Not Yet (17 page)

***

I FINISHED MY classes with as much grace as I
could muster. My other senior class was actually very calm, and the
students seemed excited to have a younger teacher, not excited to
take her down. I was absolutely in love with my freshmen. A group
of them were hanging in my classroom after school, chatting and
relaxing. They seemed to think it was cool to hang out with a
young, new teacher.

Amy came in with the papers she had copied and
stapled, and I introduced her to my students. They all greeted Amy
and she beamed with pride at her new role at the school. Everyone
was relaxed and smiling, at least until Landon walked in.

Amy jumped up, her expression worried. “Uh oh. Bye,
Miss Harris. See you tomorrow.” She hurried past Landon who looked
at her and then me, puzzled.

The freshmen also ran from the room, the boys with
heads down and the girls giggling, when the infamous football
player headed for my desk. I watched the room clear with my mouth
open. Landon was completely unbothered. This was not the first time
that people had scattered like mice when the king of the jungle
entered the room.

“Well, Mr. Washington, your reputation precedes you.
As you can see, all the younger students ran in fear of what you
might do to them. Please be so kind as to tell me what you are
doing in my classroom?”

Landon’s jaw set with anger as he perched on the edge
of my desk. His eyes narrowed and he took several heavy breaths
before he answered.

“You’re my teacher,
MS. Harris
. I am allowed
to be in my teacher’s classroom, aren’t I?” He spoke with
resentment, and I glared right back at him, indignant and
struggling to control the urge to smack him in the face with my
stapler. But, then, it really would be my last day of teaching—and
he was so not worth that.

“The only thing you will speak to me about in this
room is economics, Mr. Washington. So how can I help you? I haven’t
assigned any homework yet, so I doubt you can be that far behind
your classmates.” I crossed my arms over my chest and prepared
myself for this verbal match. Fire flashed in Landon’s brown
eyes.

Just then Sam entered the room with a flourish.
“Emma! How did the day end up after that horrible third…?” She
stopped speaking when she saw Landon in the room.

“Hi, Mrs. Stone. How’re you feeling?” Landon smiled
at her and stood up politely as Sam squinted her eyes at him.

“What are you doing in here, Landon? I don’t want you
bothering Ms. Harris.”

Landon headed for the door. “I didn’t think I was
bothering her. I was trying to be welcoming. I’ll go. Have a nice
day, Ms. Harris. You too, Mrs. Stone…” He left the room without
looking back and I sighed.

“You okay?” Sam looked concerned, but I nodded and
began straightening my room.

“The rest of the day was better, thanks, Sam. I think
I’ll head home now and work from there.”

I left school as quickly as I could and found my mom
and Evie excitedly waiting for me. I faked my enthusiasm about my
first day for them and excused myself to shower before dinner.
After a long hot shower, my neck muscles finally started to loosen.
I put on a tank top and boxer shorts and sat in the kitchen,
planning lessons while Evie watched television—more reruns of
Good Luck Charlie
.

I was so caught up in my work that I didn’t hear the
knock on the door. But I smelled him before I even saw him. The
scent of summer and woods was so good I forgot for a second how
repulsed I was at the thought of him.

I jumped up from the table as Landon entered the
kitchen. I pushed right past him and found Evie settling back on
the couch. “Evie! Do not answer the door again without asking me!”
I yelled at her, which I rarely did, and she looked down,
embarrassed and a little scared.

“Sorry, Emma.”

Shit
. I was not going to take my rage out on
my Evie. She was the only innocent one in this horrible treachery.
“No, I’m sorry Evie. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Don’t get mad at her because you’re pissed at me.”
Landon grabbed my forearm and pulled me into the kitchen. He looked
like hell. Well, he still looked like fucking sex on a stick. But
on a normal Landon scale—he looked rough. His eyes were swollen. It
looked like he had been asleep or rubbing them for a long time. His
clothes were wrinkled, and his hair was not in its usual gelled
perfection. If I had to guess, he had been pulling at it for a
while.

“Let go of me, you asshole.” I whispered the words to
him, trying not to upset Evie any more, but the pure venom in my
tone was very apparent. I couldn’t believe he was here. In my safe
space, after he had broken my fucking heart.
Bastard.

Landon released my arm, like it was on fire. “So,
that’s how it is, huh? I don’t even get a chance to explain myself
to you?”

“Landon, have you lost your fucking mind? Just coming
here—to my home—do you know what you could do to me? I could lose
everything. I could go to jail.”

I turned around, blinking back tears, and Landon
grabbed me from behind and wrapped his arms around me. He whispered
in my ear. “I’m eighteen, Em. I’m a legal adult. You cannot go to
jail. And no one knows a thing. I won’t say a word. I swear.”

I broke free and pushed hard at his chest. “You
swear? You swear? Cause you are soooo fucking trustworthy? How
could you lie to me like that?”

Landon muttered a curse word and pulled at the hair
on top of his head. He began pacing in my small kitchen. “I don’t
know what happened. As soon as I saw you, it was like a lightning
bolt hit me. There’s something about you. I had to be with you. And
you pretty much hated me from the start. That was, uh, new for me.”
He half-grinned, almost shameful with his admission before
continuing.

“I never had to work for a girl’s interests. As I got
to talk to you, I loved your spunkiness and stubbornness and will
to fight. I loved that you didn’t need my attention or flirtation.
You were strong on your own two feet.” I listened to him, but
wasn’t sure I understood. I knew in the beginning it was just the
thrill of the chase for him, but did he really think I didn’t need
or want his attention? If teaching didn’t work out, the stages of
Broadway might be an option for me.

“Then, I found out how smart you are and how good… I
mean gentle, and compassionate, and unselfish. Jesus, Emma, I would
have said anything in the whole damn world to be with you. But I am
sorry. I didn’t think you would find out like this. I mean, what
are the chances? You said you were going to teach middle school. I
never thought you would be at my school and be my teacher. Christ,
I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Don’t. Call. Me. Baby.” I spit the words out with
perfectly distinct disgust and the hurt in his eyes was clear. “I
can’t believe how stupid I am. I thought you were a good guy! I
thought I could trust you. I actually trusted you! Where were you
this past week? Did you lie about that too?”

Landon took a step back as if I hit him. “I was at
football camp, like I said. It was for Zionsville’s team, not IU’s.
I know I lied about my age, but I was going to tell you. I just
needed more time. What I did isn’t that bad. Emma, please…”

I laughed a hard, angry laugh. “Landon, Sam warned me
about you and your friends. You all have a terrible reputation for
picking on kids, using girls, and causing trouble. The guy I met at
the pool this summer was a fake. Did you see my aide, Amy, run from
the room when you came in? How about the freshmen? Why do your
fellow students fear you? Because you’re a good guy? No. I fell for
your lies once, but not again.”

Landon shook his head, looking distraught. “I’ve been
a jerk in the past, but I’m different now. Being with you this
summer… You changed me. You made me want more. To be better. I’ll
show you.” He grabbed my arms and pulled me to him, but I pushed
back with all my strength.

“Get out. Get out and don’t come back. I should’ve
never trusted you. You lied to me, and now I could lose everything.
I need this job for my mom and Evie. You’re putting my entire
family at risk. Think about someone other than yourself for once.
If you care about me at all, you’ll leave me alone. ” I was livid.
I couldn’t believe this was the guy I had fallen in love with. How
stupid was I? Opening myself up to him had caused me to risk the
job I worked so hard to get and with it, the paycheck my family so
desperately needed.

Landon walked to the front door and stepped out. I
followed him, so I could lock it behind him. He turned to me in the
hallway with tears in his eyes. “I don’t
care
about you,
Emma. I love you. I fucking love you. I know I fucked up, but don’t
think I don’t love you. I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you
want, but please know that how I feel about you isn’t a lie. I’m
really sorry about not being truthful about my age, but my feelings
for you are real and they can’t change. Even if you shut me
out.”

There they were. The words I had wished to hear from
him, knowing that when he said them he would mean it with every
ounce of his heart and soul. Only now it was too late.

The pain of what could have been was too much. I
squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to block out both of our pain. I
hated to see him cry, but I had to put my family first. “We are
done. In fact, we never happened.” I shut the door, locked it, and
went to my room to cry alone.

***

I SLUMPED AGAINST the door and tried to clear
the lump from my throat. Rubbing my eyes for the hundredth time
that day, I repeated her words to me over and over again.
‘We
never happened.’
Of everything she said to me, that was the
hardest to hear. No matter what else, I’d remember every minute of
our summer together.
‘We never happened?’
Fuck that. We
fucking
happened
.