Not My Daughter (33 page)

"I don't have time to think about it," Jess remarked. "I'm too busy cleaning spit-up."

As she could do only with these two, Lily said, "I do think about it. I think about what I was doing this time last year. I mean, I wouldn't change a thing. But, boy, is life different--and in good ways even aside from Noah," she said, because Susan taught her to look at the positive first. "I have a new house. I have a dad. I have
grandparents."

Mary Kate's eyes went wide. "Are Ellen and Big Rick dating?"

"Not officially. But she likes it when he comes."

"Like you like it when Robbie comes?" Jess teased.

"I like it," Lily informed her, "because I think it's good for the baby. Robbie enjoys him."

"Is he still texting so much?"

"Oh, yeah." His messages came multiple times each day, and he had been home twice since classes started. He really was so cute with Noah, and since Noah meant everything to Lily, she would start thinking Robbie had potential. Then he'd return to school and annoy her by starting to text again. "Every few hours I get a blow-by-blow of college life. Like I can identify."

"With all-nighters?" Mary Kate asked in a high voice. "I can identify with that. Of course,
they
sleep until ten the next morning. When was the last time we did that? I did sleep for four straight hours last night. That's a record."

Lily's record was five, making Noah the best sleeper of the three. With his organs now neatly tucked where they should be, he seemed to be eating to make up for lost time. Maybe that was why he slept well. But then, he was an easygoing guy. Jess's Addie was higher strung. To Lily's knowledge, she was still screaming for food at the three-hour mark. Of course, she was only fourteen weeks to Noah's twenty.

A wail came from her now. Jess jumped up, adjusted the pacifier, and, swearing softly, began a frenetic swaying.

"You can't do that, Jess," Mary Kate warned.

"Swear?"

"Get tense. She senses it. You have to relax."

"That's easy for you to say. You don't have to worry whether your baby is getting enough food." But she did slow the swaying to a calmer pace. "It's like she's always hungry. I'm not sure the new formula is doing a thing."

Lily wondered if breast milk would have been better, but Jess had stopped nursing after three weeks when the baby couldn't seem to get enough. They would never know whether reflux, not lack of food, had caused the crying. Or whether it was Jess's nervousness. Or just Addie's personality.

But Lily agreed with Mary Kate. Jess had to relax. "If this formula doesn't help," she said, "you'll try another, and then another, and before you know it, she'll be past this stage."

"I guess," Jess said, swaying more tiredly now. "It's probably a good thing Adam isn't around. He'd hate this. Did I honestly think he'd be a good father?"

"We never asked ourselves that. We didn't want them involved raising our kids. Adam has good genes. That's what counts." Or so they had said. But Lily liked seeing Robbie with Noah. She liked seeing Rick with him, too. And Big Rick. And Ellen. Not to mention the fact that when someone else played with the baby, she got a break. Even with six hours of sleep, she couldn't believe how tired she was. She had no sooner changed him than he pooped, had no sooner washed his clothes than more were dirty. The work never ended.

"I feel guilty complaining," Jess said. "Addie didn't ask for this. There are times when I'm cleaning her up and she gives me this really apologetic look, like she's saying, 'I'm sorry, Mommy. I didn't mean it. I won't do it again,' and I feel so bad. I do have a lot going for me. Darcy can't get enough of Addie. Dad takes her for walks. And Mom, she's loosened up a lot. Sometimes I think that the less neurotic she is, the more I am--like it's drained out of her and into me."

"You aren't neurotic," Lily said. "You worry, is all."

They were silent for a bit, resting there by the pier. Finally Mary Kate cleared her throat. "Have we decided what to do when Abby is home this weekend? She wants us at her house."

"Not just us," Jess said. "She's invited everyone who'll be home. What'll we have to say to them?"

"We can listen," Lily offered. "They love to talk."

"So do I. Will they ask about my life?"

"No. But Abby really wants us there. She'll be disappointed if we don't go."

There was another silence, then from Mary Kate a cautious "We could bring the babies."

Lily shook her head at the same time that Jess said a firm "No."

"What if we went for just an hour and asked our moms to babysit?" Mary Kate tried.

Lily knew why Mary Kate wanted to go. "Will Jacob be there?"

"I don't know, I haven't asked," she said, "but it'd only be for an hour. I mean"--she looked from Lily to Jess--"okay, so we hate to ask. Our parents have not been begging us to let them babysit. As far as they're concerned, giving up a social life was part of the pact." Her voice grew more meek. "But maybe they'd do it just this once?"

Lily didn't answer. She was wondering how her mother had managed with no one, ever, to help. In that instant, it struck her that getting pregnant was the easy part. Giving birth wasn't bad either, what with a room full of people pitching in. The hard part was what came after--taking care of a baby three-sixty-five twenty-four-seven.

Her mother had done it alone. That was scary. Lily didn't know what she would do if she didn't have Susan around.

Seeming to read her mind, or perhaps just ready for a shot of mom-support herself, Jess said, "I think we should start back. Addie'll be wanting to eat."

Minutes later, each lost in thought as they crossed Main Street, they were startled by the honk of a horn. It was Rachel Bishop, back from Vassar. Slowing, she waved excitedly, pointed to the babies, and gave a thumbs-up, then accelerated again and was gone.

In her wake, all was still. Two carriages, one BabyBjorn, and three young mothers walked on.

Susan had decided that if the baby's half of the attic had a cloud-strewn sky, her half needed grass. They were in the process of adding windblown blades to the lower walls when Susan glanced at her watch. Setting her brush aside, she stood and went to the window--and there he was, pulling into the driveway.

Heart pounding, she trotted down two flights of stairs and outside, feeling an excitement she wouldn't have expected. She had known Rick most of her life, had been with him sexually more than half of that, but with commitment, their roles were redefined. Marriage said that he wasn't going away, that he would be part of her life forever, that he loved her. It gave her
license
to be excited.

He was grinning when he climbed from the car and, arms opening, scooped her up--and here was another change. Public Display of Affection was totally okay. When it was done, she took his hand and dragged him up those two flights of stairs.

"Whoa," he said when the fuchsia hit him.

"You hate it?" Susan asked worriedly, but he was already looking past Susan's part to the sky with its billowy white clouds.

"That I love," he said, eyes sparkling with hellos to Kate, Sunny, and Pam.

"But you hate the fuchsia."

He grinned crookedly. "As long as I'm not the one working here, the fuchsia is great."

"It'll be better when the grass is done. I may even add some giant sunflowers."

"Add whatever you want. It's your space. We can always hang a curtain to pull if it bothers me when I'm playing trains with the boy," he teased, then said quietly, "No carriage on the porch. Where'd they go?"

"The pier. They'll be back any minute."

He went to the window and had barely glanced toward the harbor end of the street when he said, "There," and was off like a shot.

Taking his place at the window, Susan watched him stride down the front walk and turn onto the sidewalk as the caravan of girls and their babies appeared.

"He is adorable," said Kate from her elbow.

From her shoulder, Pam said, "So excited, like it's his own child."

"It is," Susan murmured, thinking of Lily, because Rick hugged her first. Leaving a hand on her arm, he kissed each of the other girls, then leaned down to see Noah.

"The piece de resistance," Sunny whispered in appreciation.

As they watched, Rick reached in and picked up the baby and, cradling him with admirable ease, guided the girls up the walk.

"Blown off for a five-month-old," Pam announced.

But Susan only smiled. She couldn't ask to see anything better. Sharing was precious.

She was a mother. She had learned this.

Acknowledgments

Deepest thanks to Nancy Shulman, Debbie Smith, and Dianne List for sharing their expertise on yarn, medicine, and school, respectively. If I've strayed from reality on any of these subjects, please understand that I've taken literary license--and forgive me for it.

My thanks, also, to Amy Berkower, Phyllis Grann, and Lucy Davis, each of whom helped, in her own special way, to make possible the book you now hold.

As always, I thank my family, without whose love I'd be lost.

Readers' Guide

The questions and topics that follow are designed to enhance your book club's discussion of Barbara Delinsky's
Not
My
Daughter
. We hope they will enrich your experience of this compelling novel. For special reading group features, visit the author's website at
www.barbaradelinsky.com
.

Introduction

No writer captures the tender rewards and unique challenges of family life better than Barbara Delinsky. Raising provocative questions about motherhood,
Not
My
Daughter
marks new heights of captivating storytelling for Delinsky. In the novel's opening pages, high school principal Susan Tate confronts a devastating secret. Her seventeen-year-old daughter, Lily, has revealed that she is expecting a baby--and that this is not an accidental pregnancy. Susan soon learns that some of Lily's friends are pregnant, too: they've made a pact to become moms in high school, intentionally having unprotected sex. Naive but determined, they yearn to raise their babies on their own, and to keep the fathers away for as long as possible. For Susan, the news threatens to destroy her career. Once a teen mom herself, she has launched high-profile campaigns to educate students about preventing unwanted pregnancy. Then Lily makes a frightening discovery about the baby she is carrying, and she and Susan begin to see their futures in a new way. Gripping and heartwarming,
Not
My
Daughter
will keep you enthralled on every page.

Questions and Topics for Discussion

1. What do the novel's opening pages tell you about Susan's relationship with her daughter? What advantages and disadvantages did Susan experience as a single parent? Would you have married Rick at age eighteen if you had been in her situation?
   

2. How does Susan's life compare to the lives of the other moms in the book: Kate, Sunny, and Pam? What do their daughters (Lily, Mary Kate, Jess, and Abby) have in common? Are there any similarities between the way the mothers interact and the girls' circle of friendship?
   

3. How did you react when Abby revealed why she had wanted to form a motherhood pact with her friends? What longings were they each hoping to satisfy by becoming pregnant? Were they seeking unconditional love, or rebellion against their parents, or something else altogether? How did their motivations change throughout the novel?
   

4. Though
   Not
   My
   Daughter
   is entirely a work of fiction, in the summer of 2008 media coverage erupted over a group of teenage girls in Gloucester, Massachusetts, who were alleged to have made a pact to become pregnant and raise their babies together. What does this say about the way our idea of motherhood has changed over generations? Do pregnancy and parenting mean something different to modern women, compared to our grandmothers' generation?
   

5. Jess's extended family is full of interesting contradictions. How was she shaped by Samson and Delilah, and by the ongoing friction between them and Sunny? Is Sunny right to think of Martha and Hank as "Normal with a capital
   N
   "? How does Jess define "normal," based on her family life?
   

6. The girls have unrealistic ideas about how much it costs to raise a child. Already living on a tight budget, Will and Kate are especially upset by the financial implications of Mary Kate's news. How does money affect parenting? Who are the best parents in the novel?
   

7. How did Rick and Susan's relationship change over time? Is Lily the only reason they stayed connected, or were there other constants that gave them an emotional attachment into adulthood?
   

8. How would you have responded to Lily if she had been your daughter? Would you have wanted her to have the baby? If so, would you have wanted her to give up the child for adoption? Would you offer to raise your children's children?
   

9. How is Lily transformed by the unsettling news of her fetus's CDH? Was she prepared for the ultimate parenting job of managing a crisis and responding to events that are beyond her control?
   

10. Why does Lily resist Robbie? Is there a difference between girls' and boys' responsibilities when a teen pregnancy occurs? Should fully adult dads have more rights than teenage ones?
    

11. PC Wool represents a dream fulfilled for Susan. What do the colors, the creativity, and the camaraderie mean to her? If Perry & Cass is a metaphor for family, what kind of family is it? How was Abby affected by her parents' wealth, and the Perry legacy?
    

12. Discuss the relationship between Susan and her brother, Jackson. Why do he and Ellen have so much animosity toward her? How does Lily feel about family after she attends her grandfather's funeral? How does Susan's understanding of her mother change with the revelation that Big Rick and Ellen were once very close?
    

13. How did you respond to George Abbott's editorial in the Zaganack
    Gazette
    ? Was Susan in any way responsible for Lily's pregnancy? Who is responsible for preventing teen pregnancy: schools? parents? the media? someone else? On some level, was Lily trying to embarrass her mother by letting history repeat itself?
    

14. Discuss the novel's title and the way it captures some parents' belief that their children are immune from peer pressure. How much do you trust your children? How much did your parents trust you?
    

15. How did the epilogue compare to the ending you had predicted? What did all children in the novel (adults and infants alike) teach their mothers?
    

16. What truths about the gifts of motherhood are illustrated in
    Not
    My
    Daughter
    , and in other novels by Barbara Delinsky? What is special about the way she portrays the bonds between parents and their children?