Not QUITE the Classics (19 page)

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Authors: Colin Mochrie

Tags: #HUMOR/General

BOOK: Not QUITE the Classics
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“Doesn't seem fair,” said McDeere. “My whole life for eight years of yours.”

“Well, life ain't fair. So long, sucker.”

A shot rang out. Gurney looked down at the hole in his chest, then over to Allyson's smoking gun. His eyes asked a question that would never be answered, then he fell to the floor, dead.

Ashley whipped around. “What the fu—” The bullet ripped through his brain.

“Good shot,” McDeere said.

“I just wanted to shoot him in the leg. Misjudged.” She shrugged. “Midget.”

“So where we at, doll? Didn't want to share the research?”

“No, that's not it at all! I love you, Burn. From the first day we met. Tell me you feel the same,” she pleaded.

McDeere looked at her like a kid looks at a car accident. “I usually like to get to know someone before I fall for them. You're a sweet little package, I'll grant you. But I need to know your dreams, your hopes, your fears. I need to find my center of gravity before I get dizzy with a dame. Call me old-fashioned, but that's the way I roll.”

Allyson pointed the gun at him.

“Of course,” he said, “I
am
starting to feel
some
affection for you…”

“You're a fool, Burn! I'm offering you everything! And you dare to turn me down? Me?”

McDeere could see she was going to shoot. He leapt to his left as he pulled his gun from his holster. Her shot almost parted his hair but his found its mark. Shot the gun right out of her hand.

McDeere looked around at the bodies littering the floor. An ex-con, a midget, and a woman holding her hand and whimpering. Make a great beginning to a joke if it wasn't so tragic. Three dead, including old man O'Hara out back. And all because of a stinking grape.

Burn walked over to Allyson and helped her up.

“I could have made you happy, Burn,” she sobbed. “Very happy.”

“Sure, if I just forgot about the lying and murdering. We coulda been delirious.”

“It's not too late, darling.” Her eyes were shining bright, too bright for someone who had control of their marbles. “We could start all over. From scratch. I love you. I could make you love me…I know I could. Could we do it? Could we start a new life?”

McDeere looked at her with a mixture of pity and revulsion.

“Sorry, babe. There will be the beginning of a new way of life. Not for me, but definitely for you.”

“Really, Burn? Really?” Whatever sanity remained just took the A train out of town. “When …when will my new life start?”

Burn smiled sadly and put the handcuffs on her. “When we reach the city, baby.
When we reach the city.

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