the hot-pink one, she had another bout of nerves.

She never wore clothes that would attract attention to herself. To her body.

Where could he possibly take her dressed like this? Well, there was one saving grace. They were in Denver and it was still early spring. She'd at least get to wear her coat. Surely.

Trust him.

Savi removed her bra and picked up the pink tank, slipping it over her head. She tried to push her boobs into the tank's bra, but they spilled over. Hadn't he heard her tell him her bra size? Or had he undersized it intentionally.

Rat bastard.

The top didn't cover much of her belly. Even after tugging it down, she couldn't cover her stretch marks. She knew without even putting them on that the hip-hugging shorts wouldn't reach up that far, adding to her embarrassment.

But the clock was ticking and she'd dallied long enough. She shimmied out of her jeans and panties, pulled on the shorts, and walked to the dresser mirror.

He'd made a point of calling her Savannah again, since she'd come back to Denver. He'd also insisted she dye her hair the original blonde until it could grow out in that color again. For the first time in years, when she looked in the mirror, she saw Savannah Gentry, not Savi Baker.

You're a dirty slut, Savannah.

Her nipples jutted against the thin fabric.
Oh dear lord.
Thank God Mari was with Angelina at Damián's apartment. She hoped Karla and Adam wouldn't see her before they left the house.

Slut.

She squeezed her eyes closed. "I can't do this."

"Yes, you can."

Savannah jumped and turned to find Damián standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorjamb. She hadn't even heard the door open. She raised her hands, one to cover her breasts, the other her belly.

"Hands at your sides. Don't ever hide your beautiful body from me, Savannah."

Her nipples grew even larger under his slow scrutiny of her body. The urge to continue to cover herself was off the charts, but his glare forced her hands to her sides. She clenched her fists as he stared at her.

Dirty slut.

Bile rose in her throat. She began shaking and cast a furtive glance at the bathroom door, wondering if she could make it there before she got sick.

"Savannah. I asked you a question."

Her gaze returned to his. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't hear you, Sir."

"I asked if you were ready."

"Ready for what, Sir?"

He walked across the room to stand in front of her and said, "Ready to submit to me tonight?"

She swallowed hard. How much would he demand of her tonight? She knew something profound was going to happen, she just didn't know how far he'd push her. "How much of myself do I need to submit?"

He reached out to tweak her hard nipple. "Definitely your body." She sucked in air and stepped away, but found her pink-clad butt pressed against the dresser.

He raised his hand to the side of her face, and his finger grazed her temple. "Your mind." Her mind was mush at the moment; he could have it.

Then his finger blazed a trail down her check, her neck, over the exposed swell of her protruding breast, until it rested in the cleft between her breasts, which seemed more prominent. He didn't state the obvious.

Savannah shook her head as her heart thumped against his finger. Falling in love would mean he would want to have sex. "I can't go that far."

He grinned, but his eyes held a hint of sadness. "We'll start with your body and mind, then. The other will follow when the time is right, and you feel secure enough."

He placed his hands on her upper arms, one thumb covering some of the old razor-mark scars, and pulled her toward him. Her gaze lowered to his lips, and she expected him to kiss her. Too intimate. Before she had a chance to pull back, he bent down to kiss her on the cheek, and then he let go and took a step back.

"Present yourself."

The military order always made her think he was on some kind of military-fantasy trip, but one look at her hot-pink tank top and she knew no soldier ever would wear this kind of uniform.

She clasped her elbows behind her back and her boobs threatened to spill out of the tank top. Her face heated.

He cupped each of her breasts, then bent to place a kiss on the top of each mound. His mustache tickled her skin and goose bumps rose on her chest. He stood again and stared at her face. "Very pretty."

His praise sent a pool of warmth to settle in her abdomen. She wanted him to think she was pretty.

He stepped back from her. "Two steps forward." She took one normal step, then realized another would plaster her flat against his broad chest. She took a smaller one.

He grinned and walked in a circle around her, inspecting her. When he was behind her, he patted her on the butt, his hand caressing her bare cheeks hanging out below the shorts.

I can't do this.

"Beautiful."

Damián bent to whisper in her ear. "At ease,
mamacita
." The words sent a shiver down her spine into her pelvis.

As if she would ever feel at ease around him, especially dressed like this.

"Time to go."

After putting on a silver cross necklace she'd found in Maman's jewelry box for comfort, she slipped into a pair of brown flats that didn't go with the outfit, but they were all she had.

A few minutes later, Savi preceded him down the stairs and into the kitchen. Someone whistled a cat-call, making her cringe inside. She looked up to find Adam with a huge grin on his face. "You look beautiful tonight, Savannah."

She came to a halt. Damián had everyone calling her Savannah now, probably trying to get her to think of herself as Savannah, too. Savannah hated the flood of repressed memories that had nearly overwhelmed her when she'd first accepted that Savannah wasn't dead.

Realization dawned.

Oh, dear lord.
Other men would be noticing her body tonight, too. "Damián, I don't think…"

"No, you won't be thinking tonight. This date and evening are all about changing perceptions and misconceptions. Now, lose those ugly shoes."

"But you didn't include any shoes in the bag."

He pointed to the floor, near the table, where she found a pair of matching neon-pink, platform stiletto mules.

She looked back at him to see if he was kidding. The man had a serious teasing streak in him.

He grinned, but didn't back down. "I didn't want you to break your neck on them coming down the stairs."

"What's to keep me from falling in them now?"

"Me,
querida
. I get to grab your sweet body to keep you from falling anytime you stumble."

Is that what men found so attractive about these kinds of shoes—all the free grabs in the name of being chivalrous?

Adam picked up Savannah's coat from the chair. "You kids have a good time tonight." Adam helped Savannah into the sleeves. She'd never welcomed a coat more than now, because it covered her nearly naked body. Damián held the back door and they walked out into the cold night air.

Damián drove her Nissan across the downtown area to a Mexican cantina that reminded her a little bit of the one they'd stopped at on the way home from the beach cave. He'd insisted that she give him her coat at the door and forced her to walk through the restaurant in the revealing outfit. Even though there were few other patrons, she'd lost much of her appetite by the time they'd reached their table.

After ordering two huge plates of enchiladas and Spanish rice, she kept her gaze on her plate as they began to eat in silence. Her mind had been bombarded over the last month to the point she barely could focus on anything anymore. No wonder he hadn't even tried a scene at the club before tonight. She wasn't even sure she could keep her focus for this one.

Damián brushed his thumb over her cheek and wiped away the telltale dampness. She hadn't realized she'd shed a tear.

"Thank you, Damián."

"
De nada
."

She smiled. "Not for wiping away my tears, but for being such a wonderful daddy to Mari."

"I'm just grateful to be a part of her life, even if—"

She held up her hand. "Don't say it." She looked down at her plate; she'd lost her appetite. They'd gone round and round about his wanting to be something more permanent in Savannah's life, too, but she wasn't ready yet. For now, her plan was to find a house near Damián's place and fairly close to Mari's school.

She trusted Damián. Really, she did. She wanted him to continue to be her Top, but lately when she looked at him, she knew he wanted something more—something she couldn't give. He'd soon grow tired of her if she couldn't perform fully sexually.

He'd told her he understood why her body betrayed her at those times. Still, the words kept rolling around in her head.

Dirty slut.

Damián said tonight would be a chance to redirect those messages, but could they ever be erased from her head? Hearing her father and Lyle speak them again last month, she'd found that the word whore held less power over her than when she was younger. Damián had helped her with that. She knew from her clinicals how hard it was for her patients to erase those negative mental tapes. Savi had allowed hers to become so deep-seated, because she'd avoided tackling them for so long. She'd even tried to hide that part of herself from Damián, but he'd discovered her secrets, her shame. Would she ever be able to fully heal?

She looked up from her plate. Damián was looking at her, concern on his face. He'd been taking care of her ever since she'd come out of the hospital. Now she needed to stand on her own two feet.

"The real-estate agent called this morning and she's found another house for us to look at. Just went on the market. Just a few blocks from Mari's school. Do you want to go with us? You'll probably be able to check things out better than I can to make sure there aren't any structural problems."

"You know I'll do anything I can to help you get settled here."

Mari had been quiet and subdued until the three of them had come back to Colorado last week. Denver was going to be a good for both of them to start over, but Savannah didn't see how a romantic relationship could work with Damián or if it was even possible, given her past. Continuing to live together wasn't fair to him.

Savannah looked down at her plate and pushed several pieces of rice to the side. They'd been discussing living arrangements the past few days. Damián wanted marriage and happily ever after, and that just wasn't possible with her. He'd come to resent her for her inability to be a full partner in a marriage. He deserved someone whole.

"I know my place is too small, Savannah, but I still wish you'd reconsider keeping us together. We can get a new place."

"I can't. It would confuse Mari."

The light in his eyes grew dim, a clear indication she'd disappointed him. But it would only get worse with time if she wasn't honest.

"Savannah, your talk about moving away from me is what's confusing her. She wants us to be a family. Hell, we
are
a family, even if we aren't married yet."

Tears stung her eyes and she blinked them back.His "yet" implied they
would
marry someday. "That fairy-tale life wouldn't be fair to either you or Mari. I'm not the marrying type." She wondered why, lately, she wished she could be that type of woman. Thoughts of having Damián beside her, to hold her when she needed comforting, to help her deal with the demons that still bombarded her when she least expected…

But that was selfish on her part and wasn't enough for a virile man like Damián. Marriage meant romantic love that included sex, which was impossible for her at this point, and probably forever. Better to set the boundaries now than to get his hopes up that she'd ever be more than the mother of his daughter and a bottom he helped at his club.

Damián's hand stroked hers. "You seem a million miles away,
bebé
."

Savi glanced up at Damián and blinked. Why couldn't she let the past go and enjoy her time with Damián? Savi cleared her throat and looked away. "Sorry. I still can't believe all that's happened."

"Quit apologizing. Things will get better. Your life's been turned upside down these past few months." He reached out and squeezed her hand, enveloping hers in his warmer one. His thumb stroked her wrist and she felt a spark jolt up her arm.

She pulled her hand away with the pretense of adjusting the napkin on her lap. "Dr. McKenzie hired me to work in his clinic, just as soon as I can get licensed. Until then, I'll be a Spanish translator there and help him hire some other therapists, as well." Thank God the good doctor couldn't see her tonight. Mac, as he asked her to call him, had patched her up last December, no questions asked, and won a soft spot in her heart.

"He's a good man." Damián smiled. "You'll be great there. I still remember what a help you were to Teresa last year." 

It hadn't taken long for Savi to realize she could do a lot of good with Maman's money. She'd instructed her attorney to meet with Dr. McKenzie to make the much-needed improvements, hire additional staff, and purchase the up-to-date equipment necessary to give his low-income patients deserved, without regard to their ability to pay.

She also would give money to the children's program at San Miguel's and to the clinic where Anita worked—where Savi had been on staff until her firing last year at her father's instigation. Maybe with fewer ties to state finances, they would never have to let another employee go because someone higher up the political food chain dictated how they should run their clinic.