NoRegretsColeNC (10 page)

“Yes,
that’s how it goes,” she said with a shy smile. Her gaze met his, and then she
quickly looked away.

“I
suppose I might be able to come up with a coin.” Willie fumbled at his pocket
as he spoke. He dug out a shiny one cent piece and held it out to her.

“A
penny saved is a penny earned. Benjamin Franklin said that,” she quipped.

“Go on,
take it.”

“All
right, I will.” Hattie reached for the copper coin.

“Now,
Miss Richards, you’ll have to tell me what’s on your mind.” He grinned at her.
“I’ve paid your price. Surely you don’t intend to welsh on another bargain,” he
teased.

She
stared down at the penny in her hand. “Do you really want to know? And if I say
what’s on my mind, will you promise not to be angry with me?”

Willie
couldn’t imagine ever getting mad at Hattie Mae. What thoughts could she
possibly have in her pretty head that might upset him?

He held
up a hand as though swearing a solemn oath. “I promise.”

For a
moment longer, she hesitated. “I want to know about your father.”

“My
father, the reprobate?
The worthless miscreant?
Why would you want to know
anything about him?” The veins in his neck throbbed and bulged. Willie fought
back his ire, reminding himself that he’d given Hattie permission to speak her
mind.

“Mrs.
Kellerman told me about his misdeeds. It was really none of my business, I
suppose, but I knew something awful had happened. Of course, I’m not sure how
truthful she was, how much she actually knows. I want to hear it from you,
Willie.”

He
shook his head. “No need to dredge it all up. Whatever she told you will
suffice.”

“I’m
sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Hattie
turned away.

“No,
it’s fine. Don’t ever regret speaking up.” He sighed and reached for her hand.
Although she let out a small gasp, she didn’t pull away. “Maybe I should talk
about him. It might help me come to terms with it all.”

“I
don’t want to push you.”

“It’s
all right. I need to do this.” He squeezed her hand and was rewarded with
another smile, one a little brighter than before. If he gave another squeeze
and pressed harder yet, would the smile grow? He nearly tried it.

“Are
you sure?” Her voice whispered through the summer air like a gentle breeze.

He
nodded. “I looked up to my father. When I was a boy, I thought him the finest
man in the land. Colorado wasn’t a state back then, only a territory. Of
course, there was talk about statehood, and people who were working to make it
happen. My father was one of them. He had ambitions.” Willie closed his eyes
for a moment, recalling the pride he once felt for the man who’d sired him.
Opening them again, he spoke with a heavier voice. “He could have risen so
high, done so much good. Instead, he threw everything away.”

He
looked toward the heavens, his gaze sweeping through the canopy of willow
branches to search the now-cloudless azure skies. His soul yearned for peace.
With her simple words and innocent questions, Hattie had stirred up all his
restlessness, all the bitter memories, all the anguish.

“Sons
are supposed to look up to their fathers,” she said in a hushed voice. Her hand
still rested in his. “You can’t fault yourself for that.”

He drew
strength from her. “I admired him, Hattie. I spent every moment I could with
him, traveling beside him when he was on the circuit. More than anything,” he
added, hanging his head, “I wanted to be just like him.”

“Of
course you considered him a good man. He was your father. You respected him.”

“He
didn’t deserve my respect.” Willie felt his muscles tighten. “I wasn’t clever
enough to see the truth about him. When I look back, there were signs, Hattie.
I should have known.”

“You’re
being much too hard on yourself,” she said, moving closer.

“He put
up such a good front, always appeared to be such a fine, upstanding fellow.
You’re right, I suppose. I wasn’t the only one he fooled. Actually, I think
most people who knew him were surprised when the truth came out.”

“Maybe
he wasn’t all bad, Willie. Have you considered that? Maybe something drove
him…”

He
shook his head. “No. That’s no excuse. He was driven by nothing more than
greed. He let his ambitions overtake him, always talking about making a name
for himself, maybe someday becoming governor.”

Hattie
frowned. “You’re speaking of him as though he’s passed away. Has your father
died, Willie?”

His
breath caught. Again, his mind flickered back to the revelations his mother had
shared. He trembled slightly, actually unsure whether his father could still be
counted among the living.

“I
don’t know.” He pulled his hand away and gave an indifferent shrug. “I don’t
care.”

He’d
given Hattie a shock, he knew. Her gray eyes widened, her mouth puckered, and
she drew in a sharp, short breath. To her credit, she remained silent. The
pretty girl with the kind spirit wasn’t given to argument or disagreement.

All the
same, her reaction bothered Willie. Or maybe it was his own reaction, his own
judgmental opinions that disturbed him. He should care what happened to his
father, despite the man’s failings. Fathers deserved respect and honor
according to the Christian principles he’d been taught.

Of
course, he hadn’t been a good student of those virtues. He strayed far from the
narrow path of righteousness—the same path upon which Hattie Mae Richards had
her feet firmly planted.

“What
about you?” he asked, shoving his thoughts aside and turning his full attention
to his companion.
“You don’t talk much about yourself, about your family.”

Her
face reddened. Hattie looked away. “I don’t see any reason to talk about
myself. I’ve lived a rather dull life.” She sighed, shrugged, and lowered her
gaze. “You already know all there is to tell.”

Now it
was his mouth that puckered, his brows that knitted into a frown. “I hardly
know you at all, Hattie Mae. I know your name,” he said, lifting one thick hand
and ticking his fingers. “I know you’re studying to become a nurse, and I know
that you attended school in Denver.” He paused,
then
ticked off a fourth item. “You and Emily Sue roomed together.”

“Yes,
correct on all counts.” Hattie lifted her gaze, her countenance beaming. With a
triumphant air, she crossed her arms and nodded. “So, you see, you know all
about me.”

“Where
were you born? Do you have brothers or sisters? Where were you raised? What
sort of work did your father do? Was your mother as pretty as you?” Willie
moved closer as he spoke. He reached up and placed a hand at Hattie’s flaming
cheek.

“I
don’t know.” Hattie turned away. She got to her feet and strolled out from
beneath the willow, parting the branches with trembling hands.

Although
his movements were awkward and his gait slow, Willie lumbered to his feet and
followed. “Did I say something wrong? I never meant to upset you.” When she
turned around and he saw the tears glistening in her eyes, he knew he’d done
precisely that. “Please, talk to me. Tell me what I did. Tell me why you’re
crying.” He put an arm around her shoulder and drew her close. She buried her
head against his shoulder.

“I
don’t know where I was born. I don’t know if I have brothers or sisters. I
don’t know anything about my father, or my mother, either.” A breath shuddered
from her lungs, and she pulled herself away. “The truth of it, Willie, is that
I was raised in a foundling home. I’ve never had a real family. I don’t even
know when I was born. Apparently whoever dropped me off on the doorstep didn’t
bother to share that information.”

“I’m
sorry.” He didn’t know what to say. Damn him and his impulsive ways, always blurting
things out, always pushing people. Now, he’d pushed too far, had forced Hattie
into a painful place filled with unhappy memories, all to satisfy his own
curiosity.

“It’s
certainly not your fault.” She tugged a handkerchief from her sleeve and pressed
it to her eyes. “I shouldn’t let it bother me, really. But it does. Sometimes I
can’t help but wonder about
who
I am.”

“No
need to wonder,” he said, moving closer. “I’ll tell you who you are. You’re
Hattie Mae Richards…” His voice trailed off as he frowned. “Is that really your
name?”

She
nodded. “At least, as far as I know. I can’t be sure of anything.”

“Be
sure of this. You’re a lovely girl, the kindest I’ve ever met.” He held out his
hand. “I can’t stand on this leg much longer. Would you mind if we sat down
again?”

* * *
*

Hattie
glanced toward his injured leg, realizing how thoughtless she’d been. She’d
allowed her personal feelings to come before his comfort.

“Here,
lean on me.” Before, she’d refrained from offering help unless asked. Now, she
quickly stepped up, bracing herself to take his weight against her shoulder.
“We’ll sit in the shade again.”

“Let’s
get as close to the water as we can, all right?”

“Are
you planning to do more fishing?” Although it would take his attention away
from her, Hattie worried that the activity might be more than Willie’s leg
could bear. When he shook his head, she felt both relief and despair. She hoped
he’d ask no more questions about her childhood.

A few
moments later, settled again on the creek bank by the sheltering willow, he
turned and expressed his thanks.

“I want
you to know,” he added, “how much I’ve enjoyed spending time with you.”

“It’s
been very pleasant,” she quickly agreed. For the most part, it had, indeed.

“Are
you saying you’ve enjoyed it, too?” His gaze lingered on her.

Nervous
energy flickered through her body like the electricity Dr. Kellerman sometimes
spoke about. He said someday every home in the country would have lights at the
touch of a button. Hattie giggled at the absurdity of her thoughts and
struggled to focus once more on Willie. He’d asked her a question. She couldn’t
remember what it was.

“What
were you saying?”

“I
asked if you enjoyed being with me.”

Hattie
looked deeply into his eyes. She’d never before seen such warmth, such keen interest,
and such genuine concern. She swallowed, nearly choking on her breath. Yes, she
enjoyed being with Willie, but did she dare tell him so? Was that something a
girl should confess to a fellow?

“Do I
need another penny?” Willie placed a hand at her cheek. “Please, Hattie, tell
me what you’re thinking.”

How
could she respond to such a request? Should she speak up and tell him the
truth, tell him she found him quite handsome, and that her heart pounded with
anticipation each time he came near? He’d deem her a silly fool, which,
actually, is what she was. She hated to admit it, though. After all those
long-winded lectures from Miss
Brundage
at the female
academy, all those dire warnings about getting involved with brutish men, she
should know better.

But
Willie Morse was
not
a brute. Not
anymore, at least.

“Hattie?”

“Yes?”

His
fingers grazed her cheek. “Are you all right? You look a bit lost.
Or maybe confused.”

“Yes, I
suppose I am. Lost,” she said. “Well, confused, too.”

“I want
to kiss you.”

Chapter Eight

The
bold statement should have come as a shock. It didn’t. Unable to look at the
endearing young man without wanting to fling herself into his arms, Hattie
turned away from him and stared out at the glittering, crystal clear waters.
“Yes, I know,” she said softly. “I want to kiss you, too, Willie, but it’s
probably not a good idea.”

“Why
not?”
He inched
closer, putting an arm around her trembling shoulders. Warmth flowed through
her body. Hattie felt as if she might melt into a puddle.

“Because
kisses can too easily lead to…other things.”
She lowered her gaze.

“And
what other things might those be?”

“Please,
don’t embarrass me.”

“But
you look so pretty when you blush.”

Her
head snapped up. Surprised, she twisted around to face him again. “I do?” She
couldn’t stop the smile that suddenly came. “You think I’m pretty?
Really?”
Her cheeks heated more. “When I’m blushing, I
mean.”

“Actually,
I think you’re pretty all the time, Hattie.
But even more so
when you blush.
I guess that’s why I’m such a tease.”

Too
nervous now for any rational thought process, Hattie anxiously brushed at her
skirts. “Maybe we should go back to town. You did say you weren’t planning on
doing any more fishing. Of course, that’s probably because of me. I told you I
knew nothing about catching fish. I’m sure I’ve spoiled all your fun.”

“Not
at all.”
Willie laughed. “I didn’t really bring you out here to catch fish, Hattie.
Didn’t you know that?”

“What
are you talking about?” She shook her head. “I don’t understand.”

“I just
wanted to spend a little time with you.”

Hattie
couldn’t say a word. The way Willie was looking at her made her heart flutter
and her pulse race. She was blushing again—profusely—but she couldn’t do a
thing about it. Her eyes slowly closed and she drew in a breath. She knew what
was coming, but what exactly was she supposed to do? She’d never been kissed
before.

Something
soft and warm brushed her lips. Her eyes flew open.

Willie’s
face was a scant inch or two from hers. He was watching her, obviously unsure
how she would react.

“You’re
kissing me,” she whispered.

He bent
forward, responding to her words with another gentle kiss, only this time his
lips delayed leaving hers.

Hattie
couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t move. All she could do was close her eyes once
more and give herself up to this strange, but wonderful new sensation.

Willie’s
hands came up to stroke her cheeks as his mouth covered hers with yet another
kiss. This time, she moaned softly as her body urged her to respond. She
pressed closer to him, leaning into him, loving the exhilarating feelings as
his arms went around her.

She
couldn’t describe the sensations, but what did it matter? She liked what he was
making her feel. Hattie had never guessed that kissing could be so enjoyable.

Flustered,
she finally forced herself to pull away from Willie’s enticing lips. No matter
how pleasurable kissing was, she had to put a stop to it.

Willie
must have understood. With a smile, he whispered, “Thank you,” and then, it was
almost as if the kiss had never happened. He moved a short distance away, took
off his shoes and socks, and scooted forward so that he could dangle his bare
feet in the water. “Why don’t you join me?” he suggested.

What a
wonderful idea, and the perfect way to break the tension filling the air.

“Yes, I
think I will.” Of course, she no doubt looked quite silly slipping her shoes
off, and it was a bit discomfiting to sit there and discreetly pull off her
stockings. Thankfully Willie turned the other way. “All finished now,” she
reported, clutching her hosiery in her hands. “You know, I’ve never done
anything like this before. Oh, the water’s warm.” She slipped one toe beneath
the surface and giggled again. “It’s rather fun, Willie. We should have done
this sooner.”

“Until
today, you’d never been fishing. You’d never dangled your bare feet in the
water.”

Until today, I’d never been
kissed, either
.

He made
a
tsk, tsk
noise. “You’ve missed out
on a lot.”

“I
suppose so. Actually, I find it hard to say. What I mean is that I don’t even
know what normal children do. I don’t know what I’ve missed out on.”

“Tell
me about it,” he said. “About growing up in a children’s home, I mean.”

“Why?”

“Because
I want to know everything about you.”

More
relaxed and at ease now, she shared a few memories with him.
Simple
things.
Like lining up for meals, having a caretaker come around each
night at bedtime, the games the girls used to play in the recreational room.
She didn’t tell him about the times families came, wanting to adopt, and how
they always passed her by.
Too quiet.
Too shy.
Oh, the times she was scolded by the home’s
director. Unless she came out of her shell, as the woman put it, Hattie would
never find a family who wanted her.

* * *
*

Willie
sat beside Hattie on the creek bank, listening as she shared stories of her
childhood at the foundling home. When he’d invited her on their outing that
morning, he’d been eager to learn all he could about the pretty girl, only to
discover that she could tell him little. She knew nothing of herself, nothing
about who she was, where she’d come from.

Little
wonder she’d grown up to be such a quiet, unassuming young woman. The reality
of Hattie’s life touched a place in his heart he hadn’t known existed. Maybe it
hadn’t been there before. Maybe it had only come into being in the weeks since
they’d become acquainted.

“So,
that’s really all there is to tell about me,” she concluded, staring down at
her bare feet dangling in the water. “I suppose it’s quite boring to hear.”

“Not
at all.”
Willie grinned and scooted a bit closer. “I find everything about you very
interesting.”

Hattie
blushed. Sitting as close beside her as he was, he could actually feel the heat
that rushed to her cheeks. She inched away from him.

“It
must be nice to have an actual birth date to celebrate each year,” she mused.
“I suppose that’s my one regret.”

“No
regrets,” Willie said quickly. “That’s how we’re supposed to live our life,
remember.”

“Right.”
She smiled at him, warming his
heart. “No regrets.”

“Besides,
having birthdays isn’t really all that great.” Willie shrugged. “It’s a way of
marking time, that’s all, a method for measuring our failures.”

Hattie’s
chin jerked up.

“Stop
that right now, Willie Morse. You’re not a failure.” Her expression could only
be called indignant, as though
she
were the one offended by his remark.
“How can you call
yourself a failure when, as far as I can see, you haven’t even tried to make
anything of yourself?”
Her hands went to her hips.

The
question took him aback. Hattie was right. He hadn’t tried. He’d been so caught
up in his own self-
pity,
he’d damned himself to
failure. What might happen if he actually attempted to do something worthwhile?
He’d always talked about practicing law, and not just because it was his
father’s profession. He believed in justice. He wanted to make a difference in
the lives of people who’d been unfairly accused or who had suffered at the
hands of others. Why not grab those musty old law books from his father’s study
and actually start reading them instead of merely talking about it? At his
mother’s insistence, he’d brought several books back to Sunset with him.

Quickly,
all the reasons why he’d given up flooded his mind.

He
shook his head. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it doesn’t change
the truth. I am a failure, Hattie. Next week, when my birthday comes around,
I’ll be twenty-four years old. Do you realize what that means?”

She
frowned. “Not really.”

“When
my father was that age, he was practicing law, already making a name for
himself.” He sighed. “I should be so much more than what I am.”

“I
think we’re always where we’re meant to be in life.” Hattie’s words had a
wistful quality about them. “I’d like to believe there’s a plan for each of us,
and that once we find it, we’ll know who we are, who we’re supposed to be. Then
we can set about following the plan.” When she looked up, she seemed quite
pleased with herself for having figured that all out. “That’s what happiness is
all about. At least, that’s what I think.”

Willie
listened as the words poured out, but he was no longer considering himself and
his life, and he had no idea whether or not there was any intelligent design
behind it. At the moment, he didn’t care. All he could think about was Hattie.

His
eyes riveted on her mouth, watching the way her lips moved as she spoke. He wet
his own lips, yearning to kiss her again. Doing so might frighten her. He
forced his eyes shut.

“Willie?
Are you all right? Have you even heard a word I’ve said?” Hattie’s gentle
laughter rippled through the air. “I’m sorry. I do go on and on at times.”

He opened
his eyes again, grinning as an exciting idea tugged at his brain.

“Would
you be willing to spend a little time with me to help me celebrate my
birthday?” He reached for her hands. “Friday evening. Come to the boarding
house, and—”

“Don’t
be ridiculous, Willie.” She jerked her hands away. “Why, what would Mrs. Godwin
think? It’s absolutely improper, and you know it.”

He
waggled his eyebrows. “Oh, yes, I know. It would be scandalous.” He leaned
toward her, nudging her shoulders with his. “
Which is exactly
why you should do it.
”

“I
couldn’t.”

Willie
chuckled. “You see, Hattie? You’re always going on about how I should change,
telling me how I could make different choices and make a new life for myself.
But it’s not so easy. You can’t change your ways any more than I can change
mine. I’m stuck being who I am, and you’re stuck,” he went on, jabbing at
finger at her, “being the prim and proper Miss Richards, the quiet little mouse
who never disturbs anybody, has never once told a lie, and who would never think
of breaking any of society’s rules.”

Her
mouth dropped. “You’re daring me to—”

“Yes. I
dare you, Hattie Mae Richards.”

She
fell silent. Her gray eyes flickered, looking here, looking there,
then
finally her gaze settled upon him again. “I can’t,
Willie. Tansy Godwin—”

“—will
be out of town.” Unable to resist the temptation any longer, he bent forward
and nuzzled her neck. “We’ll be alone, Hattie Mae.
Just the
two of us.
Tansy Godwin will never know. Neither will anyone else.”

“It
will be our secret? Do you promise?”

“Yes.
Our secret.”

Hattie
drew away. She pursed her lips. Her brow furrowed. Obviously she was deep in
thought. Willie held his breath.

Finally
,
she looked up at him again. “You don’t think I’ll do it. That’s the only reason
you’re asking me. You
were only wanting
to see how I
would react.”

“Not
true. I want to help you, Hattie.”

“Help
me?” she croaked.
“How?”

“I want
to show you how to be brave, how to be bold.” He seized her hands. “Do you
really want to live out your life always being meek and mild, always following
all the rules? You’ll regret it, if you do. When you come to the end of it,
you’ll look back and wish you’d done things differently.”

“
Audaces
fortuna
iuvat
.”

Willie
smiled, thankful for the Latin he’d learned. “Yes, fortune favors the bold.”

“If I
should come to see you…and I’m not saying I will, you understand, but if I
should…” Her voice trailed off. Hattie wrung her hands. “That is, if I do visit
you…to celebrate your birthday, you will be a perfect gentleman, of course. Am
I right?”

He’d
anticipated a lot of things with Hattie, but not her forthright question.

His
mouth worked, moving about as he tried to come up with an answer.

“
Audaces
fortuna
iuvat
,”
he reminded her in a hoarse
whisper.

“Yes,
but, what I mean is, I wouldn’t have to worry about being compromised in any
way
or
having my reputation ruined, would I? You’re
certain the widow Godwin will be away?”