Not My Daughter (18 page)

Susan didn't want to. She wasn't any more ready for a confrontation than Lily, but what choice did she have? "They must have been waiting for you to get home. They know we're here. The car's in the driveway and the lights are on." Besides, hiding would only postpone the inevitable. Robbie must have said something to his parents.

Bracing herself for yet more flagellation, she opened the door. Bill and Annette Boone stood there, with Robbie slightly behind. The boy looked nervous and his parents awkward, maybe even guilty. It occurred to her that they didn't know who had seduced whom.

"I think we need to talk," said Bill.

Stepping back, Susan gestured them inside. Lily was leaning against the archway to the den, hands in her pockets, arms pressed to her sides as if to contain her panic. She was barely looked at by the senior Boones when Susan shepherded them to the couch. Taking his cue from Lily, Robbie stood against the opposite arch.

"Would you like something to drink?" Susan asked his parents.

"I'd take a double scotch straight up if I thought it would help," Bill said.

His wife looked at him. "Is this amusing?" Then at Robbie. "Is anything about this amusing?"

Bill cleared his throat and addressed Susan. "Our son tells us he's the father of Lily's baby. I take it you figured that's why we're here, so she must have told you, but we'd like to hear it from her."

All eyes turned on Lily, who looked cornered.

Say it
, Susan instructed silently.
They have a right to hear it. You cannot lie
.

After what seemed an eternity, the girl nodded.

"How can we know for sure?" Annette asked.

"You can't," replied Lily in low voice.

"She certainly can," Susan argued. She didn't like Annette's tone, but Lily's wasn't much better. "When I asked the same question," she told the Boones, "my daughter was offended. She told me she would know, because she's only been with one boy in her life. I believe her."

"If she was my daughter, I'd believe her, too. That doesn't mean it's so."

"Mom. It
is,"
Robbie said.

His father held up a hand and said softly, "Please, Annette. We agreed we would do this. I know you want proof, but we can't do a paternity test until after the baby is born, and in the meanwhile, there's a good chance this young girl is carrying our grandchild." He looked at Susan again. "We're prepared to help."

Hadn't her father said something like that? And he hadn't stopped there.
We're prepared to help you get set up, but you won't do it here
. Susan refused to have her daughter exposed to that.

"We're all set," Susan said. "No help needed."

"Babies are expensive."

"We'll manage."

"I'll be glad to marry Lily," Robbie offered.

"Robbie,"
his mother protested.

"I will," he insisted with a naivete Susan might have found endearing if she hadn't been down that road before.

"Lily's father said much the same thing to me." Susan looked at Lily. "Do you want to get married?"

"No
way
. Married at seventeen is stupid!"

Like motherhood at seventeen
, Susan was thinking, when Annette said, "It would only make a bad situation ten times worse."

That hit Susan the wrong way. "For the record," she said, "Robbie could do far worse. Lily will be a great mother. I just don't want her rushing into marriage."

"Good to know," Annette remarked. "And while we're being honest, I'd prefer it if you didn't send the school an update about this."

That, too, hit Susan wrong. "With due respect, Robbie isn't my major concern right now. No one will hear his name from me. Lily?"

Lily puffed out a breath and held up a hand,
No
.

"I'm not ashamed," Robbie told his parents in a voice far bolder than his expression. "Lily is the coolest person in school. If people ask me, I'm telling."

"Do not do that, Robbie," Lily ordered, her hand now on her middle.

"Why not? Are
you
ashamed?"

"No
, but this isn't about you. This baby is
mine."

"It's half mine," Robbie argued.

Susan quickly stood. "Excuse me," she said in a voice that trembled, "I can't deal with a custody battle right now. This argument is better saved until after the baby is born. I suspect your parents agree."

"Completely," Annette said, on her feet as well.

Susan moved toward the door. The meeting was over. She wanted these people out of her house. "Thank you, Robbie. It was kind of you to come." She opened the door.

Annette left without a word. After a quick look at Lily, Robbie followed. Only Bill paused and said quietly, "The offer of help stands."

"Thanks, Bill. But really, we're fine." The instant he cleared the threshold, Susan closed the door and, feeling the kind of wildness that comes from one trauma too many, looked at Lily. "Nightmare! Robbie wants to take credit. Like he has a job and can provide child support? Like he had a
say
in this? And
Annette's
angry--like I'm
not?
Does she not get it that m
y job
is at risk?" She clutched the top of her head. "I'm ... I'm ..." She didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry," Lily said meekly. "I never imagined it would spread like this. I
never
thought your job would be affected."

Susan was about to cry,
You're a smart girl, how could you not?
when the phone rang. "Don't answer. I can't talk."

But Lily had gone into the den to see the caller ID. "It's Dad."

Susan's panic waned. She held out a hand for the phone. Lily brought it, punching in the call as she handed it over.

"Hey," Susan said with a sigh.

"Hey," Rick said back but without his usual punch. "What are you doin'?"

"Leaning against the front door in a mild panic because the parents of
The Boy
just came over. What's wrong?" Something was. She could hear it in his voice.

"Is Lily with you?"

The fact that he didn't ask about The Boy frightened her all the more. "What is it, Rick?"

"Bad news, Susie. Your dad died."

Susan felt a blow to her gut. It was a minute before she could ask, "When?"

"This morning. My father just called me. It was a massive heart attack."

Knees shaking, she slid to the floor.

"Mom?" Lily asked in alarm.

"Dad," Susan managed to say, then whispered, "Omigod."

"They're having the wake at the house. The funeral is Tuesday."

"Omigod," Susan whispered again. The details sailed past her. Stricken, she saw the larger picture--her father dead, no closure, no reconciliation
ever
--and though she hadn't realized she wanted that, the sadness of it tore at her heart.

Dropping the phone, she covered her face and began to cry.

She had to go, of course. She knew it the instant her tears dried. She didn't know what kind of reception she would get, didn't really care. She needed to say goodbye to her father.

Within an hour of Rick's call, she booked two tickets home. Lily, who had been hovering, frightened by Susan's tears, was staring at the screen. "Two? You want me there?"

"Yes," Susan said. This was another thing she knew. Her relationship with her father was lost. All the what-ifs--what if she had reached out, called him more, even gone home--were pointless now. There was no going back. But going ahead? She didn't want to make the same mistake twice. "You're part of me. He needs to meet you."

"But he's dead, and I'm pregnant."

Susan looked at her. "So?"

"And I've never met your mother."

Feeling an odd calm, Susan smiled. "My brother's kids call her Nana. You can call her that, too."

"But I don't
know
her," Lily cried. Her eyes were filled with terror--but they were still the same hazel eyes that Susan's father and her brother had. "I don't know Jackson or his wife or his kids," the girl cried. "And I'm
pregnant."

Susan took her hand. That fact was nowhere near as upsetting as her father being dead. Maybe she was simply getting used to it. Or maybe, by comparison, nothing her family could dole out at home would be as bad as the last week had been. The thought of leaving Zaganack for a few days appealed to her. It would mean missing a play put on by the Drama Club--but thinking of school gave her a thought.

"You have that fabulous little skirt you bought for the Zaganotes, and a black sweater that hides a multitude of sins. No one'll ever know."

Lily wasn't amused. "What if someone there has seen the
Gazette?"

"Who there would read the
Gazette?"

"What if someone asks?"

"Why would anyone ask?"

Lily took her hand back and tucked both under her arms. She seemed horrified. "Are you looking
forward
to this?"

"Not to my father's funeral," Susan said quietly, eyes filling again as she said it. "But to fighting, yes. Weren't you the one who wanted to fight--against the Zaganotes for voting you out, against the editorial in the
Gazette?
Maybe I need to start by going home."

She thought of what Kate had said.
They still love you. They just never got past the anger. When they sent you away, they stopped the clock
. Maybe it was time to start it again.

"I haven't seen my mother since I was pregnant," Susan said determinedly. "I want her to meet my child."

Chapter 17

Kate's heart went out to Susan. To have so much happen at once was unfair. "I'm
so
sorry," she said. "You sensed something when you talked to your mom. But the timing couldn't be worse."

"Actually, it's okay. You were right; the clock stopped. I do need to go back. Maybe I'm running away from what's happening here, but this also feels like unfinished business. If things are better there, great. If not, well, Lily will understand what I've been talking about all these years. It will be a learning experience for her."

"Like working as a mother's helper last summer was?" Kate asked dryly.

Susan made a quiet sound.
"That
one backfired."

"Slightly."

"This could, too." Susan sighed. "If nothing else, Lily will see a different part of the country."

Suddenly Kate had the best idea. "Why don't I come? I could give you moral support. You wouldn't be quite so outnumbered."

"You're sweet, Kate. But no. I have to deal. Besides, you can't leave your family."

"And I wouldn't love to run away with you? Hey, I could leave Mary Kate in charge. Let her get a taste of what's in store."

------

When Kate called Sunny, she was still smarting from the fiasco at the barn, thinking that Susan and Kate might have stood up for her more. Hearing the news, though, she forgot all that.

"Omigod. Poor
Susan."

"She's taking Lily there," Kate said. "I told her I'd go with her, but she wouldn't hear of it."

"I'll go," Sunny offered. "I'd love to get out of town."

"That's what I said. Sad that it would be for this reason."

Susan's father's death, PC Wool, Jessica, Dan--Sunny wasn't feeling good about any of it. Then she thought of her own father and felt even worse. She admired Susan for having courage to face the enemy. Forget visiting; Sunny refused to
call
her parents now, she was that humiliated by her mother's put-down. And there was Susan, going back home after being disowned. It was a sobering thought.

"Is there anything we can do while she's gone?" she asked Kate.

"Keep PC Wool moving. That means I keep dyeing, while you push ahead with the promo for the spring line."

"Like how?"

"Like adding finished items to your current display."

"I already have some."

"Add more. Photograph them. If Pam's going to get Cliff to sign on to an enhanced catalogue spread, let's give him a taste of what he'll get."

"What good will it do if Pam lets us down and there's no coverage at all?"

"Pam will come around. I'll call her. I have to tell her about Susan's father anyway."

Sunny was happy to let her make the call. She had no desire to tangle with Pam again. Besides, with Dan downstairs watching old episodes of
Law and Order
, Darcy upstairs watching a Harry Potter movie, and Jessica somewhere or other out of the house, she was feeling sorry for herself. When she felt sorry for herself, she went for ice cream.

Pam had cooked dinner for eight this Saturday night, but as she often did when the Celtics were on, she took orders for dessert and drove with whoever wasn't watching to pick it up at PC Scoops. This night, she had two other wives with her. If not for that, she might have backed out of the store when she saw Sunny. But she was stuck, opening the door before she could think of a diversion, and, within seconds, was face-to-face with the woman, who looked none too happy to see her, either.

"Did Kate call you?" Sunny asked awkwardly.

Pam shook her head.

"Susan's father died this morning. She's going back home."

"Oh my." Even beyond the death was the going home part. Susan hadn't been back since before Lily's birth. "She's such a good person," Pam said, believing it in that instant, despite what Zaganack thought. Then she remembered her manners. "Sunny, you know Joanne Farmer and Annie McHale, don't you?"

After quiet greetings, Sunny left. Pam ordered from her list, but her thoughts were on Susan. Once home, after handing out the various sundaes and shakes, she excused herself and went upstairs. As soon as Susan answered the phone, she said, "Sunny told me about your father. I am sorry, Susan. You must be stunned."

"At first. Now I'm just sad. The chance to make this right is lost forever. So please, Pam. Do not let that happen with us. The scene this morning really bothered me."

Pam hadn't called to talk about that, but since Susan had raised it, she couldn't resist. "Sunny can be a bitch."

"So can you."

"She overreacted."

"She's feeling vulnerable. We're all questioning the way we've raised our kids."

"And I'm not? My daughter betrayed her friends. That bothers me." A
lot
about Abby bothered her right now. There was more to the story than she was telling. If Pam faulted Susan, Kate, and Sunny for not knowing what their daughters were doing, how could she not fault herself? For the betrayal alone, Pam felt incredible guilt.

"But Abby isn't pregnant and Jess is," Susan said. "And I'm not sure I'd call Sunny's home rigid, just organized. You know where that comes from."

Pam did, but she was still annoyed. "She needs to relax."

"We all do. Friends are my family, Pam. I need you guys."

Pam wanted that. In the privacy of her bedroom, she could admit it. Downstairs? That was harder. There had been talk about Susan during dinner. It hadn't been flattering.

"Anyway, Sunny says you're going home. I admire you for that." Pam wasn't exactly estranged from her family; she talked with her mother often. But her family couldn't keep up with the Perrys. They lived by their own rules in a modest house in a modest neighborhood in a different state. The wedding had been here in Zaganack, in the backyard of Tanner's parents' estate, and Pam had spent hours making her family presentable. In the years since, she had kept them at arm's length. She was a snob, though not without guilt.

"Is Lily going with you?" she asked Susan.

"Not happily. She's terrified. But I can't leave her here."

"She could stay with me," Pam offered, then caught herself. "But she probably wouldn't want to after what Abby did, but I miss their being together. I wish they could still be friends."

"Would Tanner agree?" Susan asked.

No. He would be mortified if Lily showed up on their doorstep while Susan was gone. Even Abby might not be ready for that--not that it wouldn't be a good lesson. The idiocy of the pregnancy pact notwithstanding, Abby shouldn't have betrayed her friends. She claimed she had known nothing about it last summer, but Pam wasn't convinced--and she couldn't share her doubts with Tanner. Town sentiment was running too strongly against the Tates.

She must have been a little too slow in replying, because Susan said softly, "It's fine. Lily needs to be with me anyway. It's her grandfather who died. She has to pay her respects."

Pam nodded, feeling awkward. "Is there anything I can do while you're gone?"

"I'm okay, I think. Evan Brewer will cover for me at school."

"You should have an assistant principal."

"Tell that to the board. They were the ones who eliminated the position."

"It was a budget decision," Pam said. "They did it at all the schools. Besides, Evan headed a private school before coming here. He has administrative experience."

"How convenient is that," Susan remarked.

It was a minute before Pam followed. "That isn't what I meant. No one is moving into your office while you're back home burying your father. Have you talked with Phil?"

"Uh-huh. He said it was a bad time to leave."

"It is." All the assurances in the world were worthless if Phil decided that Evan had done a fabulous job, even for the few days Susan was gone. If it came to that, what could Pam do?

"I didn't plan this," Susan said.

"I know. There's no good time for a death."

"Will you tell the school board that?"

Lily was asleep when the phone rang and, reaching for it, was too groggy to be cautious. "Hello?"

There was a silence, then Robbie's deep voice. "Your light's still on. I thought you'd be awake."

She had fallen asleep on her back. Again. Now she rolled to her left side, the one the books said allowed the best blood flow for the baby, and rubbed the spot where her ponytail had dug into her scalp. "I was knitting. I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep."

"Are you okay?"

No. As details of the evening seeped back, she realized she was not. "My grandfather died."

There was a pause, then a startled, "The grandfather you've never met?"

"Yeah. Mom and I are flying to Oklahoma tomorrow."

"That's heavy. You should have said something when we were there."

"We didn't get the call until after you left, and anyway, after so many things go wrong you just get numb." She hesitated. "That wasn't a fun scene tonight. Your mom didn't look at me once."

"Be grateful. Not looking is better than glaring, which is what she does each time she sees me."

"This baby wasn't your doing."

"You said it was."

"You know what I mean. Having sex wasn't your
idea
--but you didn't tell your parents that, did you." It wasn't a question.

"I don't want them hating you."

"You shouldn't have told them at all," Lily said. This baby was supposed to belong to her and her mother. As bad as it was that the whole town knew, the Boones knowing made it worse. She was losing control. She hadn't counted on this.

"I meant what I said," Robbie declared. "I'll marry you."

"I'm not getting married."

"Then at least let's date."

"So everyone at school will guess? Robbie, this baby isn't about its father. I said that the first time you called."

"But you picked me. You could have been with any guy at school."

"No," she said and might have elaborated, only she was growing emotional again. It happened last time she talked with Robbie, too. Then she had blamed it on hormones. This time she blamed it on the prospect of flying to Oklahoma tomorrow to meet the family from hell.

"Maybe I should go with you," he said. "He was my baby's great-grandfather."

Lily was beside herself. "Robbie. Listen to me. This is not your baby. It's
mine."

"You admitted I'm the father."

"Biologically, but that's it. Tell anyone at school, and I'll deny it."

There was a pause, then a wounded, "Is there something wrong with me?"

"No! It's
me
. Robbie.
My baby."

"You're going to need help."

"I have my mother."

"I have money."

"You do not."

"I do. My mother's father left some to each of us."

"She'd never let you use it on me."

"Not on you. On my baby."

"Omigod. I can just imagine it. Your mother would
never
forgive me then." It was unfair, Lily realized. Annette Boone had always been warm and friendly before this.

Robbie must have been thinking the same thing, because he said, "She's not like that. She just didn't think this would happen. If she acts angry at you, it's because she's disappointed in me. This isn't what she planned."

Shades of Susan, Lily thought. "Why is it," she cried, "that our lives have to follow our parents' plans? Why do I have to go halfway across the country to meet a side of the family that effectively disowned me because my mother didn't follow
their
plans?"

Robbie left enough of a silence to give the question merit, then asked, "How long will you be gone?"

"Could be one day, if they kick us out. Could be three if they don't."

"Are you nervous?"

"Terrified
. I mean, like, they're going to look at me like I'm the devil--and they don't even know I'm pregnant!"

"Will you tell them?"

"I might. That'd
really
give them something to talk about." But she hoped it wouldn't come to that. Her mother would be crushed, and Susan was already bearing the brunt of this pregnancy. Lily regretted that.

"Can I call you while you're there?"

"Sure," she said, thinking she might need all the help she could get.

"Will you call me if anything happens?"

"Sure." It was going to be an interesting trip.

"What if someone asks me straight out if the baby's mine?"

Lily closed her eyes. "Think of your mom. She doesn't want this getting out. And think of me." She sighed. "All I wanted was a baby. How did this get so messed up?"