Authors: Kirsten Sawyer
Not Quite A Bride (26 page)
I look in the mirror again and take a deep breath. I have to compose myself. I cannot let him ruin this for me. I have put too much into this day; I have made too many sacrifices. It is literally taking all my strength not to let this minor setback completely derail me. I shake with anger as I try to take deep, relaxing breaths. Just for the record, they aren't working.
Eyes on the prize, I remind myself. This is it ... the finish line ... the final frontier. Today is the day I've been dreaming about and working for. It is SO like Brad to try and ruin it, but I will not let him. All the anxiety I was feeling is overtaken by this anger and I take that anger and use it to fuel my confidence. I'm ready for showtime, as Justin would say. Let's get the show on the road.
55
The Big Moment
T
his is where we met.
his is where we met.
“Today is my wedding day ... it should be the happiest day of my life. It should be the day that at long last all my dreams are realized and I embark on the love boat to the island of happiness and bliss that everyone else has already been living on. That couldn't be farther from the truth. Instead this day is worse than I ever imagined it could be. I'm standing in a suite at The Plaza hotel ... no expense has been spared in pursuit of matrimonial perfection. I am wearing my dream, white (at last!) Vera Wang strapless wedding gown. My fantasy wedding is minutes away from beginning and I'm finally realizing what I have done.”
Sound familiar?
I look in the mirror once more, still trying to catch my breath and calm myself down, and then I look around the beautiful suite and remember each second I've had in itâfrom yesterday when my parents surprised me, to today. My whole family has been beyond generous and loving with everything to do with this wedding and I have lied, hugely and blatantly, to them. My selfishness has been monumental. As I stand here, ready to go play the part I rehearsed all night, I am finally appalled at myself for concocting such a plan and going through with it. Don't get me wrong ... I recognize that I have had many happy moments and I could even stretch things so far as to say that I've given my family joy through the planning of this wedding ... but when it comes down to the cold, hard, truth ... I've fucked up.
My mind is still racing when there is a gentle knock on the door. I jump slightly, my confidence wavering as I fear that it could be Brad again. I feel another surge of anger before calling to whoever is outside that they may come in. It is Ashley, Marion's assistant. She looks more like a member of the secret service than a wedding coordinator today with her headset and clipboard.
“Molly? Are you ready?” she asks gently.
“As ready as I'll ever be,” I admit, and start toward the door.
The walk down to the ceremony is surreal, to say the least. As I walk through the halls of the hotel, people stop and stare at me, and they whisper to each other or wish me congratulations. One little girl even tugs on her mother's skirt as she points at me in awe. They all think they know what today holds for me ... they are wrong.
I finally get to the room where my dad is waiting to escort me down the aisle. I take a peek inside and am surprised to see both sides of the aisle almost equally full. At the front of the room is an amazing arch of pink, blue, and white hydrangeas ... it's stunning. Logan is standing underneath it with the minister. I can tell from all the way back here that he is nervous. Mom is sitting in the front row and Jamie is about to push Kate down the aisle in a beautifully decorated pram. I give her a tight hug before watching her walk down the aisle to “Canon in D.” Then I turn and look at Dad, trying to run through what is going to happen in my head one final time. He doesn't seem to notice that anything is wrong.
Just as the “Wedding March” begins to play and my dad reaches for my arm, Marion rushes up to us in a flurry. Finally somebody realizes the groom is missing! She is more unkempt than I have ever seen her, despite wearing one of her more beautiful Chanel suits ... her hair is messed up from pulling her headset on and off and she is sweating a little around the brow. The disheveled look definitely doesn't suit her. As she screeches to a halt in front of us, she gulps to catch her breath and regain her composure. Marion pauses for a split second before opening her mouth to speak to us, then holds up one finger, turns around and hisses, “Stop the music!” into her headset, then turns back to us and takes another deep breath.
“Now, Molly,” she begins, never missing a chance to slip a “now” in, “we are having a tricky time locating Justin.”
I almost have to giggle at the way she phrases Justin's absence, but I focus and remember what I am supposed to do: step one: confusion.
“What do you mean?” I ask her with only a little panic in my voice. The truth is, I don't need to fake the panic because I do feel a bit anxious.
“We're sure he's around here somewhere ... relax dear, this happens all the time. A groom will go to get a breath of fresh air or a drink of water right before ceremony time without realizing how long he is gone. Just relax for one more minute and we're going to find him in a jiff.” She smiles at me sympathetically before hissing into her headset, “Ashley! Find the groom! STAT!” She then turns back to us with another smile before she slips away.
I turn and look at Dad, maintaining my confused look, and see that he looks completely alarmed. Oh my God, I hate myself for putting my family through this.
“It's okay, Daddyâwe'll get started in just a minute.”
My dad takes a deep breath and turns to look at me with sorrowful eyes, “Molly, I don't want you to panic, but I want you to prepare yourself.” Dad pauses and takes a deep breath. “I haven't seen Justin all day.”
“What do you mean? Are you sure?” I ask, almost impressed with how confused I seem.
“Let's just wait and see ... I'm sure Marion and Ashley will find him,” Dad tries to reassure me.
I could not feel more awful about the pain I'm putting my dad through ... I try to catch Logan's eye to get the show on the road, but I can't because he is giving confused looks to Jamie and Mom.
What feels like half an hour later ... and may well be, Marion and Ashley have recruited Logan to help with the search, so I know the note will materialize any minute now. Finally, the three of them approach Dad and me.
“Molly,” Marion begins as Ashley stands behind her, looking only slightly less miserable than Logan, “it would appear as though your groom has decided not to join you today.”
For a split second I have to stop and be impressed with the kind and gentle way Marion has developed to say,
You've been dumped on your wedding day, kid,
but before I can control it or remember what step two is supposed to be, tears start falling. I knew he wasn't showing up, I knew I wasn't getting married today, but now that it's actually happening, I am in disbelief.
You've been dumped on your wedding day, kid,
but before I can control it or remember what step two is supposed to be, tears start falling. I knew he wasn't showing up, I knew I wasn't getting married today, but now that it's actually happening, I am in disbelief.
“He left a note at the front desk,” Logan pipes up, taking the note from his coat pocket where he carefully placed it the night before. He unfolds it and hands it to me.
As planned, I read itâslowly, three timesâbefore handing it to Dad with my confused and hurt face.
Dad reads the note, then crumples it up and throws it on the ground as his face flushes crimson. Logan and I glance nervously at each other ... I'm suddenly completely blank on what I am supposed to do next ... so I sob. Dad holds me tight as I wail, and I don't even worry about my beautiful hairdo or perfect makeup job as I hiccup for air.
Thankfully, Logan remembers what to do and quietly says, “Should someone tell the guests?”
Right! The guests ... “I'll tell them,” I say bravely, collecting myself and putting my strong face on.
“No, Molly, you don't have to,” Dad interjects.
“It's okay,” I tell him, “it's my place. They are here for me.”
“I'll be with you, Molly,” Logan says, taking my hand.
With Dad, Marion, and Ashley staring at us from behind, and the room of guests turned and staring at me from the front, my brother and I walk up the aisle in stone silence. When we reach the front where Father Roberts is standing, I turn and take a deep breath before beginning my prepared monologue.
“I am not sure what happened to Justin or to us,” I begin slowly, “but we will not be getting married today,” I say as a small weep escapes from my chest. I close my eyes for a second and take another breath before opening my mouth to continue. I can't continue, though, because from the back of the room Dad yells, “It's okay! He's here!! He must have changed his mind!”
What? Now I am really confused. What is Dad talking about, and what is Justin doing here?!? I squint to look down the long aisle and I do in fact see someone, presumably Justin, running toward the room. I look at Logan, whose face looks as alarmed as mine must.
Just as Justin enters the room, my mother stands up and shrieks, “Everything is okay! Justin wants to marry you!”
I hear four voices yell, “NO!” and the only thing I am certain about is that one of them is my own. I look around the room ... the second one definitely came from Justin, the third I believe from Logan. I scan the room and see the only other person standing and the voice of the fourth “no”: Brad.
“No?” my mother repeats; now it's her turn to be confused.
“Justin can't marry meâhe's gay!” I blurt out, and immediately hear an enormous, collective gasp from the room, but I continue to stare right at Brad. His visit to my bridal suite is starting to come back to me.
“Molly is right,” Justin explains to the room of wide-eyed wedding guests, but I'm not listening to him, I'm looking straight into the eyes of Bradley Lawson and something is different.
I flash back to the way Brad looked at me when he walked in the room and the way he said I looked amazing. That was the word he used, wasn't it? “Amazing.”
I hear Justin start to explain his arrival. “I'm here today because I'm in love with Logan and I can't let him out of my life.”
Another collective gasp from the room and everyone, including Brad and me, turns to look at Logan, whose eyes are already filling with tears.
“I love Molly, I love your family, but I am in love with you,” Justin says to my brother.
“I'm in love with you, too,” Logan whispers to Justin before running into his arms. Half the room (the half that thinks they are at a play) bursts into cheers; the other half looks even more surprised and confused.
My mouth turns into a smile, but before I can truly be happy for them, I turn back to Brad. It seems that throughout all the Justin and Logan hoopla, he hasn't taken his eyes off of me. I flash back to the pleading in his voice when he told me I couldn't go through with marrying Justin.
“Why did you say no?” I yell to Brad so that he can hear me above the cheering half. My yelling gets everyone's attention and there is once again a pregnant silence, and once again all eyes are on me.
“I had to try,” Brad says.
Suddenly my mind is flooded. The crazy afternoon at my apartment and the electrifying kiss Brad and I shared on my couchâand in my doorway. Then the rest of his visit earlier today washes into my head. Brad said he loved me ... he said he was in love with me. Could that be right? I must not be remembering correctly ...
“I couldn't let you go without trying,” he goes on.
Huh?!? Really? Is it true?
“What?” is all I manage to say.
“Because I love you.”
And then the strangest thing happens. When Brad says he loves me, it just FEELS right and I realize that it feels so perfect because I love him, too. How could I have never realized before? And suddenly what happened in my apartment two long days ago makes perfect sense ... we do fit together perfectly, and it's for a reasonâwe're meant to be together. My eyes are finally open.
“I love you, too,” I tell him, and it is the most natural, simple thing I have ever said.
The entire room breaks into applause with a few whistles and hoots as Brad and I head toward each other, but before we can, there is a screeching.
“What the fuck?!?”
Another gasp, more silence, and everyone turns and stares at the most outraged Claire I have ever seen. She has her hands on her hips, her mouth hanging open in disgust, and her little foot tapping away.
Before Brad can say anything to her or offer any explanation, the entire room boos her and someone yells, “Kiss already!”
What else can we do? We kiss, and it's the most amazing kiss I've ever had. There are fireworks from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. It's like the way people kiss in movies, only better. The only thing I can say to slightly describe it is: imagine spending your whole day looking at the most amazing chocolate cake but thinking it's not for you and then you realize it is and you take a big bite ... no, that doesn't even do it justice. Let's just leave it at amazing ... and when something is so amazing, you want more ... so I kiss him again.
We pull apart and look into each other's eyes and it's like coming home. Our gazes are broken by someone yelling “Encore!” from the back, and I can't help but giggle. This has turned into a pretty entertaining play.
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