Nolan's Evolution (43 page)

“You don’t know me, Raina.”

“I do.”

He shook his head.

“You are still capable of change.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You say you chose to give me up…break all ties?”

He gave a sharp nod.

“Then why haven’t you?”

His brow creased. “I did…there were contracts signed…”

“That said I would never know?”

“Yes!”

“Well then, how are we here talking?”

He cleared his throat. “Circumstances.”

“You wanted to see me again,” she whispered. “Something in you wanted to see me again.”

“Why would I want to see you again?”

Raina slowly sat down in the chair beside him. She took his hand gently and felt him tremble at her touch. “You still care for me.”

David shook his head, but his eyes closed.

“Then why the jealousy over Nolan and I?”

He squeezed her fingers. “You know how it is. You always want what you can’t have. I gave into the darker side of me. That part can’t have anything to do with you. I know this! But it doesn’t stop me from wishing I could have both. I was wooed by the power and for the longest time, that has been enough! And then I found how it was with you, with Nolan, and I guess I had hoped you would continue longing for me. When Richard told me how it was, I grew jealous!” His eyes shadowed. “I wanted the chance to see you, and the chance to make Nolan pay. He was supposed to protect you…not make you his!”

Raina shook her head. “He healed the damage left by you, David.”

David’s eyes dilated and the blue eyes were glacial now. They weren’t the cold unseeing eyes she had encountered yesterday. They were now filled with hurt, remorse.

“Raina.” He stared down at his hands.

“I’m not going to act like I’m still yearning after what we had. You tainted that with your actions,” she whispered. “But I am not going to say I regret all the happy memories I had with you.”

He lifted his head. “I tried to just wipe my memory of all that had happened before. I thought that if I was to equal Richard in his evil plot, I could not hold on to any sentimentality.” He gave that familiar grin. “There was one memory of you that I could not shake.”

She tilted her head, listening.

“It was the day I proposed to you. It was something about the look on your face, your arms around my neck, your lips against my lips. I’ve never been able to shake it. It’s been my sanity.” He whispered. “Just when I would think I had reached my mark…that I had become as cold and unfeeling as my mentor, there you would be.”

She bit her lip and looked away from him. “I was truly happy,David. I was happy with everything we had!” She pulled her fingers from his. “Why wasn’t it enough for you?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. It just wasn’t anymore.”

She rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t enough for you.”

David studied her profile. “If you could just see yourself right now, Rain! I never knew how breath taking you were. With these eyes…eyes that see all, you are flawless. I envy Nolan. I am so envious.” He shook his head. “I should have known when he didn’t fight my request that he watch over you! He was in love with you even then!”

Raina liked the sound of his proclamation.

“You fell pretty quickly for him. Didn’t you?”

She nodded. “Way before I even knew who or what he was,” she admitted.

He leaned back in his chair and regarded her. "Tell me how it is with Nolan? How does that work for the two of you? You see, part of my decision to leave you came from the fact that I knew I couldn't – well I could be with you, sleep with you, but not without consequences. And from what I've heard about Nolan isn’t he like the consummate virgin?"

Raina knew his harsh words came because of his feelings for her. "His virtue is intact," she growled.

He shook off her statement as if he didn't want to hear where she was leading. He decided to try to change the subject. "Do you still write?"

Raina's eyes flashed with uncertainty. She didn't know if she wanted to open up to David at all. But if he were to listen to her and open up himself she had to give something. "Not in a long while. My life has been rather hectic lately."

He nodded. "I can see that. You just always loved it and reading too. It would be a shame if you gave that up."

Raina lifted her shoulders. "They were both ways to escape from reality. But what's happening around me is as unrealistic as you can get." She shook her head. "I haven't found it necessary."

There was a silence for a bit between the two. They were weighing each other's moods.

Raina finally started back in. "So what is the deal with Richard? I heard you're bestowed to him."

David frowned and a flush colored his cheeks. "Yes."

"It's just that I've learned a lot about bestowing," Raina began. "I know there are different types of bestowing and I was just curious… your bestowing; is it physical?"

David's eyes flew wide open and he sputtered over his own words. "No! Absolutely – no!" He looked as though he were about to storm out in indignation. And then he saw the merriment in her eyes.

She covered her mouth to stop the giggles. "Your face! Priceless!"

David gave in and chuckled even though he did feel quite indignant at her implication. "You always have been able to make me laugh Rain."

She smiled. "Well, what's life if you can't laugh at it?" She looked down at her hands. "I actually have experience with a lack of laughter. It's not much of a life."

The guilt in David's eyes deepened. "I was a selfish bastard. I won't deny that."

"For everything you sacrificed, what have you got in return?"

His shoulders slumped.

"Don't feel bad for me David. Really I'm over it. I just want to know if you have anything out of all the sacrifice.”

He shrugged. “Not much.” His brows drew together. “You’re really over me?”

Raina rolled her eyes.

He chuckled. “Yeah, I’ve meet Nolan, I understand.”

She smiled. “Can you blame me?”

He leaned back in his chair once more. "You love him don't you? I mean, really love him."

"I do. I've never known anyone like him."

"But you once loved me?"

She simply nodded.

David bit the inside of his cheek and then shook his head. "Whatever made you stop?"

Raina thought on this for a moment. At first she didn't really even know how she was going to answer that question. "Well, I don't suppose I really stopped loving you – it just became different. Yeah, it became a different kind of love…past tense. Nolan just filled parts of me that I didn't even know needed filled or healed. I didn't forget you or discount what I had with you. I moved on. And then I found out…what I know now." She shook her head. "I can't love you in any way now, David."

His blues held hers. "I don't want to believe that."

She snorted in derision. "You betrayed me. You left me! What do I have left to love about you? Seriously? From your actions, how can what we had ever be redeemed?"

He bowed his head. "I just don't want you to make it all go away. I couldn't stand that. We did have a good life."

She smiled bitterly. "I don't want to really go over this. I just don't see the point."

He blew out a breath. "Maybe the point is you are right." He again stared at his hands.

"Right about what? Talking about what we had, how we felt, who we were? What is the point of keeping any of it in our memories?"

He wet his lips nervously. "Because you are right. I do still care for you. Hell, I’d go as far as to say I still love you. I just don't deserve you anymore." He cleared his throat. "I don't blame you because you can't return that but it would crush me knowing you tossed away what we had before I became this."

Raina actually felt touched by his words. "I'll always have the memories I suppose. But how can I help but feel that they were for nothing? It all lead up to nothing."

He shook his head again. "It did lead up to something. Not the something I wanted. It lead up to me putting you in the hands of another." He stood to his feet and walked to the glass. "God I was an idiot! I wanted to do my thing but I still wanted you protected. I never thought you would get over me. I wanted the chance that you would be available if I ever wanted to go back." He rested his forehead against the cold the glass. "I should've known you would take one look at that one and I’d be forgotten."

Raina stood and joined him. "It was never just about seeing him. The first moment I met him he was just a faceless presence. I was drawn to him," she admitted. "And the next moment I heard his voice. It was all it took. And then yes, I saw that face." She felt a shiver run through her just at the memory. "And then I found out that his heart is just as beautiful."

David grinned. “You deserve happy Rain.”

“So do you,” she whispered. “Richard is so beneath you David!” She reached for him but he pulled away from her.

“If that’s true, every choice I’ve made up until now is effed up,” he growled.

“You have to know deep down that this is wrong! What they have done is wrong,  what they are planning is wrong, and stupid!”

He glanced quickly toward Maxim at the door. “What if they hear? His eyes glazed with fear.

“If we were in any trouble they would warn me,” she whispered.

David still looked unsure.

“You have information that could help us,” Raina said softly. “You could redeem yourself David.”

He shook his head. “There is no redemption for me!”

She smiled. “Have you met my friend Thanatos?”

His mouth did quirk at the corners for this. “Oh I knew him quite well! He is not the same man.” The blue eyes lifted to hers. “You’ve always been able to bring out the best in others.” He shook his head. “He was so cut throat! He was going to off me sooner just so he could work on stealing you! That’s why I turned to Nolan. I knew. Nolan was the best thing to gift to you! You needed protection from that green eyed monster!”

“Green eyed devil,” she corrected affectionately. “And I no longer need protection from him! Thanatos has found redemption and you can too, David.”

He shook his head.

“All you have to do is speak up,” she whispered. “Tell Our Sovereignty the true plan! They will understand what you have been through!”

David glanced over his shoulder.

“You will tell me, won’t you? What they had truly planned?”

David again shifted uncomfortably. He glanced toward the door where Maxim stood with arms crossed.

“He won’t say anything,” she assured him. “I trust Maxim.”

David dipped his chin, studying his hands. “It is not Maxim I worry about overhearing,” he said softly. “Do you know how much trouble I could be in…if…”

Raina bit her lip in contemplation. She also grew nervous as she considered what she should do. She drew in a breath as she came to her decision and reached for his hand. She rolled her eyes when he jerked away from her. She took it anyway. She tugged on him. “You have to come with me,” she insisted.

Maxim was at her elbow. He had moved from the door at the first contact. His eyes were full of concern, and his muscles were tensed for battle.

“It’s all right Maxim,” she said gently. She gave him a smile. “We are going for a walk. Follow me!”

Maxim remained at her side as she went for the door. He opened the door for her, and they were met by Thanatos. He blocked their way. His green eyes flashed dangerously.

“Where do you think you are going?” he barked, frowning at David.

“Where do you think we are going? We need to have this conversation without fear. I need a private moment with him!”

Thanatos shook his head. “Over my dead body.”

She lifted her brow. “Really?” She pushed past him and was met with her next barrier.

Nolan was leaning on the wall beside the stair. His jaw could cut glass it was so sharp and unyielding. The silvers couldn’t have been more menacing as they took in the sight of the two, hands held. He advanced immediately.

She then realized that he had heard everything they had been discussing. “Nolan,” she warned gently.

He ignored her and tugged David away from her. “Hands off,” he said in a feral voice. His growl deepened, as she touched his shoulder.

“Gregor,” she chided.

“His hands do not touch you, or this ends,” he bit out, not even turning to her.

David pulled his arm from Nolan’s grasp. “She took my hand, ass!” He growled out the last part. “I am not trying anything here!”

“Keep your hands off of her,” Nolan whispered.

The two now stood nose to nose. It was definitely a standoff for the two of them.

“Cavemen,” Raina groaned. She stepped between the two. Her back was to David, so she could look Nolan in the eyes and capture his attention. Her touch calmed him almost as effectively as his touch did her. She set a hand on his chest.