Now and Forever (21 page)

Grace opened her mouth to speak then, hesitated. She drew a deep breath. Was it an attempt to gather strength?
Courage?
Her fingers plucked at an invisible object on the table. Carefully, she said, “But…Sheila’s…the mother of your child.”

He saw the corners of her mouth tilt downward. She tucked her bottom lip between her teeth and nibbled gently. A shaky hand disappeared beneath the table and moved up and down her bare legs in a calming manner. The words had been hard for her to speak. It was if her strength and optimism had been brought down a notch. He watched her let the wheels in her mind spin. Did she go? Did she stay? Fear threatened to claim her emotions. He wouldn’t allow that to happen. Negative sentiments were dangerous. They’d come too far. Tanner leaned forward. He decided to inject a bit of his own truth into the conversation. “Grace, I love you and no one can change this. Not even you. Some things in the world just
belong
together—milk and cookies, Bob Dylan and music, you and me. Deep inside your heart, you know I’m right.”

Grace weighed his words. Visibly, she tried to understand them, digest them. A ray of delight brightened her eyes, but faded quickly. Silently, she probed her feelings. Her emotional grilling appeared thoroughly excruciating. She sucked in a deep, wobbly breath. Inhaling and exhaling, she delivered herself a gust of courage to prepare to either say what she wanted, or simply needed to say. Finally, she looked at him and smiled wanly. “Last time I listened to my heart, I ended up in a bad marriage.” She said, “Maybe…maybe we can be friends.”

Huh?
Was that supposed to be some sort of consolation? Did she seriously expect him to be in her presence and not feel anything? There was no way he could sit and chitchat with her like she was Diesel or the secretary at his office. Just talking about the weather with Grace was more thrilling and rewarding than any experience he ever had. No matter the subject, when he talked to Grace he had the opportunity to hear her voice, which mesmerized him like the sound of a stream. Not to mention, his eyes could have the pleasure to roam her body at leisure, taking in every dip and curve. Impossible for him to forget the heavy impact she had on his heart. Grace actually made him dream when he was wide awake. Maybe they could be ‘friends’ she proposed. Later that night, he intended to have a good old-fashioned knee-slapping laugh.

She watched him. Hope seeped from her gaze.

He shook his head.
“No way.
We weren’t meant to be friends. At least not in the sense you think. You are I are meant to spend our days and nights together bonding, making love and building a loving and secure future for our children. I pray our daughter has your spunk.”

Grace cocked a brow. “Now you can see into the future. Let me guess, that’s another magical power you possess?”

Tanner grinned. “Babe, not everything requires magic. In this case, I’m simply using my common sense.”

Grace shot a fiery glare at him. “Are saying I don’t have common sense?”

“Nope,” he said, casually. He didn’t want stoke up her ire with inflammatory words. “I merely want you to see me as Tanner McGregor and not as Kevin. For the longest time, I’ve been bending over backwards, trying to prove how much I love you. I think
Kevin’s
the real magician. The man has deceived you with the grand delusion you’re not worthy of love. Therefore, you believe me and my feelings for you are a figment of your imagination. In your mind, only the heartache is real.”

Her lips parted slightly. She breathed through her mouth. A nerve had been struck. Light dawned in her eyes. She leaned back in her chair. Her mouth moved as if to speak, but clamped shut.

He hated how torn she looked. At that moment, he really wished he could do magic. The need to make the sadness disappear from her eyes consumed him with a powerful force he couldn’t shake. His heart ached to erase any trace of pain from her life. A woman so gentle honest and intelligent deserved nothing but happiness. And that sexy body of hers was meant only to experience the sweetest mind-boggling pleasure. Mentally, physically and spiritually she was irresistible. “If I knew magic, you would be spending the night with me and let me show you what good love feels like. But we both know that’s not going to happen because I’m just a man.”

A bubbly young waitress appeared at their table, holding a notepad and pen. “Hey, you’re date has arrived,” she said to Grace. “Are you ready to order now?”

“I…uh…” Grace began and then paused, searching Tanner’s face.

He took his cue. “Well, you came here, expecting to have to pleasant meal with a date. I’m game if you are. Besides, it’ll be like two old chummy
friends
having dinner.”

Grace smiled slyly. “One can never have too many friends.”

“I concur.”

Yeah, right.

The waitress took their orders, chirping and giggling all the while. Her ebullience was infectious. Spurts of light laughter emanated from Grace, while speaking with the down-to-earth young woman. The sound fed his soul. He had to catch his breath at the lovely sight of her smile. A tightening formed in his loins. He hoped the waitress wasn’t aware of his situation. If Grace were on the menu, he’d definitely have to order take out.

“You’ll be mine yet, Grace Michaels,” he muttered under his breath. Although he wouldn’t get to feel her in his arms later that night, he was grateful any time they spent together. He intended to drink in every moment. She was so close he could smell her flowery fragrance. The heat generated by her body warmed him. To think, Roger could’ve been in his place, bathing in Grace’s femininity. With a smidge of guilt, he pictured the lonely man sitting at his computer, scrolling through hundreds of profiles on a dating site, hoping to strike gold by finding his soul mate.
That one in a million woman.
After one evening with Grace, the man probably would’ve not gone on a website for single people again.

Sucked to be him.
And any man who believed he would give Grace up without a fight.

Chapter 11

Two days later, Grace tossed the final load of clothes into the washing machine. She’d been in a cleaning frenzy all morning, which included mopping, dusting, vacuuming and scrubbing. This was part of her commitment to embracing a new attitude. From the kitchen to the bedroom, lemony scents tickled her nostrils. The entire house was spic and span. Heck, the floors were so clean even her critical mother wouldn’t hesitate to eat off them.

She smiled. Warm, fuzzy feelings surfaced in her. Putting forth the effort to clean her closets, home and mind of unnecessary clutter and unappealing dirt really fostered the dawn of an innovative day in her humdrum life. She felt clothed in the skin of a brand new woman who had ditched her drab former self for a spiffier version. Gone were the frumpy and frayed duds her mother had caught her hiding under during her visit. The whole couch potato look was so played out. She certainly felt perky in her new lavender yoga pants and pink tank top.
 
Not that she intended to exercise. By doing chores, she’d gotten her workout for the day.

Flopping onto her recently purchased sofa, Grace kicked back. The living room was spotless. Everything was in pristine condition. She deserved a pat on the back and considered giving herself one. But something was amiss. So much cleanliness surrounded her. However, she couldn’t clear her mind of impure thoughts about Tanner. Companies didn’t make products to remove such adulterated stains.

He had looked positively yummy at the restaurant. Heaven sent. Elation had raced through her veins and torment had caused her stomach muscles to clench. Her body always responded in strange, delightful ways to his nearness. Constantly, sharp arrows of longing had pierced her senses. His intense gazes had grazed her flesh like lace. She’d felt so luxurious wrapped in his stare. Wicked wisps of passion had snaked below the surface of her skin, producing a powerful awakening between her legs. And his potent masculine scent had ignited a series of fantasies in her mind so scandalous she had been hardly able to concentrate. More than once, she’d had to take a moment to gather her wits about her.

With a heavy sigh, she shifted on the plush sofa awkwardly, as if needles pricked her butt. Why was she tormenting herself with thoughts of Tanner?

Because she wanted him.
No, she loved him with an intensity that gnawed away at her soul voraciously. Every fiber of her being called out to him. She loved him to the fullest. For her own sake, she needed to restrain her tender emotions. She had to forget how sincerity had glistened in his eyes when he’d said he loved her. The price of allowing
herself
to get swept away by his eyes, his voice, his promises was more than she could afford. The bank of love had astronomical interest rates.

Kevin had succeeded in leaving her emotionally bankrupt.

Protecting her heart was her main priority. Until she’d met Tanner, it had been a simple job. But he had her heart doing funny things, speaking to her in a desperate manner and a strained tone, which she struggled to ignore. Fool me once, she told her heart.

Never again.

A knock at the door fragmented her thoughts and sent them scattering in different directions. Since she wasn’t in the mood to play the what-if-it’s-Tanner game, she walked to the door and flung it open without peeking out the window to see who was on her property.

Bad move.

Shock waves rocked her body. The sight before her was beyond disturbing. It was cruel. Surely, her eyes were playing tricks. Nope. Maybe she was losing her mind. Nope. Her fists clenched. She stifled a cry of rage. Just when she was getting comfortable in her new skin, the past came pounding at her door, shoving the ugliness of heartache back in her face like cream pie thrown at a circus, except nothing was funny about her situation. She stared at her ex-husband with pure, unfiltered revulsion. “What the hell are
you
doing here?” she fumed.

Kevin flinched. It wasn’t the reception he’d hoped for. Nonetheless, her ice cold reaction was what he’d expected. After the sting of Grace’s thorny greeting wore off a little, he parted his lips to speak.

Deciding she could really care less about Kevin’s reason for being on her front porch, Grace said, “Actually, I don’t give rat’s tail why you’ve come slithering to my house. I just want you gone.” Pain and anger meshed in her eyes, proving the old wounds he’d caused hadn’t truly healed.

“I need to talk to you,” Kevin said.

“There’s nothing left to say,” Grace said adamantly, gritting her teeth. Her voice cracked with each word. She felt her legs giving out. She tried to close the door and shut out Kevin. He had brought a gigantic dark cloud to her front door.

“Wait!” he cried, stepping across the threshold before she could slam the door in his face. “I want to apologize to you.”

Grace halted. He’d gotten her attention in a major way. She spun on her heels and faced the man who had ripped her heart to shreds once upon a time. Reluctantly, she took a good hard look at Kevin. Grudgingly, she realized his physical appearance had drastically changed. No
bling
dripped from his ears, neck, or fingers. Gone was his playboy swagger and gear. His face was clean-shaved. He looked like the Average Joe, wearing clothes that didn’t have a designer label. In the simple green t-shirt and blue jeans and white sneakers, he appeared rather nerdy, especially since he’d chosen to wear glasses, instead the contact lenses he couldn’t live without during their marriage. Grace bit back a chuckle when her eyes settled on his protruding belly, which made him look four months pregnant. Don Juan has let himself go, she thought. “Make it quick,” she said sternly.

“May I come in?” His eyes pleaded.

She sucked in a deep breath. Her home was clean and she didn’t want Kevin’s presence to soil it. Besides, fear danced in her. How could she be sure he wasn’t up to his old tricks? How did she know he wouldn’t attempt to worm his way back into her life, destroying all she’d restored after he’d shattered her dreams and he’d broken her heart? There was only one way to find out. She leaned upon her new attitude for support and stared down her fear with a steady gaze. “Come in. But get too comfortable. You won’t be here long.”

Kevin nodded. He sat on the sofa without leaning back and sinking into it. His eyes scanned her place appreciatively. “Nice.”

“Thanks,” she responded stiffly. She eased into a chair, waiting impatiently for him to speak. She shot him a look that read Get
On With
It.

“I’m engaged,” Kevin said.

Congratulations?
“What does that have to do with me?”

Kevin sighed. Earnestly, he said, “Everything.”

Half-heartedly, she tried to understand. It hadn’t escaped her that Kevin’s nervousness was generated by whatever had pushed him onto her doorstep.
Guilt?
Shame?