North Star Guide Me Home (10 page)

‘Not a peep.’

‘Have you been giving him water? Rasten said it’s important, with all the blood he’s lost.’

Cam nodded. ‘Delphi’s been looking after him.’

‘We were going to make some broth,’ Sierra said. ‘He’s barely eaten since we came out of the caves.’

‘I’ll see to it,’ Cam said. With his head bowed and his shoulders slumped he seemed impossibly weary.

‘Has there been any sign of Rasten?’

Cam heaved a sigh. ‘None. Look, Sirri, I’m sorry for what happened before. It was stupid. I don’t know what I expected to come of confronting a mad dog … I should have known better.’

Sierra bit her lip, unsure just what to say. She’d been alone for too long with only Rasten for company. She felt like she’d forgotten the rules of society, of how to talk to a normal person.

‘It’s just that, whenever I see him, part of me goes mad, and I want to kill him. But I know it can’t be done, certainly not by the likes of me.’

‘Cam …’ Sierra seized his hand and squeezed it tight. ‘You have to remember, Rasten did as Kell commanded. He had no choice but to obey —’

‘There’s always a choice, Sirri.’

‘What choice? Obey or die?’

‘Exactly.’

‘No. Not with a Blood-Mage. Rasten tried to kill himself, many times. Kell kept him alive. His choice wasn’t obey or die, it was obey or resist until Kell broke his will. How many times can a boy of twelve fight that battle?’

Cam gave her a dark glare. ‘You’re still defending him! Would you blame everything he’s done on Kell? What about the men he killed chasing after us? That smuggler he skinned alive on the way to Horrock’s Pass? The prisoners he sacrificed before we went down into the Spire? Kell wasn’t standing over him then.’

‘I know that, and I’m not denying there’s blood on his hands, I’m just trying to get you to see the man underneath. What about the little girl, Ricca, the one he spared along with her family? What about the slaves he’s freed? For pity’s sake, Cam, Rasten’s kept Isidro alive since we left the ruins. Do you think I know the first thing about caring for someone so badly hurt? Rasten’s trying to make up for what he’s done. I’m not saying he should be forgiven — I’m saying he should be given a chance to
earn
forgiveness.’

Cam drew a deep breath and glanced back at the sleeping girl. ‘And how would you say he’s doing on that front, Sirri?’ Sierra pressed her lips together and scowled. ‘Look, maybe you’re right,’ Cam continued. ‘I don’t know. I know I’m not rational when it comes to him. But when I think of all he’s done, all we’ve lost … I’ll never forgive him for that.’

‘Issey’s alive, he’ll recover. Kell may have corrupted him, but he’s still himself — by the Black Sun, we only finished the old man because Isidro found a way to block his powers.’

Cam shook his head, and covered his face with his hands. ‘Sirri, I …’ His voice choked off. ‘Look, I love you like a sister, and I’m not saying this to hurt you, but … you never knew him. You never knew the man he was before Kell and Rasten. Delphine’s the same. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one left who remembers. He’s my brother and I thank the gods he’s still with us, but he’s different now. I’ll never get him back, not like he was before.’

He sat, unmoving, face hidden behind his folded arms. Sierra wrapped her arm around him and laid her head on his shoulder. ‘I’m sorry, Cam. I truly am.’

She felt him drawing slow, steady breaths, trying to calm himself, until at last he straightened, wiping his face on his sleeve. ‘Sirri, there’s something else you ought to know. After you left, Isidro … he and Delphine —’

‘Cam, I know. I’ve known for months. When she made contact after Issey was taken, I heard it in her voice.’

Cam watched her steadily. ‘You don’t have a problem with it?’

Sierra laughed, but there was no humour in it. ‘Cam, I left him. He was close to death and I left him to fall into the furs of one of the worst torturers Ricalan has ever seen. I don’t have any right to be upset. If she made him happy, I’m glad of it.’ She broke off, staring into the glowing coals. ‘Makes. If she
makes
him happy …’

Cam hesitated. Sierra thought he was about to speak, but he turned away with a shake of his head.

‘Alright,’ Sierra said, her hands pushing back her tangled hair. ‘So what’s our plan? Other than taking these folk home.’

‘Oh, we’ll take them home alright,’ Cam said. ‘I’ve sworn a vow on that. But first we need supplies, weapons and horses. These folk were bound for a mine in the west. If they were planning to take delivery of fifty score slaves they must have stores laid in. But if things have gone badly at the rocks, we won’t have weapons or armour to —’

‘You don’t need them,’ Sierra said. ‘Not when you have me.’ She glanced along the dry streambed in the direction of the camp. It was quiet at this hour, but she could make out the distant gleam of campfires through the trees. ‘And are they happy to have you in command?’

‘Seems so,’ Cam said. ‘They’ve been enslaved for a long time and now they’re deep in enemy territory a few days from starvation. I think they’re mostly glad to have someone willing to take charge.’ He set his hands on his knees and heaved himself up with a sigh. ‘I’ll head back to the other camp and see if there’s anything we can give Isidro. Will you stay with him tonight, Sirri, in case he wakes? Delphine’s exhausted, and I’ll be staying in the other camp until we get word from the rocks. They’re still wary of getting too close to this one.’

‘I’ll come with you now, then,’ Sierra said, struggling to her feet as well. ‘Best let them see there’s at least one mage here who isn’t as mad as a spring hare.’

Hours later, after she’d fed Isidro a bowl of broth a scant spoonful at a time, Sierra wrapped herself in a blanket to sleep. She and Rasten had mattress-pads made from felt that they’d salvaged from the destruction of the Greenstone Fort, but Rasten had used them both to make a bed for Isidro.

In the deepest depths of the night, she awoke when someone pinned her wrists together and pressed a firm hand across her mouth. Out of reflex Sierra tried to bite, but the fingers were kept well clear of her teeth.

She opened her eyes to find Rasten crouched over her. When he saw that she was awake and calm, he released her and backed away. Sierra rolled stiffly out of her blanket to follow him. ‘Where have you been?’ she hissed.

Rasten shrugged. ‘Around. Watching.’

Sierra looked around the tiny camp. Isidro and the girl still lay under the shelter. Delphine was asleep on the far side of the fire with a blanket pulled up to her eyebrows.

When she turned back to Rasten, he was watching the girl. ‘Did it work?’

She thumped him on the arm. ‘What in the Black Sun’s name were you thinking? That was a stupid thing to do — you should have known it would go badly when people found out about it —’

‘
Did it work?
’

She glared at him. ‘What did you do to her? Were you trying to repeat what happened to Isidro?’

He raked his hands through his hair. ‘Yes, yes. But did it work?’

‘I think so.’

He heaved a sigh, and some of the tension drained from his features. ‘Good. At least it wasn’t for nothing.’

‘You should have told me,’ Sierra said, folding her arms across her chest. ‘You said you were tracking a few slave-hunters, and then we ride in to find a thousand lost souls wandering through the canyons! You should have told me what you meant to do to the girl!’

‘Greska,’ Rasten said. ‘Her name is Greska.’

‘Since when do you care about their names? You said you wanted to leave the old ways behind. Rasten, you said you wanted to be a new man!’

‘I do! But, Sirri —’

‘Rasten, you can’t do this. Fires Below, I’m trying to help you, I’m trying to make people see that you can be better than the tales, but that won’t work if you do things like this behind my back! You need to earn their trust, do you understand? You should have told me what was happening, and once the slaves were freed you should have waited for us before you made any decisions about the girl!’

Rasten shook his head. ‘No. It was between her and me.’

‘You can’t —’

‘She asked for it, Sirri. She wanted this, she begged me! Why shouldn’t I give her a weapon to fight with? By all the Gods, it’s the only way I could help her … We can’t be there for all of them, but if I can put power in her hands it’ll make a difference. She did want it, Sirri, truly.’ Now he looked afraid, his eyes wide and his face slack. ‘By all the Gods, you have to believe me. I doubt she remembers, but she begged me to give her a way to fight. I didn’t so much as touch her when I did it. I never want a woman that way again, or a man either … please, you have to believe me …’

With a sigh, she laid her hands on his shaking shoulders. ‘Hush. I believe you. You don’t lie to me — isn’t that how things have always been between us? Besides, I’d have felt it if you’d used her like that.’

He gulped a ragged breath, and scrubbed a hand across his eyes. ‘I do want to change, Sirri. I want to find a new path … but this is what I am, and we’re in no position to throw away the weapons I have.’

‘I know. The others do, too, they just haven’t seen you like I have. They haven’t seen you fighting against Kell’s ways. Rasten, you should have waited, you should have talked it over with us.’

She felt him grow still. He shrugged off her hands and pulled away. ‘Are you mad? Cammarian would never permit it, he’d have made cursed sure the girl was too scared to go through with it. I know already they’d never trust me enough to let it happen. That’s why I made sure it was done before you got back.’ He glanced away. ‘I didn’t mean to leave her like that. I was going to bring her back, clean her up … but I needed to get myself under control first.’

Sierra folded her arms more tightly. ‘Well … I suppose you may be right about Cam. Fires Below, I don’t know how I’m going to keep the peace between the two of you.’

Rasten lifted his head and caught her gaze. ‘You won’t have to. I’m leaving, Sirri. It’s for the best. Cammarian hates me. I can’t blame him, but he’s not the sort to let his anger stew. He means to kill me, but if he attacks, I’ll strike back. I don’t want to kill him, I don’t want to do that to you, or to Isidro. It’s better if I go.’

She swallowed hard, trying to moisten her mouth enough to speak. ‘Go where?’

‘East. I want to go home. I … I know there’s nothing there for me, but I just want … I have to find some way to make up for the things I’ve done. All I’m good for is fighting, but freeing those slaves — it made me think, maybe there is some good I could do. If one slave-train has made it this far, there must be others coming down from the north. It’ll be better for you, the Akharians will have to split up to follow us both, and you won’t damage your friendships by defending me.’

‘And if you find more folk like Greska?’ Sierra said.

Rasten refused to meet her gaze. ‘We need mages. More than just the two of us.’

‘But what about Isidro?’ Sierra said. ‘None of us know how to care for him.’

He lifted his gaze to the sleeping figure. ‘I’ve done all I can. The fever’s dying, the bleeding’s stopped, time will do the rest. In four days you can change the bandages, and in a week you can pull out the threads that bind the vessels. The only thing is … he’s lost a lot of blood. When he wakes up, he won’t be the man you knew. It’ll slow his wits, change his temperament. It’ll take him a long time to recover. Months, probably. There’s a chance he’ll never recover, but … I think he’ll be alright. I hope he’ll be alright.’

Sierra nodded, biting her lip.
Issey, you have to come back to us. You
have
to.
Tears stung in her eyes, but she blinked them back. ‘And what about you? Will you be alright on your own?’

He scowled. ‘I may not be a Sympath, but I can handle a few imperial mages.’

‘That’s not what I’m talking about. You’ve come a long way, but you’re still shaking off Kell’s chains. Will you manage?’

He looked away, glancing past her to the camp along the streambed. ‘Better than I would here. I can’t stand the people, the noise of them, the press of them around us … I can’t take it. I just want to throw them down and make them be silent. I hate the way they look at me, the way they whisper behind my back. They’re driving me mad, Sirri. I just can’t take it …’ He broke off, frowning. ‘You won’t try to stop me?’

‘Would it do any good? You’ve made up your mind. Besides, there’s nothing I can do if you truly want to leave. But I believe you’re right on one count. It’ll come to a fight with Cam if you stay.’

‘And he doesn’t deserve to die, just for loving his brother.’

Sierra was trembling, but she couldn’t work out why. The thought of Rasten leaving made a prickling void inside her. Was it fear? He’d terrified her once, but those days were long past. Perhaps it was fear that she’d finally have to face the consequences of fleeing the Spire to join him. Until now, she’d had the duty of keeping him steady and sane to distract her. But there was also the fear of what
he
would do without a guide to warn him when the warped paths of his mind led him into dark places. Was she setting him free? Or was she unleashing a rabid tiger onto the world?
If I’m wrong, it’ll be more blood on my hands,
Sierra thought.
But, Black Sun forgive me, I can’t make him stay when it’ll push him to madness and risk the lives of those I love.
‘Is there anything you need?’ she said, glancing around the camp.

‘No, I have my gear, and a pair of horses. I just came to say goodbye.’ He reached for her hands, and raised them to his lips. ‘Fare well.’

Sierra followed him to the streambed where he’d tethered a pair of horses. As she watched him ride away, she wept a scatter of tears, but she couldn’t decide if she was weeping for him, or for herself … for the girl she’d been when she crept out of the dark, chill caves to find him waiting for her. She’d thought herself so wise, then, so worldly, knowing what awaited her, the sacrifice she’d chosen to make. She’d had knowledge, but not true understanding as she did now.
It was worth it,
she told herself.
To see Kell dead, to make us all safe. I’d make that choice again.